


Leaves Of Three, Leave It Be. Or Was It Four?

by Puffinpastry



Series: Poison Ivy [1]
Category: Dragon Quest XI
Genre: Accidental Dog Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Horrible First Dates, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meet-Ugly, Named Hero | Luminary (Dragon Quest XI), part angst part crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 109,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puffinpastry/pseuds/Puffinpastry
Summary: Eleven and Erik meet, and everything goes remarkably well.For a little while, anyway.
Relationships: Camus | Erik/Hero | Luminary (Dragon Quest XI), Marutina | Jade/Sena | Serena (Dragon Quest XI)
Series: Poison Ivy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016034
Comments: 147
Kudos: 66





	1. Minced Meat Ham Eggplant

**Author's Note:**

  * For [omgitsaddyc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgitsaddyc/gifts).



> Continuation of this prompt from the encouragement of Addy.  
> Thank you, love you, this is your fault. ❤️
> 
> https://puffinpastry.tumblr.com/post/632632699100839936/oooh-7-for-otp

2:54 am.

Red-on-Black. Entirely digital, and yet it still ticked.

Eleven could swear he continued to hear the monotonous sound even when he went home. A nice backdrop to his after-hours life. 

The constant soundtrack to his dreams.

2:55 am.

Just under another four hours, then he could go home. Make some dinner. Breakfast? Hell, it didn’t matter.

Get some sleep.

Be back here again when the clock struck six again.

Tick. Tick…

Counting the minutes only made it worse.

But actually paying attention to the scratch of his pen and the notes he was taking was somehow worse.

Nighttime ER.

Never a dull moment.

That’s what he was always told, and in his residency, it sure as hell lived up to that statement.

Less so, now. 

There were other resident students to do the smaller stuff. More senior doctors called for the more serious cases. 

Leaving him in some odd, repetitive limbo.

2:56 am.

Another down. 184 to go. 

The sudden ring of his phone startled the pen from his hands, and nearly drove his heart into his throat. 

Glad for once he was alone in his office, no one to see him jump in his chair, or year the half-stifled yelp. 

He took just a moment to catch his breath, pressing the keypad to answer on speaker.

“Doctor Lu-”

“Dr. Lumen!” Gemma’s voice, too chirpy by  _ far  _ for the hour cut him off before he could finish. “I’ve got a young man here waiting to see a physician. Camus, Erik. Age-”

_ He was here not a week ago!  _ Eleven slumped back in his chair, but just managed not to groan. Once a week was a fair average. 

That guy must have the most understanding insurance on the face of the planet- “I remember him. What did the nurse say?”

“Well, not much. He’s refusing to explain what’s wrong.”

“He’s  _ what?”  _ Normally the idiot couldn’t be prouder of the stupid little things he came through with. Broken foot from  _ knowingly  _ kicking a hardwood chair. The squeaker from a dog toy lodged in his windpipe. A knife trick that went wrong, and there was always the time he nearly severed his thumb trying to cut a frozen bagel with a bread knife. “What are his symptoms? What did he write on the admission form?”

“Well, he doesn’t seem to really be able to sit still. Looks like he’s sweating quite a bit, but his vitals are all fine. No major change in anything from his last visit.” She paused, and he could hear papers being shuffled around. “But there’s clearly  _ something  _ wrong, and he usually sees you, so if you aren’t too busy…”

2:58. Paperwork.

No.

He wasn’t too busy.

“Just tell me what room he’s in.”

A number scribbled on a sticky note, and Eleven let the door to his office slam shut. No one else was in the hall at this hour, and if the lock got stuck again…

Well.

He’d be back again tonight, when the on-call guy was actually around.

Through the half-darkened halls until the brutal white light of the ER was back to restart the migraine always waiting just behind his eyes.

And tonight… Mercifully empty. 

Just a few people in chairs waiting to be called back, and at least visually, seemed to be fine.

Family of patients, perhaps.

Or just overflow from the urgent care across the street. 

“Ellie!” Gemma stood from behind the receptionist desk, and he couldn’t help but smile at the pattern printed out on her scrubs. Cartoon-y dogs wearing bandannas and chew-toy bones on a teal backdrop. Probably meant for vet techs rather than people-nurses and scarcely within code, but… Eleven wasn’t about to go around telling, and neither was anyone else. Not about Gemma. “Here, not much to go over, but…” 

“That’s Dr. Lumen.” Eleven said, taking the chart. “Spent long enough earning that title, could use it a little more often.” 

She blew a raspberry at him. “Terribly sorry,  _ doctor.”  _ She apologized without the scarcest hint of remorse, “But I do think you have a patient you’re keeping waiting.”

“Right.” Eleven said, hardly hearing her as he flipped the page over, only to see  _ PERSONAL  _ scrawled under ‘reason for visit.’

That… Was never a good sign. 

“You’re off shift here in just a few, right?” Eleven said, hoping it was enough of a pleasant goodbye to leave her with, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow! Have a nice night, Ellie!”

Nice night.

Right.

Any night he spent digging a water bottle or flashlight or  _ anything  _ vaguely phallic-shaped out of someone’s rear end was not what he would call a  _ nice night. _

Really…

Eight years for his degree and an extended residency just for this.

He should’ve stayed a paramedic.

...Or not. Eleven grimaced. Anything was better than that. Emergency or not… He wasn’t seeing as many patients lost. 

A thought he was all too eager to shove aside as he gave a quick knock to the door, Erik’s one and only chance to tell him to wait.

“Alright, Mr. Camus…” Door closed behind jinx and he was already seeing the restlessness. He was changed into the open-backed hospital gown, seated on the exam table, but hardly still. One knee bouncing, fingers drumming at the paper cover, and teeth worrying his lower lip. “What seems to be the problem?” 

He didn’t spare him much more than that single once-over as he headed from the door to the sink, washing his hands and getting a fresh pair of gloves before dropping into the rolling chair. He saw Erik’s clothes, looking entirely intact if not haphazardly strewn over a chair. 

“It’s, um…” Erik trailed off, ears burning. 

Eleven sighed, and took his glasses from where they were folded over the pocket of his white coat. He could get the pleasantries out of the way while Erik worked up the courage to tell him what he’d gotten stuck. “Any new medications? Changes to allergies?”

“No. And no.” 

“Been out of the country in the last three weeks?”

“No.”

Eleven waited, and Erik remained quiet. His own fingers started drumming at the plastic clipboard in his hand. “‘Personal’ doesn’t give me much information to go off of, Mr. Camus.”

Erik only managed to grow redder. “It’s.  _ You know…” _

All the things he’d had to see since he started at this hospital. All the things he’d seen from this one man alone…

“No, I don’t know actually. You’re going to have to tell me. How serious is this? Do you think you are in immediate danger?”

“No.” Erik said, and his fingers stopped drumming, to pick at the hem of the gown instead. 

And that’s when Eleven noticed it. Just a flash, but enough to get an idea.

A series of tiny, raised red bumps on the palm of his left hand.

“Can I see your hand?”

Erik nodded, and held it out. 

Eleven didn’t grimace. He’d seen worse. He’d seen  _ far  _ worse. But he did feel for the man.

The splotches ran from his fingers to his elbow, and that was just what he  _ could  _ see.

Poison ivy. 

Nothing he needed to test. Growing up in the sticks like he did… He’d gotten it himself often enough.

Annoying, and it would explain the fidgeting if it was especially itchy or painful, but not exactly an emergency.

“How far has this spread?”

“That’s as far as it’s gotten on my arm.” Erik answered, “I was out hiking with my sister, and uh… I was leading the way. Got stuck in a plant.”

“Don’t you know to stay away from it?” Eleven asked, but fully willing to believe it was an accident, and all too easily picturing him bumbling  _ right on into  _ a patch of ivy and getting stuck. “‘Leaves of three-’”

“‘Leave it be.’” Erik finished for him. “Yeah, yeah. I know all the stupid rhymes. Doesn’t help if I don’t see it. And you know how many plants look like poison ivy? A  _ lot.  _ Rhyme doesn’t work.” 

“Fair enough.” Eleven let Erik’s hand go, and rolled back. “I don’t see the emergency in this, however. There are over-the-counter creams and-”

“It’s on my hand. And…” Erik stopped.  _ Again.  _

“What? Did you burn any of it? Is it in your mouth?” He stopped right before he removed his gloves. He didn’t  _ look  _ like he was having trouble breathing, but…

“No.”  _ This  _ time, it was Erik who was fed up. “It’s on the palm of my hand. It’s…” He closed his fist, and did a quick up-and-down gesture. “I didn’t know I had it until… Until it was too late.”

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Damn. “I see.” Eleven just about managed.  _ How was  _ that  _ easier for him to do than to tell me he has poison oak on his penis? I didn’t need to know  _ how  _ it got there!  _

That wasn’t  _ fun.  _ For him or for Erik, but it was  _ so much better  _ than he’d hoped first walking in here. “Well, let’s see the damage, then.”

Erik’s head shot up, “You- you can't just write me a prescription?” 

“What you need changes depending on how bad it is, and how much it has spread.”

Sounding small, “And I can’t just tell you?”

“I can’t make you show me.” Eleven said, “But I can’t help you if I don’t know what you need help with.” 

Erik held to the hem of his gown.

Eleven just sighed, and only  _ scarcely  _ avoided putting his head in his (now-contaminated) hands. That would have been fun. Coming back in to work with poison ivy on his face. “I understand this is embarrassing, but I promise you, I’ve seen worse.”

“How much worse?”

“I cannot disclose patient information.” Eleven answered on instinct. No, giving an example wouldn’t have been breaking any rules, but there were some things he didn’t want to remember. Poison ivy was just the tip of the iceberg. “But I promise you, I  _ have  _ seen worse.” 

“...Okay.” Erik finally agreed.

“Just scoot up to the edge of the table.” 

Erik obeyed, and as he moved back the gown,  _ now  _ Eleven was unable to fight a wince.

Yeah.

That was a sight that was gonna stick around for a while. 

Stretching from his left hip to his right thigh, and covering  _ everything  _ inbetween.

Red, raised, and blistered.

He couldn’t  _ imagine- _

“Okay, not actually that bad.” Eleven lied through his teeth. “Have you done anything to help your symptoms?”

“Just ice. I was hoping it’d go away on its own, but…” He shrugged. “It just keeps spreading.” 

“It would be unlikely for it to go away on its own.” Eleven said, trying to be as gentle as he could. “You’ve been scratching it?” 

“Little bit. I try not to, but… Sometimes I forget.” Erik admitted easily enough, “Or in my sleep.”

“I can’t fault you for that. Alright. I’m going to prescribe you a cortisone cream. Follow the directions on the package, and try to keep the rash covered, but let it breathe.” Eleven rolled the chair back, and pulled off his gloves. “You can use anything OTC on your hands and stomach but  _ please  _ don’t put anything but this on the genital area.”

Somehow, Erik managed to look _ offended.  _ “I promise I’m not always this dumb.”

_ Unlikely, dog toy man.  _ “This isn’t dumb.” Eleven said, pushing back on all the impulsive things he could have said. “I’ve seen dumb.  _ This…  _ is unfortunate.”

“Right.” Erik said flatly, as if he didn’t quite believe him.

“It is right.” Eleven said, making for the hand sink one more time. “I’m afraid I can’t do much for you here. You can go ahead and get dressed and check out.”

The clock in the room read 3:25.

Not quite half an hour had passed.

He sighed.

“Long night?” Erik asked as the water stopped. 

“Always is.” Eleven answered. He didn’t try to hide how tired he was.

Just wasn’t worth the effort. 

“Easy patients, I hope.” The quip came easily for a man who was moments ago nearly too embarrassed to speak, but it made him smile.

“Just one so far.” Eleven answered. “Comes in all the time though, with the strangest problems.”

He’d expected to head right back to his office in silence, but unfortunately, the exit was in the same direction. 

“Sounds like a real piece of work.” Erik commented, following just behind. 

“Maybe just accident-prone.” He suggested instead, “After all, one week a knife wound and the next poison ivy?”

“I think he just gets stupid ideas. Work gets boring, sometimes.”

“I can understand that.” Eleven laughed, “But I think it would be frowned upon by my colleagues if I began playing the knife game with a scalpel in the off hours.” 

“Eh, perks of my job.” Erik said, but as Eleven came to a halt in the empty hall, he followed suit.

“I’ve been wanting to ask…” Eleven trailed off for a moment. Erik was friendlier than his usual patients. But when you’re bleeding out, in pain, or when a loved one is in danger, you don’t tend to  _ be  _ friendly. Maybe this was normal, and it was just Eleven that was disused to regular human interaction. But he knew to trust his gut. And his gut said that Erik wanted something. “What is it you want?”

“Well. Normally I want help. I can’t get a squeaker out of my throat at home with a first aid kit.”

Right. Of course. Eleven was just reading too far into these things-

“But… I’d  _ like  _ to get you dinner?”

Brains can and will spontaneously stop working. But that is more commonly seen in neurological patients and the elderly than in healthy men in their early thirties. “You  _ what-” _

“Call it a thank-you if you want, for putting up with me every other day.” He could call it that. But the addendum was said with significantly less confidence. 

“It’s not that often. And it’s my job.” Eleven said. And he was paid very well. He could afford his own meal. “You don’t need to thank me.” 

“Then call it a date?”

“I can’t date my patients.” Eleven said, which he thought was a much nicer turn-down than he could have given, and much,  _ much  _ more polite than what he could have said, given the  _ very personal  _ information he had now. 

“Guess I’d need a new doctor, then.” Erik shrugged. “Oh, wait, you aren’t my primary care physician. You’re just the unlucky bastard that gets saddled with me when I show up here at ass o’ clock.”

“You’re very persistent.” Eleven commented.

“You haven’t said ‘No.’ Say that and I’ll be out of your hair.”

It wasn’t that he  _ wanted  _ to say no. Wasn’t that he wanted to say yes, either. Fuck. It’d been a while, hadn’t it? Everything just got so busy… and here he was now, considering a 3am dinner with the guy whose dick he’d just been inspecting. “It’s three in the morning. Nothing is open.” One last feeble attempt. 

“There’s a Waffle House down the street. A Denny’s too. Your choice.” 

Fine dining, for sure.

But… 

Yeah. It was a step up from being three inches away from the guy’s rashy dick. 

“I don’t get off until six.” 

“The buses don’t start running until seven-thirty.” Erik told him, “Breakfast, then? I bet there’ll be something open by then.” 

“Wait- how they hell did you get here, then?”

“I walked.”

“With-“ Eleven glanced down for a split second, then back up to see Erik fighting back a grin. “Jesus Christ, man.” 

“Well?” He asked, as if he hadn’t just given Eleven five separate reasons to take off running the other direction. The man was insane. 

But… So was he, probably. All these late nights… “Okay. Okay, you know what? Sure. On one - wait, make that two - conditions.”

“And what are those?”

“First, learn to be careful. I don’t want to see you here this often anymore.”

“You wound me, doctor.” Erik said, but agreed anyway. “Done. If I start seeing you outside of the hospital I won’t need to do stupid stuff like I did with the squeaky toy anymore. And the second?”

“Get all  _ this”  _ With the papers he held, Eleven gestured vaguely to his crotch. “Taken care of.”

Like hell he’d be going  _ anywhere  _ after any number of dinners if the guy still carried a poison penis.

“Well,  _ duh.”  _ Erik scoffed, “You think I  _ want  _ to let this get worse? Hell no. This isn’t the time to skip the last antibiotic.”

“Good.” Eleven kept walking, and Erik followed his lead. “It’s a date, then.”

“Great! Will it be a problem if I hang around in the waiting room?”

“It should be fine as long as you stay out of the way, and don’t take up a seat a patient might need- Wait.” Eleven stopped as Erik’s words finally caught up to him. “Did you swallow that squeaker  _ on purpose?” _


	2. If you want your bacon extra crispy, you’ve gotta be prepared for the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am incapable of keeping this one-shots. Here, have some more chaos!  
> It does get a little more real in this one, but I hope I kept it funny.

“Hello?” Eleven picked up on the third ring. Already sounding properly remorseful. 

Okay. Good. He was alive.

Now Jade could kill him. 

“Where are you?” 

“Uh…” Eleven’s voice was half-obscured by static.

Now, they didn’t have the  _ best  _ cell service in town by any means. But static… 

_ “Where. Are. You?” _

“Uh… I passed exit forty-three just a bit ago?” 

Jade didn’t much care for the question there. “I’ll be home… In about an hour?”

“Why are you an hour away from home?” Now, Jade had long ago perfected the art of the Bitch Face. It was second nature. 

The Scary Voice, however… She had been  _ born  _ with that one. The clock read eleven thirty-one. “You got off work at six, didn’t you? Did something happen?”

“Well, yeah.” Eleven said.

And that was it.

A concerning development to be sure, that her Scary Voice did not seem to be immediately extracting the truth from him. 

“Well?”

“I… May have gotten a date?”

_ “Oh, a date?”  _ False honey positively  _ dripping  _ from her voice. “You must have forgotten to mention.”

Concern rapidly fading into pure anger, truly a sacred thing, Jade sank back into the armchair, and waited for what had  _ better be  _ a good fucking excuse-

“Jade, leave him alone.” Serena, ever the pacifist tried to calm her down, a mug of lemon ginger tea set down on the coffee table before her. “You aren’t his mom. Don’t act like it.”

Really. How had she married a woman like this? It was disgusting, really. 

Flowers and meditation and nice cups of tea. Never ready for a good old fashioned fight-

“Yeah, Jade.” 

Of  _ course _ he had heard.

“He’d better be  _ glad  _ I’m not his mother!” Jade said, louder than she needed to. “Otherwise he wouldn’t know what hit him as soon as he stepped through that door!”

“What are you gonna do? Ground me?”

“You’d be so lucky-“ Jade started to retort, but the rest of what she’d planned to say died in her throat at the normalcy of it all. 

He didn’t talk back. Ever.

She hadn’t even needed to raise her voice at him since they were both in school-

Was this progress, or regression?

“Where are you, El?” 

“Just passed another exit. Still an hour away.” He told her, more static. “If I need to get home soon I might could cut a few minutes off if I took that old road by-“

“What date?” 

She didn’t really mean to mother him.

She knew full well he could take care of himself. It’s just… For a long time, he couldn’t. She still wondered, sometimes. “You didn’t tell me.”

Serena waved to catch her attention, mouthing - _ speaker?-  _ as she settled down in the loveseat across, her own mug held carefully in hand as she tucked her legs to her side.

Hardly a chilly morning, but she pulled her blanket over nonetheless. 

“I didn’t mean to worry you.” Eleven apologized. “There wasn’t anything to tell. There wasn’t any plan until three this morning.” 

“How did that happen?” Serena asked, more of a gentle way to tell him she was listening in than of any real need to.

“Oh… I’ve mentioned the patient that comes in with a new  _ ‘emergency’  _ once a week, haven’t I?” 

The one with the dyed blue hair, morbid sense of humor, and most notably… “The one that swallowed the squeaky toy? You never really  _ stop  _ telling us about him.”

“Right, that guy. Well… I’m not really supposed to give up personal information, but this is a bit of a different situation, I guess. And it’d probably be a bit weird if he didn’t want me to tell you his name, so-”

“Ellie, you’re rambling.” Serena cut in, “He’s who you went out with? What’s his name?”

“His name is Erik. And yes, he is.”

Now, in Jade’s own humble opinion, men just weren’t worth the trouble. She hadn’t any idea what her brother saw in them.

But as his big sister, she was willing to overlook many of his flaws. 

But  _ dog toy man? _

How on god’s green earth-

“Isn’t it against the rules to form personal relationships with your patients?”

“Well, he isn’t technically  _ my  _ patient.” Technicalities. Fantastic. Jade was  _ positive  _ that wouldn’t bite him in the ass- “I’m not the person he calls when he catches a cold or something. And he said he’d try to limit his visits here if I went out with him.”

As if that was some kind of bargaining chip.

“You realize how much of a red flag that is, right?”

“Oh, dear.” Eleven was suddenly quiet. Finally, seeing some sense- “Should I not have asked that of him?”

_ Oh for fuck’s sake.  _

Eleven and his good-natured- Fine, it was fine.

“You gave him conditions?” 

“Just two.”

“Oh, only two. That makes it better.” A sharp look from Serena made her drop the sarcasm for a moment. “What did you do?”

Boundaries and expectations were two things every relationship needed… Even if the first date was a little early to set them. 

“Uh… First one was to make an effort to be safer. Less dog toys and half-severed extremities.” 

“Living in hope.” Jade said. From the sound of him, Erik couldn’t keep himself in one piece to save his life.

No, that honor was left to her brother. 

“Second one was a little… Specific.”

“What does that mean?” Serena asked.

“Well… He came in last night with another, ah… Accident.”

“You aren’t normally so nice about that.” Jade stated, “What happened to ‘the idiot that played five finger fillet’?”

“This seemed like a real accident, if not a pretty avoidable one.” Eleven explained, “Pretty personal, though.”

“Eleven.”  _ ‘Personal’  _ implied a range of different ideas and possibilities. Few that she found to be any kind of trustworthy. 

“I can’t disclose patient information.” Eleven said before she could work up the courage to ask  _ what  _ exactly he had gotten stuck up his ass, and  _ why  _ exactly he still deigned to go out with this man. 

“I thought he wasn’t your patient?”  _ Thank you,  _ Serena! 

“A personal emergency, and then a breakfast date. I think you’re gonna have to spill, Ellie.” 

“He came in with poison ivy.”

Poison ivy  _ plus  _ personal told Jade everything she needed to know. 

“So, you checked out his ass rash and then went for breakfast?”

“Jade!” Serena gasped, “Don’t be so crude!”

And good old Ellie, always on her side. “Actually it was more his dick.”

“Eleven!”

“Damn.” Jade couldn’t help but take one last shot at mortifying Serena further. “He must’ve been packing something incredible to get your attention even like that.”

“Impressive isn’t the word I’d use.”

The mug in her hands being the only thing keeping her from burying her face in them instead, but still making quite the respectable effort to hide behind it instead.

“Okay, okay. How was your date?”

“Oh, it was terrible. A literal disaster, really.” Eleven said, with an oddly cheerful sort of calm that set of alarms that Jade hadn’t realized she had. “Have you seen the news?”

“Have I  _ what?” _

Serena was already scavenging through the couch cushions for the hardly used tv remote, but Eleven stopped her.

“Yeah, didn’t think so. Don’t bother, I don’t even know if it’s being reported. I’ll just explain.”

~~

“Huh.” 

“Not what you expected?” Eleven asked as the car unlocked.

The ol’ rusty thing wasn’t  _ old,  _ really. Just… What was the point in getting a new one whenever one little thing acted up?

Or… Yeah. Okay.

He could admit to the truth. It was shitty. 

“Not really.” Erik admitted, but didn’t call the whole thing off just because he learned that Eleven didn’t drive the latest in air-polluting, million-dollar, showy electric sports something-or-other… Which he was willing to bet was a good sign. “Thought all doctors and surgeons drove luxury bullshit.”

“I don’t see the appeal.” Eleven said, hoping that was good enough a reason for him. “Is my car not good enough? Were you looking for a sugar daddy?”

Erik snorted. “Oh definitely. Everyone knows the best place to find one is in the ER, and not whatever foot-pic selling site is popular at the moment.”

“Hey, you never know when you’ll find the perfect silver fox with a kink for a little poison ivy hanging around the geriatric unit.”

Erik didn’t even make an attempt to suppress his laugh, loud and nasally and just a little bit grating - “Damn, you’re right. Hold on, I’m going back in. You even got a geriatric unit in that place?”

Small town like this, they were lucky to have a legitimate ER at all. Three levels, the first split between the emergency room, pharmacy, and radiology.

Smaller clinics on the upper floors. 

Nothing like the one he’d trained at. 

He missed it, sometimes. The one an hour or two out in the buisier parts of the city, and so many different parts and sections he was getting lost in it even  _ after  _ his first four years… 

Okay. Maybe smaller was better. He hadn’t once gotten lost here. 

But  _ again…  _ Sometimes it was good to get lost. When there were sixteen floors available to him and an entire campus of buildings and confusing routes…

It was acceptable to be late, from time to time. 

“Uh… Dr. Lumen?” 

Eleven snapped back to the present, painted white walls and dusty faux plants gone from his vision.

“Oh… Sorry.” He said through a breath that shouldn’t have hurt. 

“Are you alright? If you’re too tired, we can always do this another day.” 

Eleven nearly took him up on that. 

He was tired, and home was just a short drive away. He could fall into bed and try to sleep until it was time to come back, but…

He didn’t want to go home, just yet.

If there was a reason to be anywhere else… 

“I’m fine, I’ll wake up once we’re on the road. And - you don’t have to keep calling me doctor. Actually,  _ please  _ don’t keep calling me doctor. Call me Eleven.”

“‘Eleven’?” Erik asked, skeptical as everyone always was, “Like… The number? I’m  _ pretty  _ sure that isn’t what your diploma says.”

“It’s not. It’s just a nickname.” A stupid one, but a stupid he’d gone by as long as he could speak. 

“...For what? If you don’t mind.”

“Elian.” His real name felt weird to say. Not bad, but just weird. Like if he called his mum and called her by her first name. 

“How did you get  _ Eleven  _ from  _ Elian?”  _

“I couldn’t pronounce my name when I was little. Introduced myself as Eleven and it just stuck.” Stuck at least to his family, to the point that it really was just as good as his given name. But to teachers and strangers… 

Less so.

It was  _ fine,  _ really. Eleven was a silly thing to go by, and there were worse things than being called Elian.

But Erik didn’t follow the trend. “Oh, that’s cute. But that’s what you want me to call you? Eleven?”

Eleven was quiet for a moment. Waiting for something to happen. But nothing did. “Yes. If that’s no trouble.”

“Names aren’t any trouble.” Erik said, “If it’s what you’re called, it’s what you’re called. I’m not gonna ignore that.”

“Thank you.” Eleven said, finding himself genuinely grateful that it was accepted so easily. 

“No problem.” Erik shrugged. “Never really understood what people get so stuck up on. My sister had all sorts of hell from assholes when she started going by Mia.”

“What’s her real name?”

“Just told ya. Mia.” Erik answered, “I’m less fun. Just Erik. Unless you’ve got a name for me from all the bullshit I’ve pulled in there.”

He did.

He had a few. An entire collection,  _ dog toy man  _ being the most common but hardly the most creative. 

But he didn’t know how much Erik remembered of going under for the surgery to realign the shattered bone in his foot, and he wasn’t about to regale him with all the things he’d found fit to say in such a state.

“Not particularly.” Eleven said instead, “You come in often but you’re hardly the strangest any of us have seen.”

“Damn. Gonna have to up my game.”

“You are  _ not.  _ You just promised to  _ stop  _ hurting yourself! If you want waffles, then you’re going to have to stick to that promise.”

_ “Fine.”  _ Erik gave an overexaggerated groan, as if less injury was really going to be a disappointing life change. “But, waffles?”

“Right.” Eleven said, turning the key. “Which way is it?”

“Just down the road on the left.” Erik sounded confused that he needed to explain at all. “You not go there? I always see people in scrubs hanging around late.”

“I don’t really go out to eat.” Eleven said, only half-paying attention as he pulled out into the road. It wasn’t a lie.

Complete truth, really. 

His breaks at work were really just reserved for trying to sneak in just a few moments of sleep, just a little time to rest his eyes… 

There  _ was  _ a vending machine. And Serena was always offering to pack up some leftovers for him to bring.

But eating in the hospital…

Not exactly easy.

He never knew when he would be called to work, never knew when something was going to happen.

Not much more was said on the  _ (thankfully)  _ short drive, really just around the corner. Bright neon sign cutting through the early morning light.

Eleven fought back a sour expression.

By the time they left, he’d surely be driving right into the morning sun.

Probably wouldn’t be getting much sleep after that kind of jolt awake.

Stepping through the door, Eleven was instantly assaulted by the smell of sizzling meat. 

He fought not to gag. 

He’d given up most meat pretty early into his career, animal flesh very easily losing its appeal after spending hours working on  _ human  _ flesh-

Nope, bad thought. Bad thought. Not starting that again. 

“Hey, you good?”

Eleven blinked back into reality. Erik was standing at the counter, noticeably calmer than he had been on the exam table. 

Eleven had to wonder if the fidgeting had all been exaggerated, or if he was simply better at hiding discomfort than he led on.

No matter. Not his business.

“I’m fine.” Eleven answered, glad that there wasn’t anyone besides Erik and the two bored-looking employees who saw him space out twice in the minuscule amount of time he’d been inside. 

Erik probably got it, and looking like he did, probably more than a little ruffled but dressed in green scrubs, even with the white coat and name badge left out in the car… They probably saw more doctors and nurses come through than even Eleven did within his shifts. 

He stopped next to Erik, and glanced over their menu.

_ Bacon, ham, steak-  _ Why was it all  _ meat?  _

Shit. He probably should’ve pushed for some place else. 

A waffle would be fine, right? Eggs and milk… But he could eat that,  _ right? _

Long as it wasn’t meat… He started to order, but Erik beat him to the punch.

“Can I get two chocolate waffles, three eggs, and two large orders of bacon, extra crispy?” Eleven’s jaw clicked shut. Holy  _ fuck. _ “Oh, and a coffee.”

Or maybe not. “Hungry, are you?” Eleven asked when he was caught staring.

“Are you not?”

“I’ll just have a coffee, please.” Eleven addressed the chef first, the smell of the frying bacon turning his stomach. Then he could answer Erik. “Not… Not especially.” 

Erik frowned. 

Again,  _ shit.  _

Eleven was so damned  _ bad  _ at this sort of thing. He should be trying to be friendly, at the least. Personable. 

He liked surgery better. People on the table didn’t talk. And if they did, it was almost always nonsense. Something to tune out. Something he didn’t need to find the perfect response for.

Two mugs of (hopefully fresh) black coffee slid to them over the counter, steam wafting from the rims of the cups.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, concern somehow coming first, rather than frustration.

It was  _ weird.  _

“I told you if you aren’t up for this we can do it another time.” Erik paused, “We don’t have to do this at all, I’m sorry if I pressured you. I didn’t mean…”

_ Fuck.  _ “It’s not that.” Eleven hurried to assure him. Of course he’d end up like this. “It’s… I’m… Not vegan. Vegetarian? I think? I eat dairy products and eggs, but… No meat.” 

Erik lit up in understanding. “Oh fuck, should we go somewhere else?”

“No, it’s okay.” Eleven said, meaning it. Even if he wasn’t hungry… He took the mug in both hands, and followed Erik to where he went to sit.

Even the worst coffee he could still enjoy the warmth of. 

“You’re sure?” Erik asked, eyes glancing between him and the kitchen, “It’s not too late.”

“Positive.” Eleven said, and as if it would help convince Erik, scalded his tongue on his first drink.

Perfect. Now it didn’t matter if it was good or bad.

“You drink your coffee black?” Erik wrinkled his nose, “Gross.” 

“There comes a point in every med student's life,” Eleven said, repeating the same thing he’d once been told by the doctor he’d shadowed, “When it doesn’t matter what your caffeine tastes like, just that it works.”

He could mention the peer he had that would take consecutive shots of five hour energy… But he feared giving Erik ideas. 

“Yeah, but you aren’t a student anymore.” Erik pointed out, ripping open three sugar packets at once. “You can add a little something to your bean water, can’t you?”

“I happen to like it like this.”

“Gross.” Erik said again. 

“You’re one to talk, after that order.” Eleven nodded towards the counter, where he could see the obscene amount of bacon sizzling away on the skillet, left alone for a moment to let go crispy.

Or, more accurately, burn. 

“Judging my diet, doctor?” But Erik was hardly offended, rather seeming to almost take pleasure in Eleven’s shock. 

“Not my field of specialty.” Eleven said, knowing that his own typical diet of whatever he could get whenever he could get it couldn’t be all that much better. “But I can’t imagine two platefuls of bacon doing your arteries any favors.”

“Aw, worried for my heart?”

“Among other things.” Eleven said, finding himself starting to relax.

This was fine.

He actually felt…  _ Fine. _

Until he caught a bright light in the corner of his eye, different from the glare of the morning sun reflecting off practically every surface. 

There was a fire.

On the bacon.

_ Shit. _

_ They’ll put it out.  _ Eleven’s brain tried to assure him, even as his gut was telling him to get out. 

Erik was saying something, but he couldn’t quite hear.

Too focused on the fire that  _ was not cooperating. _

_ Should I call 9-1-1?  _

_ I am 9-1-1. _

Except. No. He wasn’t a firefighter.

Not a paramedic anymore, either. He was what came after a 9-1-1 call. After the firemen and paramedics did what they were meant to.

He-

Was outside. 

When did he get outside?

“Hey - Hey!” His eyes snapped back into focus, the blurs of colors shaping back into people, into tangible objects. “Lost you for a moment there, are you okay?”

“I-” Eleven’s voice cracked in his throat. But that was okay. He didn’t really have an answer prepared anyway. 

Lights flashing. 

The Waffle House was still on fire.

That bacon was probably a bit overcooked by now. 

The two workers were talking quietly to the police and firemen.

An ambulance sat in the parking lot, lights off.

They probably weren’t here for anyone, but just looking for breakfast. 

Too bad. 

“Come on, focus.” Erik snapped his fingers, and caught Eleven’s attention again.

Somehow he’d made it through school with the attention span of a ditzy gnat. But now he couldn’t even give the guy he was here with the time of day… 

“Can you take a deep breath?” Eleven obeyed without really thinking about it. Easy enough. Had he not been breathing before? Just standing around with old air held in? “Good. Hold it. Count to seven. Slowly.” 

_ Four-seven-eight breathing.  _ He knew this. 

He explained to people how to do this. Frighteningly common for people to mistake the right breathing and cold sweat of a panic attack for something cardiac and much more deadly. 

“Good, now out for eight.” 

Still… He knew it. And he knew it worked. 

And if Erik wanted to help…

Eleven wasn’t going to stop him. 

Again, and again, and once more.

The ringing stopped, and things felt a little better, if still out of reach. 

“Better now?” Erik asked.

The fire was out.

But… The Waffle House wouldn’t likely be serving any patrons anytime soon.

Not with a great big hole in the roof. 

“I am.” Eleven said, feeling calmer, but worlds more embarrassed. That wasn’t even something all that bad.

No one was hurt.

It was over.

They were the only ones in the parking lot. 

How much time had passed?

“Ready to go, then?” Erik asked, helping him up off the curb -when did he sit down?- “Or do you need more time?”

“Let’s go.” Eleven said, glancing away. “I should probably be getting home anyway.”

“Sounds good -  _ woah, now.”  _ Dizzy. Why was he dizzy? He shouldn’t be so upset over- “Okay, back it up. You aren’t driving anywhere.”

“I don’t want to leave my car here.” 

“I’m not asking you to.” Erik said, “I can drive. Let me take you home?” 

“Then why did you walk to the hospital?”  _ Priorities, Eleven.  _

“Because I can. And my bike is getting fixed up. Some idiot ran right into it, smashed it up pretty well.”

“But you-”

“I wasn’t on it, it was parked.”

Oh.

“Okay.” Eleven agreed, and handed over his keys. Not like Erik could fuck it up too bad if he was a shitty driver.

~~

“Are you kidding me?” Jade’s voice rose to a pitch she  _ did not  _ want to admit to. “The Waffle House  _ burned down?” _

“Not completely.” Eleven said, as if that changed the fact that it had burned  _ at all.  _ “The roof is gone, but they’ll fix that.”

“Jesus Christ. That…” Jade had been on her fair share of bad dates. She could recount a story or two to make  _ anyone  _ cringe. But she couldn’t quite say she’d been on one to leave anyone speechless. 

“It got worse.”

Did she want to know? “...How?”

“I gave him the wrong address.” 

“Oh my god, Ellie-”

“We didn’t get  _ too  _ far. I think we were about twenty minutes in the wrong direction when my car broke down.”

~~

The car came to a sudden halt.

In the middle of the road.

In the middle of the  _ empty  _ road, cow pastures on either side, and stretching out until the next ones began.

Out of town.

But in the wrong direction. 

What a fucking morning. 

“I, uh…” Erik was the first to speak up, turning the key and letting the engine splutter. “Sorry?”

Here came the migraine. 

The bridge of his nose held tight between his thumb and forefinger, Eleven let out a slow breath, counting off the seconds.  _ Seven… six… five…  _ “No,  _ I’m  _ sorry.” It probably wasn’t a good sign that he wasn’t frustrated, or sad, or  _ anything  _ really. He just felt empty. Like this may as well happen. A sinkhole could open up under him, while the world was at it.

It could leave Erik, though.

Erik probably didn’t deserve to get swallowed by the earth. But that was besides the point. 

Maybe he was too tired to feel. 

After all, he didn’t really get to have any coffee.

But what did coffee really do other than delay his sleep and sometimes give him a tremor? “This has been terrible, I’m sorry. Here, I’ll just… I’ll call a tow, and you can call an Uber. I’ll pay for it, this is my fault.”

“You don’t need to do that.” Erik said, voice strangely soft. 

“Doesn’t matter if I need to or not.” Eleven muttered, pulling his phone from his pocket, the long hairline crack glaring up at him. Not bad enough to fix.

Just like the car, huh? 

Just before eight in the morning. 

He just wanted to go home.

This was stupid.

Eating away at his valuable sleeping time.

Wasting Erik’s time.

Who knew what else he could be doing right now, (besides spreading that poison ivy further) or if there was somewhere he needed to be soon, and Eleven was just making him as late as possible. “It’s the least I can do.”

Erik didn’t say anything as Eleven made the call, but he didn’t reach for his own phone, either. 

Not until he hung up. 

“It hasn’t been that bad.”

Now, Eleven could understand trying to soften the blow, but there really wasn’t any need. This was a disaster.

Nothing else to say.

“I mean - so the world is down a Waffle House for a little while, but no one got hurt. And yeah, car breaking down isn’t great, but neither of those things are your fault. Or mine.” A pause. “Okay maybe a  _ little bit  _ my fault. I asked for extra crispy. Clearly I wasn’t prepared for what that meant.”

“They shouldn’t have left the bacon alone so long.” Eleven said, but really… The only one at fault here was the universe.

It did tend to throw him some really shitty days.

“Maybe.” Erik admitted, moving on easier than Eleven could really comprehend. “And… If this made you decide you don’t wanna give this a shot, then… I get it. Cut your losses and move on, but… Even if it hasn’t been that great, I still had a good time talking to you.”

“Why?”

“Whaddya mean ‘why?’” Erik said, the words coming out alongside a startled laugh. 

_ Why would he?  _ “It doesn’t make sense. I’m just the doctor you see in the emergency room. I haven’t even done much of anything besides space out, and- and make you get stuck out here in a cow pasture.” 

Erik didn’t miss a second thinking about his response. “You just got off  _ how  _ long a shift?”

“Ten hours.” Eleven said. Pretty typical, only stretching out longer if there was ever someone brought in critical. 

“Yeah, you’re gonna be spacy after one of those, think I’m not? Nothing wrong with that.” As he spoke, he pulled his cell from his pocket, holding it up. “And we aren’t trapped, we have cell service.”

Eleven didn’t really know how to respond.

And in that situation…

He decided to just shrug.

But that only made Erik frown, the half-smile he’d had before falling away. “And I think, if nothing else… You seem like you could use a friend.” 

Erik didn’t know him.

Erik had only met him a handful of times before, each in the hospital. Always a professional setting.

What was it that Eleven had done to encourage this kind of friendliness, or that idea. 

“You always seem tired at the hospital, but… I thought that was just work.” It was work. It was  _ always  _ work. “Now you just seem sad.”

_ I am sad.  _ “I’m alright.” He lied. 

“In that case… Let me ask you a couple things?”

“Shoot.” Eleven said, not really caring. He didn’t know what Erik would ask, but he didn’t necessarily have to answer. 

“Okay, first - why do you have this hunk of junk? Is it sentimental?”

“Not really.” He didn’t care about the car. That at least should be obvious, given its state. 

“Why not get a new one?” And really… He didn’t have a good reason. He just didn’t really have the care. 

“I wouldn’t know what to do.” Eleven shrugged. “Got this thing with my first job and… Never saw the need to replace it.”

“Not even now?” Erik asked, voice gone dry. 

“...I could see the benefit to replacing it now, yes.” 

“Call that Uber.” Erik said, “Get to a dealership, and trash this thing.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Eleven groaned. He had dealt with  _ one  _ salesman over ten years ago now, and he dreaded having to do it again. “Still don’t know what to do when I get there.”

“Want me to come?” 

“What?” Eleven shot up in his seat. “Why would you do that?” 

“I know a fair bit. Could be some help, if you’d like.” Erik explained. 

Actually… That sounded good. “Yeah. Yeah, if you don’t mind.” 

“Not at all.” Erik smiled. “Then… Second.”

“What is it?”

“Want to try this again? Maybe later this week? Somewhere less likely to burn down?”

And that… That was a good idea, too.

~~

“You bought a new car.” Even hearing the story nearly beat-for-beat she didn’t quite understand how a waffle date had turned into a morning at the car dealership. 

“I did. It’s a-“

“Eleven.” Jade desperately hoped that he was joking. 

“Yes?” He didn’t sound like he was joking.

“You met this man in the ER. As a patient. You look at his  _ diseased  _ dick, agree to a date, burn down a Waffle House-“

“Poison ivy isn’t a disease.” Eleven said, completely missing Jade’s point in such a way it couldn’t have been  _ anything  _ but intentional. “It’s a form of allergic contact dermatitis from the resin in the leaves.”

“I’ve been trying to get you to replace that old piece of junk for  _ years.  _ What did this guy do to convince you?” 

“I don’t know.” Eleven said, not defensive or angry at all.

As if he genuinely didn’t know.

And that… That just didn’t sit right. “You realize how this sounds, right? All jokes aside?”

A sigh echoed through the static. There it was, the tired kind of sound she was used to from him back, but not what she wanted to hear. “Jade, I don’t… I just. He helped me.”

“And what does that mean?”

_ “Jade.”  _ Serena cut in, and Jade went quiet for a moment, letting Serena have a try. “She has a point, El. Are you sure he wasn’t just trying to get something out of you?”

“What, a free waffle?”

“Ellie.” 

“I don’t think he was.” Eleven finally gave a real answer. “Look, when I say he helped that’s really all I mean. He knew what he was talking about. That’s it.” Or, maybe not. 

A feeling that she wouldn’t be getting any more information out of him this morning Jade gave in. Another time. “Well. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Maybe next-“

“I see him again Friday.” Eleven interrupted. 

“What?”

“Granted he can stay out of my ER that long. I don’t work then, so we thought we’d try for a real dinner. Fire-free, hopefully.” He- 

Jade buried her face in her hands.

Why. Fire and engine failure and poison ivy, and he was giving it another shot?

“That’s nice of you,” Serena said, ever the diplomat, “to give him another shot.”

“It was a disaster, but that wasn’t his fault.” Eleven said, “And… I’ve just got a good feeling about this. Don’t really know why, but I do.”

“That’s great.” Serena told him, but Jade still couldn't dredge up the right emotion for him.

“Good luck on this next one.” She said, but she could tell that it wasn’t as happy as she tried to make it sound. 

“I’ll be home soon.” Eleven promised. “See you in a few.”

A click, and the line went dead. 

He was okay.

Jade hoped.

“Jade?” Serena asked, a small frown creasing her face. “It’s alright to be worried, you know.”

“I know.” She had to know that, by now.

Taking into consideration that she was  _ always  _ worried.

“It’s kinda funny, though.” Serena said, squishing herself into the very  _ limited  _ amount of empty space jade had left in her chair.

Serena was like a cat, she swore.

If she could fit, she was sitting with Jade.

Frequently even if she didn’t fit. “Eleven  _ would  _ end up meeting someone in the emergency room, wouldn’t he?”

“I mean, he  _ has.”  _ Jade said, shifting in her seat just enough to stay comfortable. “But… Yeah. This tracks for him, doesn’t it?”

“It does. I don’t think we’ve got too much to worry about, though. He sounded fine.” Serena kept talking, trying to be reassuring. She was always good at that. “And you know he can’t act.” 

Always good at it… But Jade was better at worrying. “Should I call mum?” She asked, wrapping her arms around her middle. 

It hadn’t been all that long since she’d talked to her, always trying to keep her updated. But… 

“Do you think you should call Amber?” Serena asked right back, instead of giving her a concrete answer. “Maybe give it a little while? You don’t want to tell her before Eleven does, if there’s even  _ going  _ to be anything to tell.”

“I don’t mean about Erik.” Jade said back. “I mean… God, Serena I don’t know what I mean.” 

“Then think about it.” As if it was that easy, “and maybe talk to Ellie about it first? Before you go drawing conclusions?”

“Right.” Jade sighed, letting go and sinking back into the chair. 

“Speaking of, it doesn’t sound like he ever got anything to eat.” Serena said, climbing back down. “I’m going to start on lunch. Anything you want?”

“Not really.” Jade said, “Going to need any help?” 

“I don’t think so.” Serena said, answering just to be polite. Just as Jade had only asked to be sure. She never did, never  _ wanted  _ it either.

Jade had all the cooking skills of a half-dead opossum. Eleven, too.

It was only thanks to Serena they ate anything other than frozen meals at all. 

“Just let me know.”

She considered getting up for a moment, moving to the kitchen to keep Serena company. 

But decided against it. 

She was closer to the front door here, and Eleven would be back soon enough… 

Then Jade could  _ really  _ start the interrogation.


	3. Erik’s ass is under appreciated in it’s time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “God.” Mia cut him off. “Gross. I don’t need to be hearing anything about your ass.”
> 
> “You’re the one who brought my ass into the conversation!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Here, hold this.” I say as I dump 80lbs of my medical school trauma onto Eleven.
> 
> Also I know emergency rooms have many different specialists, and that you’re more likely to see a nurse before a doctor for minor stuff, and that a emergency doctor is different from an emergency surgeon but for the sake of storytelling I’m going to be pretending otherwise.
> 
> Also minor talk of food issues in this chapter. Nothing real serious, just an aversion but thought I’d warn just in case!

The door shut softly behind him, but Erik held no real hope of actually being able to  _ sneak  _ anywhere. 

As quiet as he could make himself, Mia always heard him as if he stomped like an elephant.

And today was no exception. “You know one of these days they’re gonna actually look at the reasons you go to the ER and this jig will be up.” 

“Eh, I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it.” Erik shrugged the words off, dumping his jacket over the back of a chair as he passed through. “They never check, and they won’t fire me. I’m irreplaceable.”

“Fair enough.” Mia didn’t move from her seat, instead taking the jacket that had been dumped on her head and in turn letting it fall to the floor. 

If Erik didn’t want his hoodie dirty, then he should’ve thought of that. “They’d probably have a hard time finding someone as willing to get hurt as you.”

“I’m not  _ ‘willing to get hurt.’”  _ Erik said, making the same argument he did day in and out. Really, he could do it in his sleep. “I’m not a masochist. I just-”

“Have a really high pain tolerance, don’t mind all that much, blah blah, I might’ve heard.” Mia didn’t need to hear it all over again. Frankly, if she was bitten regularly by a specific sea turtle, she’d leave that sea turtle alone. “Sounds like something a masochist would say.” 

Erik didn’t bother saying anything back. At least, not about Hatch. That turtle hated him deep within her turtle soul, and there was nothing he could really do about that. “That’s not why I was there last night and you know it.”

“Oh, I know.” Mia said, feigning an innocent tone. Erik knew there wasn’t a speck of innocence within her being, her defiant and just-a-tad evil streaks going right down to the carbon of her being. “And I was right, wasn’t I? That vine  _ was  _ poison ivy, and you’re fucked.”

_ In more than one way.  _ He had to bite his tongue to keep from spewing out stupid. “You were right.” 

“It’s pretty late though, where the hell were you? Or was it really just that busy there?” 

“Nah, it was empty. Always is, nothing ever happens here.” Enough information to give him an extra millisecond or two to figure out exactly what he could say. Specifically, what he could say that would be the most concerning and give away the least amount of information. “Burning down a Waffle House, mainly.” After all, he had the same sort of evil as his twin. 

A pause. “Why doesn’t it sound like you’re joking?”

“It’s ‘cuz I’m not.” Erik said, opening up the fridge to glare at the half-empty shelves. He didn’t know how to shop, and Mia just came home with snacks half the time.

He told her not to go food shopping hungry, but she never listened. “Have you eaten? Place went up before I got my food. Actually, it  _ was  _ my food that went up.” 

“Of course it was.” Mia said,  _ finally  _ shutting her laptop and rising from the chair. “Why were you even there? If I was in the ER all night I’d want to come home as soon as I could, get some decent sleep.” 

Erik opened his mouth to respond, but she couldn’t see, given the fact he was halfway into their fridge, wondering  _ just  _ how long ago they’d gotten that lo mein, and if he was really about to risk food poisoning for some mediocre noodles.

Yes.

He probably was. 

“And no, to answer your question. I haven’t eaten. Want to order out?”

His stomach was saved.  _ “Please.” _

Ten minutes and two separate pizza topping arguments later, the both of them sat around in a comfortable quiet, back on the couches with the tv playing some drama Erik wasn’t even paying half a mind to. He really didn’t care what monster, murder, or affair was being played out.

He just needed the background noise. 

And the clicking of the keyboard did  _ not  _ count, thank you very much. 

He probably shouldn’t bother her again. He didn’t know when that article or chapter was due, or how far she’d even gotten through it between his nonsense, but…

If she was anything but the first to find out, he’d be a dead man.

“So… I got his number.”

The typing came to an abrupt halt. “Dr. Lumen’s?” She asked, as if there was any other option. 

_ No, Mia. The cashier from what was once a Waffle House. You’ll love him.  _ “Yep.”

“You’re insane.”

An accurate if not repetitive assessment. “What’s new?”

“I guess he is, too.” Mia said, and the clacking of her keys continued. “Must be, to go out with you.”

“That’s not fair. I-”

“I mean, he’s the one who you see in the ER almost every time, right? That means he’s seen every dumb little stunt you’ve pulled.” One hand up, and Mia began counting off his more recent offenses. “The man has rebuilt your foot, sewn your thumb back onto the rest of your hand, seen you covered in  _ poison ivy,  _ and still wants to go out with you? Damn.”

“It’s not like I get hurt on  _ purpose.”  _ Erik tried to defend, but Mia caught his eye, and said two simple words.

“Squeaky toy.”

Rude. 

“Even if god herself came down to earth just to tell me you didn’t swallow that thing on purpose I wouldn’t believe it.” 

Erik kept quiet. Well.  _ On purpose  _ wasn’t actually all that far from the truth, but it still wasn’t quite-

“When do you see him next?”

“Friday.” Erik answered right away. Only a  _ little  _ more excited than he felt he should be, “Not sure exactly what we're gonna do, but I don’t think it can get any worse than it did today.”

“Knock on wood.” Mia said, drumming her fist against the entirely  _ not  _ wooden surface of the chair. “Well… You know what? You’re right. That was the worst, how about trying for the best, this time?”

“What do you mean?”

“Hand me the reigns. Let me plan it for you. Place, time…” She looked him up and down. “...Outfit.” 

“You think I can’t plan my own date?” Erik asked, but he took no offense. “Gonna set my clothes out the night before like it’s the first day of school?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

“How do you know any better, then?”

Mia held her computer up off her lap, “Been writing this sappy bullshit longer than I should’ve been. I’ve got a few ideas.”

Erik leaned back in his chair.

So, a simple choice. Yes or no. Either way, it’d probably go fine. 

But… 

A  _ plan  _ would be nice. Probably better than dropping right back with no rhyme or reason to what they’d end up doing. “You know what?” Erik said, “Sure. Get me something planned out, and just give me the address.”

Maybe he shouldn’t be handing over control so easily, and he was still risking some kind of prank, but… 

Hell. Eleven had stuck with him through a grease fire, what could scare him off now?

Half an hour and a pepperoni and onion pizza delivery later, nothing more had been said on the topic, leaving Erik with nothing to distract his mind with.

TV spouting the same old shit, just Mia was left to entertain him. 

“What’re ya working on?” Erik asked through a mouthful, but what came out sounded closer to an angry warning noise of some exotic animal. 

Lucky enough for him, Mia hadn’t any better manners, and understood well enough. 

“Some bullshit list article of  _ writing tips.  _ Gotta get it in for editing by midnight, then it’ll get posted by noon tomorrow.”

“What about  _ your  _ writing?”

“Got a few hundred words in last night.” Mia answered, vague as she always was about her own original writing. “Not a lot, but chipping away.”

“Can I read?”

“Fuck, no.” Same question, exact same answer. “There’s a reason I don’t let you. I don’t need people I know quoting my own work at me.” 

“Like I could even find the rest of it.” Erik muttered, finishing off the first slice and dragging another from the greasy cardboard. “I don’t even know your pen-name.”

“And you don’t for a reason! I like my quiet anonymity, thank you very much.” Mia said, not once taking her eyes off the laptop. Thing was gonna be garlic-buttery by dinner time. How Mia could stand getting food on the keyboard, he would never know. “You’ll find out when this thing gets published.”

“So, that’s what? Six years from now?”

A balled-up brown paper napkin bounced off his forehead.

“Writing is a  _ process.” _

“Writing is  _ boring.” _ Erik countered, watching Mia roll her eyes at him. “Bad enough when I’ve gotta pen down reports every day. Can’t imagine it being my entire job.”

“At least writing hasn’t left me with a big ol’ scar on my ass.”

“...Fair enough.” He should leave it at that. He  _ could  _ leave it at that. But why would he pass up the opportunity? “Not my fault, though. Just ‘cause my ass is good enough to eat-”

_ “God.”  _ Mia cut him off.  _ “Gross.  _ I don’t need to be hearing anything about your ass.”

_ “You’re  _ the one who brought my ass into the conversation!”

Mia glared at him over her laptop. “Sounds fake.” She said, but added on, “If you don’t shut up about your ass I’m gonna kick it right back into the emergency room!”

“Fine!” He conceded, and finally left her to her work. “I think I’m gonna turn in.” Erik decided, not-so-subtly leaving the clean-up to Mia. If she wanted help all she had to do was ask, but like hell he was gonna offer dish duty when he didn’t have to. 

“It’s not even two o’clock.” Mia pointed out, “In the afternoon.”

“Shut up. You know what I mean.”  _ ‘Turn in’ _ just meant ‘ _ hole myself up for the foreseeable future.’  _ Mia knew that, used the same phrase whenever she decided she wanted zero human contact for a good few hours. 

But the poke was just what he got for being a shit.

The door shut behind him, and Erik was back in his own mess. Well-

‘Mess’ was a little mean. Just because he didn’t wanna waste time every single day by making his bed or dusting the blades of the ceiling fan… Sinus headaches were a  _ choice. _

Finally. Took long enough, but… Home. He could relax. 

At least until tomorrow, when he would be due back in for work. But for now, he had time to spare. 

Room lit in an eerie red glow, but one he was entirely accustomed to. Mia must’ve forgotten. But it was just one morning, no harm done. 

Erik made his way to the far corner, where a tall enclosure was set up, walls of mesh instead of glass. One switch, and the red turned to a warm, soft yellow, and the little creature inside began to stir.

He smiled at it as it made its careful descent down the silk plants to him. “Hey there, bud. You wanna come out?” 

It didn’t respond, at least, not verbally. But as the little reptile came to a stop near the front, and stoop up on its hind legs, little hands held in close to its belly, Erik knew what it was saying.  _ Yes, please.  _

Undoing the zipper, Erik moved slow as to not startle it, and held out his hand for the (currently) red-scaled chameleon to clamber on, patterns wavering as it looked around the environment. But they stayed muted. Still relaxed. “That’s it, good boy. Good Charlie.” Erik spoke low, the little animal keeping one of its eyes on him at all times. Erik tried to let him off on the branches of his tree by the window, but Charlie showed no interest, “No? Wanna stick with me, then?” 

Charlie held on tight to his sleeve with his little hands, and kept his long tail carefully curled around his elbow as he made for Erik’s neck. Certainly planning on climbing his head from there. 

Good enough by Erik, long as he managed to get his headphones on before Carlie took that space. “You just hang on right there. I’ll get you something to munch on in just a bit.”

Settled at his own computer, and Charlie good and cozy in his spot for at least an hour or two… 

Perfect.

His desktop switched on, momentarily blinding him before he was able to see what was in front of him.

He wondered for just a second if the light was going to bother Charlie. 

But… Eh, probably not. Charlie was smart enough to not stare into blinding light. 

Erik closed up in his room for as long as it took him to get hungry again… Mia had  _ plenty  _ of time to get to work.

Or…

Saving the document and pulling up a new search window instead, time to put off work. 

There was no shortage of things for a couple around here to go out and do, mostly just rural backwater or not, a bit of a drive wouldn’t kill anyone. 

That just left one question. 

Be nice, and actually set her brother up with something nice to impress his new boy-toy… Or, be true to herself and be an absolute shit?

Well, the answer seemed clear enough to her.

All that was left, was to decide the best course of action. 

~~

If there was one perk to having a junkass car, it was the fact that you couldn’t afford to get lost in thought driving, and end up a considerable clip away from home before you even knew what hit you. 

Unfortunately for Eleven, he no longer had a junkass car, and was over halfway to his old hospital when Jade called.

_ Heading home.  _ He had lied,  _ just an hour. _

In truth… He hadn’t turned around when he had spoken to her. 

It was just… All too weird. 

He felt lighter than he had in months, the regular iron weight lifted just a little from his ribs, letting him breathe just that little bit easier. 

But at the same time…

He felt sicker.

Was he making the right choices? The wrong ones? 

He’d broken down in a blind panic at the fire. 

Couldn’t even  _ remember  _ going from seeing it start to sitting outside.

Needing to be calmed with the same methods his therapist had drilled into his head.

Drilled. And yet he still never remembered. 

What use was counting seconds when all he could count was the amount of times he’d fucked up in the past ten years of his life?

No. Eleven’s hands tightened on the steering wheel as he turned onto his street, just a bit too sharply, the tires screeching just a moment in protest, black marks left on the asphalt. 

He wasn’t going to think like that anymore.

So what, the big hospital didn’t work out?

He didn’t need it. He was happy where he was, in the local ER, living with his family… 

He was.

He  _ was.  _

Eleven just wanted to stay here outside in the driveway. Breathe.

But staring at the brick facade, crossed with freely growing ivy… 

He knew he couldn’t. 

It was going to be bad enough going in now, but if he listened to what the tarpit in his stomach wanted him to do, it’d be worse when Serena came outside to water the plants just to see him baking in the driver’s seat.

Whatever.

The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could go to bed. 

The door closed, and the lock clicked. 

Eleven followed the path to the door.

This was his home.

So why was he so goddamned homesick?

The front door was unlocked.

“I’m home.” He called out, even though he didn’t need to. He could see Jade from where he stood, and from the force of her glare, it was no doubt she could see him. 

“Get stuck in traffic?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Eleven lied through his teeth. He didn’t like doing it. Just feed the fire, but sometimes it was just easier.

Even when a lie and the truth changed nothing in the end. “Got stuck around a wreck up by…” He trailed off, and shrugged. “Somewhere. It all blurs together.”

Jade sighed. “Why don’t you let one of us drive you to work tonight? I don’t like you being out there on your own after long shifts.”

“It’s easy.” Eleven said, leaving his thankfully still clean-enough shoes by the door. Shit. That reminded him. When was the last time he did laundry? Did he need to? Did he still have any clean scrubs? “Quiet nights. I swear they’re just paying me to take notes and check Twitter.” 

“And go out with the patients?” 

Eleven snorted, letting his lab coat drape over the back of the sofa as he passed. That he could clean easy enough, just a lint roller to catch the cat hair. “Yep. You got me, not even a doctor. I’m just a gigolo.”

“A shame.” Jade said in a level voice, going along with the joke. “We had such high hopes for you.”

Going along with the joke.

It was just a joke. So why did it hurt as if she were serious?

No one had been disappointed in him when he decided to be a paramedic. They were proud.

No one thought him a failure when he went back to school for his medical doctorate. 

No one said anything when he had to come home-

Eleven forced his smile, and Jade noticed. “Come on,” she said as she stood up, and urged him to sit down instead. “Easy nights or not you’ve had too many, and you had a long morning too. I’ll go grab you some breakfast. Think you can eat?”

Could he? “I can try.” 

“Serena made it,” she told him as she made her way over to the kitchen, as if anyone else could have done it. “It’s pretty good.” As if she made anything that wasn’t. 

Jade continued talking, and Eleven didn’t really hear her. 

Just the blood rushing in his ears as he stared down at himself. 

Brightly colored scrubs, in that weird teal-ish color that was supposed to be soothing to the eye. A nice, restful color to rest his sight from the bright red of blood and the stark white of bone while in the operating room. 

It was a myth that it helped. It had to be. All it really did for him was burn his retinas in a different color. 

And when they were bloody… What was the point? Gemma had the right idea.

At least her scrubs were fun, patterned like she worked in pediatrics. Like she got to enjoy her shifts.

No. That wasn’t fair. There wasn’t a single part of the hospital that didn’t have to see tragedy from time to time. The wrong diagnosis. The right one but made too late.

Waiting too long to operate. Going in too soon. The wrong medicine. The wrong time.

The wrong doctor-

A bowl in front of his face, steam wafting up from the microwaved dish. 

White rice, and tofu in something alarmingly red glopped on top.

He wasn’t hungry. 

But he took it anyway. 

“Gochujang tofu.” Jade said, “Green onion, sesame seed, grilled onion, steamed broccoli and rice. Little too hot for me but Serena wanted to give the recipe a shot.”

“Thanks.” Eleven said, trying to keep his voice neutral. Spicy. Just what his traitorous stomach needed. If his dreams went bad this would certainly be fun coming back up. “Where is Serena?” He asked instead of commenting on the food. “She leave for work already?”

“Nah, she’s up in the shower. Or, she was. Can’t hear the water going anymore. She’ll be down soon.” 

Eleven nodded, and took a mouthful that was more rice than anything else. 

“Don’t worry if you can’t eat it.” Jade said, either seeing his hesitance or just knowing him well enough by now. “We’ve got a few of those shakes in the fridge-”

“I can eat it.” Eleven assured her. And himself. It wasn’t bad, and the spice wasn’t all that much, either. It was fine.

In the corner of his eye, Eleven could see Jade working up to a question. Shifting in her seat, looking like she was about to say something before heaving a sigh instead.

He wasn’t dumb enough to think that whatever she had started in the car was over.

But a boy could dream.

It was another two of these fake-outs before he set the picked-at bowl down on the table, faced his sister, and just asked  _ what.  _

Jade managed to look suitably ashamed for a moment, but that never really did last all that long in the face of what she thought was the right thing to do. “So I don’t need to say I’m skeptical of Erik.”

“No.” Eleven groaned. “You don’t.” For god’s sake, if he’d known it would have turned out to be such a spectacle he never would’ve said yes in the first place.

“But I am.” As if it were news to him. 

“I am, too!” Eleven pointed out, he’d  _ just  _ really met him! It wasn’t as though patients coming in were his best friends, or if he even really acted like himself from the moment he clocked in.  _ Distancing.  _ It was the name of the job. “It’s just a couple of dates, Jade. I’m not marrying the man.”

“You’re right, I guess.” Jade gave ground, as little as it counted in this particular moment. “But  _ really?  _ What’s the allure of dog-toy man?”

Somewhere in his mind, Eleven dreaded the possibility of bringing  _ dog-toy man  _ home. There would be a  _ lot  _ of explaining to do before either party could meet. But as for her question… “He’s nice.” And was that really it?

“Is that it?” Jade asked, giving voice to Eleven’s thoughts. 

“Does it need to be anything more?” Eleven asked, staring at the carpet. Feeling all the world a scrutinized child in the eye of an overbearing parent. 

_ “He  _ was nice, too.”

Eleven scoffed. “And I got out of that disaster before it could begin.” Poison Ivy, fire, panic, and an engine giving up the ghost.

Still not the worst date he’d been on. No,  _ that  _ special title went to the summer he’d graduated with his EMT certification. 

He was never going back to that damned park.

“You did.” Jade said, a lift to the corner of her mouth betraying her laughter, silent as it was. Never. Eleven would  _ never  _ live that day down. 

But there were worse things to be known for. 

“What does he do for a living?” Jade asked, “If you’re gonna be hanging around him, I’d like to know a bit more.” 

“Didn't ask.” Eleven answered. They’d talked plenty, but most of their back-and-forth had been nothing but pointless fluff. “Must be something, though. For his insurance to be so forgiving.”

“I guess that’s true.” Jade said, knowing full well the hellzone insurance was. If there was one thing that made Eleven feel better about having ended back up with Jade and her wife was being able to extend his own benefits back to them. As long as he was employed with the hospital, they’d have coverage for just about anything. “But what happens if he comes in again with another dumb mistake?”

“I or another doctor treat him.” Eleven answered easily, “And he goes back home.” 

There wasn’t any need for theratrics. 

Jade didn’t respond, the answer nothing close to what she had really meant. 

Thankfully, he was saved from any further questions by the sound of a door being closed, and Serena taking the steps down two at a time. 

He was spotted immediately. 

Serena, bless her soul, who lit up like a bulb at the sight of them both, and all Eleven could do was brace for impact. “Ellie!” And the cold wet slap of her air-drying hair. “How are you?”

Slight as she was, you’d never expect the bone-crushing force of her hugs. Eleven had to wait for her to finally let him go before he could respond. “What do you mean  _ ‘how am I?’  _ you saw me last night.”

Serena looked at him as if he were insane. “We saw what happened! I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“Saw?”

Jade stepped in, offering some context. “Local news, you were right. There was a short alert about it. Human error, no one hurt.”

“It really wasn’t all that bad. Just a minor grease fire.” Eleven explained, understanding now the concern and momentary oxygen deprivation. 

_ “Minor  _ and  _ grease fire  _ are oxymorons.” Jade pointed out. 

“Fair enough.” Eleven shrugged, glancing away. “But it really wasn’t all that bad. I liked talking to him.”  _ Please.  _ He begged to no one in particular,  _ please don’t make Serena make a fuss- _

“That’s great!” She beamed. Not the same kind of fuss that Jade was making, but there would be a fuss all the same. “I mean, you could’ve met under better circumstances but still! It’s great to hear you’ve met someone!”

“Yeah.” Eleven faltered, trying to quell the over-excitement. “It’s… It's just one date, though. There isn’t any reason to get that excited.”

Serena pouted at him. “Nonsense! Romance is  _ always  _ a reason to get excited, Ellie.” Said slowly, like she was explaining something painfully obvious.

The same kind of pace he took when explaining the kind of things that his patients should have learned about their bodies and how they work in grade school. 

“Right…” Eleven agreed, and looked down into the bowl on the table. Suddenly, even less hungry than he’d been a moment ago. Still half full. He’d grab one of those shakes, later. “Look, I’m sorry, but I’m really tired. Mind if I go on up?”

“Oh.” Serena’s smile melted away, and Eleven could have sunk through the cushions. It was one thing to disappoint someone. It was entirely something else to disappoint  _ Serena.  _ He may as well have just kicked a puppy for how it made him feel. “Of course. Go get some sleep.”

Eleven nodded his thanks, and felt both women’s eyes on his back as he left the bowl on the counter. Leftovers tossed or wrapped up, it didn’t matter. 

He just needed to get away. 

“Night.” He said to no one in particular as his bedroom door closed behind him, black-out curtains doing a fairly good job at keeping the light of day out. 

Not that he really needed it. 

The path from the door to his bedside table was clear, and once the lamp was on, he could go about what he needed to do.

Which… Wasn't much, really.

Just chuck off the old scrubs, find a new pair for later, find some clean pajamas, and crawl under the blanket. Sleep for hopefully six hours, and have time for a decent shower and maybe even some downtime before his commute to work. 

That was it.

But throwing back the already mussed covers, Eleven was greeted by a giant white ball of cotton, and a frustrated huff.

That just managed to melt the ice a little.

“Sorry, Cobweb.” Eleven spoke low to the fluffy off-white cat, who was all too happy to be relocated as Eleven held her to his chest instead.  _ Cobweb.  _ A temporary name for a temporary kitten who got far too attached far too soon.

Cobweb chirped in his ear, before settling in the crook of his arm, purring like a motor and kneading his skin.

The pricks of her claws stung, but her love was too warm to care. 

At the end of the day, it didn’t matter what happened, as long as he got to come home to her.

~~

The one great thing Jade would give to the brick of metal and glass that she couldn’t even fit into her jeans pocket…

Was really just how useful it was, whether she would ever admit that aloud or not. 

Some of the more…  _ Practical  _ uses she glossed over, said she would use, and then never follow through. 

Really, it was a means to keep an easy open link if Eleven ever needed her, and a steady stream of the news that Serena filtered for her, alongside a torrential inpouring of viral kitten videos. 

All of that aside…

Really, where this little brick shone is when she had a name. 

That was really all it took. 

_ Erik Camus  _ punched into google, and with a last name like that, she didn’t have to look very long or very hard before she found her target. 

32 years old. Not  _ new  _ to the area, but he and his twin sister hadn’t lived here all that long. Just under a year now, and in such a small community… It was a wonder they hadn’t bumped into each other before-

Well.

Eleven sure had.

And that was the problem.

But these handy little over-sharing, personal data-stealing platforms had given her all the information she needed, even if she hadn’t really been able to dig up anything  _ too much  _ worse than a couple of petty theft charges from when Erik was a kid.

And really…

Who didn’t get caught shoplifting once or twice?

But those aside… It was one single fact that worried her the most.

Two counts of petty theft, and the scarcest hint of a record far worse, but no matter how much she dug looking for it… 

Nothing came up.

And while it had been nothing but the vaguest mention of another charge... 

It still meant that there  _ was  _ one. And with such little information, it really could be anything. Not a matter of public knowledge… Was he a victim? A minor when it occurred? Or had he had it expunged?

Whatever it was, she didn’t like it.

And Jade wasn’t going to just stand by and wait for something to happen.

Eleven could make his own choices.

He  _ had  _ made his own choices, and where he was now, everything that came between then and now, were results of those choices.

He’d been through enough.

All through some inherent need to help…

She wasn’t going to let another setback happen. Another roadblock in her younger brother’s life. 

He deserved some peace, some happiness. And he was getting there.

She wasn’t going to let  _ anyone  _ ruin that. He’d worked too hard. They all had.

Too hard, at least, for some jackass to come, steal Ellie’s heart away, and leave him in the dust once he had what he wanted from him. 

And yeah,  _ maybe  _ Facebook stalking the guy from a Jane Doe account and taking note of where he grew up, went to school, got his bachelor’s, lived, and worked was a little bit extreme.

But Jade was nowhere near finished.

Leaning back against her car, Jade watched from over the rim of her sunglasses as the last patrons of the day left, and the employees began to follow suit.

It was still early.

Ellie wouldn’t be leaving for work until another hour had passed at least, and was likely still asleep. Hardly in the right state to be asking for her whereabouts. 

And even if he were… Well, she’d accidentally scared off a boyfriend before, but that time it was completely unintentional. If not a blessing, in the end.

How was she supposed to know you weren’t  _ actually  _ meant to give shovel speeches to potential partners of friends and family?

It always made too much sense in her eyes.

And speaking of - A flash of bright blue hair. Brighter than his profile pictures. 

And really,  _ what  _ was that color? Blue raspberry? Pool water?  _ Denim?  _

She caught his eye, and for good reason. He probably didn’t often see people decked out in full martial arts gear.

Sure, she could’ve gone home and changed out of her instructor’s uniform… 

But wouldn’t it be better to show up front exactly what she was capable of?

“Hey, Erik!” Jade called out as he looked away, continuing on his way.

He didn’t stop.

Okay, common name, she supposed.  _ “Camus!”  _

That did the trick. 

He stopped in his tracks, and looked back at her. Staring, waiting for her to say something else, trying to place her face. 

Someone - a coworker, she assumed - said something that Jade couldn’t hear, but Erik waved them off.

Not the smartest move he could’ve made. But… It wasn’t as though she had any real intentions of hurting him.

He approached her slowly, and stopped a fair distance away. “Can I help you?” He asked, voice torn somewhere between suspicion and the last dredges of the day’s Customer Service Voice. Blue jeans, cuffs visibly wet, a black T-shirt and a blue uniform polo hung over his arm. Aside from the hair color, there really wasn’t all that much that made him stick out. Except - actually, he had  _ really  _ big ears. “Who are you?” Right to the point. That, she could appreciate.

“I’m Jade. Lumen.” She gave her name over easily, “I’m Eleven’s older sister.”

Erik kept his eyes on her face. “Not all that much family resemblance.” He gave a dry observation.

One comment that Jade was always prepared to answer.  _ Family resemblance.  _ Eleven resembled her plenty. They had the exact same 0 tolerance policy for bullshit. “There wouldn’t be.” She explained. “We’re both adopted.”

Sometimes people started looking pitiful at that fact. Please, she was an  _ adult,  _ thank you, not some little kid begging for pity. “What do you want, then?” Erik asked, funny enough without any change in expression or tone. “Did I forget something?”

“I want to know what you want with him.”

There.  _ That  _ threw him enough that a little emotion got to peek through. “I-  _ huh?”  _ Any more confused, and Jade was sure she’d see him try cleaning his ears. 

If only he’d understood right away, though. “You show up at the ER constantly, bug him, and next thing I know, you’re going out, he’s got a brand new car at your urging, and aside from a couple of misdemeanors, I can’t find anything about your past.” Jade watched as his face went from confused, to shocked, to downright  _ thunderous.  _ “Doesn’t that sound a  _ little  _ suspicious?”

“You ran a  _ background check  _ on me?” He demanded to know, halfway to a furious yell.

But Jade wouldn’t stand down. “He’s my little brother. Wouldn’t you do that for your sister?”

“Hell no. She’d kill me. Mia can take care of herself.” Erik said,  _ again  _ as if he was nothing less than bewildered by the things she was choosing to say. “It’s not my job to pick and choose who she can and can’t date. I’m her brother, not her… You know what? That’s nobody’s job.” 

“I’m making this my job.” Jade sneered at him, insulted by the mere insinuation she was out of line. “He’s had enough shit in his life, he doesn’t need anything more.”

Erik looked like he wanted to take a swing at her.

Part of Jade wished he would.

But he managed to keep control of himself.

“Does he know you’re here?” Erik demanded to know. 

“No.” Jade admitted. 

He relaxed, just enough for Jade to notice. “Does he know you looked me up?”

“He doesn’t.” Jade admitted. All of this was on her own time, her own impulse. “Ellie had nothing to do with this. This was just my idea.”

“Why don’t you go home and tell him, then? See how he reacts?”

“Why don’t you tell him Friday?” 

Erik gave a helpless, short shake of his head. “The  _ nerve  _ of some people.” He muttered at the ground, low enough that Jade knew she wasn’t meant to hear it. Louder, he answered her before he went on his way. “None of my business getting into family shit.  _ I’m  _ not telling him anything.”

“I still don’t have my answer.” Jade said to his back. “What do you want with him?”

Erik stopped, some ways up the parking lot. He turned, and gave her the answer she was looking for. “You wanna know what I  _ want?  _ All I did was ask out the cute guy who laughed at my stupid-ass jokes, and made some back. It’s not that complicated.”

He left, and Jade was alone in the gradually emptying lot with a sinking feeling that she’d really fucked up, this time.

~~

Through the light blocking curtains, the setting sun couldn’t be seen. Just the little bit of the orange glow peeking around the sides.

But blackout curtains didn’t do a thing to stop noise, and Eleven woke gently to the song of the dusk cicadas. 

At least, he  _ would  _ have woken gently, if it was only the singing of insects that brought him out of one vague dream or another.

But instead, it was to the newest alarm setting. One he’d only switched to in the last week, after he’d started a new annoying habit of sleeping through the  _ last  _ sound. 

At this rate he’d need to switch to a radio to keep from growing accustomed to the sound of an alarm. 

Cobweb let out a series of annoyed warbles, and dragged herself out of Eleven’s hold.

The alarm continued. 

Maybe he could sleep through this one, too. Or maybe he could just turn it off and go back to sleep.

No-call, no-show.

It wouldn’t end his career. He was too valuable an asset, emergency doctors and surgeons weren’t exactly banging at the doors at little rural hospitals begging for work.

But that was exactly why he couldn’t claim a false sick day.

So what if last night the worst case he saw was Erik’s unfortunately poisonous dick? Or the night before just a couple of stitches above a kid’s eyebrow from where he’d bonked his head just a little too hard on the table edge?

Maybe tonight there would be a real emergency, and he could be there. He could be what stopped that person from needing to be airlifted somewhere else. 

He had to work. 

And so…

_ Sixty. Fifty-nine. Fifty-eight. Fifty-seven…  _

One minute. Just one minute more.

_ Three… Two… One.  _

And with that, Eleven made himself sit up, push back the comforter, and switch on the lamp.

The alarm went next. 

Right. 

Feed Cobweb, shower, clothes, breakfast shake, car.

He could do this. 

A clicking sound came from his phone. A text. Eleven hesitated for a moment before picking his phone back up.

An unsaved number, but one he’d already had a test message from.

_ Still good for Friday?  _

Erik. Eleven saved the name to the number before responding.

_ Ellie: yes _

One word. No punctuation. Was that enough? Should he have added an exclamation mark? Said something else?

Before he could worry himself into texting twice, the little symbol that meant he was typing popped up, lasting only a few seconds.

_ Erik: great! 4:30 work for you? Want to meet meet there or somewhere else, I’ll text you the address. _

_ Ellie: meeting there is fine. 4:30 works. I’ll see you them. _

_ *then. _

Erik responded with nothing more than an emote of a thumbs-up.

Eleven locked his phone, and set it back on the table to finish charging. 

Cobweb bumped her head against his arm, and started purring.

Begging for her dinner, no doubt. 

But that was fine. Eleven ran a hand down Cobweb’s back and scratched at the base of her tail. 

Her purring only grew louder, and Eleven could feel it in his chest. 

Maybe today would be easier. After all…

“Got something to look forward to now, Cob.” He said to his happily flopping 4-year-old kitten. 

Something to do besides regular chores and errands.

This week would go easier. 


	4. Yes, they are called octopus hickeys.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You taste like mackerel?”
> 
> Eleven of course knew what he meant by that, but it still managed to give him pause. “I would hope not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to cut what was potentially 4k words from this because it would have turned into a research paper on the giant pacific octopus.  
> I get excited about fish that’s all I can say.

When the address Erik had sent him predicted a minimum of an hours drive away, he’d nearly called it off. 

What the hell was he doing, trying to get him that far away?

But looking it up saved him some panic, and pulling through the half-crowded lot, Eleven found himself more amused than nervous. 

A straight leap of logic from a Waffle House, to the biggest aquarium in the state. 

It was kind of nice, actually. Looking up at the familiar building, the signs and graphics only barely different in color, except… That very well would just be the fault of his own memory. 

Years upon years since he’d been last, faded images of chasing Jade along the boardwalk out back, looking out over the ocean. 

Standing with his hands pressed against the glass of the deep sea tank, waiting for the shark to swim by again, what should be instilling a deep wonder of the vast ocean instead cementing what would keep him from walking too far into the sea for years, if Jade could even manage to get him to paddle any length away from the shore.

After the  _ illuminating  _ visit to the aquarium he was all too aware of all the little creatures hiding just in the sand, just under the waves. 

It’d been a long time, but he was actually glad to be back. A sense of nostalgia that didn’t fade as he drew closer, but only grew. 

“Hey!” Erik called, grabbing his attention and calling it over to where he’d been leaning against the wall, and… Oddly enough, looking entirely  _ relieved,  _ as if he was afraid Eleven wasn’t going to show. “Sorry about the drive.” He said, walking over to meet him by the entrance.

“It’s no trouble.” Eleven responded, “I’m glad to be here. Been too long.” The sound of the ocean just out of sight… Terrifying creatures hidden within its depths or not, there was something about the sound of the waves crashing on shore and the smell of the salt-water spray in the air was comforting in a way nothing else was. 

Some long held over remain of the amphibian brain, telling him to go back home.

Or something.

Really not his speciality. 

“You here a lot?” Erik asked, “I feel like I would’ve remembered you.”

“No.” Eleven answered, turning towards the ticket booth, “Just came here a lot when I was a kid.”

But before he could make it to the doors, Erik called his attention away again. “Hold up, over this way.” Erik waved him over, back towards the boardwalk, typically the place people  _ leave  _ the aquarium through. 

“Wait,” Eleven called after him with a glance back towards the door, “what about tickets?”

“Don’t worry, I already took care of it.”

And he was gone around the corner, leaving El to hurry on behind. 

“What about tickets?” Eleven asked again, feeling all a trespassing delinquent as they walked in the exit of the aquarium, the day drawing to a close and the building near empty, but  _ still!  _ “Did you buy them?”

But Erik was saved from answering by the words of the woman standing behind the touch-tanks. “The hell are you doing here on your off hours, man?” She looked genuinely confused rather than upset, and Eleven watched as Erik responded in kind to the rude tone. 

“Is it a crime to just visit the aquarium?” He asked, walking up to her.

Eleven trailed close behind, not wanting to be caught  _ alone  _ without his ticket. 

“You’re here at least thirty hours a week. Aren’t you sick of it?” She asked.

Thirty hours- 

Wait just a moment, working in an aquarium -  _ what kind of fish benefits led to knife games? _

“I’m sick of you showing off in the deep-sea.” Erik said, then jerked a thumb over his shoulder at Eleven. “I’m here with him, today.”

She looked him over once, and raised a single brow at Erik. “You brought a  _ date  _ to  _ work?” _

“Mia’s fault. She insisted on planning it for me. Should’ve known she’d pull something like this.”

“Uh, yeah.” She agreed, “What, did you think she was gonna set you up with a nice steak dinner? You’re lucky she didn’t get you dressed up for the red carpet just send you to McDonald’s!”

“Hey, I wanted to see what she’d do. Think I didn’t have a backup plan?”

Entirely lost, Eleven stood just off to the side. A friend of Erik’s? Or just a coworker? Either way… He needed to at least say something. 

When there was finally a lull, he tried to clear his throat, and offer out a hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Elian Lumen.” He only said his last name out of habit, but the moment the name left his lips-

_ “Lumen?”  _ The woman shot back, eyes blowing wide, before darting back over to Erik. “You absolute batshit crazy, dunderheaded _ fartbasket  _ you actually got the doctor?”

Eleven kept smiling, and for just a moment considered how fast he could get back outside if he ran. “You’ve heard of me?” He asked instead of  _ ‘what exactly do you mean by ‘got?’ _

“That’s an understatement.” She muttered under her breath before addressing him again, and this time in a much friendlier manner. “Sorry, it’s just  _ this idiot-”  _ She jerked a finger to the shamelessly grinning Erik - “Hasn’t shut up about you since he first ended up under your knife.” 

“Is that so?” Eleven again had to stop himself from sharing the endless word vomit that Erik had spewed coming out of surgery. If that was true… Then maybe he should at some point share some of the cheesy one-liners that Erik had tried on him, as well as most the other medical staff that had come and gone. 

“I’m shocked you’d come here with him, I mean, this is the guy who nearly cut his own thumb off.”

“Like no one ever has accidents-” Erik tried to butt in, but she spoke right on over him.

“Just a week after the squeaky toy?”  _ That  _ shut Erik up.

Really. He  _ needed  _ the squeaky toy story. 

“I think I’d just like to know how both those things happened.” Eleven said, at great risk to his own sanity.

“Oh, easy. Some idiot put this idiot in food prep, and he got bored chopping up the fish.” 

Eleven glanced at Erik, “So you played with the knife?”

“It was too slow.” He defended, as if there was any legitimate defense. 

“And the squeaky toy, well.” She shrugged. “I don’t think  _ any  _ of us understood that leap of logic.”

Erik shrugged. “Gotta keep you all on your toes. Otherwise you’ll start assigning me to desk work again.”

Not today, it seemed.

But he would get that story.

He was hardly even a part of the back and forth, and even though the context he dearly needed for his strangest patient really gave no insight at all… 

“It’s really that easy!” She grinned, “Long as he’s with the animals he’s manageable. Stick him here, and he’ll explain the same animals over and over, hold the same damned crab for hours and be just fine, but we give him  _ one  _ other task, and he’ll end up hurting him or someone around him.”

“Now when have I ever hurt someone around-”

“Anyhoo,” The woman caught sight of another group coming down the hall and didn’t even bother letting Erik finish, “I’m pretty sure I can trust you two not to torture the animals, see you in a couple days, Erik?”

“You have deep sea Monday?” He asked, but she was already gone to pick terrified crabs out of the overeager hands of the toddlers. 

Leaving the two of them mostly alone again.

Well.

Alone plus the company of ten or more horseshoe crabs, sea urchins, hermit crabs, and starfish.

And that was just what Eleven could identify at a glance.

Eleven hadn’t realized he’d been pulling a face at them until Erik spoke.

“Not a fan of the ocean?”

He loved the ocean. He didn’t love the weirdness in it. “That’s not it. I used to go to the coast every summer with my sister and my mum, get sunburned… It’s the animals I wasn’t fond of.”

“Okay, yeah. Makes sense. What animals, though?” Erik asked, “Scared of sharks? Jellyfish?”

“Crabs.” Eleven answered. 

“Crabs?” Erik echoed, a waver in his voice like he was trying not to laugh. “Seriously?” 

“They would  _ always  _ end up on my towel, for some reason. And I would  _ always  _ end up pinched!” Silly? Absolutely.

But for a little kid at the beach, there wasn’t anything worse to ruin your day.

“These guys aren’t gonna pinch you, I promise.” Erik ran a hand carefully over the alien-looking creature’s back, and didn’t even hesitate before going over the tail. “Or sting, these are just for helping them when they get flipped on their back. They aren’t even really crabs. They’re closer to being scorpions and other arachnids than they are crustaceans.” 

Spiders. Perfect. Because  _ those  _ were so much better than crabs. 

Erik let the (apparent water-spider) scuttle slowly to wherever it thought it needed to go, and dipped his hand back into the shallow pool. 

“Here, hold your hand flat.” Erik told him, picking a shell seemingly at random from the sand, and peeking inside. 

Then, holding said shell out to him.

Eleven could see the tips of the crab’s legs sticking out.

“...Why?”

“It’ll feel safer.” Erik explained, “and that means it’ll come further out of its shell.” 

That was something he  _ wanted?  _

Erik rolled his eyes, “It’s not gonna pinch you. I know this one, he’s pretty docile.”

Eleven hesitated a moment more, looking between Erik, and the pokey, pinchy little thing hanging from his hand, still dripping water back down into the touch-pool. 

Fine.

He’d touch the damn crab. 

Erik set the crab down in his palm, and after a moment, the little animal peeked out, little antennae flicking in the air.

Any crab plucked from the sea would hide again, but this one was accustomed to humans. As much as it would prefer to be back in the sand, it knew that the big thing that had him in its grip wasn’t going to hurt him. He slipped further from his shell, and stood a little straighter. 

And Eleven fought the urge to dump the crab right back into the water. 

_ Too many legs.  _

Beady little black eyes started soullessly into his, and the crab stayed put.

Okay.

Maybe it was a  _ little  _ cuter than he wanted to give it credit for.

“How can you tell them apart?” Eleven asked, catching sight of another making its slow way through the water. The shells were different, but they changed those out all the time, didn’t they? “They all look the same.” 

“That’s not true.” Erik argued, leaning in a little closer to the animal. “See his larger claw? It’s a darker color than most the others, and he’s missing a segment of this other leg.”

“How’d that happen?” Eleven asked, suddenly feeling sorry for the little bug. 

“No idea. Maybe it got stuck, or one of the other crabs got a little angry.” Erik shrugged,  _ finally  _ letting Eleven put it back down, and it just burrowed back into the sand as if nothing at all had happened. “No big deal, though. Another molt or two and the leg will be back to normal.” 

Just another weird little tidbit about these things. How many animals out there could just regrow an  _ entire  _ limb? Even when geckos lost their tails, the new one never came back quite the same way. 

“Stop boring your date with crab facts!”

“Fu-” Erik began to yell back, remembered their audience, and thought better of it. “I’m not boring you, am I? If I need to just shut up, tell me. I won’t be upset.”

“You aren’t boring me.” Eleven promised. And he meant it, even if crabs weren’t exactly on the  _ highest  _ rung of things he wanted to be lectured on, it still beat quite a few of the things he’d had people drone on to him about for hours. 

This, he could at least call interesting. “It’s nice, hearing about the things people love to talk about.”

“Be careful saying that kinda thing.” Erik gave his one and only grave warning, “Start talking like that and I’ll never shut up.”

_ There would be worse things to happen.  _ Eleven began to say, when the high excited laughter of a child cut him off. Not one of the few already here, but the sound of a larger group growing nearer.

Less of a crowd than normal, and likely the last of the day or not…

Eleven had thought he was ready for a bit of a crowd, knowing the place they were heading… But clearly he was wrong.

The chattering grated on his nerves, and he drew in on himself.

Just one person.

Surely he wasn’t taking up all that much space, but if he’d learned  _ anything  _ in this life, it was that there were always people who thought you were in their way. 

“You wanna get away from the crowds?” Erik asked, a hand on Eleven’s back to guide him a little further away from the growing group. 

A kind gesture but — a quick glance told Eleven it was not the hand coated in a contagious rash. Thank goodness. “No.” Eleven shook his head, keeping his voice lowered. He wasn’t going to ruin this with his ridiculousness. He’d panicked last time, but last time he’d had a reason. “It’s fine.”

This time-

It was just a crowd.

He saw crowds at work.

He saw legitimate emergencies and could keep a level head.

But a few people and he could feel panic creeping up his gut?

“You sure?” Erik pressed, and right as Eleven was prepared to tell him  _ exactly  _ how sure he was in the most colorful language he could muster, he made the suggestion. “I was hoping to take you backstage anyway.”

“‘Backstage?’”

“Yeah, behind the scenes. Employees-only.”

“Is that even allowed?” Eleven asked. He still didn’t like not paying for a ticket, hardly wanting to push his luck any further by going back into restricted areas. 

Granted, it probably wasn’t as serious as waltzing into any old room in the hospital, but…

“You’re with me, it’s fine.”

“That’s not an answer.” 

“We let fifth graders back there on field trips, what’s the worst you can do? Long as you don’t start smashing glass there’s no harm.”

Eleven glanced back towards the rest of the aquarium.

It  _ had  _ been a long time but… He’d been through the place before. 

And how often were you able to see the animals from the keeper’s point of view?

“Okay.” Eleven gave in and agreed, “I think I can just about manage that. Lead the way?”

Erik took a step back, and gave him a soft smile. 

This really wasn’t a problem. He wasn’t upset. Frustrated with him or even just annoyed. “Come on, then. Right over here…” 

The door was labeled that an alarm would sound if opened, but if there  _ was  _ any alarm, it wasn’t one meant for human senses.

“Watch your step,” Erik warned him as he stepped right through the numerous puddles lining the halls, “Sorry. It’s like this pretty much the whole way through.” 

_ Like this  _ really wasn’t all that bad. The floor wasn’t slippery, and aside from one or two things, the hallway wasn’t actually all that different from one he’d spent time in at one hospital or another, save for the fact the carts were filled with supplies for animals rather than linens, and the complete absence of wheelchairs and monitors waiting to be taken to a room or back to their proper storage.

But the exact moment that hall came to its end, Eleven gave up any attempt to familiarize what he saw.

More industrial than the rest of the aquarium, and still drenched in saltwater, but now it had life in it. 

“This is all recovery.” Erik said, not missing a beat, going from tank to tank, peering in and checking the animals inside. “They’re all almost healed, and almost ready to go back where they belong.”

Erik stopped at one tank, and peered in. It wasn’t long before Eleven’s eyes finally caught on to what was in it. “This little guy is gonna be heading to another facility as soon as he’s grown a bit more.”

Eleven had been wrong about the horseshoe crab.  _ Alien  _ was a better descriptor for this animal. “Not back to the wild?”

“Nah.” Erik stood back up, and undid the latches that kept the lid closed, and with the snapping of the lock, the little octopus began to climb the glass, unaware of whether it was about to be fed, taken somewhere else, or just held, but happy to oblige the humans either way. “I’m afraid he’s not fit to go back to the ocean. Poor thing was an illegally traded pet, he doesn’t really know how to hunt, and we  _ tried  _ to teach him but he’s too willing to let us touch him, too used to humans in general. He’d get killed out there for sure.” Erik let it climb on his arm, and smiled sadly at it as one of its arms wrapped around his wrist, anchoring himself on as he looked around the room. “Better to give him a full and happy life here. He doesn’t know any different.”

_ Doesn’t know any different.  _ Somehow… something got lodged in Eleven’s throat. 

“It’s too late to put him back out there, but the ocean isn’t the only place he can belong.” Erik added on, seeing and misinterpreting the somber look that crossed El’s face. “He’s got a good place in captivity, too. He’s gonna have a good life, a big tank with all the food he can eat, lots of people to see, shows to give. He’s going to be part of a program to teach people about these animals. Why they belong out in the ocean instead of in fishbowls. He’s gonna do a great job.”

Erik looked between Eleven and the little fish. “You want to hold him?” He asked, “Or just let him touch you?”

“I- probably shouldn’t.” Eleven said, but with a feeling he was about to anyway.

“Scared?”

A little bit, this time Eleven wouldn’t be afraid to admit. “Don’t they… bite?” He asked, halfway positive there was a sharp beak hidden away between all the tentacles. 

“You taste like mackerel?”

Eleven of course knew what he meant by that, but it still managed to give him pause. “I would hope not.”

“Then he’s not gonna bite you, and he wouldn’t anyway. He’s been fed, and he’s smart. Smart enough to know he can’t take down something ten times his size.” Erik pulled one of his hands free from the octopus with… A sound Eleven didn’t quite know how to describe.

Like a sound effect from a cartoon. 

A sound that inspired no hope within him as the little cephalopod reached out with one long arm, and found Eleven’s hand.

It felt…  _ weird.  _ Where Eleven had expected it to be almost gelatinous to the touch, it just wasn’t. Still slimy and a little squishy, it was more like muscle than anything else. 

...Muscle that was all too strongly holding on to him. 

“Is he… Supposed to be doing this?” Eleven asked as two of its arms held tight around his own arm, and two more snaked further up, and it held on to him with every bit of its strength.

“He’s just making sure he’s got his balance.” Erik said as it made the last movement to free Erik’s arm and take over El’s instead. 

Erik’s arm dotted lightly with red spots that had nothing to do with the ivy rash. 

But as the octopus didn’t keep moving, and just kept holding on, Erik realized that he did indeed need to do something.

“Oh, fuck. It likes you.”

“It  _ likes  _ me?”

“Yeah, maybe you do taste like fish. Hold on… Let me just…” Erik took each tentacle one by one, ripping the appendages away from El’s skin, again and again in a struggle to fight a creature with eight limbs with his measly two arms.

But the octopus wasn’t threatened, and eventually gave in to its keeper’s struggle.

Gave in, and left behind a plethora of bright red marks over El’s arm and hand. Much,  _ much  _ more vivid than the ones on Erik’s skin.

“...How long will these last?”

“Couple weeks at most, but octopus hickeys are harmless. Don’t worry.”

“Octopus-  _ octopus what now?” _

Erik laughed at his horror, and it was all he could manage to keep from breaking down when Erik didn’t stop to say he’s joking.

“So this is what you do?” Eleven asked, making himself a mental note to google octopus hickeys later— wait, no. That was probably a  _ very  _ bad idea. He’d just have to take Erik’s word for it. “Take care of all these animals until they’re ready to go?”

“Not primarily.” Erik said as he relocked the latches on the octopus tank. “I help out back here but these guys in recovery aren’t really  _ my  _ responsibility.”

“Then which ones are?”

“You wanna see?” Erik asked, and with the look on his face, fresh off informing Eleven what the marks octopus suckers left on skin were called… How was he ever meant to say no?

~~

The halls winded around the entire building, passing through supply rooms, closets,  _ more  _ recovery, nurseries, hospital rooms and places Erik didn’t stop to explain, when they came to a staircase, and Eleven had to trudge up behind.

But at the top, through one door, Eleven was hit by a wave of heat. Still separated from the animals by a half raised glass wall, was a wall of rock, covered in nesting birds, all stretching around a dark, deep pool of water.

“What’s down there?”

“The open sea tank.” Erik said. “There’s everything down there from anchovies and bonito to sharks and sea turtles.”

“And the birds?”

“Puffins and murre.” He listed off immediately.“They’re not really that hard to take care of. Just toss them some fish, make sure they’ve got enough stuff for their nests, and they pretty much take care of themselves, and don’t bug each other. I’m more about what’s under the surface.”

And with nothing more, Erik launches into his explanation of how it works. The number he lists to describe the gallons of saltwater doesn’t mean much, a little too much to comprehend, but with the sheer surface area of the water itself… It isn’t hard to actually believe. 

Scientific names, the technology that keeps the tank running smooth, the delicate balance that keeps the waters peaceful… 

and the animals themselves.

They all have names.

Well… Within reason, they all have names. The four sharks, three sea turtles. 

One turtle Erik describes with a look of contempt.

There’s a story there, for sure. But Erik doesn’t give it time, losing his pace for only that one moment before he  _ again  _ lost himself in his explanation.

And while the information itself begins to lose much semblance of meaning to him, it gains something just a bit different.

The dumbass he knew from the ER was nowhere to be seen. 

Here in his own element… It almost all made sense.

A shame that it had to be broken. 

Drifting closer and closer to that glass barrier for a glimpse of the animals beneath the waves, Eleven didn’t know to stand back when he saw the schooling fish near the surface vanish.

Breaching just like a dolphin would, one of the sharks Erik had been going on about leapt from the water, and slammed hard back underneath.

Catching nothing, looking for nothing.

Just to amuse itself.

Just to soak it’s observers to the skin. 

Erik immediately began to panic, apologizing over and over, that he should’ve warned him, that he was so used to it at this point it hadn’t even occurred to him-

Maybe it was the shock of the cold water, or just the odd novelty of getting splashed by a  _ happy, playing shark,  _ but Eleven wasn’t upset in the slightest, or even worried for the phone or wallet in his pocket that was likely just as wet as everything else.

Freer than he had felt in ages, his laugh wasn’t just  _ not  _ forced.

It took minutes to stop.

And even still, he struggled to speak around the fits that still threatened to overtake him.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s just a little bit of water.”

~~

Outside in the last of the sun and heat in a relatively futile effort to dry off, Eleven takes just a moment to stand on the pier and listen. 

They stand in the wind on the sea and Eleven feels all the tension leak from his body. He’s home, here at the ocean. And he never knew it. Maybe he should start coming here more.

At a loss for what really to say, Eleven just hoped he wasn’t about to come off as patronizing. “Thank you for this.” 

“What’re you thanking me for?”

“A second chance, I guess.” Eleven shrugged, and searched for  _ anything  _ else to say. “I uh, I don’t think I ever apologized for how I behaved, last time.”

“What would you need to apologize for?”

“I freaked out on you.” Eleven pointed out, still somewhat ashamed of that fact. Of how rude he’d been, how he’d probably thrown off Erik’s entire day… “Twice.”

Erik stared, and Eleven wondered if the shark had knocked any straggler fish out of the water when it leapt. If any of those fish had made it into his hair. “There was a fire. You think I wasn’t freaking out a bit? You don’t need to  _ thank  _ me. It’s all fine.”

“Thanks.” Eleven mumbled out anyway.

“Nope, no thanking me for that. You’re gonna make me sad, thinking you need to thank people for basic human kindness.”

Eleven didn’t respond.

“Shit.” Erik faltered a moment, and when he spoke next, sounded just about as awkward as Eleven felt. “Well, you don’t have to thank me. Actually, don’t. Okay?”

“I won’t, then.” Eleven agreed, a fair enough trade for Erik forgiving his oddities and agreeing to call him something as outwardly silly as  _ Eleven.  _

But as they walked back from the aquarium to the car lot, he couldn't help but try once more. “This was nice, though. Even if I can’t thank you, I’d like to say that. I enjoyed it.”

“I mean… We could go somewhere else?” Erik suggested, stopping just a little further ahead on the sidewalk to look back at El. “Still early yet.”

Was it? Eleven’s sense of time was broken beyond repair. “The sun is setting.” Eleven pointed out, as if the sky wasn’t painted in orange and red, as if the cicadas weren’t singing their loudest. 

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Erik said, taking a step back towards El, hands shoved into his still damp hoodie, and head cocked to the side. “Night’s young. Ain’t even night yet.”

Oh, if Eleven had misunderstood… “I, uh…” Eleven searched for the best way to turn him down. He wasn’t… The poison ivy couldn’t be completely gone  _ already,  _ but it would be a little… Invasive to ask about that, wouldn’t it? It wasn’t exactly his  _ business  _ and it wasn’t as though he wanted to get back into the ER mindset at the end of what had been such a nice day. “I’m sorry,” he shrugged, eyes moving to the wet footprints on the pavement as Erik began to look hurt. “It’s not that I’m not  _ interested,  _ it’s just… a little soon, don’t you think?” He finished more than a little lamely, and dared to look back, just in time to see understanding dawn. 

“You,” Erik shoved at his shoulder as a grin spread across his face, just hard enough to push him back, “are  _ incredibly  _ vain if you thought that’s what I meant!” 

It’s not…?

“I just meant… Hell, dinner or something. The boardwalk’s just down the road a bit, too.”

“Maybe another time, then.” Eleven said, relief flooding through his limbs. “Sorry for assuming. I don’t mean to offend.”

“I’m not offended, how is that going to be offensive?” Erik assured him, “‘another time,’ huh? So we’re doing this again?”

“I don’t see why we shouldn’t.” Eleven answered, but glanced back down at their sodden clothes. “But maybe somewhere a bit drier.” 

“Probably a good choice. You pick the next place, okay? Just let me know, I’m down for most anything.”

“I don’t think you need to worry.” Eleven relaxed. It was fine, it was all fine. “I can’t exactly bring you along for a day at my job.”

“Damn. Too bad.” Erik said in mock-disappointment. “I really wanted in on that.”

Eleven laughs, and for once, it doesn’t feel like it’s something he has to force. 

“Can I kiss you?”

The suddenness of the request stopped him for a moment, but… “If you’d like.” Eleven answered, feeling that to be easier to say than  _ yes, please.  _

Eleven didn’t really know what to expect, but the single heartbeat’s worth of time he had while Erik stood on his toes, Eleven’s jaw in his hand to tilt his face just a little further down-

Only a second, but Erik’s lips were soft against his own, and that single moment felt like a deep breath of air. Like stepping outside on a perfect morning, nothing to worry about, no responsibilities breathing down your neck, just the quiet and the fresh air.

Just one single moment before Erik was steps away again, so much less than he had expected. Even though he hadn’t expected anything at all. 

And somehow, Eleven found himself wishing that he  _ had  _ done more. 

“You okay?” Erik asked, and Eleven was shocked back into reality, and faced with the question of how long he’d spaced out. 

“I’m fine.” He said just a moment too quickly, but Erik didn’t look concerned.

On the contrary, he looked just a tad bit too proud of himself. “Shoot me a text whenever you get an idea for what you wanna do next, and I’ll let you know when I’m free, okay?”

When he was free… Eleven had most days, long as he could make it back to the hospital on time.

“Okay.” It was far too easy to agree, far too easy to imagine doing this again. “I’ll do that.”

~~

“Have fun at work?” Mia asked as he came through the door, but Erik wasn’t made to believe she’d actually been waiting for him, she could probably hear him fumbling with the keys from a mile away. 

Even if it  _ was  _ true that she’d been sitting around waiting.

“Yeah, I did actually.” Erik told her, kicking off his shoes and letting them stay where they landed. Tripping over them in the dark would be tomorrow morning Erik’s problem. Following the shoes, his keys came to rest on the table, and his jacket over the chair. “I’m surprised.” Erik admitted to Mia as he walked by, heading for the kitchen. Really, he’d been hinging on the idea that this past evening would extend past the aquarium. But… Eh, actually having to make his own dinner wasn’t all too bad an issue, especially when he knew there would be another evening like today’s not too far down the road. “That was actually a pretty good idea, kid.”

She rolled her eyes at him, just obvious enough for him to see. “Don’t call me ‘kid’. I’m the same age as you.”

“But you  _ look  _ younger.” Erik argued, bringing up a fact they both knew.

It was funny, wasn’t it supposed to be a  _ good  _ thing to be mistaken as a year or two younger?

He didn’t get why it got Mia so riled up every single time. 

“Just because I don’t torture my skin with saltwater doesn’t make me younger.” She dropped her phone on the couch and came to stand at the kitchen counter, eyeing the things he was pulling from the fridge. “And don’t say that like it’s weird, all my ideas are good.”

“I can think of a few people who would disagree.”

“Doesn’t make ‘em right.” Mia again took a concerned look to the odd assortment on the counter. “What the hell are you making?”

“Not a clue.”

“Well. Make sure there’s enough for me.”

~~

The cicadas had gone quiet, their performance of the night concluded, and stage handed over to the crickets. 

So much more a soothing noise, playing to the dance of the fireflies in the air. 

The sun only just set, and the summer night gave way to life. 

In some ways, he did prefer being here over the apartment he’d had while working in the city.

Sirens and the sounds of a city at night no contest for the quiet beauty of the musical countryside. 

The flowers on the climbing ivy had closed their petals, wilted and gone. To fall overnight and give way to new by morning’s light.

Over and over, until the season came to a close. 

The light coming from inside, soft and yellow coming through the curtains… It screams home, and yet Eleven still does not feel welcome.

It’s just in his head, as it always has been, but knowing actually does little to change those feelings. 

The lock clicks with a press to his keychain, and the lights flash twice.

They’d know he was home, now. 

No more time to spend in the peaceful purgatory between. 

His shoes crunched against the stone walk path, and the porch creaked.

It was an old house.

But it was the soul that had sold it to Serena and Jade.

At least, that’s what he was told.

The creaking of the wood and the outdated wallpaper didn’t mean all that much to him. 

He reached for the doorknob, to check if it was locked before he got his keys, but it swung open before he could, the muffled sound of bare feet on the wooden floor the only warning he got.

“Ellie, welcome home!” Serena said, hurrying him inside and closing the door behind them both.

The house was warm.

Warm like the oven had been going for hours. And it smelled of cake.

A quick glance over Serena told him all he needed to know.

There was flour on her shirt, and a smudge of what had to be frosting on her cheek, lavender-colored.

Eleven hoped the cupcakes he could smell were not lavender  _ flavored,  _ recalling the perfumery mess that the last and only batch had been.

Like Serena had forgone the use of vanilla entirely, and substituted it with the air from the inside of a scented candle shop instead. 

“You’re soaking wet.” She said, eyeing the water stains on his clothes, the mostly evaporated but still not completely dry hems of his jeans and discolored ends of his sleeves. “Where did you go?”

“We met at-”

“Wait, not yet!” Serena stopped him, her original plan reoccurring to her. “Come on, the cupcakes are almost done. Then you’ve got to tell us  _ everything!” _

“There really isn’t all that much to tell.” Eleven tried to lie, tried to find a way out of the inevitable sugar high demands for more details. “Didn’t you spend all day at the bakery? Why are you still cooking?”

“Because  _ stories need snacks, Ellie.”  _

Ah, well.

Worry a shot, at least.

She took him around the wrist, not a single thought to let him go and change out of his wet clothes before he was dragged off for a blow-by-blow of his visit to the aquarium. 

Whether he liked it or not. 

But… 

It wasn’t all that bad, was it? It was a good day, in all honesty. 

And for once, he was looking forward to the next. 


	5. It’s only fainting if you fall into someone’s arms, otherwise you’re just passing out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Here, Gemma.” Erik lifted the first paper cup, and handed it over the desk. Then, he took the taller plastic one, and offered it to El. “And for the coffee purist, I’ve got an iced pecan praline latte. Almond milk, whipped cream, and a caramel drizzle. Enjoy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Got a chapter plan now, it should just stay at 16, but my outline is a little vague and that could go up or down a bit.  
> We’ll just have to see what happens.
> 
> This was meant to be a silly oneshot. What happened?

The bright white lights that came from the hospital windows had long since become something familiar to Erik.

And yes, that was mostly all his own fault.

But all those bad choices had turned out to be some of the best bad ideas he could’ve had. 

And even if he was all but barred from emergency room visits for half-accidental half-intentional mishaps, Eleven hadn’t said a thing about  _ casual _ visits.

And therein lay one little perk of this small town hospital that Eleven was always all too happy to go on about.

So what, the humongous campus one in the city had two coffee shops and three chain restaurants inside? 

This one had an Erik, frequently willing to go through a drive-thru coffee shop for the skeleton night crew he’d won over by force. 

Now see, at that big hospital, there were more than enough security guards and staff just out to make sure you didn’t get where you weren’t supposed to go that they didn’t even like letting you go where you were  _ meant  _ to go.

But this place?

It only had like two security officers and the world's friendliest receptionist, who would always accept the visit and was always kind enough to page Erik’s boyfriend for him, granted he wasn’t seeing a  _ different  _ idiot who’d managed to stab himself, or wrist-deep in someone’s abdominal cavity. 

But with the hope that Eleven was spending another quiet shift glaring daggers at some poor digital clock, Erik stepped through the sliding doors and right into the overpowering smell of antiseptic and latex gloves. 

Mixing that with the steam of the coffees, well… It didn’t make it any  _ worse.  _

And it wasn’t as if he wasn’t used to the way hospitals always seemed to smell, anyway. 

The door closed behind him, and Erik immediately found Gemma, sat behind the counter, staring blankly at whatever she had pulled up on the computer monitor.

And for the rest of the waiting area — just as empty as it always seemed to be.

One small family sat in one corner, and a couple of other people sitting on the other side, tapping away on their phones.

It was eerie, how quiet the place seemed to be, but that’s how it had always seemed to be.

How the entire town seemed to be, at least as long as Erik had known it. 

_ Eerily quiet,  _ but it wasn’t silent.

Even empty as it was, an emergency room was never without noise.

Muted chatter from just out of sight, the quiet murmur of machinery, the clicking of keyboards and phones ringing.

And yet somehow it still qualified as  _ quiet. _

And as if she didn’t want to break that fragile half-peace, when Gemma spotted him, she waved, but didn’t say a word until he reached the desk. 

“Erik! I’m hoping it’s just the coffee tonight. No emergencies?”

“Not that I’m aware of.” Erik said, setting the drinks down. It probably wasn’t  _ meant  _ to imply that Gemma believed that he would stop for coffees while on the way to the ER for treatment, but… 

You know what, he’d take it.

Because he definitely would. In fact…

Maybe next time, because there would always be a next time.

“And what monstrosity did you bring for Ellie tonight?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.” Erik said, though he didn’t think he’d ever top the  _ little bit of everything  _ he brought once. Even if it had just been a joke, and he’d had an actually palatable drink, too. “Actually - he’s not allergic to nuts, is he?”

“Nope. No food allergies that I’m aware of. Oh! He is vegetarian, though if you didn’t know yet.”

“Good. ‘Cause finding that out through anaphylactic shock would suck.” And probably wouldn’t end in anything resembling okay. “And I do know.” He’d told him at that poor Waffle House, and Erik wasn’t about to forget any time soon. With a job like this, if that was the reason, he got it. “This thing's made with almond milk. All the drinks I’ve brought in have been made with soy.” 

He always told the baristas it was for someone with a dairy allergy. They weren’t all neglectful or too zoned out to care, but better safe than sorry.

“That’s real sweet of you, but it’s just meat he avoids. Egg and dairy are okay.”

And what was he just saying? “Better safe than sorry.” Erik spoke his thoughts aloud. “Is he busy tonight?”

“No, at risk of ruining it, it’s been a quiet night so far. Just as always. Here, I’ll just send him a quick message...” She set down her pen, and picked up the phone instead, a quick code punched in from memory, no need to check the directory. 

He could’ve probably texted El, Gemma too, but it was somehow easier to just scare the living shit out of him with the old dinosaur of a phone system the hospital used. “Ellie! Erik’s here for you. Come on, now. Don’t keep him waiting!”

And without giving him the time to even respond, she slammed it right back down.

He’d be a minute, but no longer.

“Thanks, Gemma.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble. Nothing at all going on right now. The two of you are more entertaining than anything else I could be doing right now.” She stopped, pen still left alone on the table. The paper she had likely not intended for doodling, but covered in sketches of a big Labrador anyway. “But while I’ve got you… Do you have any plans with El next week?”

“Plans?” Erik repeated, trying to go over upcoming holidays and celebrations in his head, just to come up blank. He’d never exactly had an eidetic memory, but he didn’t often forget the important stuff. Often. “For what?” He wasn’t especially busy, but he didn’t know what El’s schedule looked like, and that was always the determinator. 

“Nothing in particular.” Gemma explained before he could get too caught up in his own head. “I’m just always trying to get the workaholic to take a proper break, and if there was something...”

Erik knew medical personnel didn’t exactly share the full-time 40 hour week most the rest of the working world did, but he didn’t know enough to ask questions. Even if El did always seem to be working, or resting  _ from  _ work. “He’s been working his ass off since I met him. I guess this isn’t unusual?”

“Hardly.” She sighed, not looking back up at him from the papers strewn about. “You know, if you had any ideas… I could always bend scheduling’s arm. Get him the right time off, even this short notice.”

Well… “Give me tonight, I’ll figure something out.” He could probably come up with something. Failing that, he could see if Mia had any more ideas.

And  _ failing that,  _ he could pull something out his ass. How hard could it be?

“You’re an angel.” Gemma kindly exaggerated. 

Erik couldn’t help the grin he gave back. “You think? I know quite a few people who’d say otherwise.”

In fact, he’d have to tell quite a number of people this fact.

Just to see their reactions. 

~~

Eleven didn’t know what gave Erik the idea that they could bend the rules for him, or where he got the notion to start coming by randomly whenever he knew Eleven was working with coffee, for no apparent reason.

He wasn’t getting anything out of it.

But that didn’t stop Eleven from bending the rules for him or telling him to stop showing up. 

He never encouraged it, but he never told him to stop, either. 

And he wouldn’t.

Erik seemed to have some sort of built in alarm in his head that went off whenever Eleven was having a particularly hard day. 

And even the times he showed up when it was a normal day, it wasn’t ever anything he would want to complain about.

And coming off the back of a simple, but still stressful case, and waiting for the test results for another — today he could really do with a visit.

And coming up to reception, he could just make out Erik’s voice.

There was a certain volume that people spoke at when they were gossiping, and another one entirely when they knew the subject of said gossip was around.

And even from this distance, Eleven could hear.

Either Erik had been around at the perfect time to see a patient unwilling to be anything resembling cooperative, or…

“...You were just talking about me, weren’t you?” He asked as the both of them clammed up the moment he was in sight.

He wasn’t mad. There really wasn’t all that much he could think of for them to be really gossiping about.

Gemma wouldn’t ever share anything she wasn’t entirely certain you wouldn’t want shared, and Erik hadn’t yet shown himself to be that sort of mean.

“Don’t be silly.”

“Why would we be doing that?”

They both spoke their denial at once.

Double negatives.

“Right.” Eleven said, not caring enough to push any further, and carried on as if nothing had happened.

After all, according to them both, nothing had.

“Here, Gemma.” Erik lifted the first paper cup, and handed it over the desk. Then, he took the taller plastic one, and offered it to El. “And for the coffee purist, I’ve got an iced pecan praline latte. Almond milk, whipped cream, and a caramel drizzle. Enjoy.” 

The first thing Eleven noticed when he took the order, was that the cup was sticky with the sugary concoction. 

The second, was that it was actually  _ really  _ good.

But El didn’t say anything this time.

Not as he pulled another cup from the tray, and handed Gemma a  _ much  _ more reasonable sounding mint chocolate dark roast mocha, or the same for himself. 

He  _ had  _ made comments in the beginning, but once he made the irreversible mistake of asking Erik to  _ please  _ get him a ‘normal’ coffee the next time he got the urge to make a midnight coffee run, he’d suffered a caramel mocha that was more syrup than actual drink.

...and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t actually enjoy these drinks, or more so the visits that brought them.

Casual visits or not, El is still working and it isn’t like he can just bring Erik back to his office or around the hospital as he pleased. Family or friends or not, there were rules in place for a reason.

But… 

As long as there were no pressing issues, there wasn’t anything that said he couldn’t stick around reception for a while. He had his phone, had the bulky old pager.

He had time to kill. 

“What’s the story over there?” Erik asked, a single short nod towards the empty corner of the waiting room. 

Eleven followed to where he’d been trying to point out, but there wasn’t any need. He knew they were there, but there wasn’t anything he could do quite yet. 

A little boy, just about seven years old sat between his parents in the chair he was too small for. 

“Broken arm, we’re pretty sure.” Eleven said, comfortable sharing with the cause obvious enough if you got a close enough look. 

Dark bruising and  _ just  _ enough malformation to be seen, there wasn’t really any other option.

Not when the  _ cause  _ of the sudden pain was as simple as a kid being a kid, getting up to things he should really know better than. “The nurses got him some light painkiller, and they’ve stabilized the site as much as possible but we’re just waiting on X-rays, now.”

Even if they were all but certain what those images would show, there wasn’t a damned thing they could actually  _ do  _ about it until they got the results.

Leaving the poor boy to silently cry, his parents trying to keep him calm. 

But painkiller or not, his arm was still broken, and he was still in the big, scary hospital. 

His parents could tell him everything was going to be okay, and they could promise him a special treat once everything was over with, but it wouldn’t really do all that much to help until he was taken care of.

“Think I could try to calm the kid down?”

_ Help?  _ What could he do that no one else had tried yet?

Eleven shrugged, glancing at Gemma. “I mean… If the parents let you?”

Being a comforting presence for  _ any  _ of his patients wasn’t exactly something he excelled at, children especially. Friendly or not, he was still the stranger with the needles and cotton swabs. 

The waiting room was hardly his own domain, keeping mostly to his own office between the patients nurses brought back.

But Gemma would know better. “Is that allowed?” 

“Like you said, if the parents let you, then go right ahead.” 

Eleven watched as Erik tried to help calm the child, first waving at the parents and asking if he could take a shot at stopping the seemingly endless flow of tears.

“‘Excuse me, sorry.” Eleven heard the first bit, but he spoke the rest low enough that only the parents heard.

Not everyone knew everyone, but in a town this small, that hardly mattered. They all acted as if they did.

One quick glance from Erik to where Eleven stood, the mother nodded. “Go ahead.”

Permission granted, Erik knelt down to the child’s eye level, and spoke softly.

Almost too low for Eleven to make out, calm and slow, even if he wasn’t able to distract the child unwilling to make him feel worse. 

“Hey,” Erik caught the child’s attention, gave his name, and made a quick comment about the comic book hero printed on the kid’s shirt.

In a matter of moments, he had the kid’s name, and knew  _ exactly  _ why that hero was the kid’s favorite. 

“You wanna tell me how you hurt your arm?”

The kid looked up at his mom for a moment, still scared and unsure of all the people who had come and gone, poking at his arm and making it feel worse. But Erik wasn’t dressed like the nurses and doctors, instead looking more like the rest of the people in the waiting room.

And that more than anything else was what made him safe. “I fell, tryin’ to climb the counter. I just wanted a snack.”

“This late at night?” 

“Momma made dinner, but I didn’t like it. Fed it to our dog, Lucky.”

“Did Lucky like it?”

“No. He didn’t like it either.”

Eleven fought off a smile at how matter-of-fact the child said it, completely unashamed.

He could remember doing the same whenever Gemma would come over to visit, Sandy in tow.

That dog got fat off their unwanted greens, too busy chowing down on what they snuck her to even care that she had two toddlers dressing her up and drawing eyebrows on her face.

The mother and her partner both took a second to quietly scold their son, and Erik smiled apologetically. 

“You wanna hear how I broke my foot? It’s really silly.”

Jacob nodded in response. 

“I kicked a chair.” Erik said, in a tone that suggested he was  _ proud  _ of that fact. “My sister left a big pillow out on the ground, and I wasn’t being very smart. I should’ve just picked it up and put it away, but I tried to kick it up on the couch instead. Hit right on the wood.”

It wasn’t the first time Eleven had heard that, and it wasn’t in the same excruciating detail as he had first heard, but he still winced. Hearing it was one thing, and actually  _ seeing  _ the damage was another.

Jacob leaned over the chair to stare at Erik’s shoes, frowning when he didn’t see any kind of cast. “But it doesn’t look broken.”

“It’s not, anymore. I came here, and the doctors fixed it up.” Erik looked over his shoulder, and pointed at Eleven. “That one, specifically. Is he the one that’s gonna take care of you?”

The kid met Eleven’s eyes, and quickly looked back away.

Still scary, even with Erik’s new seal of approval.

A shame.

He shrugged.

But Erik carried right on. “Eh, him or any other. I’ve probably seen them all by now, and they’re all great, okay? It’s all gonna be fine.”

Slowly, Jacob began to calm down, and stopped crying. Erik kept him distracted all the while.

And really, wasn’t  _ that  _ a job emergency rooms should be offering? 

As weak and teary the laugh still was, the little boy wasn’t nearly as scared as he had been before.

Whenever the radiologist was ready for him, Eleven was sure that his job would be infinitely easier than it would have been before.

“Goodness.” Gemma stared right on beside him. Less than five minute and he’d done a better job than any nurse that had bothered to try. “Ellie, you listen to me. Hold on tight to this one.” 

Like Eleven had any plans on letting Erik go in the first place but -  _ yeah.  _ “Don’t worry. I am.”

The phone rang, and Eleven closed his eyes, and took a deep breath as Gemma answered. 

There was never a good reason for that phone to ring so late at night.

_ Quiet.  _ He called it that, night after night.

Though he knew all too well that saying that word was about the same as standing under a tree in a lightning storm and expecting not to be struck. 

Gemma spoke quietly, and her keyboard clicked.

Taking down the information she was being given. 

Slowly, he let the air back out. Counting all the while. 

When he reached zero, he’d be okay. When he reached zero, he’d be ready.

Erik caught his eye from across the room, and Eleven only barely managed to acknowledge him.

So the visit was cut short. There’d be another. He’d understand, and Gemma would explain if he asked.

“Okay, Ellie? I’m afraid you’re gonna have to cut your visit short. They’re sending us someone over from urgent care.”

“Alright, where do I need to be?”

~~

“Open?” Eleven repeated, not looking away from the locker in front of him. “Not laparoscopic? Has it burst already?”

“Not yet, but it’s pretty damn close.” “Look, I’m not asking why. This is what they decided, so this is what they get.”

“Right.” Laparoscopic or open, he’d performed enough of these things and observed more than enough in his residency to the point he wouldn’t be surprised to learn he could do them in his sleep. Hair tied back, and masks in place. “Who’s on my team? 

The lights burned. The smell of antiseptic was strong in his nose, burning his eyes. 

But that didn’t matter.

In no time at all, he’d started.

An incision no longer than his thumb. 

One more snip through a membrane, all the tissue spread and clamped away.

It felt as though it should take longer than it did.

Even for something now so routine — this was still a life in his hands. If he cut wrong, didn’t place the clamp in the right place… He wouldn’t likely bleed to death, but it wouldn’t end in anything good. 

What did it mean to have grown numb to this?

Clip off blood vessels. Minimize bleeding. 

Appendix cut out — and not a moment too soon. Swollen and visibly irritated, Eleven wouldn’t be surprised if it had burst by the end of the week. 

Organ in the tray, nothing left to do but suture him up. 

Simple stitches, and a roll of gauze pressed to the wound, rolling over the new stitches. 

One trickle of blood, and nothing more.

Easy. Simple. 

So why did it make him feel so sick?

Outside the theatre now, his job done. The rest out of his hands. Recovery, post-op, not his responsibility.

His hands shook now that he could allow them to. Shameful. If his hands shook, he couldn’t keep working. 

He didn’t have a tremor.

He  _ shouldn’t  _ have a tremor! 

Hours yet until he could go home… Eleven tipped his head back against the wall, and breathed. 

“Feelin’ alright there?” The voice drew El from the ringing in his ears.

He knew this woman. Marissa, her hair still pulled back, but the rest of her surgical protective gear already disposed of. The surgical assistant. 

Been here longer than he has, but her name was all he knew. 

“Fine.” He lied. “Thank you, though.”

She huffed, clearly not believing, but didn’t press any further.

Instead, she pulled a small box from one of her scrub pockets.

A box he was certain she wasn’t meant to have on her.

“Need one?” She asked, offering up the small pack of toxic sticks. “I can’t calm down without one, anymore.”

“Smoking isn’t allowed in here.” Eleven said, instead of  _ yes.  _ Instead of thinking about what Jade would do to him if she found out he’d even  _ considered  _ starting again.

“I’m not gonna smoke in  _ here,  _ asshole.” Marissa snapped at him, clearly more irritable than she’d let on. “I’m gonna go out in the courtyard. Last chance.” She shook the box at him, and this time…

It had been easy to quit before. 

He hadn’t been smoking all that long, and when he came home reeking of tobacco and tar smoke just for Jade to tear into him… It wasn’t worth it. 

But he could still remember the taste. How it felt, holding the smoke in his lungs, the nicotine rush…

_ Just the one. It won’t hurt. _

Except he knew that wasn’t the truth. One was all it took, and he’d had a fair share more than just one.

He knew what it did to your body, he’d never forget seeing the results for himself, the 9-1-1 calls from hysterical family members when a life-long smoker would simply  _ stop  _ breathing. 

But in some twisted way, it was still easier to accept it. Eleven took the offered cigarette, and tried not to think too hard about it.

“Care to join me?”

“Not this time.” He said, still staring at it.  _ Does that mean there’ll be another time?  _ “I’ve got my-”  _ Friend? Partner? Boyfriend? Can I call him that?  _ “-an acquaintance I left in the waiting room. I should get back, if he’s still there.”

“Alright then. Next time,” she agreed, and Eleven hoped she meant next surgery. “Always going to be one.”

She sounded so bored. So tired. As if just being out here in the hall, in this building at all, was draining more from her than she had to give. 

But such a feeling wasn’t so unfamiliar, was it? “Next time.” He agreed, listening to the sound of her clogs against the linoleum as she walked away.

It wasn’t too late to change his mind.

Even as her steps became distant, but… 

He never said goodbye to Erik, and if somehow that kid  _ did  _ need some surgical intervention and hadn’t yet received any then he didn’t have much time to spare.

Why did he take this? He didn’t actually plan on smoking it, did he?

There was a trash bin, plenty of them, before he made it back to reception.

He could toss it. 

Tell himself he only took it out of some weird idea of how to be  _ polite.  _

But-

He pockets it, seen only by the cameras in the hall, the half-lit blinking lights right above. 

The only sound to be heard was the buzzing of said lights. Drilling into his skull, something he would hear inside his own mind no matter where he went.

Too empty even for the wheeling of supply carts and beds.

And finally…

Reception is empty.

Only Gemma and an assistant, now.

Only two nurses in the far corner, talking quietly to one another, as the vending machine failed to give up what they bought.

“Doctor Lumen.” Gemma caught his attention.  _ Doctor.  _ Why now? Why use his title  _ now?  _ He was Ellie earlier. He was Ellie when he got here, Ellie when Erik arrived.

Even Ellie when the call came through for the patient.

Why now? “How did it go?”

“Fine.” He answered shortly. He didn’t want to discuss it. There wasn’t anything to discuss. “Heading to recovery. He’s going to be fine.”

“That’s good to hear.” She smiled, relieved. As if there had been any other option.

Eleven didn’t lose patients.

Not to things so simple. 

Eleven glanced around once more, and though he knew the answer already… “Is Erik still here?” Hoping he was just out of sight. 

“No, Erik left not long after you did. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Of course. He’d been in surgery for two hours, from prep to finish. He wouldn’t expect Erik to sit around that long, or for any length of time if he didn’t know  _ when  _ El would be back. “And the little kid?”

Papers rapped against the table, pointless, as they’d all get shuffled around again in just moments. But it was busywork. “The break wasn’t all that bad. He was sent up to the pediatric clinic on third, they’ll take care of him up there.”

“Good.” Nothing more to do tonight. That was good. He could go back to his office and sit.

So tired… Still shaking.

“You okay, Ellie? You look pale.” Ellie, again. What decided when he got his name, and when he got his title?

“I’m okay.” He said, even as a pressure began to form behind his eyes. 

Gemma wasn’t convinced. “Are you sure? Do you need a break? Something to eat? I could head over to the-”

“A break sounds good, actually.” Eleven cut her off. Just a few minutes. To sit, and do nothing without feeling guilty for it. Maybe close his eyes and… 

Gravity felt so much stronger, all of a sudden. 

A rush of blood to his head, static.

His legs gave out, and he just barely caught himself on the counter before he could hit the ground. Wouldn’t that be fun? Already in the ER, probably wouldn’t be too bad if he hurt himself.

But even catching himself before he could humiliate himself, the world was working against him.

He never fainted at the sight of blood. He never lost his lunch viewing his first surgery.

Drawing blood. Treating traumatic wounds…

None of it ever phased him.

So why was he losing it now?

“Oh my god, Ellie!” Gemma sounded oddly far away. 

As if she was speaking to him from underwater.

Or he was underwater. Sinking lower, not fighting for the surface. 

But even if he wouldn’t fight — there were always people who would.

Through the ink, he could feel an arm on his back, and then around his.

Gemma had always been tougher than she looked. It was to be expected.

Nurses needed to be stronger than steel. Stronger than the doctors, even. 

But it still felt wrong to have to lean on her like this.

_ Again. _

“Sorry.” He muttered, but Gemma only shushed him. 

Step by step, they made it to the benches and chairs.

“Come on, that’s it.” Eleven silently thanked whatever may be listening that the waiting room was empty. Gemma let him collapse in one of the chairs, and he didn’t open his eyes until he felt her hand against his head. “Just relax.”

“I’m not sick.” The world around him still swam, calling out his lie, even if Gemma wouldn’t hear. 

“You don’t feel warm.” She said, ignoring him.

“That’s because I’m  _ not sick.”  _

“Well…” Gemma hesitated. “A fever isn’t everything. Should I go get someone to check you over? Do you need help?”

“I’m fine.” Eleven insisted, again closing his eyes against the glare of the lights and the pain in his head. “I just…”

He sighed. “I just got a little light headed.” 

Gemma didn’t respond.

He opened his eyes. No one was there.

She’d left.

Okay, not a problem. As long as she hadn’t ignored him to go get one of his colleagues… 

He’d just keep his eyes closed for a moment longer, then… 

“Drink up.” Gemma dropped a bottle into his lap, and Eleven jerked back awake to grab at it before the sports drink hit the floor. “Need to keep you hydrated.”

“I had that coffee.” 

“Coffee is not good enough. When’s the last time you ate? Be honest.” 

Really, she knew him too well.

“This morning.” Eleven said. Honestly.

“You mean yesterday?” Gemma asked, “Or do you mean in the last few hours?”

Neither. What the hell was time. “No. No, I mean…” Eleven trailed off, trying to gauge what had qualified as  _ morning  _ for him. “Around four this past afternoon. Serena made a stir fry.”

“And nothing since then?” Gemma asked, judgement steadily creeping into her tone. “Ellie, it’s past three.”

“The coffee.” Eleven pointed out,  _ again.  _ Really, Erik always made such a big show about it. How could she forget? “That’s sugar. A lot of it, right? That was good.”

“That was nothing  _ but  _ sugar and caffeine, and on an empty stomach, too.” Gemma explained, and he winced. Yeah. Okay. That would do it. “No, that wasn’t  _ good. _ Not when it’s absolutely all you have. Under stress, too.”

_ Junk food is better than no food, but now it wasn’t?  _ She needed to make up her mind. He just shrugged.

Wrong move. Her face went hard, and he was suddenly reminded about the tirades she used to go on about difficult patients that refused care. “That’s it, you're going right on home. I’ll have one of the on-call surgeons brought in.”

“My shifts over in just a few hours. I can wait.” If he could just rest a little while… 

“It  _ is _ over now.” Gemma left no room for argument.

But Eleven was a stubborn bastard. If he gave in at the first final word, who knew where he’d be now.

Certainly no hospital, but that was as far as his second sight went.

Past three am. He got off at six. That was just about another…

The minutes added up, and Eleven flagged.

Numbers. It was always the  _ numbers  _ that took him down.

“Fine.” Just this once, he could give in. Only just. “I’ll see you tonight, then.” A few extra hours of sleep. Or even something else. Maybe he’d pick up a book or something. 

He didn’t know how long it’d been since he’d really had the spare time for much of anything. Did he even have any books he wanted to read? Anything to watch? Maybe-

“No you won’t!” Gemma sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, and taking in a long, deep breath. 

Eleven knew what that meant.

He was about to get lectured.

El blanked out before she even started, spacing out right ahead.

Today, he noticed her scrubs were patterned with kittens. Each wearing a little cast on one leg.

Eleven wondered if the little boy who broke his arm had noticed. If he’d liked it. “Ellie, I’m worried.” As if there’d been any other room for interpretation. “You’ve got a lot of vacation time and personal days saved up. I want you to take a couple. Just a couple. Get some rest, go have some fun, I don’t care. Just get out of this hospital a bit. Can you do that?”

“I need to be here.” So what, the nights were quiet? There was always the possibility there would be another patient like the man that came in tonight. Like the kid. 

“You aren’t our only doctor.” Gemma reminded him, dropping down in the chair next to him. “We can do without you for a night or two. You are not responsible for keeping this place running, that’s not on your shoulders.”

“I… You’re not giving me a choice, are you?”

“If you don’t do it now, I’ll just have a word with the schedule people.”

Never had there been a worse threat. If they started cutting his hours, he’d lose these nights. He’d have to be here in the daytime, in the rush.

With the others. 

No. There was no choice in this. Powerless, he just agreed. “Fine. I’ll take the weekend.”

“Good.” Gemma took her win without any gloating. “Now, how are you getting home?”

“Uh,” Eleven stopped a moment, wondering what other option there was aside from the obvious, “I’ll drive myself?”

“So you can crash and come right back here?” Eleven shrugged again. He seemed to be doing that a lot, lately. Maybe that’s why they always felt so stiff. “Okay, give me a moment. Want me to call Jade or Erik?”

Knowing that he wouldn’t be getting his way even once more tonight, Eleven accepted it would have to be one or another. “Erik left.”

“He lives in the area, doesn’t he? Probably not too far away.”

“I’m not making him come back.” Eleven said, leaving out  _ for me.  _ Erik already came here so late at night just to make his day a bit easier to get through. It was enough. He wouldn’t inconvenience him any further.

“Have you met that boy? He wouldn’t do a thing he doesn’t want to.”

But he did quite a few things that he  _ shouldn’t.  _

“He rides a motorcycle. You’re not getting me on one of those death traps.” 

“Okay!” Gemma didn’t need any more reasoning. No matter how safe the driver was, they’d both seen what happened when someone on one was hit. Helmets and protective gear helped, but never enough. “Fair enough. I’m calling Jade, then. You can get your car tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Eleven agreed. 

Jade’s phone would surely be on, but she allowed very few calls to reach her overnight. His own number, their mum’s, Serena’s sister, and Gemma were all the ones he knew she allowed.

And this wouldn’t be the first time she’d had to come pick him up like a child too afraid to stay at a friend’s house overnight. 

Steadier now on his feet, but still dizzy, he outright refused Gemma’s only  _ half  _ joking offer of a wheelchair.

And it isn’t until he’s settled into the passenger seat of her jeep that Jade says anything at all.

“Why didn’t you eat?” She asked before she even pulled out of the parking lot, into the empty half-lit streets. 

She wasn’t mad. 

Not annoyed with his stupidity or having been woken so late at night.

Driving in her pajamas and flip flops, not bothering to even throw on a robe. 

Instead, she sounded disappointed.

Which was so much worse.

“Just lost track of time.” Eleven gave the prepared excuse. Even if it was the truth, it wasn’t exactly good enough. “No windows in my office, it’s hard to notice how much time has passed.”

Even if he stared down the clock, ticking off the seconds… It all felt artificial. 

“Elian…” His real name. Not a good sign.

“I’m okay, I promise. I just let myself go too long. When we get home I’ll have one of those shakes-”

_ “No.”  _ Jade said, clearly taking Gemma’s no nonsense approach for the night. “Ellie, look at your hands.”

He knew what he was going to see.

But he looked anyway.

With the passing of each streetlight, for just a moment he could see them clearly. Skin dry from the fatal combination of latex gloves and constant washing and sanitation.

But that was normal for him.

What wasn’t normal, however, was the tremor.

Visible even in the dark.

Just from an empty stomach. And not even all that long! The human body really wasn’t any good at… Being alive, really. 

But the fact it was bad enough to do this…

Something needed to change, he could admit that much. 

“You’re getting something substantial. No arguments.”

“Okay.” Eleven nodded, and let his hands drop back down to his legs. 

He was still so, so tired… Maybe this was a good thing, after all. “Thanks. For coming.” He rested his head against the window, watching the streetlights come and go. 

“Don’t worry about it, El.” Jade said, and he only barely heard as the gentle motion of the car put him to sleep.

Maybe the break would be for the best.

All he had to do was maintain the ability to come back again when it was over.

~~

When he wakes again, it’s not even half an hour later, Jade gently shaking his shoulder.

But waking was anything but gentle. Eleven jolted awake with a snort, dazed and confused for one terrifying moment before it all came back, and he remembered where he was.

Wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth, Eleven hoped he at least hadn’t been snoring.

“Sorry.”

“For what?” Jade asked, locking the car as they both stepped out, and headed for the door. “You needed it.”

He didn’t respond. The house key turned, but the hall was darkened.

The only light low, coming from the kitchen. 

Where Jade headed, and expected El to follow.

“Serena’s still asleep.” She told him, as his shoes squeaked on the floors. 

He didn’t  _ mean _ to make the sound. But if she wanted him to start leaving his shoes by the door, then he could do that.

At least until she got upset about it. “I can keep it down. I’m not exactly going to stay up and trash the house.”

“I didn’t expect you to.”

Jade was no cook, but she had at least a few things she could make reliably well.

More than El could, at least.

So when she dug into the fridge, El didn’t offer any help, knowing that between his ‘could burn a glass of orange juice’ skill level and the fact he really didn’t want to risk a repeat of what had just sent him home in the first place.

For a few minutes, there was a comfortable silence, broken only by the sounds of cooking.

Eggs cracked in a bowl, whisked with a splash of cream, salt, and pepper.

Frying pan on the stove, the click of the gas, and the sizzling of butter. 

“Why are you working so hard?” Jade asked, breaking the peace. 

Eleven waited until the sound of the oil lowered as the egg was poured in. “I don’t think I get a choice about how hard I work.” 

There were no patients that came through he could just  _ choose  _ to do a lesser job with. He couldn’t sacrifice effort or vigilance if someone only  _ seemed  _ to be exaggerating their condition.

A handful of shredded cheese dropped on one half, followed by chopped onion and peppers, and let sit for a moment. 

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

Spinach and ruby tomatoes, and the egg folded over top. 

Eleven didn’t speak. 

The toast popped up, and Jade didn’t say anything further.

A plate sat down before him, and omelette nearly half the size of his head, and two slices of toast.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to finish the whole thing. 

Jade sat down in the chair across with a steaming mug of tea.

“Why are you trying to work yourself to death?”

“I’m not.” Eleven said, aware of his denial and doing not a thing to change it. 

The omelette was too hot to eat, but that just made it easier.

Less taste to make him nauseous. 

But the food didn’t trigger that sickening feeling, and instead with each bite, Eleven started to feel just that little bit more human. 

“You know your body can’t take being treated this way.”

“I know.”

“So why are you trying?”

There were a lot of reasons Eleven could try to give. To make up for what he hadn’t been able to do before, for some created worth placed on the time he gave. 

To just keep busy.

Because he didn’t have anything else to do.

But none of them sounded right.

None of them were right.

“I don’t know.” It wasn’t an answer. But it was all he had to give. “I really don’t.”

Jade sighed, and looked at the clock. Eleven followed. Just five in the morning. “How long has Gemma gotten you off work for?”

“The weekend at least.” Eleven shrugged, “But I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to push for more.”

“Bless her. So, three days then?” Jade took one long drink of the cooling tea, and set the mug down. “Alright. I can work with that.”

“‘Work with’?” Eleven repeated, hoping for an answer she wouldn’t give. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Jade said, confirming in Eleven’s mind that he needed to worry about it. “Just eat what you can, I’m going back to bed. I’ll make sure everything stays quiet tomorrow, sleep as long as you need.”

“Thanks.” Eleven said, staring down at the half an omelette still left on his plate. 

“You’re welcome, and you don’t need to thank me. Goodnight, El.”

“Night, Jade.” He said, and was left alone.

The dishes were still in the sink, left to be cleaned in the morning.

He didn’t leave his plate with them, though.

Instead wrapping up the leftovers and finding room in the fridge.

He knew he wasn’t going to eat it, and less for any reason that he didn’t like it, or didn’t appreciate Jade going to the trouble of making it, but simply that there was no good way to reheat eggs, and a  _ cold  _ omelette?

No, thank you.

The kitchen light off behind him, plunging the house into darkness. 

Except for the very first rays of morning light he could see through the windows.

A normal person would be waking up soon. 

And he would likely be sleeping until dusk, should all actually  _ stay  _ quiet. 

His door clicked shut just as Cobweb rushed by his feet, racing to get in before the door shut her out for the night. Day.

Either.

It didn’t matter.

The lamp turned on, and Eleven did his best not to trip over her as she wound around his legs, purring and leaving white fur all over his pants. 

Eleven let his scrubs land in the hamper, and didn’t check to see if they’d actually made it  _ in,  _ or if they’d landed on the floor instead. It didn’t matter. They’d be washed either way. 

Eleven unlocked his phone just to turn off his alarm, but was instead greeted by a text from Erik.

_ Night, Ellie. I’ll see you later this week?  _

He’d said bye, and Eleven hadn’t ever noticed.

He’d respond, but…

In the morning.

It could wait. 

The lamp went off, and Eleven pulled the cold sheets of his bed up and over his head.

Cobweb curled in the crook of his knee.

Maybe not as cold as he thought.

~~

“‘lo?” Eleven is awake and answering the call before he even realized he had been asleep at all.

But the covers were warm, and Cobweb had moved, so he must have been. At least for a while. 

“El? Are you okay?”

_ Erik.  _ Of course it was him. Not many other people dared disturb his rest, but just as with many other things… Erik seemed to be free to break the rules. “I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I heard from Gemma. You fainted.” 

“I didn’t  _ faint.”  _ Eleven tried to argue. Fainting was a loss of consciousness. He just got a little lightheaded. He’d been standing in place for over an hour, of course he’d gotten a little tired.

And maybe fallen a little. It was fine.

“You absolutely did.” He was gonna kill Gemma for this. “She said you almost busted your head on the reception desk.”

“Okay. So maybe I fainted a little.”

“Just a little.” Erik said, voice entirely flat, and in complete opposition to what came next. “As a treat.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Eleven was growing a collection of things he worried about that he apparently shouldn’t be. “I just wanted to be sure you were okay. I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“I had just woken up, you’re fine.” Eleven lied. “And I’m okay. Gemma didn’t tell you I’d actually hurt myself, did she?”

“No. She just told me you were a little unwell. But, I just wanted to check for myself.”

“Well, I’m fine.” Eleven said, switching the call over to speaker to check the time. Almost three. He’d slept for nine hours.

_ Nine.  _ When was the last time that had happened? “I’m sorry I didn’t see you off.”

“You had  _ surgery  _ to perform. I’m not upset.” Erik assured him, and somehow he was able to believe his words. “But listen, I’ve suddenly got the weekend off. And if you really are okay… You wouldn’t happen to be free at all, would you?”


	6. Family is always there (to bring up your middle school emo phase)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking out over the little garden and a line of trees, only the birds there to bear witness as the lighter flicks, the cigarette lights, and Eleven takes as deep of a breath as he can manage.  
> Holding the acrid smoke in until it burns, then letting it out slow.

Sometimes, it was hard to tell what year it was. Was he in the present he knew? Had he been laying here for minutes or for hours?

Had the past few years been nothing but a daydream, while he hid beneath the blankets from the day he wasn’t ready to face?

If Eleven closed his eyes… 

He could almost imagine he was still back in his childhood home. When ‘work’ just meant the job Gemma’s grandad had given him to help pay through what the student aid and scholarship money didn’t. 

When school was something he enjoyed. When his job, still so far away, sounded like the dream he had once envisioned it to be. 

Saving people.

Being that lifeline between disaster and the hospital.

Eleven opened his eyes again, and looked back into the artificial darkness of his room. 

Naïve. Gullible. 

Childish.

He’d learned the hard way what he was. 

And it seemed as though he wouldn’t ever stop.

If he could just close his eyes, go back to sleep, just for a while longer… Just until it felt as though he could breathe...

Two quick raps on his door, and Eleven gave up on any ideas of hiding away from the world.

“Come in.” He said, sitting upright but not bothering to turn on the lamp.

It may be approaching evening for the rest of them, but for him it was still early. Too early to be blinded, at least. 

The door creaked open, and Jade leaned with the door, squinting through the gloom.

“Did I wake you?”

“No.” Eleven said while holding up his phone, though the croaking in his voice didn’t do much to convince her. “Erik did. Just a little bit ago.”

Jade scowled, and stepped further into the room, letting the door close behind her. “Why’s Erik calling you when he knows you’d normally be getting ready for work?”

In the dark, Eleven felt safe rolling his eyes. If she could just keep that overprotective steak in check for  _ ten minutes.  _ “He just wanted to check on me. Gemma told him what happened.”

There was a beat of silence.  _ “Gemma  _ did? He… He knows Gemma?”

Was that so strange? He met El through his ever so frequent hospital visits, why wouldn’t he know the night receptionist, too? “Met her through me. They hit it off. They’re gonna ruin my life.” But he said the last part so fondly, that even Jade couldn’t find fault in it. 

“Right.” Jade said, and with only a few careful steps, his curtains were thrown open, allowing in the winter sun, and all that it brought with it.

_ “Jade!”  _ Eleven pressed his face down into his pillow, away from the sudden harsh light. 

She snorted at his theatrics. “Oh, deal with it. You’re going to turn into a vampire cooped up in here, I swear.”

Eleven had half a mind to bring up her style of dress back when they were in highschool. The same one that nearly scared off Serena before they could even meet. “Better a vampire than a-”

“You finish that sentence, Elian E. Lumen, and you’ll  _ wish  _ you’re one of the undead.”

_ I already kinda feel like one.  _ “Fine.” He said instead of addressing that thought, and braved the bright light. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to check on you. What, can Erik worry but not your sister?”

“All you do is worry.” El couldn’t meet her eyes as he said it. True or not, she had every right and reason. “You need a hobby.” Jade scowled, and he knew right away it was the wrong thing to say. 

_ “I  _ need a hobby? Well, in that case… Think you could recommend something to me? Seeing as you’ve got all these amazing-”

“Okay. I get it.” Eleven said, raising his voice over hers. He got this lecture often enough. He knew he worked too much, didn’t do enough  _ outside  _ of work, but… was it really his fault, when he just didn’t have the energy to spare? “I’m fine, though. I promise.”

“You did faint. You can’t be annoyed that we’re worried.”

“I fainted from stress and low blood sugar. It happens.” El paused, and remembered one specific time he had to haul Jade home with a black eye. “And it’s not like  _ you  _ haven’t passed out at work.”

“That student got a lucky hit. I took it as a compliment, and I thought you’d know that getting knocked out cold is different from syncope.”

He did. “Right.” El still didn’t look up, too busy picking at a loose thread on the blanket in his lap. 

Jade sighed, and the mattress squeaked where she sat down on it. “Are you planning on dragging your butt out of bed today? You can keep resting if that’s what you need, but Serena and I were going to find some terrible movie to watch, and if you want to join you’re welcome. Just let us know in time to double the popcorn.”

That wasn’t the first time Eleven had been given this choice, stay in bed and mope, or go downstairs and enjoy some time with his family.

He’d like to think that he was in a better state, this time.

After all…

Back then, before he’d gone back to school but after he’d lost his job as a paramedic, he hadn’t acknowledged Jade at all.

Not that he hadn’t  _ wanted  _ to, but more so that he just couldn’t find the strength to move or even speak. 

He was lucky they didn’t give up on his sorry ass. 

But he could speak right now, even if his answer was going to be no. “Actually… I’m thinking about going out with Erik tonight.”

“You are?” Jade asked. “Are you sure that you’re up for that?”

“I’m feeling better now that I’ve slept. I told him I’d let him know a little later, just to be safe.”

“You know your car is still at the hospital. I was going to wait until later, but I can go ahead and get it if...” She trailed off.  _ Are you sure you should be driving? _

He didn’t want to admit he’d agreed to it, not mere hours after refusing the possibility of a ride from him earlier, but he wasn’t exactly left with much choice. “Erik’s going to pick me up.”

“Oh,  _ is he?”  _

“...yes?” Eleven said, not liking the tone his sister had taken on.

When a horrible possibility occurred to him. “Jade, you are  _ not  _ allowed to give him the shovel talk.”

She looked away from him. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Sure.” Eleven deadpanned. “Listen.”

“Ellie-”

“No. Jade, listen to me.”

Jade went silent, though it was clear to Eleven that she didn’t want to be. 

“I understand why you’re worried, I really do.” Between everything that had happened to him just in the past decade, and last night alone, he truly did. He didn’t know how anyone was meant to  _ not  _ worry. But that didn’t give her the excuse to treat him like a defenseless child, or someone who couldn’t make choices on their own. “But I’m not a kid, I don’t need you to  _ protect  _ me, Erik isn’t like… He’s not like any of them, okay? I’ve had panic attacks in front of him, none his fault before you ask, and… God. I hate it, but I’ve been weird before I even realize what I’m doing. And you know what he does?”

“What does he do?”

“Nothing.” Eleven said. Simple non-action that should really be the default, but something that was still unique. “When I had a panic attack, he walked me through breathing exercises. When I say something odd, he waits and lets me explain. He doesn’t make me feel out of place.”

Jade was quiet for a moment. “Does that mean I do?” She asked quietly, guiltily, as if she’d missed his point entirely. 

“No,” Eleven said, putting his face in his hands. He wasn’t up for this. He didn’t think there was enough sleep in the rest of his life that could put him in the right headspace for that. “God, Jade. That’s not what I meant, don’t twist my words.”

“Sorry.” She murmured, and stood. “Well,” she sighed, trying to push past what had just been said, but failing miserably. “You want to join us for the movie, still? With you on my side we might just be able to avoid seeing another romcom.”

“No.” Eleven shakes his head. “I need some quiet.”

“If you say so.” Jade made to leave, but paused once more in the doorway. “But if you change your mind, you’re still welcome.”

“Thanks.” Eleven said, and the door shut, a fluffy white tail trailing behind Jade.

And he knew he wouldn't be joining. He wouldn't be leaving his room until he had to.

Time passed, and Eleven just sat where Jade had left him.

Not moving, hardly even thinking. 

Just wishing for day to again turn to night, so it would be acceptable for him to hide beneath the covers once more.

But what was the point in that?

Unlocking his phone one more time, Eleven told Erik to come by whenever.

_ Erik: Already? Not that I’m complaining. _

_ Ellie: I just don’t want to be home right now. _

_ Erik: okay. Can you wait half an hour? Or do I need to come right now? _

No questions asked. That’s what Eleven loved about Erik.

Everything was taken at face-value.

He didn’t need to explain every last choice he made down to the number.

_ Ellie: I can wait. Whenever you’re ready. _

_ Erik: I’ll be there in thirty.  _

Eleven set his phone down, and finally stood. Turning on the small lamp, and pulling the curtains shut.

Warm, artificial light.

That he could handle. 

And with that soft light…

His room was a disaster. Half an hour wasn’t enough time to really do too much cleaning, but at the least he could get the old scrubs off the floor. 

Grabbing up the garments from the night before, he tossed them into the laundry basket, and kept moving. Really, he knew he shouldn’t just let his coat stay on the ground. Dust and cat hair and all sorts of little things he needed to be careful of ruining the pristine white fabric.

But picking it up — one small memory returned to the surface. 

A single cigarette sat in one of the pockets.

Once more, Eleven considered tossing it out.

But only for a moment.

He had a lighter around here somewhere, and with half an hour to spare… He could wait to get dressed just a few minutes more.

Laundry forgotten, Eleven steps into the bathroom, and just to be safe, locks the door behind him.

Eleven forced the old window open, as infrequently as it was tampered with, it protested with creak after creak, and a plume of old dust.

But Eleven just let it cloud up.

After all, he’d be inhaling something much worse on purpose in just a moment.

Looking out over the little garden and a line of trees, only the birds there to bear witness as the lighter flicks, the cigarette lights, and Eleven takes as deep of a breath as he can manage.

Holding the acrid smoke in until it burns, then letting it out slow.

A rush of nicotine, and a deep calm. 

_ 4-7-8… _

~~

Jade felt like shit. She should really know better by now, and yet she  _ still  _ managed to do this every. single. time. 

He looked just a bit better, a little bit brighter. Like he was really feeling like  _ himself  _ again, and she treated him that way, only for him to withdraw further into his shell. 

The shell he didn’t always have.

The one she still somehow forgot was there.

If she could just  _ think  _ before she opened her loud mouth…

But still. He was better than he had been, and any progress was progress, wasn’t it?

The days upon days he would spend curled up in bed, unresponsive. 

Nowhere to go, nothing to do, and though his life hadn’t ended like it must’ve seemed to him… 

What was she meant to do?

But! Those days have passed. He was getting better.

He spoke up, he was working, he had a boyfriend now for Christ’s sake, he was  _ getting better. _

Recovery isn’t a straight line.

She needed to remember that.

Down the stairs and just around the corner, Serena stood at the stove, humming out some tuneless song, almost drowned out by the steady popping of the corn kernels in the pot.

_ Damnit.  _ Jade spent too much time upstairs. If she was too late and Serena had dumped whatever seasonings she fancied into the pot without consulting her… 

Well. It only ever turned out inedible half the time.

Serena hardly reacted as Jade pressed up against her back, and wrapped her arms around her middle, just out of the way for Serena to keep cooking. “I fucked up again…”

“And how’s that?” She asked, lowering the heat under the popcorn just to turn the heat higher on the pot of hot chocolate.

“I’ve been treating him like a child again.” Jade said, only stepping back when Serena turned the heat off on both burners, and needed the space to move. “He called me out on it.”

“And?”

“And what? I screwed up… He’s supposed to feel safe here, and I ruined that.”

“No, you didn’t.” Serena said as if she knew for sure. As if she could read El’s mind from here. “He said that he thinks you baby him?”

“Not in so many words.” Jade admitted.

“So what should you do?”

“Stop.” Jade said, reluctant and sounding exactly like a child being asked what they did wrong.

“Right!” Serena smiled, and pushed a mug of hot chocolate into her hands. “That isn’t going to be so hard, is it?”

“I don’t know…” Jade shrugged.

It isn’t that she meant or wanted to treat him as if he didn’t know what was best for himself, but…

It was just hard to let go of all she’d gotten used to. 

“Just give it a shot. Give him some space, that’s all you need to do.” Serena smiled, “But… When he keeps on acting stupid, and you know he will, that’s when you step in.”

“I’d like to think I won’t have to.” Jade muttered.

“We all do stupid things from time to time.”

Jade couldn’t help pointing out one of Serena’s own instances. “Like trying to run a wildlife sanctuary in the backyard?”

“It was  _ three _ rabbits!”

“It  _ started  _ as three rabbits.” Jade agreed, even if it hadn’t stayed as only three for very long. “But…” Jade dropped the matter, there was a time to poke fun, and a time to just accept her advice. “You’re right. Thanks.”

Her own troubles sorted for the time being, Jade gives Serena help where she asks, until a third mug is filled.

“El said he wasn’t going to join.” Jade said, hands already full from her and Serena’s drinks. “He’s not up to it.” 

“I know.” Serena said, taking the two from Jade and gesturing to the third still on the counter. “Bring that up to Ellie for me?” When Jade didn’t move right away, she added, “It might be a good reason to apologize.”

“...Right. Okay, I’ll be back in just a moment.”

“I promise I won’t pick a movie until you’re back.” Serena lied, and Jade let it pass. Whatever she picked would be at least tolerable, even if for no other reason than the fact she’d have Serena curled in her lap like a cat for the duration of the movie at minimum. 

“I’ll only be a moment.” Jade promised, and made for the stairs.

Nothing to be heard on the way up, and no response to her knock. 

She didn’t want to risk bothering him twice in less than an hour, but if she could apologize… 

The door opened slowly, and when Jade saw that he hadn’t fallen back asleep, and rather wasn’t to be seen at all, she stepped inside, and set the mug down on the dresser. “Ellie?”

Immediately, there was the sound of something dropped, and a muffled curse.

“God-  _ What?” _ Eleven called through the bathroom door, and Jade’s stomach dropped at the furious tone. “What do you want now? I’m trying to get ready to leave.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean…” Jade started to explain, and trailed off. “Sorry.” It wasn’t worth it. She’d catch him when he got home, hopefully in a better mood than he was in now. It’d been stupid to try and apologize so soon. What good would it have done if he hadn’t the time to cook off? “Serena just wanted me to bring you some hot chocolate. I’ll leave you alone.”

There was a beat of silence before Eleven responded.

“It’s okay.” He said quietly through the door. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Jade muttered more because she felt like she needed to say  _ anything  _ at all, rather than just closing the door and stomping back down the stairs like she wanted to. 

But Serena was waiting at the bottom, her soft fleece blanket patterned with butterflies wrapped around her shoulders and dragging on the floor. Surely gathering up all sorts of dust and dirt, but she didn’t seem to mind. “How is he?”

“I didn’t see him, he’s getting ready to go.” Jade said, hoping it was vague enough of an answer to spare her from further explanation.

And to her rare luck, it seemed to be. “I’m sorry. Maybe later?”

“Yeah.” Jade agreed. Later. Much, much later. 

She could almost forget her worries, engulfed by the movie despite how vehemently she would deny it, when she caught sight of Eleven leaving.

Soft brown coat overtop his black turtleneck, and his mother’s necklace around his neck.

_ Wow.  _ Going somewhere nice, or just trying to show off?

If there was one thing she could try… “Have a nice date, El!” She called out to him with a smile. 

He started to return her grin, but the moment his eyes met her own, it vanished, and El looked away.

The door closed, and a horrible feeling settled into Jade’s stomach.

Even when they fought, and god knows they’ve fought more times than she could ever count over things silly and things that mattered to them both… He could still look her in the eye.

So why not now?

“Jade?” Serena caught her attention, “Are you alright?”

  
  


“I…” Jade stopped for a moment, “I am.” She said. “Don’t worry.”

Later.

She wasn’t going to inject every moment with this concern.

She could at least enjoy the evening.

Even if she didn’t manage to focus on the movie, after that point.

Cleaning up, Jade remembered the mug in Eleven’s room, and offered to get it, knowing that if it was left up to El, it would be there for months. 

But as she opens the door, there’s a smell that sends dread shooting through her limbs, clouding in the bedroom and overcoming even the pleasant scent of the hot chocolate and the odd, halfway nauseating smell of the cologne Eleven had been gifted ages ago that she  _ knew  _ he never,  _ ever  _ wore, for any reason. 

Smoke.

Now, if Jade caught him smoking to get high, she wouldn’t be all that upset. He needed some outlet, for christ’s sake. All she’d ask was that he maybe switch to a different method that  _ wouldn’t  _ stink up the house.

But the smoke here didn’t smell like a skunk.

It was far too rancid for that.

Stubbed out on the counter, was the butt of a cigarette, ash still around it, and the window still cracked.

As if that would ever be enough to rid a room of that stench. 

~~

_ I’m so glad you’re here.  _ El could have said, when he saw Erik in the drive, leaning back against his bike.  _ I’m sorry for making you come all this way.  _

_ You aren’t off this weekend, just because of me, are you? _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ I’m sorry-  _ El didn’t even quite know  _ what  _ he was trying to apologize for, but Erik saved him from having to sort out his jumbled thoughts.

“Hey,” He smiled when he saw El, but his eyes drifted to the door behind him for just a moment, “You sure you’re up for heading out? I didn’t expect anything right away. Don’t wanna make you feel worse.”

“I’d feel worse sitting at home doing nothing.” Eleven answered, and Erik tossed a spare helmet at him.

Plain black.

Eleven didn’t move.

He hadn’t been lying when he told Gemma she wouldn’t be able to force him onto a bike, but…

“Scared?” Erik grinned as he asked, but Eleven wasn’t ashamed of admitting it.

“Of course I am.” He said, hesitating with the helmet still held in his hands. So, his head would be safe. But what about his neck, or spine? “I've seen what happens to people on these.” Or literally any other bone in his body?

“You’re safe with me.”

Eleven cocked an eyebrow at the bold promise. “Never been in an accident?”

“Not since I first started driving. Not on this, at least.”

“Reassuring.” Eleven said in a monotone, for just a moment reconsidering Jade’s offer to get his car. 

“Don’t worry, you pansy. I’ll drive slow.” Erik promised as he stepped forward, placed his hands over El’s, and guided the helmet on for him. Effectively  _ ruining  _ Eleven’s hair for the foreseeable future. “Come on, helmet on.”

He took his time fastening it in place, but for a second, he paused and Erik pulled back, a grimace across his face. “You… Do you smoke?” He asked, hesitant as if he didn’t really want to know. 

Eleven froze. He’d spent too much time trying to hide the evidence in his own room, he hadn’t considered how obvious it would be on  _ him.  _ “I didn’t think you’d be able to tell.”

“You do, then?”

“Not… frequently.” Eleven struggled to say. Once, sure. But now? “I… The surgical assistant gave me one last night, and I just…”

“Needed the relief?”

Eleven nodded, relieved that Erik seemed to at least understand. “Yeah. That’s all. I don’t normally.” Here he was, stuck out in the cold explaining his mistake to the one person he’d  _ just  _ claimed didn’t demand these things from him. If bad luck won the lottery… “Does this… Change anything?”

“I don’t want to lie, but…” Erik looked at the ground, and shrugged. “A little. I’ve seen people-”

Who hadn’t seen people lost to it? Eleven cut him off, not wanting to make Erik feel like he had to dump the story of friends or family struggle just to defend his feelings. “I know. Everyone has. I’ve lost patients to it. This was the first one I’d had in years. It can be the last, too.”

“You’re sure?” Erik asked, “I’m not going to make you go cold turkey. That’s dangerous, first of all, and I don’t control-”

“I’m not a smoker. I just…” Again, Eleven sighed, at a loss for words. He didn’t know  _ why  _ he took the damn thing, much less why he ended up smoking it. “I promise. It’s okay.”

A second more of silence, and Eleven didn’t know what more he could say to convince Erik, when he finally relented. “In that case… Don’t worry about it.” Erik said, as if nothing at all had happened. “Where’d you want to go?”

But… That was something that Eleven could deal with. “What’re you talking about?  _ You  _ invited  _ me  _ out.”

“So I did. How about…”

Eleven interrupted as Erik climbed back onto his bike, and held out a hand to invite El on as well. “Anything.” He said, “Anything’s fine.” They could burn down another chain restaurant and he’d still feel better than being home.

“You sure you wanna give me that power?” 

“None of your ideas are ever  _ that  _ bad.” Eleven said, meaning it despite the ridiculousness he’d been subjected to ever since he first met Erik. 

Or- well…

Since he first started  _ dating  _ Erik.

The ideas he had that so often landed him in the ER were indeed that bad. 

“High praise, doc.”

Eleven scoffed. “Shut up.”

“You ready?” Erik asked one last time.

Somewhat off-balance and entirely terrified of the new method of transportation, he absolutely wasn’t. But as foolish as it may have been, he trusted Erik enough not to get the thing twisted around a lamppost. “I guess so.” 

“Good.” Erik said, taking El’s hands to wrap snug around his middle. “Hold on tight, then.”

Eleven’s stomach lurched as they took off down the road, and he wouldn’t hesitate to admit he spent the entire drive with his face hidden in the crook of Erik’s neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eleven out here just needing some good old fashioned love and support.  
> Perhaps next chapter.


	7. It’s about the italicized ‘Oh.’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh._ Eleven found himself dumbstruck by just how slow he could sometimes be. How he made it all the way through school, he would never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I’d recommend reading the second part if you haven’t!

The flashing lights went out.

The siren stopped.

“I’ll radio it in.” Ruth offered, and Eleven only nodded. 

It didn’t matter who did it. 

The ambulance slowed, and Eleven fell back onto the uncomfortable bench behind him.

8:41am, and already… 

_ Another _ lost. 

Not for any DNR order, not even for their own inability… But just something that couldn’t be helped. 

They could work to restart the heart as long as it took to make it to the hospital, but when it was something like this… When the heart just stopped, there wasn’t much that could be done if no one was on the scene right away, and sometimes… Sometimes they just weren’t fast enough.

There wasn’t even any blood to show for the patient’s fight for life — if this could even count as a fight. 

They probably never even realized.

That was good. That should be good, shouldn’t it? They wouldn’t have time to feel afraid, wouldn’t have been in pain. The way it happened, just one moment here, gone the next. 

But it didn’t make it easier on anyone around. It didn’t lift the burden of responsibility from Eleven’s shoulders. Or Ruth’s. Or the driver, or whatever poor soul that would have to inform the victim’s spouse. Their parents. Their children… Whoever it was they had. 

If there even was anyone to inform. 

Eleven put his head in his hands, and let out a shuddering breath.

He wasn’t going to lose it again.

“Elian?” Ruth called his name, but he didn’t look up. There wasn’t anything to say. It all got to be too much for each of them, from time to time.

It was just his turn.

...A turn that would seem he wasn’t going to be allowed. The plastic covered bench dipped with another person’s weight, and an arm was laid across his back.

But when Eleven looked up, it wasn’t Ruth ready to tell him to get it together. 

But Jade, in the dark apartment he was leaving behind, along with his short-lived career. 

He just couldn’t stick it out even three months more… 

Moving back home. And for what?

He’d been a paramedic for a handful of months, and had a simple desk job for a few years before that.

_ Home  _ wasn’t exactly bursting with opportunities, but…

He couldn’t stay here.

“Come on,” Jade spoke softly, as if a loud noise would be all it took to shatter him, “it’s time to go.”

Eleven didn’t say anything back, his throat closed up, jaw locked shut, just as it had seemed to be for days now.

Just a few more boxes, and then…

Eleven felt as though he could have fallen on the brick road, his legs feeling more akin to gelatin than anything resembling flesh and bone. 

“Woah!” Erik just managed to grab hold of his coat sleeve as he stumbled. Which he  _ really  _ didn’t need to do. Eleven wasn’t going to fall. He just lost his footing for a second. Nothing more. “Was the ride really that bad?”

“No,” Eleven lied, “I’m okay.”

Erik looked distinctly unimpressed with him. As if Eleven could have lied with his hands shaking like an old man’s. 

Oh well, at least he could say he tried. “Like hell you are, come on. We can spare a couple of minutes.”

Eleven wanted to argue, say that he  _ really  _ was alright, and while he was perfectly capable of admitting that he was a tad bit shaken he wasn’t quite so terrified from the trip he was shaking… But if he told the truth and just said it was likely just stress piled on exhaustion, Eleven had a feeling it wouldn’t really change anything.

And so, he let Erik lead him over to one of the benches set around a small patch of greenery, that was probably much prettier in the spring in full bloom than it was now, a skeleton of a tree wrapped in flashing plastic decorations. 

“There.” Erik said, looking over his shoulder at the stalls all lined up against the closed up storefronts. “Now hold on, just a moment.”

“You really don’t need to…” Eleven tried to say, but gave up as Erik took off anyway. 

Oh, well.

Not like he was actually going to complain  _ too  _ much about a little bit of rest. 

Or about where he was getting it. 

The light from the displays were not  _ quite  _ enough to blot out the stars above, but just enough to dampen their shine. 

The winter constellations should be easy to spot, if he just knew how to find them.

Serena knew a few, and could point out the different planets when they were visible, but Eleven had never picked up on it. 

They were all pretty much the same, at least from all the way down here. Bright specks of white, too far away to spot the differences. 

Maybe Erik knew. He could just about half recall him saying  _ something  _ about astronomy before. Wait — maybe that had been astrology. Eleven could never remember. But then again, maybe not. He hadn’t gone off about star signs and compatibility just yet. 

But the way he knew the Starbucks menu didn’t exactly lend faith that it  _ had  _ been the more scientific of the two. 

In his pocket, his phone buzzed once.

Eleven closed his eyes, the unidentifiable contents of the night sky forgotten.

He had a good feeling of what it would be.

_ Jade: When you get home, we need to talk. _

No doubt what  _ that  _ was for. 

A fair warning that his weekend off would soon feel much less like a vacation, but strangely enough, Eleven couldn’t be bothered to care.

He could deal with that later, but for now… 

“Here.” Erik held out a styrofoam cup. “Careful, don’t burn your hand.”

“Erik-” 

_ “Drink.” _

With a halfway-fond smile, Eleven took the cup. Just to placate Erik. Nothing more. “What is this?” He asked, “Mocha? Or something more complicated? Caramel frappe-something or maybe a peppermint-”

“Just hot cider.” Erik interrupted, dropping onto the bench next to him with his own cup, and pressed to Eleven’s side. 

No. He definitely couldn’t find it in himself to be bothered, now. 

“You didn’t need to do that.” Eleven said. 

“Just ‘cause I didn’t need to doesn’t mean I shouldn’t.”

Didn’t it? But there wasn’t any reason to argue. 

The smell of the apple and cinnamon, funnel cakes further in, candied citrus and fried food, soft music just turned away from the holiday stations, and the soft bustle of what few people still stick around… No reason he could think of, at least. “Thanks.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Silence like this should be awkward, shouldn’t it? But he hadn’t felt quite so much like a nervous kid with a crush in quite a while. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been to one of these.” Eleven said, not needing to break the quiet, but doing it anyway. Sooner or later, it would drift back to silence. “Used to come every year, but…”

“But?”

Eleven shrugged. “Been too busy, I guess.”

“I haven’t been yet. I meant to come earlier, when there was actually stuff going on.” Erik told him. 

“What stopped you?”

“Nothing, really. Just kept forgetting.”

That was something Eleven could understand. “It’s nicer, like this.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Maybe that was why he never bothered to make the time to come. Maybe it was just the  _ idea  _ of the wintertime festivals that was nice, and not the festivity itself. “Normally it’s too loud to hear your own thoughts. Music too loud, elbow-to-elbow in the crowds, and just too much going on everywhere to really do any of it.” But the groups of people here were few and far between. It was peaceful. “But this is nice.”

Actually feeling significantly steadier, Eleven got up from where he sat, and this time offered his hand down to Erik.

“Come on,” He said, “You didn’t drive us all the way out here and scare me out of my wits to just sit on a bench in the cold, did you?” 

“Course not.” Erik said as he took Eleven’s hand, and followed him further along the paths.

Many of the stalls were gone, and the ones that still remained were ever so steadily growing emptier by the day. With the new year only just over a week or so away, the place would need to be cleared out soon for a different sort of celebration.

One that Eleven would do his best to steer clear of. 

Call him a buzzkill, an introvert, or a prude — he just didn’t see the appeal of drinking yourself stupid to ring in the new year when the change in the calendar did precious little to actually change the state of the world, or the way you lived your life, or even really anything visible.

Or maybe it was that he’d been working it more often than not the past few years, and he’d had a front row seat to the worst the holiday brought. 

“Oh,” Erik’s steps slowed, and he came to a halt, drawing Eleven from his thoughts. Really, he could pick better times to get lost— “It’s snowing.”

It was, ever so lightly. It wasn’t the first of the season or even the first time they’d both gotten stuck out in the ice, but this was softer. Small flakes that could easily be mistaken as just a trick of the light, nothing that would pile up on the ground or even stick around once the sun came back out. 

But it wasn’t the snow that had suddenly captured Eleven’s attention.

Or, more accurately, it wasn’t  _ just  _ the snow. 

The sun had been gone for hours, long since dipped beneath the horizon, and with the new moon lending no extra light to the ground below, it was only the string lights left to illuminate them both. 

Soft lights that blinked slowly between blue and a gentle gold, and Erik caught right in them, the small flakes of snow beginning to catch on what blue that stuck out from under the black hat that he had pulled down just over his ears, and lasting mere seconds on his skin, rosy from the cold.

Looking at El, and smiling as if there was something, anything at all, worth being in his company. 

And - He really didn’t mean to be so hard on himself, but… It really didn’t make sense. Months had gone by since that first disastrous outing, and while none since had quite reached that same level of sitcom worthy, and while by now Eleven  _ knew  _ that there must be something that Erik saw in him that was good enough to put up with all the many unfortunate happenstances… 

Well, Eleven was still here too, wasn’t he?

“El?” Erik asked, his smile beginning to fall as Eleven stood shock-still in the cold. “You alright?” 

And maybe it was the concern, maybe it was how he looked in the snow, or maybe it was just where his thoughts had been going all evening… 

There was an unmistakable pull in his chest, a blossom of warmth to chase away the cold that had seeped into his bones, and the terrible, terrible realization of just how long it had been there.

_ Oh.  _ Eleven found himself dumbstruck by just how slow he could sometimes be. How he made it all the way through school, he would never know.  _ Oh, shit.  _

“Yeah, sorry. I’m okay.” Eleven said, and while that was actually the truth this time around… It also managed to be somewhat dishonest. “I just-”  _ What? Discovered that I’m  _ way  _ too far gone? Realized that Serena was right, and I’m a sappy bastard at heart? Decided that I’m probably going to go home tonight and get Serena and admit that so she can help me pick colors for our theoretical wedding? And while on the topic what  _ are  _ your thoughts on marriage?  _ “-Spaced out for a moment there.” Also technically more truth than fiction. “Wasn’t really any caffeine in that cider.”

Only once the moment had passed did Eleven realize probably  _ could  _ have said something. Even if it wasn’t any kind of confession… God. He didn’t know what he was doing. 

Erik snorted. “Please. Like caffeine keeps you focused. Just jittery.”  _ Rude.  _ Love him or not, getting between Eleven’s mainstream stimulant drug of choice and there was going to be trouble. “And I think you have  _ way  _ too much of it.”

“And that’s why you bring me so much coffee, right?”

“I get half-caf.” Erik admitted, not ashamed of himself or his deception in the slightest. 

Eleven slapped a hand over his chest, as if Erik had taken a dagger to his heart. “How  _ could you?”  _ He asked in overblown betrayal. But much as he hated to admit… Erik was probably right. 

Better to start to decrease it now before he started drinking enough of it to get withdrawal. 

Erik began to say something else, but it was lost as the snow suddenly turned heavy.

Wait-

The patter of snow wasn’t what Eleven was looking at, as more people along the street began to look for cover. 

It would seem as though it wasn’t quite cold enough for  _ all  _ of the rain to turn to snow.

Or all the rain to turn to hail. 

Fuck. There wasn’t exactly much around in terms of shelter, and even if they ran back to where Erik had parked, there wasn’t exactly-

“Are you just going to stand there?” 

“What?”

“Dumbass.” Erik grabbed his hand, and hauled him over to an empty overhang by the doors of one small store or another. Not a lot of space to stay dry, but better than nothing. “Come on, you’ll get sick.”

Eleven shivered, even now out of the wind.

His own fault, really. For picking a coat that wasn’t water-proof. “And you won’t?”

“If I get sick, you’ll take care of me, won’t you?” Erik asked, “Come keep me company, make soup… Be my nurse?”

There was much Eleven thought to say to that, from an impulsive  _ ‘the hell I will’  _ to the same knee jerk urge to say of course he would, and even stretching to  _ ‘if you think having a nurse would be  _ pleasant,  _ you’ve got another thing coming.’  _ But instead, he settled on something a bit more practical. “I did not get an M.D. to make soup for people who didn’t know not to stay out in freezing rain.”

“Am I or am I not the one that just dragged your ass over here?” Erik asked, but any defense Eleven could have thought up was put on hold as the wind picked up, and Erik pulled his coat just a little bit closer in. “Fuck, it got cold. Sorry, I don’t think we’re going anywhere until this lets up.”

“That doesn’t have to be a problem. Some of these places are still open, and…” Eleven pulled his phone from his pocket, ignoring the message still displayed on the screen. “Not even eight yet.” Harder to keep track of time when the sun went down at five. 

“Fuckin’ December. I thought it was later.” Erik peered out through the screen of rain, further down the road at the buildings still lit up. “Alright, then…” He pointed, but Eleven couldn’t make out exactly what he was pointing at. “Over there. Race you?”

“I swear to god, Erik. If you slip-” But his warning-slash-threat came too late, as Erik had already darted out into the downpour. 

“Can’t hear you over the rain!” Erik yelled back at him from halfway across the bricks, hands cupped around his mouth. “You coming or not?”

Eleven took one moment to look at the tiny bits of hail beginning to pile on the ground, and wonder just how slip-proof his shoes were, and how likely they were to actually get hurt if one of them fell.

But… Hell. Why not?

The ice-cold rain wasn’t much of a setback at all.

~~

Eleven shivered as the doors shut out the sudden drop in temperatures and freezing rain.

Really. Clear skies for  _ days  _ but the one time he actually tried to spend some time outside and enjoy the season… He and Erik both get trapped in freezing rain.

But he couldn’t exactly claim to be surprised. Or bring himself to even feel disappointed. Really, as far as their laundry list of disasters went, this was relatively tame. 

Even if it did result in his hair being frozen, and… Waiting in line with a few others who had the same idea, Eleven reached out and flicked a tiny piece of hail from where it had latched onto Erik’s shoulder. 

It wasn’t as if an empty restaurant took all that long to seat a handful of people. 

He’s happy, even with his night and morning went, he’s happy. 

And maybe it was sad, but he couldn’t imagine having said or thought that just a few short months ago. 

And really, he only had Erik to thank for that.

The right moment long since passed or not… “You make me happy.” The words slipped out before he had the chance to filter them into anything else. 

“What?”

_ Shit.  _ The one time he didn’t manage to keep his mouth shut… “I- I just meant that…” He tried to stutter out some explanation, but the more he tried the more he felt his face heat up. 

But the surprise on Erik’s face had melted away with all the snowflakes that were left on his skin, leaving behind something much warmer. “Don’t worry, just wasn’t expecting that.” He explained. “I’m glad. You make me happy, too.”

And even saying it himself… Eleven clammed up, a full-system failure. 

“What? Nothing to say now?”

“Sorry.”

“For what?” Erik asked, “So you can say whatever you want but the moment I start giving it back you get all shy?”

“It would seem so.” Eleven just about managed to force out around the burning in his face and the new lump in his throat.

“That’s cute.” Erik said for no reason other than to abuse his newfound power, and sent Eleven right back into his previous speechless state.

But his self-satisfied smirk vanished as he looked away from Eleven, and down at the menu in his hands. “Shit. Shoulda checked what this place was before I dragged you in.”

“Don’t like this kind of food?”

“Not… Really. Too spicy.”

“Too  _ spicy?”  _ Eleven asked, looking over the menu. Some of the options carried a little bit of heat, but… Most of it seemed just fine? 

Unless he’d misread everything and the tomato sauces pictured all over was all actually salsa. 

“Yup.” Erik confirmed, not looking up before he set the menu down, either finding the blandest thing on it or deciding to just go without. “If I ever bite into a hot pepper, I’d die. On the spot. No saving me.” 

_ Well that’s dramatic.  _ “We could go somewhere else?”

“Nah, it was this or the grill, and I don’t know how easy it’d be for you to find something there. I’ll figure myself out. Little bit of spice isn’t gonna kill me.”

“Are you sure?” Eleven asked, not willing to be the reason that Erik ended up getting something he didn’t want, or god forbid, biting into a red pepper flake and perishing on the spot. “Seems a little contradictory.”

“Have you met me?” Erik asked.

And while Erik hadn’t ever seemed much other than straightforward, if not a little strange… Eleven would allow him his apparent slightly warped self-image. “Fair enough.”

After their food had come, and Eleven had  _ again  _ gotten over his embarrassment, he found it all too easy to relax.

Despite Erik taking his slip all too well in stride, and returning the sentiment, he wasn’t yet overthinking it, or scouring the words chosen for hidden meanings.

He just… Accepted them.

And while that may not remain the case once the evening was over, and he was left alone with his thoughts, it would be enough of a victory for now that his brain wasn’t immediately trying to tear it down.

“...so is it just the weekend you’re off?” Erik asked, moving straight from one topic to another without giving the previous any room to breathe, and just hoping that Eleven would manage to keep up with his train of thought. “Or was it longer? Gemma didn’t say exactly, and… Want to try again before you’re back at work? For a day that we don’t get rained on, I guess.”

“Of course she didn’t.” Eleven muttered into his glass. “It’s just  _ meant  _ to be this weekend, but I don’t doubt she’ll try and get me to take more time.”

“You know I’d have thought that you’d have more structured time off.” Erik said, “Or at least more of it.”

“I think I’m allowed four weeks a year, but…” Eleven shrugged. “I don’t have to take them, and there’s not much I need that much time for. As for structured… Not a chance. I get what hours I’m given and unless you’ve got someone like Gemma who knows the magic words to get shifts swapped around, I don’t get much say.”

“If I can ask…” Erik stopped a moment, reconsidering how he wanted to ask, but pressed on. “Why  _ did  _ you decide to go into emergency medicine? I’m sorry if that’s a sensitive question, and I know what you told me about your heart, but I just… You don’t seem to ever really speak well of it, and…” 

“There’s…” Eleven sighed, “A  _ lot  _ of reasons.” He finally settled on. Too many to go over like this. Too long a story to go through sober. “I don’t really know where I’d start.”

And if Erik realized then that he wasn’t going to explain quite yet, he didn’t say. “You know the stereotype, if it can even be called one.” Erik said through a mouthful of what had to be horrendously bland pasta. “Highschool bullies want to keep their little bit of power over others, and they either become cops-”

“-or nurses. Yes, I know.” Eleven said, and believing it without a second thought. While he’d worked with plenty of nurses who truly did just want to help, for every good one there always seemed to be four bad ones. “What’s that say for doctors, then?”

“Depends. Think it’s mostly the parents pushing you to it, though. Good career, lots of money. Enough to pay the student loans, at least.”

“Yeah, if you get into a good practice, or a big hospital.”  _ Otherwise… You just stagnate.  _ “My family… They were against it, actually. At least at first.” Eleven found it actually somewhat easy to admit. Maybe it was the fact that they’d been right to be skeptical. 

But that was some introspection for another day, and Eleven didn’t want to spend an entire dinner talking about himself. “What about you, then? What do they say about zookeepers?”

“Aquarists.” Erik corrected, “And… No idea.”

He waited for Erik to keep going, but when he didn’t, Eleven found himself trying a different approach. “Why’d you go into marine science?” He asked instead, knowing that it was likely vague enough to shoot into a lecture. “What’s the appeal?”

“You know…” Erik started, picking at his dinner now, “I’m not sure exactly what it was. It’s hectic, a lot of the time, but really… Easy, at the same time. I’ve got to follow a lot of rules, and you know by now it’s easy to screw up and get hurt, but…” He shrugged, and Eleven got the distinct impression he wasn’t being entirely clear. “I’m good at it, and I like it. Working with animals, it’s easier than people. Animals don’t lie to you.”

“They can’t tell you when something is wrong, though.” Eleven couldn't help but point out. “They hide it. It’s in their DNA.”

Erik scoffed, but looked more at ease than he did a moment ago. “And your patients tell the truth all the time?”

Fair. 

Despite earlier awkwardness, it’s nice.

It always is. So what, Erik didn’t want to spill everything? Neither did Eleven. 

They’d both open up when they were ready, and that was fine.

They had the time to spare to get to that point.

“They don’t, you’re right. L” Looking Erik directly in the eye, he added on. “And sometimes they try to hide it, too.”

“Yeah, but you dragged it out of me in the end.” 

“And I’m glad I did, otherwise I would’ve sent you off to a different part of the ER. You know what happens when you mark that kind of form as ‘personal.’”

Erik stopped. “No, I don’t actually.”

And Eleven waited for the joke. “You really don’t?”

“No.”

“Well, uh…” Eleven coughed into his napkin, and looked away for a moment. “That explains a couple of things.” And he’d just backed himself into an awkward explanation, hadn’t he? 

“Eleven. What does it mean?”

“That night you were in the ER for the poison ivy? And you marked your reason for visit as just ‘personal…’ I may have made an assumption.”

“What kind of assumption?”

“Normally… When we see a reason like  _ that…  _ We end up having to get something…” There wasn’t any nice way to say this, was there? “Unstuck. From the rectum.”

Erik’s eyes blew wide. “You-”

“Like… Flashlights. Pencils. Glass bottles. There’s a pretty infamous case about an action figure-”

But Erik wasn’t offended. In fact, his smile was stretched into a shaking grin, as if it was taking all his self-control not to burst out laughingS “So you saw where I’d written ‘personal’ and assumed I’d gotten something  _ stuck up my ass?” _

“Along with anyone else who may have seen that form..”

There went the last of the self-control. “Oh my god.  _ Oh my god!”  _

“Sorry.” Eleven said as Erik fought to get his breath back. Glad now more than ever that the restaurant was neatly empty, and the only people who glanced their way didn’t look upset.

“Well it’s no wonder then.” Erik said as soon as he was able, wiping away the tears that had formed in the corner of his eye.

Eleven didn’t know how he’d managed to  _ laugh  _ at what would have sent Eleven running for the hills. 

Not once had he really seen Erik embarrassed, and he wondered if he even could be.

“What is?”

“That you agreed to go out with me. Poison ivy must’ve been a relief to see, if you were expecting something like  _ that.” _

Well… He wasn’t  _ wrong. _

The unread message on his phone now entirely forgotten. 

~~

“Thanks,” Eleven said, taking off the helmet and handing it over. “For asking me to come out tonight.” Much steadier on his feet after this ride, but if that was just that he was growing used to it surprisingly fast or for another reason… Erik didn’t care. Long as he  _ was  _ getting used to it. 

“‘Course.” Erik said, not for the first, or second, or tenth time. One of these days, he’d get El to understand that he didn’t need or want thanks after every little thing they did together. 

“Text me when you get home.” Eleven told him, “Let me know you’re safe.”

“I never forget to.” Erik said, waiting patiently for El to work up to whatever it was he wanted to do or say.

“Right…” Eleven said, still standing in place, shifting on his feet. “Actually, would you like to come in a moment?” Erik stayed quiet, and watched as El’s face colored  _ again.  _ Erik had lost count of just how many times he’d done that just tonight. El made it far too easy. “No! You know that’s not… Ugh. It’s cold, and you’ve got another drive to make. Just come in and warm up a moment?”

As much as he would like to… Erik glanced at the warm light that came from inside. Jade was surely there, and as much as he would like to be on friendly terms with El’s family, he wasn’t sure that he was welcome just yet. Erik looked back to El, an excuse ready on his tongue-

“Just a few minutes.” He said instead, kicking the stand, and leaving his own helmet behind. 

How was he supposed to actually say no to something that was really just harmless? Especially to El. Like a goddamned puppy.

Just a few minutes. Through the front door, Eleven called out that he was home. He probably wouldn’t even have to make nice-

That was at least a nice thought he had almost entertained, if he’d even had the time to finish it before he spotted Jade, standing with her arms crossed and looking torn between fury, and tears. 

She didn’t even notice Erik.

“Oh, shit.” Eleven said, and Erik knew in that moment he was in for a show.

And Jade tilted fully into the  _ fury  _ category. “How long?” She asked.

Eleven didn’t answer right away, but when he did, Erik could have hit him himself. “How long what?” 

Clearly guilty of whatever Jade was angry for from the first moment he opened his mouth, and still trying to play the innocent. 

“I found a cigarette butt. In your room.” 

That was the end of Eleven’s act. And Erik started to relax. He had said that it was the only one he’d had in ages, and if that was the truth, then there wouldn’t be any reason to remain that mad. 

“That’s the only one I had.”

“How can I believe you?”

Eleven shrugged, and gave an apologetic glance towards Erik. “Can this wait just a little while, please?”

“This is important.”

“I’m not saying it isn’t! I just… I’m sick of fighting. Could you  _ please  _ lower your voice? I don’t want to get in a screaming match. I can explain what that is.”

“I wasn’t going to yell!”

“You are. Right now.” Eleven said, keeping his voice calm, but it looked as though it was taking everything he had. “Jade. It was just the one. I can’t prove it. But that’s the truth.”

“You can’t buy a  _ single cigarette.”  _

The calm began to crack. “I didn’t buy it! It was given to me. By a coworker.”

“Why’d you take it, then? Why did you  _ smoke it?” _

“I don’t know.” Eleven said, the same thing he’d told Erik.

And Erik… He knew better than to get in the middle of family drama, but he wasn’t going to let El just stand and deal with whatever was said.

Even if he didn’t speak up, he could at least be there. 

Just as he stepped forward to stand at Eleven’s side, he caught someone else doing the same for Jade.

Blonde and shorter than Jade, she wrapped one arm around Jade’s back. “Jade, come on… Calm down. You’ve made your point.”

But Jade wasn’t prepared to listen. “One is all it takes.” She said.

Eleven didn’t react to Erik. “I know.”

“You  _ know  _ what could happen! You  _ know  _ what those things did to my father, what they could do to  _ you!” _

“I know, Jade I just-”

“Between this and how you’re working… You’re gambling with your life! Do you really want to do this to yourself? To your family? What are we supposed to do if you end up in the hospital? Or worse?”

She meant well, Erik knew. 

She was just scared. He’d yelled like that before, when it all had proven to be a bit too much, and so had Mia, come to think of it.

But  _ still.  _ There were lines you didn't cross and things you shouldn’t ever say.

“Now,” he started slowly, only stepping in when it seemed as though Eleven hadn’t anything further to say for himself, “wait a moment. El never-”

But Jade only switched her fury onto him. Set in her sights, standing in place is all Erik could do as a single finger is jabbed at his chest. “And  _ you!  _ Is this because of you? Did you give Eleven this idea?”

“I…” Erik took a step back. He knew she didn’t like him, but… He didn’t really know how to react.

But Eleven did. “It wasn’t him! It was a coworker! I just told you!” 

“But how do I know that’s the  _ truth?” _

“Maybe if you started trusting me!” Eleven yelled back, and both Erik and Jade took a step further away. “I’m-” Eleven gave a false start before he caught his own volume, and cut through what he’d nearly impulsively said. “I’m not lying.” He said shortly. “I’m not as unwell as I used to be. I don’t need you looking over my shoulder.”

“I don’t-”

“You  _ do.”  _ Eleven argued, and the cold tone he’d taken on was more unnerving than that single moment he’d yelled. “You do. You always do. When I came back here, you told me I was welcome. You said I’d have my own space, that there was room. Has that changed?”

“Ellie.” Jade had calmed down, but much too late.

“Because I could leave. I don’t want to intrude where I’m not welcome.”

“Of course you’re still welcome!” The woman at Jade’s side spoke up before she could.

“Am I?” He asked, not looking away from Jade. “Because it doesn’t feel like it.”

Jade didn’t answer, just turned on her heel, and stalked off alone. 

And as much as he wanted to, Erik couldn’t blame her.

What a way to spoil the evening.

“...Hey.” Erik finally spoke up, but couldn’t really find what needed to be said. He knew he wasn’t okay, knew there wasn’t anything he could do to help. But at least… Being there was better than nothing at all. “You alright?”

“I don’t know.” Eleven said. “I just.” He stopped, and took in a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. It didn’t work. “You fuck up  _ once,  _ and it’s never,  _ ever  _ forgotten… I don’t know what to do.”

There was a story there. But not one that Erik would push for right away. He knew all too well what Eleven was talking about, and… Those stories were always the hardest to dredge up. If he was this upset already, Erik wasn’t going to do anything to worsen his mood.

“Are you  _ going  _ to be alright?”

“...I don’t know.” Again. The same answer.

And Erik couldn’t leave him like that. “Do you want to come home with me?” It wasn’t that Erik thought he wasn’t safe in his own home.

But he knew how much a change of scenery could help.

How much getting away from home could help. 

“Erik, I…”

“You’ve got the weekend off, don’t you? So do I. And if you don’t want to be home right now, you’re always welcome at mine.”

“I don’t want to put you out.”

“I’m  _ offering.”  _ Erik stressed the word, able to tell that Eleven wanted to accept, but for whatever reason, there was still a thing or two stopping him. “You’re never an imposition, okay?”

“It might not be a bad idea.” The blonde woman added in, and Erik really needed to know what her name was. “I’ll talk to her, okay? Go, cool off.”

Eleven slumped, and Erik knew he was about to agree. “Okay. Okay, then…” He glanced up the stairs. “Give me a few minutes to grab a couple things?”

“Of course.” Erik said.

“I’m sorry.” El apologized at the same time the other woman did, and Erik just shrugged.

“It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it.” He said.

He didn’t know their story, he didn’t know what had pushed it all this far, and right now? He didn’t need to.

He just needed to know that El would be okay.

“Take your time.”

~~

Even if he would’ve waited hours should he have needed it, El wasn’t gone ten full minutes before he was back, a small bag over his shoulder, and nothing more than a quick goodbye and thank-you for looking after his cat for the next day or so.

And if Erik felt his shoulders begin to shake as they drove off…

Well.

There were harder things to ignore.

And what Eleven had said... 

_ You fuck up  _ once,  _ and it’s never,  _ ever _ forgotten.  _

_ That _ was indeed harder to ignore, and it hit just a little too close for comfort.

All too well, he knew what that kind of scrutinization felt like.

Even though he’d gotten his license back not long after… 

It was still hard to get behind the wheel of an actual car, and owning one himself wasn’t something he saw anywhere down there road. Not for himself, at least.

And not for Mia, either.

It was one thing that El would learn near immediately, if he did wind up sticking around.

Even if he did for some reason try to keep it secret, it wouldn’t be easy. 

Not when he still woke from the nightmare-memory, shocked from sleep either seconds before the crash… 

Or waking up after. 

Suddenly sober, the front end of the car accordioned where it had struck the tree, and Mia… 

He thought he’d killed her. 

Six months comatose, and his fault.

No family to blame him, but that wouldn’t ever stop him from blaming himself. After all, it had been his fault.

Years underage, and he’d just had to do it anyway. 

For what reason he didn’t know then and he certainly didn’t know now. 

Six months comatose, countless more they’d both spent in PT, and medical bills he was sure would put them both under… 

Even if in the end it had all settled back into normalcy, it had all been figured out, sometimes it still felt so fragile. 

He knew how much one mistake could change everything.

And though he didn’t know exactly what had happened to El to cause such a strong reaction in his family…

El’s arms tightened around Erik’s waist, and Erik slowed down just enough to notice. There was no one on the streets at this hour. He could afford to drive like a little old lady. 

No matter what it was that Eleven had done, no matter what had happened to him, Erik would be able to understand. Forgive, if need be.

Because that’s really what love was, wasn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a whole lot of heavy.
> 
> Next chapter is already a third written, so it probably isn’t too far away!


	8. Walking the fine line between like and love. Except you fell off ages ago.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “...Do I want to know what’s in there?” Eleven asked, catching Erik’s attention.  
> He was staring right at Charlie’s enclosure. “Is it some weird fish? Please don’t tell me you have an octopus in your bedroom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is half of chapter eight. But I was very quickly approaching 10k words for just one chapter with no end in sight, so it hit the chopping block. The next chapter is just around the corner.

He was running out of places to go. 

If he could just turn around and undo the last few hours… 

but he couldn’t. Of course he couldn’t.

He made this choice.

Eleven’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. He made all these choices.

He had no one to blame but himself.

~~

“Sorry for the mess.” Erik said as the door swung open. “I would’ve cleaned up a bit if I’d known you would be coming back with me.” And even saying this, Erik kicked off his sneakers and let them stay where they landed.

“Sorry.” Eleven tried to be at least a little neater, leaving his own shoes by the door. “I don’t mean-”

“Don’t even finish that.” Erik interrupted him, wishing he knew what he could actually do to make El feel more comfortable. 

Standing with his arms crossed tight over his chest and overnight bag, taking up as little space as he possibly could… “I  _ invited you.  _ You needed to get away.”

“I’m still sorry.” Eleven pressed on, “For how Jade accused you, almost dragging you into that mess. And now I’m here intruding. You deserve better than that.”

“Stop. None of that shit in my house.”

“...Sorry.” Eleven muttered one last time. The last time Erik would stand for it, at least. 

He sighed, and El still didn’t move. 

It was hard, Erik knew. Even if he didn’t know firsthand, it didn’t take a genius to know what he must have been feeling. “Come on, let’s get you settled in.”

“Okay.” Eleven agreed, and followed Erik.

But came to a stop as they passed the first door. 

“Is Mia here?” He asked, “I don’t want to be rude, or startle her if she doesn’t know I’m here.”

Erik stopped as well, and took the pause as an opportunity to steal the bag from Eleven’s hands. Surprisingly light, but apart from a half-way frustrated look, he didn’t protest.

Good. 

He’d start small, but by the time El headed back home, Erik would have him spoiled. “That would just be you, then. Trust me, manners are not something she’s overly concerned with, and I’d be more worried about  _ her  _ startling  _ you.”  _ Which was no exaggeration, by the time he actually  _ did  _ meet Mia, she’d have El properly intimidated in no time. Remembering the shovel talk Jade had given him, Erik couldn’t help but feel momentarily uncomfortable yet again. Mia would scare him, sure. But just by being  _ Mia,  _ not by any purposeful threats. “But, no. She’s out of town for work for a few days.” 

“What does she do?” Eleven asked, opening a can of worms he wouldn’t be able to close.

“She’s an author. Well, she’s trying to be. Her publisher wanted an in-person update, the stubborn old bastard. He really doesn’t know what goldmine he’s struck with her.” The pages she sent over were never enough, and if Erik ever got to meet the man… Well. Maybe he could understand Jade’s motivation at least a little. He was just the wrong kind of target. “She’s gonna be a household name, just you wait. Or her pseudonym is, anyway.”

“That’s amazing.” 

“She deserves more than the silly little freelance work she’s been getting. She’s always frustrated by it, never getting her  _ ‘real’  _ writing out there.” Frankly Erik didn’t understand the difference, but that was probably just him.

“What’s her book about?”

Erik grinned. “Not a goddamn clue.”

“What?”

“I haven’t read a single word she’s written.” Erik was all too happy to explain. “She doesn’t want me seeing the book until it’s done, I don’t wanna read about the current top ten facemasks or whatever it is she writes now, and I don’t know her online handle so I can’t even find her fanfics to poke fun at. But I know she’s good. Been working too long for it to be anything less.”

Erik stopped just before he opened his own door as El didn’t respond. Silent again, he was staring off at nothing.

But rather than uncomfortable, he just looked sad.

“What are you thinking about?”

“It’s just nice,” He answered, “how much faith you have in her.”

And in that moment, Erik’s heart broke for him. 

He carefully set Eleven’s bag down on the floor. He didn’t doubt that Eleven’s family loved him. Clearly they did enough to be so worried over a single mistake like that, over his fainting, over whatever it was that happened that Erik still didn’t know.

They just didn’t have a good way of showing it.

He took a step closer to El, and before he could ask what he was doing, pulled the taller man in close. One arm around his back, and the other gentle on the back of his head.

So what if half his face was pressed into his shoulder? An awkward hug was still a hug.

“Erik?” El sounded unsure.

Erik gave up on his brief idea of telling El that he loved him.

Eleven’s own little  _ you make me happy  _ declaration has cemented it in his mind, and gave him a pretty good idea that El was well on his way to feeling the same if he wasn’t there already. 

But right now? It would probably only scare him.

And so, Erik would be breaking the house rule he’d only just made. “I’m sorry.”

Eleven own arms closed around Erik. “For what?”

“How rough it’s been.” Erik said, holding the embrace for just a heartbeat more. “If it means anything,” Erik said once he stepped back, took the bag from the ground and opened the door, “I’ve got faith in you, too.” Faith he’d do  _ what,  _ Erik didn’t know. Didn’t really care, either. 

Sometimes there were things that people just needed to hear. 

“I-” Eleven’s eyes blew wide, then darted away from Erik. “I don’t…” He started again only to stop. He took a deep breath. “Thank you.” And finally settled on something to say. 

“I mean it,” Erik said, “and don’t mention it.” He walked through to toss the bag on the unmade bed. And Erik winced.

He should’ve left Eleven back in the kitchen while he straightened up.

But a little too late now. 

Oh, well.

“...Do I want to know what’s in there?” Eleven asked, catching Erik’s attention.

He was staring right at Charlie’s enclosure. “Is it some weird fish? Please don’t tell me you have an octopus in your bedroom.” 

“It’s not an octopus.” Erik said, “You can’t keep an octopus in something like this. And I don’t think you should have them as pets at all. They’re too intelligent. They’d escape, and it’s hard to keep them with the right amount of enrichment outside of the right kinda facility to prevent…” Erik noticed the blank stare Eleven was giving him, and trailed off. Erik could give him the rundown on what creatures absolutely did not make good companions another time, then. “It’s not a fish. It’s a panther chameleon. His name is Charlie. Wanna meet him?”

Eleven shrugged, but still eyed the cage warily. Alright, so he was still doing the indifferent thing. Erik could work with that.

And if he was going to be creeped out without seeing Charlie, then it would be better to at least let him see that the guy was harmless. 

And if Eleven just ended up  _ more  _ creeped out… Well, he’d figure it out from there. The man was afraid of crabs. It was entirely possible.

“Here, give me just a second. Then we can go to bed.” Erik unlatched the front part of the vivarium, and looked around the leaves for the little guy. “Alright, he’s…” One vine lifted out of the way, and Erik found him, hanging on the mesh that made up half of the walls. “Here we go. Come on, buddy.” No unusual patterns, his normal blue color… Good. A calm mood, good for meeting new people. 

Charlie settled on his hand, and Erik held him up for El to see. 

“That’s Charlie?” 

Slowly working his way up his wrist, one eye on El, and the other keeping lookout on everything else. “The one and only.”

El was keeping just as wary an eye on him. “He’s very… big.”

For his species he was actually pretty average. But for someone who lived where the biggest lizards around were green anoles, yeah. Charlie was pretty big. “A big dumbass. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but it ain’t much.”  _ Rude,  _ said the little glance Charlie gave him, powered by his little Windows screensaver of a brain cell. “You wanna hold him?”

“Does he bite?” Eleven asked the expected question. 

Erik bit back his typical response of  _ anything with a mouth bites,  _ and instead gave a simple white lie. “Nah. Not unless he thinks you want to snack on him, or actually stick your finger in his mouth.” Erik held his hand out, and Charlie wrapped his tail around his wrist. “Think you can handle him?”

Now, it looked like Eleven’s hesitance was little more than an act. “I can try.” He said as if he didn’t want to, but reached out anyway. “How do I get him to…” Just as he began to ask, Charlie reached out, and grabbed onto his fingers. “Oh. Oh that’s — weird.” 

No doubt he meant the way his hands grappled on. “Isn’t he neat though?”

“I guess?” Eleven offered, but Charlie quickly put his little brain to work and realized he hadn’t grabbed onto a branch, or Erik’s other arm, and started to puff up. “He’s…”

“Trying to intimidate you.” Erik explained, but as Charlie opened his mouth wide to show off his tiny little teeth, he realized that Eleven wasn’t going to bond with him just yet. “Just putting on a show. He isn’t actually going to do anything.”

“Well it’s working, I’m intimidated.” Eleven found no shame in admitting, “Could you…  _ God!”  _ Charlie took that moment to hiss and lunge, and it was only his own little grip that kept him from falling.

Yeah. 

Nature Museum hours were over.

“Why would you even get a chameleon?” Eleven grumbled after Charlie had been safely put away in his home.

“Why do you have a cat?” Erik asked, not expecting a real answer.

But he got one anyway. “Cobweb was a foster. But she got attached, and… It helped, having her around. It was easier to get out of bed on the bad days when I knew she needed me.”

Erik slowed, taking his hand away from his lizard, and taking his sweet time closing up the tank. If Eleven was actually going to open up… He should try to do the same. “Pet therapy works. Even if the pet isn’t what you’d normally expect.” Erik said from personal experience. “I can speak for that much. Charlie’s like Cobweb. Just scalier.” 

“But Charlie can’t cuddle you.”

“No? What was his tail doing, then?”

“That’s not the same. He’s not… warm.” 

“Nah, that’s my job.” Erik said, latching the tank and finally turning around. “You just gonna stand there or you gonna cuddle  _ me?” _

Eleven snorted before he could stop himself from laughing. 

And Erik counted that a win. 

“If that’s what you want.” 

“It is.” Erik said, and went to grab whatever pajamas he could find in his closet that  _ weren’t  _ just left on the floor to be tossed in the wash when he literally didn’t have anything clean left. 

But there was no sound of movement behind him.

Eleven was still, even as Erik quickly changed. “You gonna get changed?”

“Not with you  _ watching me.” _

“Why not?” Erik asked. “Nothing I haven’t seen already.”  _ Or would mind seeing again.  _

“This is different.” 

“Aw, did you get shy?” Eleven stared back blankly. “Alright, I get it. I won’t stare. Need me to leave the room?”

“No.” Eleven said, and decided to get over his stage fright.

And Erik made a valiant attempt to keep his eyes where they belonged.

It lasted about five seconds. 

“Stop looking at my ass!”

_ “Fiiiine.”  _ Erik whined as if he actually cared, but his transgression was forgiven easily enough.

But Eleven still wasn’t comfortable.

Erik understood why, he really did. And he knew that the hurt wasn’t going to vanish overnight… But he could still at least  _ try  _ to do what he could.

And that’s really all he ever tried to do. 

“You okay?” Erik asked once they were both settled back on the pillows, and tried not to get any of El’s hair in his mouth. 

But El’s answer was better than Erik had hoped for it to be. “I think I will be. Thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for.” No denial that he wasn’t feeling off, no lies that he was fine. Just simple truth, and the promise that things would be better. “I just want you to be alright.”

“You might be waiting a long time, then.” Eleven said. “I can’t remember the last time I was okay.”

And though he hated to hear it, there wasn’t much he could sympathize more with. “That’s okay too, you know.” Things don’t have to be perfect. If they did, no one would ever really be happy. “I don’t know anyone who’s always perfectly alright.”

“Then why do you want it for me?”

“Because I care about you, have you not gotten that yet?”

“Of course I have. I’m sorry, I’m being unreasonable.”

Erik sighed, and reached over El’s side, taking his hand in his own. “No, you aren’t. You’ve had a horrible week.” 

“But I should be used to it. I shouldn’t get so mad. I shouldn’t yell at Jade. I need to be more mature.”

As if he was the only one at fault.

“She was yelling at you. No matter how  _ mature _ you are, everyone’s got a breaking point.” 

And it seemed like Eleven was approaching his own. “How are you always so calm?” He asked, holding on to Erik’s hand as if it was the only thing grounding him. “It’s like nothing fazes you. Not when your dick was covered in a rash, not when the Waffle House caught on fire or when my car broke down, or when we got stuck in the snow, or when you got stuck upside down in that stupid net thing-”

“Woah, woah. Hold on, _breathe.”_ Erik waited for Eleven to relax again, then whispered as seriously as he possibly could, “We don’t need to bring up the net.”

Erik heard him breathe out something that was almost a laugh. “You wanna know why I’m calm?”

“Why?”

“Because I know what a low is. I know how close I’ve come to losing everything, and that nothing can ever come as close to that again.” Nearly losing Mia, his own future, life….  _ everything.  _ “Everything else… seems small. I can ride out the harder times because I know it won’t get that bad again.” 

“How can you know?” Eleven asked, “What if you get closer than before? I thought… I thought it couldn’t get worse than when I quit being a paramedic. I thought that was it. But… it’s so much worse, now.” It sounded as if it pained him just to say.

Just to admit.

And with that, Erik found himself walking on glass. If Eleven felt safe enough now to reveal the things he held so close to his chest… 

He didn’t want to risk making him close up. He didn’t want to be another person who cared, but didn’t listen. 

“I found things to hold onto.” Erik answered, and really, that was it. Find something worth sticking around for, and hold on tight. “I can’t lose it if Mia needs me. And when she doesn’t anymore, I’ll have Charlie who needs me. Do you know how hard it is to rehome reptiles? And not only him, there’s all the animals at the aquarium, and,” at risk of it being too much, Erik added on one last thing, “and there’s you, now. You need someone right now, or at least, it seems like you do. And if you let me, I could be that person.”

“I don’t know what I need anymore.” Eleven said.

“You need to rest.”

“I sleep so much, though.” Eleven argued, sick of being told that, whether it was true or not. “I’m rested.”

“That’s not the same. There’s sleep, and there’s stress.” Erik hoped he was making sense. He knew this well by now, but it was always hard to put into words. “You need to take some time to just… stop. You need a vacation.”

Eleven didn’t speak.

And Erik tried one last thing. 

“You know you can cry if you need to.”

“What?”

“I know it’s hard to start, sometimes. But it’s good for you. You should know that, doctor.”

“I’m not specialized in mental health.” Eleven told him, and Erik bit back the urge to say that he  _ knew that.  _

He wasn’t getting out of the conversation that easy. 

“It’s how humans get through hard times.” Every living thing has a way of relieving stress, and every living thing suffered it. “When’s the last time you cried?”

“I… I don’t know.” Eleven confessed. 

“You can cry if you need to.” Erik said, and that permission was all that it took.

He’d have a horrible headache when he woke the next morning, but that would be much easier for him to bear without everything still bottled up inside. 

~~

And when morning finally came, and Eleven’s head throbbed with dehydration, his face felt sticky from the dried tear tracks, and he felt like scum, barging into Erik’s home, dropping all his baggage unprompted, and crying all over him without offering any of the same kindness in return.

But when Erik woke, and did nothing more than ask how he slept, and made a promise for breakfast to be ready by the time he was out of the shower…

Eleven felt an odd sense of being home.

He was here because he was welcomed.

He was here because Erik cared, and not for the sake of what he could get in return.

He was here because he wanted to be, and should the time ever come that Erik needed the same from him…

He would get it.

No questions asked. 

But all the same… It was still hard to accept without a word.

“I can cook for myself.” Eleven again tried to argue, but Erik wasn’t having any of it. From the moment he woke up, he wasn’t allowed to lift a finger.

“Maybe so.” Erik said from the kitchen nook, “But you’re not gonna.”

Eleven rolled his eyes, and tried to pretend he was adverse to the situation. 

The oven door slammed, and Eleven knew just enough about baking that he hoped whatever Erik had stuck inside didn’t need to rise.

“Alright,” Erik says as he rounds the corner and stands just to the side of where he has left El curled up on one side of the couch. “With any luck, that’ll be edible. If not… Eh, we’ll figure something out.”

“What are you even making?”

“Stuck some frozen biscuits in the oven.” Erik said, “Sorry to tell you, but I’m no chef.”

“Neither am I.” Eleven admitted.

“Perfect,” Erik set down one of the mugs he held, “we’re just doomed then, aren’t we?”

And for just a moment, Eleven could forget everything that happened the night before. He wasn’t fighting, he wasn’t lost in his own head. 

It was just him, and Erik.

And it was so easy for Erik to wipe away all his worries, all the overcrowded thoughts and made-up arguments and fights his brain cooked up that would never happen. 

His free hand under Eleven’s chin, tilting his head up just far enough up that he didn’t need to bend down quite so far.

For a second, it seemed like all the little touches of the morning were going to come to a head.

But he pulled away before anything could become of it. 

“Tease.” Eleven complained.

“Live with it.” Erik said, and held out the mug he still held. “Here.” 

Eleven took the mug, but stopped as he saw what was written on the surface.

_ Crazy fish lady  _ over a minimalistic design of a tropical fish. 

“Shut up,” Erik demanded before Eleven even had the chance to comment, “Mia got it for me, and I haven’t done the dishes yet.” 

“I wasn’t going to say a thing.” Eleven promised, and took a sip.

And fought not to make a face. 

Black coffee. Bitter as hell.

It would seem as though his tolerance had been knocked down by constant sweetened and flavored versions… 

Oh, well.

As much as he would hate to admit it aloud, Eleven did actually prefer it this way. 

But something always had to happen.

Even if it was a minor thing.

It wasn’t until El went to brush his frizzy, air-drying hair behind his ear that he realized he left his glasses at home.

Fuck.

He let his head fall back against the cushion, and groaned.

“Something wrong?”

“I forgot my damned glasses.” Eleven muttered. And you know what? He was going to be dramatic about it. 

Just because he could be. Sliding from the couch to the floor, he didn’t make any attempt to stop. “I’m gonna need those at some point.”

Erik scooted over to where El had been sitting to stare down at him, as if he could pick out what was wrong from that alone.

“I didn’t think you actually needed those things.” Erik said, “I saw them on your coat, but… I thought they were for show.”

“Why would they be for show?”

“I dunno. Why don’t you wear them if you need them?”

“They make me look like a nerd.” Eleven said, only halfway sarcastic.

“Ellie, you are a nerd.” Erik said gently.

“I only need them when I’m driving.” Eleven answered more seriously, trying to ignore what Erik calling him ‘Ellie’ had made him feel. “Or when I start getting headaches, wearing them helps. My vision isn’t  _ that  _ bad.” Just a touch damaged from endless nights spent pouring over textbooks. 

His hair fell in his face again, and this time Erik noticed when he blew it out of the way. 

“Do you want me to braid your hair for you?” He asked, “Just to get it out of the way?”

“You know how to braid?”

“Did it for Mia for a long time. She, uh…” Erik took a moment's pause, looking uncomfortable, but brushed it off, carrying on as if he never stopped. “She was in PT for a long time, years ago. It was hard for her, and I wanted to help out where I could.”

“That’s very sweet.” Eleven said. He’d learned half by watching, and half by undoing all the braids that Jade had left in his hair. 

But he didn’t share that little tidbit of potential blackmail material. Not when Erik’s mind was off in a different direction. “Yeah… I miss it, sometimes. I mean,” he stopped when he realized what he had said, and tried to backtrack, “I don’t miss the hospital stays or how rough the therapy was, but-”

“You miss the time you spent with her.” Eleven suggested for him. 

“Yeah. That.”

“You can braid my hair.” Eleven said, hoping for something simple and loose but resigning himself to the possibility of some complicated fishtail that would leave his hair unbearably wavy for days. But there were worse things. “Hell, you can do whatever you want with it. Growing up with Jade and Gemma, I don’t think a single day went by where I didn’t end up covered in bows and sparkly hair bands.”

“Ah, the plight of the little brother.” Erik said, as if he weren’t an older brother who probably had the same problem from his own sister. “Come on, lean back.” 

El did, and Erik didn’t even get a chance to part it all before he stopped.

“Oh, shit. How’d I miss this?”

Eleven stopped pretending like he was actually going to drink his coffee. Missed  _ what?  _ Was there something in his hair? “Miss what?” 

“This tattoo.” The light brush of his fingers over the ink on the back of his neck.

“Oh, I forget that’s even there.” Eleven reached back to pull his hair out of the way for Erik to get a better look.

It wasn’t a very large design, probably no longer than his index finger, but it was complex. From roots to leaves, a perfect oak tree over a circle. 

How he had been able to sit perfectly still while the artist inked out every last little leaf, he’d never know.

“Because you don’t see it?”

“Because I don’t remember getting it.”

He could  _ feel  _ Erik’s confusion. “You don’t remember-”

After all, it had been odd enough to wake up and find the source of the burn on his skin. “After graduation. My  _ second  _ graduation. I was drunk with a few classmates and-”

“It’s illegal to tattoo anyone drunk or high!” Erik interrupted him with a furious tone, and… Eleven supposed he would know, with all his piercings. 

“Yeah,  _ I know.  _ But we somehow found someone who didn’t really care.” Offer enough money up front, and there were plenty of people out there who would ignore the rules. And it wasn’t as though he actually cared enough to go find the artist.

His  _ friends,  _ however…

They hadn’t ended up with designs they could just live with. Except for Gemma, Gemma  _ loved  _ hers.

But the rest… He could at least count himself lucky.

“Shit.” Erik cursed, and went silent for a moment. “It’s, uh… It’s nice, though.”

“I don’t hate it or anything, you don’t need to struggle to compliment it. But, thank you.” 

“No, it is. The line work is clean, and it’s a nice design. Does it mean anything, or were you too drunk to care about something like that?”

“I was drunk enough to overthink it.” Eleven said, “it’s supposed to represent growth or some other bullshit I thought was deep a few too many shots down the road.” When that little snippet of a memory came back, he’d felt… Bad, actually. Making another mistake and calling it progress. “Let me tell you, that was  _ not  _ a fun thing to wake up to.”

“I wouldn’t think so. Is it why you grow out your hair?” Saying that, Erik took out what of the braid he’d managed to make, and started over.

“No. I’ve always had it like this. I just picked a convenient place for it. Hospitals typically don’t like their doctors tattooed.”

“Which is bullshit. Long as it isn’t gross, who gives a shit? It’s your skin.”

“Yeah, well.” Eleven shrugged. It hadn’t ever been a problem for him. “Medical industry isn’t really known for being progressive.”

And even beyond that point… 

_ Growth.  _

Yeah fucking right.

He hadn’t grown at all. So what, he’d gone back to school? He still fucked up.

He still changed his track  _ again. _

And he still wished he’d changed to something else.

_ Trauma medicine. _

They’d all told him to think carefully about that. Wasn’t it the same as what he had already failed at? 

He was going to see more death.

What was the difference between seeing in it the ambulance and on the scene and seeing it in the hospital?

Nothing.

They were right.

But Eleven was stupid.

He was stubborn. Too idealistic.

Felt he owed it to the people he’d already lost.

_ Dumbass.  _

Medical Doctorate or not, he was still an idiot. 

Breathing raggedly, Eleven finally pushed from the cold tile floor.

The last patient… He was just a teenager. He was a  _ child. _

Why was he brought to Eleven like he was? Why was he able to get so badly hurt? Where the hell were his  _ parents? _

Eleven hit the wall of the restroom behind him, and slid right back down to the floor.

He couldn’t…

He couldn’t take this either, could he?

The little device hooked onto his coat pocket started beeping.

Of course he was being paged.

He couldn’t ever just rest, could he?

Eleven closed his eyes, as if he could ignore what he was obligated to do.

And he wondered how much longer he could take this.

Until  _ he  _ was the one being rolled into emergency. 

But-

The buzz at his hip wasn’t quite right. 

The pager didn’t vibrate, it just beeped obnoxiously.

Eleven reached into his pocket, and pulled out his phone.

From Gemma, his work schedule for the rest of the month, and through January. 

Okay,  _ January  _ made sense, but the rest of December? There was hardly a week left-

And it was entirely blank until after new year’s day. 

And written far too neatly for anyone working in a medical setting on the empty days, was a note from Gemma, followed by a big heart. 

_ Get some rest, and enjoy some time with your boyfriend!  _

Of course.

It was Eleven against the world, at this point.

All the people he knew and loved out to make him take care of himself.

The sheer betrayal. 

“Well,” he said, slipped the phone back into his pocket, and leaned his head back into Erik’s hands.

Ruining the braid  _ again.  _ “Looks like I’m off for the whole week.”

“Seriously? Gemma got you that much time off?”

Wait.  _ How did Erik know she was trying to- _

Looking up at Erik’s face, so excited over something so simple…

They could conspire all they liked.

“Would you like to stay?”

Eleven felt as though he didn’t quite understand. “Stay…?”

“Here.” Erik elaborated, “For the week, or however long.”

_ Oh.  _ So he did understand. “I wouldn’t want to-”

“I swear to god, El. If that sentence ends in ‘intrude’ I’ll sic Charlie on you.” 

Under the threat of a rabid chameleon attack, El stayed quiet. 

“You don’t have to, but it might be a good idea to have some time away. Just some quiet, you know?”

“I suppose…” El said, wanting to agree but with some annoyingly loud little piece of his brain telling him he needed to argue, needed to come up with an excuse not to, it was hard. 

“I’ve still got to work a bit this week, so you’d be on your own for a little while. Or you could head up there with me, there’s a lot to do in that part of town. It’s up to you.” 

Now that definitely seemed like intruding. “I’d like to,” Eleven said, having to look away to actually decline, “but I couldn’t put you out like that.”

“Like what?” Erik scoffed, “What part of having you all to myself all week is going to be a problem?”

Well.

When he put it that way… “Alright.” He agreed, and… Yeah. This was probably for the best. Some time away, some time to cool down, and some time to just relax. “I’ll stay.” 

Erik grins, but only for a second.

His happiness vanished in a single heartbeat, replaced by mounting horror.

“I forgot about the fucking  _ buiscuits!”  _


	9. Those treasured little moments in time when you realize you are absolutely never going to live this down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something about this morning was odd, even if Eleven couldn’t quite put his finger on it.  
> Not that he was especially worried. It was probably just the surreality of truly having nothing he needed to do.

Eleven wakes to the annoying, but less so than an alarm, default tone of his phone ringing.

He groaned, and with eyes still shut, slapped around on the bed behind him to find his phone.

Swiping to answer with the hope that it wasn’t spam, he hoped he at least sounded human.

“‘lo?” 

“Oh, dear. Did I wake you?”

_ Serena. _

“No.” Eleven lied, knowing how much weight they all put on his sleep schedule. For some reason. “Woke up a little bit ago.” Erik groaned, stuck between sleep and wakefulness. Eleven  _ prayed  _ that Serena didn’t hear it. “What do you need?”

“I’ve got your glasses, and the scrubs you needed. What unit are you in?”

_ Scrubs?  _ Why would he need his uniform if he wasn’t…  _ Ah.  _ He’d forgotten.

But whether she was here to bring him what he’d forgotten in his hurry to leave or not, she was going to show up eventually.

“Uh,” Eleven wracked his mind, trying to find the right number. “2E, right at the end. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were coming so early.”

“Ellie, it’s past ten.”

Eleven found nothing more or less to say than “Oh.”

“Lose track of time?”

Erik snored, fully asleep once more, neck pillowed over El’s numb arm.

Well.

Something like that.

“I’ll get the door for you. Just give me a moment.”

“Of course.” Serena said, and the call went dead.

And Eleven was left to struggle out of Erik’s hold, latched onto Eleven not unlike the octopi he cared for, and tried to find some damn pants. 

Three days, just  _ three days  _ of living with Erik… and his messiness was already rubbing off. 

He ought to drag Erik out of bed as well. 

Make him pay for being the reason he’d slept in so late, keeping him up well past any reasonable time, but… He shouldn’t complain.

He couldn’t bring himself to do it. So, instead Eleven just dug around for a shirt to toss on, pulled the covers neatly back over Erik, and shut the door softly on his way to finally let Serena inside. 

Something about this morning was odd, even if Eleven couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Not that he was especially worried. It was probably just the surreality of truly having nothing he needed to do.

At least, almost nothing.

He could say what he did about his own disorganization, but Erik’s seemed to bother him to no end.

Serena welcomed inside and sat down to talk, it was only minutes before El found himself finally doing the dishes, before she decided to set upon cleaning the apartment herself.

Eleven knew she would.

“Are you not sleeping well?” Serena asked as Eleven yet again tucked his unbrushed hair out of his face. 

“Not particularly.” Eleven answered in a way he hoped was vague enough, moving another dish from the soapy to the clean water. Really, he didn’t at first think that when Erik asked him to come spend the whole week with him while Mia was out of town instead of just the initial night he’d be a live-in maid.

But after seeing the mess he lived in while Mia was gone? Or the even worse alternative, that this was just how they both lived...

He couldn’t exactly just let it get  _ worse.  _ “I’m used to pitch darkness, and the red light in his room is creepy, to be honest.”

“Red light?” Serena repeated, looking and sounding more than a tad lost. 

“Oh. Sorry,” Eleven stopped with the dishes for a moment, peeling off the rubber gloves and leaning back against the counter. It was rude to keep cleaning while Serena was nice enough to come and drop off lunch for them alongside what he had actually needed, anyway.

What little he had gotten done would at least appease her mother duck nature for now. “It’s an infrared heat bulb. He’s got a chameleon.” It wasn’t even after he got the word  _ heat  _ out of his mouth that it clicked for her, and she brightened up more than the early light through the windows. 

“A chameleon!” She very nearly squealed, and if Erik slept through that sound, he’d sleep through an earthquake. “What’s its name? Would he let me see it?”

Maybe he should’ve woken Erik after all. That probably would’ve been better than an overexcited stranger barging into his room because she learned there was a colorful lizard in there. “His name is Charlie, and probably. He loved introducing him to me. But Charlie isn’t very fond of me yet.” 

“He wouldn’t be. Chameleons aren’t very friendly little souls.” Serena said, “They’re shy and more than a little aggressive, on the wrong day.”

“But it loves Erik, you should see the way it holds on to him.” Eleven countered, having learned more about reptiles in the last three days than in the rest of his life so far. He knew how to tell a venomous snake from a harmless one, and until now it was all he thought he  _ needed  _ to know. But… It made Erik happy, and he’d be willing to learn all there was to know if that would, too. “It’s precious.” How much Erik loved it, at least.

Charlie  _ himself…  _ Was less so.

Eleven glanced over at the bar where Serena had settled herself, and she was staring right at him, soft smile and sparkly eyes and right then and there, Eleven knew she was planning the wedding. 

“You’re happy here, aren’t you?” She asked, as if he had moved in months ago, and he wasn’t just here because he couldn’t yet face Jade for his own stupid mistake. 

“I am.” But even so, he could admit he was. Dirty dishes and dusty room and all, it was easier here somehow. Easier to breathe. 

And that’s when the odd feeling made sense. An odd sense of home. His guard was lower than it had been since he was first starting his residency. Almost entirely missing. “Even though it’s just for the week, I really am.”

“We’ll miss you.” Serena said, just as casually as she would speak about the weather. 

_ Miss him.  _ They’d miss  _ Cobweb.  _ “Calm down, I’m not moving out just yet.”

“Still, I mean it —- Oh!” Serena straightened up as she caught sight of the bright blue coming around the corner. 

“Oh, good morning.” Eleven said to the man who was  _ still  _ half-asleep and hardly aware of the world around him.

“‘mornin’,” he mumbled right back, looking just the tiniest bit more awake at Eleven’s words, walking right by their guest to push up on his toes to kiss him.

In front of someone. 

Half his mind was warning him that Serena was  _ right there,  _ but… Serena probably didn’t care, if anything she was probably all too happy about it.

Which called the other half of his mind in to point out that  _ Serena was right there.  _

But still, it wasn’t as if this was public, and if Erik didn’t care… Then El didn’t, either.

Except when the short kiss broke, Erik didn’t step back away. 

Instead… Erik locked his arms around Eleven’s neck, and tried to kiss him again. 

Eleven didn’t move, hoping that simply  _ not kissing back  _ would be enough of a heads-up that something was amiss, but his luck always had seemed to be just a touch rotten.

“Erik.” Eleven tried to warn, decidedly  _ not  _ looking at him or at Serena.

_ Really. Had he not gotten enough by now? _

Erik pulled away, but to Eleven’s dismay, didn’t  _ step  _ away. Just moving to run his arms down his sides instead. “Come on baby, the dishes can wait just a bit longer…” 

Missing his (unspoken) point  _ entirely.  _

_ “Erik, we have-“  _ ‘Company’ is what he was  _ planning  _ on saying, before Erik cut him off in a voice far more awake than it just had been, and in a tone that wasn’t at all appropriate for the kitchen at ten in the morning —

“Relax a bit, would you? Just let me take care of you…” Erik slowly sank to his knees, hands finding purchase on his waistband, and  _ holy shit he was really about to- _

Serena lightly cleared her throat behind them, looking all too amused by the spectacle. 

And Erik shot back up to his feet, nearly knocking his head into El’s chin on the way up before he took a hurried step back.

If he could bottle that look of abject terror on Erik’s face the moment before he turned around to see Serena still sitting quietly and calmly, peaceful smile entirely unchanged from moments before Erik had literally  _ dropped to his knees- _

Eleven got a perfect seat to watch as Erik got to meet Serena on neither of their own terms. 

“Good morning,” Serena said, standing and brushing the wrinkles from her skirt, before holding out a hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you properly.”

Erik didn’t so much as blink.

“This is Serena, remember her?” Eleven said slowly, watching the red that colored across Erik’s face like a particularly bad sunburn. “My sister-in-law.”

And that was it, Erik was off, nothing but the slam of a door and the faint afterimage of blue hair and faded flannel pajama pants to prove he’d even been in the kitchen at all. 

Serena just smiled wider. “Shy, isn’t he?”

“Not particularly,” Eleven said, glancing down the hall. “I, uh… Sorry? I guess?”

“It can’t be helped.” Serena shrugged, unbothered by the miss. Unbothered by most things, actually. But that was just her. She’d meet him eventually, of course. 

Whenever things had settled down with Eleven and Jade. And once Erik wasn’t either caught on the sidelines or too embarrassed to stay in her line of sight. 

Which, really was impressive. 

It seemed like Eleven had finally found what embarrassed him, even if it had been accidental. 

But Serena wasn’t here to just drop off what he had forgotten, make pleasantries, and force a homemade meal upon the both of them.

No. Poor Serena was once again pushed into the role of mediator. Only this time, she wasn’t being sent back and forth between two slammed shut doors, but across town. 

He’d do something to make up for the trouble. 

While Erik was busy hiding away from the world… 

“Is Jade ready to apologize?” Eleven asked, hoping he didn’t sound too much like a grumpy child.

Even if that is  _ exactly  _ how he felt. 

“Are you ready to talk about why you relapsed?” Serena asked instead of answering.

“I didn’t  _ relapse.”  _ Eleven said, looking off to the side. 

But his inability to admit his own issue was likely still mirrored in Jade’s stubborn refusal to apologize, so…

They were still stuck, until they both decided enough was enough and they could act like the adults they were.

For once. 

But this time, it felt as though it was on a time limit. 

El wasn’t going to stay at Erik’s forever.

_ At least not yet,  _ El thought, intrusive and unwanted. 

Serena waited a moment more, just in case he would change his mind, but when he didn’t, she sighed.

Tired of being caught in the middle, but still too kind hearted to say no. That was her own sister's job. 

But as long as this didn’t drag out too long, that wouldn’t be an issue. 

El wanted to make up, she knew. And through it all, Jade was just worried, as unfortunate it was the way she chose to show it. 

“You know I’m always here if you need me.” Serena reminded him, “and Jade too, even if you two aren’t on the best terms right now.”

“I know.” Eleven promised. “It’s just… Hard, you know? When I don’t get it either.” 

“You’ll figure it out.” Serena said, “You always do.” And before Eleven even had a chance to prepare himself, he was wrapped up in a hug, and squeezed  _ hard.  _ You’d never know it looking at her, but as the air was squished from his lungs, he was reminded just how strong she really was, and just how strength you actually needed to cart around giant bags of flour and move towering tiered cakes around without toppling them. 

As he was let go, and he could finally breathe once more, Serena gave him one last piece of advice. Disguised as a warning. “Just don’t take so long that I have to get Ronnie involved.” 

“You think that’s something I want?” Eleven asked, remembering all too well the last time the pyrotechnician had all too happily dragged him and Jade both for being stupid and ‘messing up her little sister’s picture-perfect life.’ 

She’d once threatened to light a firecracker up his ass.

He had believed her. 

“Of course not. She’ll be around for New Years, though. So do be prepared.”

So that was his deadline, wasn’t it? 

Eleven fought the urge to take a sudden trip out of town. 

How long did he have until then, again?

“Before I go,” Serena said, pulling El back into the unfortunate clutches of reality, “You don’t suppose Erik would be willing to meet me properly, do you? I’d very much like to talk to him. Sit down with both of you, maybe over some tea, discuss plans…”

“It has not even been a year, calm down.” Eleven said, halfway terrified at the prospect and halfway thankful it wasn’t just his own stupid head jumping too far in the future, even if Serena was probably more interested from a business perspective. “But — no.” He answered. Rushing off like that… There wasn’t any way he’d be willing to come back. “Next time. I hope.” 

“Next time.” Serena agreed, and picked her bag up from the counter. “Hopefully when everyone has calmed down. We’ll have him and his sister both over, how does that sound?” 

Eleven just nodded. In the end it would be up to Erik if he felt comfortable going back there.

He walked her to the door, and let her hug him once more before she was back off home.

And Eleven was left in Erik’s.

An outsider.

An intruder.

But that wasn’t so unusual. He felt the same way at Jade’s home. 

But he wasn’t here to mope in his own missing feelings of belonging, and he should probably do something about his mortified boyfriend.

“Hey, Erik?” Eleven knocked and asked through the door, “You alright?”

There was an answer, but so muffled and unintelligible, he hadn’t the slightest clue what it could have been intended to be.

Slowly, he pushed the door open.

The vaguely human-shaped lump of blankets on the bed just groaned. 

Fair enough.

“Can I come in?” 

A corner of the blanket lifted, then went back down in what Eleven could only interpret as a shrug. 

Well.

If that was as much permission as he was gonna get, he’d take it. 

The door shut behind him, and Eleven stepped over the toppled stack of books, more likely a casualty of the violent door slam than of any sort of intentional crime against literature. 

He caught sight of Charlie near the door, staring at him with both of his little oddball chameleon eyes as if to say:  _ this is your fault, isn’t it? _

Part of Eleven wanted to glare back, but the other part refused to get in a staring contest with the sad, googly-eyed remains of the dinosaurs. Instead, he ignored the goading Spock-handed reptile and sat on the corner of the bed, and folded back the edge of the comforter that seemed most likely to be hiding a head. 

Erik looked up at him, ears still a burning red.

“You okay?” Eleven tried again, hoping that this time Erik remembered how to use his words.

“Fuck, no.” Okay, not the words he’d been hoping for, but reasonable enough for the situation. 

“It’s okay, you know.” He tried to soothe, but really didn’t know  _ how  _ to remedy this situation.

“No, it’s not.” Erik argued, reaching for the blanket and re-cocooning himself. “I just tried to  _ blow you _ right in front of your  _ sister’s wife!”  _ The cocoon curled in tighter. “That’s it, I’ve gotta move again. Change my name, find a new color to dye my hair, think red would look good on me?”

Eleven could say for sure in this moment that red would likely not be his color. 

But he didn’t.

“Don’t be so melodramatic, Serena doesn’t care.”

“She  _ says  _ she doesn’t care, but you know she’s gonna go right back home and tell Jade! And they’ll tell everyone they know, and then we can’t  _ ever  _ get married because anyone we invite to the wedding would try to tell this story as a toast!”

And if Eleven thought Serena was a little ahead of the game with her idea of him moving out… 

“She won’t tell anyone.” Eleven assured him, “Serena isn’t mean like that. She wouldn’t tell anyone what you had for lunch if she thought it would embarrass you.”

“Why would my lunch embarrass me?”

“That’s not my point.” Eleven said, laying on top of the covers, and pulling them down one more time to make Erik look at him. 

_ Still  _ redder than a tomato. “My  _ point  _ is that Serena isn’t going to tell anyone. I’m not going to make fun of you for it. You don’t have to worry about it.”

Erik doesn’t respond.

El sighed. It wasn’t as if he could really blame him. 

“Speaking of lunch, though. She left us some homemade bombay aloo.”

“Some  _ what now?” _

“Stir fried potatoes, basically.” Eleven said. “Get out of bed and I’ll get you a bowl.”

Erik didn’t hesitate that time, even if he did wind up taking his cocoon with him for lunch. Breakfast?

Oh well. 

“Feeling better now?” Eleven asked, handing over a bowl to Erik, who took it suspiciously, poking at the potatoes and sauce like it was some potentially toxic foreign substance. 

“I guess.” He said. “You sure you can just forget I did  _ that?” _

“You didn’t know she was there.” Eleven again tried to calm him. “And it’s not like I’d rejected you at all up until this point.”

“Yes, you have.” Erik argued, “I wanted you to put on your lab coat the other night and give me an  _ exam.” _

“And I told you,” Eleven said, turning down this silly half-joke idea for what had to be the fifth time now, “That it isn’t sexy for a  _ variety _ of reasons. You want to role play, we can role play. But I’m not bringing work into the bedroom. And I don’t have my lab coat.”

“You’re no fun.” Erik says, stabbing a chunk of potato with much more force than necessary. “But we can figure something else out. Got any ideas?”

“No.” Eleven said carefully, in fear of inspiring any ideas himself.

“In that case… You ever hear of monsterfuckers? Mothman?”

Eleven was glad he hadn’t taken a bite yet. Otherwise he would’ve choked to death. It was only the clear sense that this was indeed a joke that kept Eleven from spiraling. 

Instead, he just let out a long, drawn out, world weary sigh. “You’re gonna have to come up with a really good argument to convince me to dress up as a giant moth.”

Erik grinned at him, earlier embarrassment seemingly gone. 

But then everything stopped.

“Erik?” Eleven asked as he froze with the first bite. “Are you okay?”

He was red again.

And Eleven suddenly remembered his aversion to anything flavorful, and the chopped chilis in their food.

_ Fuck. _

~~

As long as it ended up taking for Erik to sate the burning in his mouth, with milk and honey and bread and just about everything that his quick google search told him to try, at the end of it he was less angry than Eleven had feared he would be. 

“Next time,” Erik had coughed around the tears streaming down, “I’ll remember to ask more than just the main ingredient.” 

The rest of the day passed like any of the others had. 

The morning went slow and quiet while Erik was gone, but the silence here wasn’t crowded with the little things that the hospital was full of. No rolling carts, no hum of the lights, no codes being called overhead. 

Just peace that Eleven found passing easier than anything else.

And once Erik was back, he didn’t feel much different than a puppy waiting for its owners to return.

Maybe that should feel bad.

But it really didn’t. 

Not when Erik stood on his toes to kiss him hello, before going off to wash the saltwater from his hair. 

Not when everything felt so perfect.

If only he had met Erik years earlier.

He probably wouldn’t have gone into medicine at all if he could’ve just ended up a house husband ages ago. 

But he didn’t dare speak that thought aloud, lest he risk inspiring Erik with a new fantasy to replace the one he had now.

Risking his ideal of a lab coat being replaced with a frilly apron and naught else. 

But even that couldn’t put his mood down.

He didn’t know what could, to be completely honest.

With Erik so close to him, how could it? 

Mostly-empty takeout boxes set on the floor until one of them either gained the strength to extract themself from the couch.

Doing nothing more than scrolling through lists of shows they had to stream until one of them seemed interesting enough to space out at until something else caught their eye. 

Erik held the remote, and flipped through movie after show, until a preview started.

And Eleven couldn’t help but scoff at it. 

Actors dressed up and thrust into a hospital set, to moan and groan about petty little dramas to a background of a campus that would be shut down in only a matter of days had it been a real hospital operating under the same regulations.

“Don’t like these shows?” Erik asked as it started to play.

“Never saw the appeal.” 

“Not realistic enough for you?”

“Who needs realism?” Eleven asked, meaning the question earnestly. Fiction was so much better than reality, offering up escape to what the real world held. And even if these shows  _ were  _ fictional… He still didn’t get it. But what did it matter? He wasn’t the target audience. “The real hospital isn’t fun. You don’t get magic cures for your patients. You don’t get interpersonal dramas any bigger than the feud the nurses always have with the lazier doctors who can’t ever get the test results sent over on time.”

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

“Group projects should’ve ended in highschool.” Eleven muttered. If he had to wait on a radiologist coming off break to get the X-rays he needed  _ one more time,  _ he would snap.

“Can’t argue with that.” Erik said, but he didn’t switch away.

And why would he need to?

If nothing else Eleven could probably derive just a little bit of entertainment from pointing out every little flaw.

“That’s not right.” Eleven said for the millionth time in less than ten minutes, as a car crash victim with a fractured arm was rushed off as if he was near death. “No one gets stuck in the ICU for something like that. That’s not how any of that works!” 

And Erik just  _ laughed,  _ as if his entire livelihood wasn’t being made a mockery of. “Gotta build tension somehow. Otherwise all the audience will be focused on is the actor’s face.”

Eleven snorted. “That’s not accurate, either. Most of the doctors are all grouchy old men. Not exactly ‘most attractive man of the year’ material.”

“Nah, I guess you’re right. I got the only one there is right here.”

“Pff,  _ Erik.”  _

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

Eleven shook his head, and ignored him. What, was he supposed to deny that?

But as the story went on, Eleven stopped picking it apart.

It wasn’t real in the slightest.

The blood was fake, and he knew full well what they were using to simulate a real emergency surgery, but… 

“El? You okay?” It still came too close.

“Yeah. I am, but… Think we could watch something else?”

“Of course.” Erik sat up, and shut it off without a second thought, clicking away to something different. “Sorry, I didn’t think it would-”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize.” Eleven said, “I didn’t either.” 

There was a moment of pause, and Erik stopped scrolling through the other shows. The TV shut off, and Erik set the remote down.

And Eleven waited for the questions to start. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything you aren’t ready to.” Erik started off gently, “I don’t expect you to go over absolutely everything that is bothering you, but… I’m worried about you.”

“You don’t need to worry.”

“There! That is exactly why I am. You just… Shut down sometimes, and sometimes it seems like I cause it. But I don’t even know enough to figure out  _ what  _ I even said that upset you.” Eleven looked away. He didn’t mean to. He really didn’t, but… How would he even begin to explain? “I just… I want to understand what’s going on.”

“It’s…” Eleven fought back the rising tide of frustration that threatened to spill over. It wasn’t Erik, it wouldn’t ever be. But just at everything else. 

It poisoned everything, eventually. It ruined the passion he had for his work. It ruined everything he built for himself. It ruined his future career.

It was ruining the relationship he had with his family, and now it was threatening to spread its rot to what he had with Erik, too. 

It had only been a matter of time. But Eleven had at least hoped it would have staved off for a little while longer. Let him enjoy the happiness while it lasted. “It’s a lot.”

“We have time.” Erik said.

Willing to listen, to do what he could to make Eleven feel better even if he couldn’t help solve the problem.

El didn’t deserve him. Maybe it was for the best that this happened now, before he wasted too much of Erik’s time. If it happened now, maybe they could be nice memories of each other rather than regrets. 

But Eleven felt like he only had regrets, so he really shouldn’t be surprised. 

“It’s… Its work.” Eleven said, staring across the room at the packed-full bookshelf. He couldn’t make out what was written on the spines without his glasses, but he could recognize a few of them even without. If these were the books that Mia learned to write from, then she’d be an excellent author, no doubt. 

“I’d thought so.” Erik said, leaning his head against El’s shoulder. “I know you can’t talk about your patients. But is it them? It is seeing the people that come through?”

“Not really.” Eleven said, dropping his gaze to the floor instead. It wouldn’t help to let himself get distracted again. “Most of my patients there are like you.”

“I hope that means ridiculous,” Erik interjected, and lifted the hand that he had holding to El’s, “and not like this. If I find out you’ve got a  _ bunch  _ of smitten dumbasses hidden around town I’m going to be a little upset.”

“No,” Eleven said, laughing in spite of himself, “None quite like you.” Maybe it wasn’t a fix, but Erik  _ did  _ help. More than he seemed to know, just by being himself. “I mean their complaints aren’t as serious as they could be. I’m not losing anyone there.”

“Is it the hours, then?” Erik asked, “I know you don’t have much control over them, but night shift isn’t good for everyone. Some people just aren’t suited for it.”

“No, it’s not that either.” Eleven said, “The nights are fine.”

“Then what?”

“It’s… Everything.” And nothing. But that was harder to explain. “It’s that I’m stuck there. There’s no mobility, my nights are all the same, and there’s nothing to change it. But I can’t go back to the larger hospital, either. There… It was all too much. There was  _ so much  _ every day I went in, a constant flow of emergencies. Maybe it wasn’t as much as I remember, but…” It felt like confessing a crime. Every doctor lost patients. Especially in his field. If he wasn’t fast enough, if he couldn’t make the right choice in nanoseconds… “I saw so many people die.”

Erik didn’t say anything right away.

And Eleven didn’t expect him to.

What were you supposed to say to that?

“I did everything I could. So did the others. But…” They couldn’t drag people back to life after a certain point. They could attempt resuscitation until their own bodies gave out, but sometimes… It just didn’t work. “There were a few times that we were overwhelmed. People brought in from accidents, and we were just… overwhelmed. A few too many events like that and,” Eleven shrugged the shoulder that Erik wasn’t currently on, “a lot of people left. They found out they weren’t cut out for the job, and just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“You were one of them?”

“No, actually.” Eleven said, wishing the answer was the opposite. Or, wishing that the answer was something else entirely. “I stayed. But not much longer.”

“What happened?”

Eleven shook his head. “I’m in a different hospital now, and the work is easier. That’s what matters.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Eleven said. It wasn’t Erik’s fault. “I just. Don’t think I can go over it right now. Another time.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Erik said, lifted his head from El’s shoulder, and instead pushed him back down against the cushions, laid overtop him. “I don’t know what that must’ve been like.”

His head was resting against El’s chest, just over his heart.

No. He didn’t understand. Only a handful of people did, only those that actually had to work those nights.

And he wouldn’t wish it on anyone else.

Erik didn’t understand, and he didn’t try to. He only recognized what it meant for El.

And now, his weight over El was comforting. Grounding.

El’s arms came to close around Erik’s back. “Thank you.” He said, for so many different things. 

“You’re welcome. Just, one more thing.”

“Anything.” Eleven said, meaning it in that moment. 

“Why are you still an emergency doctor?”

“Because… It’s my job?” Eleven offered, not completely sure what Erik meant. “I spent years learning how to be one. What else would I be?”

“...Have you thought about teaching? Or changing your speciality?” Erik asked, and somehow those nine simple words hit harder than Eleven knew was even possible.

_ “Teaching?”  _ Eleven asked, feeling as though the single syllable pulled each last scrap of oxygen from his lungs.  _ Teach? Change his speciality? Go back to school  _ again? After everything he’d fought through… What would be the point of it all to give up now?!

“Yeah,” Erik continued on, as if he hadn’t heard the way that Eleven’s heart had stopped beating. As if the hand that had been drawing meaningless patterns over his skin hadn’t stopped moving.

As if suddenly, the room wasn’t big enough to house them both.

“You could probably be a professor. You’ve got what, two degrees? And a certificate? And you’ve worked in two hospitals. What more credentials do you need? And I don’t know how changing your practice works, but you’re a surgeon, maybe you could…” Erik kept speaking, but Eleven could no longer hear.

Staring up at the ceiling fan, his mind went to static, and panic rose in his chest.

It wasn’t about credentials. 

Why the hell would it be about  _ credentials?  _

It was-

Starting over. Again.

Giving up.  _ Again. _

And- he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that to his family,  _ himself. _

He had this ER, he was  _ finally  _ starting to feel better, feel happy, get back on his feet and Erik-

Erik would just have him throw it all away?

For what?

There was something caught in his throat.

Stopping the oxygen from getting to his lungs.

“Ellie? Are you-” That was all Erik managed to get out before the wind was knocked out of him.

El didn’t mean to push him off so roughly, but he didn’t know how else he could have done it.

Standing in the middle of the room, El hadn’t ever felt the urge to run so badly.

He needed space.

He couldn’t breathe in here.

He needed-

He made for the door.

“El!” Erik called out, but he didn’t stop until the door was shut behind him, and he stood in the freezing air on top of the concrete. 

But it didn’t stay shut.

“El?” Erik asked, but he hardly heard.

His hand came to rest on El’s shoulder, and he jerked away the moment he felt the weight.

Too much.

_ Too much. _

Erik took a step back, and held his hands up in front of his chest, palms out.

What must Eleven look like in that moment, to light fear in Erik’s eyes?

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay?”

Eleven blinked, and his mouth worked uselessly around the words he didn’t have. “No.” 

“What can I do?”  _ Nothing.  _ “Should I call someone? Can I get you something?”

_ No. _

That sense of being home was gone.

And about time, too.

His mind was fogged. Nothing made sense. But the bite of the frost made everything seem so much sharper. 

There was a little piece of himself that cried out to the rest.

He wasn’t thinking straight.

He was reacting to a threat that wasn’t really there.

Erik didn’t know.

He couldn’t have known what he’d done wrong.

Because Eleven couldn’t find the courage to tell him.

Again.

This wasn’t the fault of what he’d seen, of what had been done.

This was just what he was.

And he couldn’t stay.

No matter how much sense that little bit made, it was drowned out by the roar of everything that didn’t. 

And that was all he knew to listen to.

He needed-

He could see his car from here. Erik had taken him to get it not long after he’d first come to stay.

And thank god for that. 

He needed his keys.

But those…

Those were inside. 

The cold of the ground burned the soles of his feet.

But he couldn’t feel the heat as he pushed past Erik to go back inside. 

Erik was talking. Following.

Like a fly that wouldn’t stop.

Like the voice in his head that pointed out everything he did wrong.

His bag… He could do without what wasn’t in it, surely. 

“I have to go.”

“You don’t.” Erik said, and Eleven could almost listen. “Please, wait a moment. Tell me what happened.”

“You said I didn’t have to.” Was it a lie? Was he going to drag it out anyway? Make Eleven bare his heart, spill everything he couldn’t bear to speak of? What was it he wanted?

No one… No one was like Erik without a motive. No one gave and gave like he did, without taking something in return.

“I don’t mean what happened that made you leave the hospital.” Erik said, standing in the doorway to the bedroom.

Trapping Eleven inside. “I mean right  _ now.  _ What did I say?”

“I can’t change what I do.” Eleven said, throwing the bag from his shoulder. “I can’t… I can’t leave it.”

“Why not?” Erik asked, finally gaining a tilt of emotion to his voice.

But Eleven didn’t know what it was. Was he angry? Sad?

Was he finally sick of him? “If it’s making you miserable-”

“Because it’s all I know!” Eleven yelled, louder than he intended, and Erik cringed back.

He-

Eleven stormed past.

He needed to leave.

Before he said something he couldn’t take back. Before he spilled more than he could afford to lose.

He grabbed his keys from the table, and ignored Erik calling after him. 

“El, wait!” Erik yelled, but Eleven didn’t stop. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to. “Elian!  _ Please,  _ can we talk about this? I don’t know what I said-”

His mind wasn’t his own, racing with thoughts only given half the time they needed to properly form, static rather than anything coherent. 

His foot slipped on the staircase, ice he hadn’t seen stealing his balance and sending him hard down what remained to the ground below.

_ “El!”  _ Erik called again, and Eleven heard the pounding of footsteps over metal.

A hand on his arm.

“Are you okay? Shit, that looked-” 

He stopped talking as Eleven wrenched his arm away. Bare skin in the corner of his eye.

Erik hadn’t bothered putting on anything more than a shirt before following Eleven outside.

Barefoot in the ice and snow… He was going to get sick. 

He didn’t look Erik in the eye as he stood.

This time, taking the stairs at a more reasonable pace.

No more accidents. His tailbone hurt from the impact and there was a stretched feeling in his thigh, probably nothing but a strain. Something that would be fine by the end of the week. 

“Go back inside.” 

He heard his own voice, but funny enough didn’t feel his mouth move. 

“You’ll get sick.”

“Eleven?”

He didn’t stop. Didn’t turn to look.

Aside from the streetlights, it was pitch black.

No one around at this late hour to witness the tumble he took, or any other part of this humiliating spectacle.

“I’m sorry.” Erik tried again, confused and hurt and every last bit of it was Eleven’s fault, still standing in the snow, as if the cold didn’t burn his skin. “Please… Don’t go.” 

Eleven didn’t stop. 

As much as he wanted to…

He couldn’t stay, right now. Maybe he’d be back later. Maybe an hour, maybe a day.

Maybe he’d wake up in the morning feeling for all the world like an overdramatic child, but…

He couldn’t stay. Not right now.

There was just too much. 

Too much Erik didn’t know.

The car door closed not with a slam, but a soft click. Anger bled out, nothing left over but exhaustion. 

The key turned, and Eleven dared to look up.

And wished he hadn’t. 

Still standing where Eleven had fallen, frozen to the spot.

Waiting, and staring. Wondering what it was he said that had been so terrible.

_ It’s not your fault.  _ Eleven needed to tell him, but instead looked away.  _ It’s just me. _

He didn’t look back again, because he knew what he would see, and he wasn’t ready.

Whether Erik was still just there, standing… Or if he had turned around… 

Neither an option he could bear to see.

He left.

And he didn’t know when he was coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things have to get worse before they can get better.
> 
> Also if it explains anything at all I have had five conversations about mothman all with different people and completely independent of each other in the past two days alone.  
> Perhaps I should be worried.


	10. When you hit rock bottom, that just means it’s time to break out the jackhammer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As much as he truly loved her, it couldn’t have worked out. Trial and error, even if it had mostly been error.   
> That hadn’t been their fault, two stupid gay kids who thought that together they could be a little less gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I work with animals and I’ve spent a couple hours a day the past couple days on food prep and let me tell you I now understand why Erik would rather chop a finger off than do it.

Standing out in the cold, Erik wasn’t quite sure what to do. 

Still wasn’t entirely sure what he did that was horrible that El felt like he needed to get away as fast as he possibly could.

But whatever it was, whatever was so horrible about suggesting that El find something that didn’t leave him looking one last shove away from toppling over the edge.

But clearly… He didn’t know everything.

He felt like he didn’t know anything.

And he certainly didn’t know where to go from here.

Was he gone? Did he really fuck up that badly, or did he just need space?

Either way… 

It had only taken minutes to happen, why did it feel like it had been just seconds?

What was he supposed to do now?

Go after him? 

But he didn’t know where.

Just sit here and wait?

In the cold, Erik shivered. 

“Erik, dear?” 

A gentle hand on his shoulder, and Erik looked to see Ruby just behind him, fluffy bedrobe pulled in close around her. 

Had he woken her chasing after El?

“I’m sorry.” He said without waiting to find out. He didn’t want to be a thorn in her side. She’d been nice to him and Mia, kind enough to waive their first two months rent while they found their feet in their new home. She didn’t even complain about the way Mia stomped around the place, right above her head. “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she shushed him as reality set in, and Erik realized she wasn’t the only person who had come outside to watch. “Come on, let’s get you inside before you catch your death.” 

He wouldn’t get sick.

Erik hadn’t ever gotten sick from the cold.

He’d been out in worse. Gotten soaked to the bone in colder weather, without a friendly face to walk him back inside, or sit him at the table. 

Erik pulled the blanket he’d gotten from the couch tighter around him.

From right where he’d left it in his haste to get El back inside.

It smelled like him. Like the hoodie he’d stolen, like the pillow he’d been sleeping on.

“I’m sorry.” Erik said again as a mug of tea was set in front of him. Whether he was apologizing to Ruby for all the trouble, or what was left of Eleven in his home. 

He hadn’t left entirely. He hadn’t walked out in Erik. 

He wouldn’t just walk out and abandon him like this. He wasn’t like that.

At least…

He didn’t think he was. 

But Erik’s track record didn’t exactly instill hope. 

“It’s alright, dear. You don’t need to worry.” Ruby sat down in the chair opposite of him. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” 

Not really. 

But it would be stupid to pass up the chance at her opinion. Anyone’s, really. 

To hear what someone outside the situation thought.

“That… That was my boyfriend.” He started, and got no further.

“You’re seeing Elian?”

He looked up at her. “You know him?”

“Everyone knows Dr. Lumen, a good young man, that one.” she said, “But it’s his mother I’m more acquainted with. Long time ago that boy tried to run away from home. Got to these parts and no further. Not ten years old, crying something fierce. Wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, but I wasn’t about to let the child keep on going and get himself hurt. Eventually got his momma’s name out of him and called her.”

“What happened?” 

“Amber showed up, and took her boy home. I dread to think about what kind of trouble he got in, but she was just so relieved to know he was safe…” Ruby shook her head. “She thanked me for weeks, asked if there was anything she could do, but I told her I was just glad I was there to catch him. But he ran off for a reason then, and I’m sure he did now, too.”

“I said something stupid.” Erik confessed. “But I don’t know what it was.”

It took less time than Erik had expected it to to go over the events of the evening. 

Eleven’s panic had seemingly come out of nowhere. Erik had seen the discomfort that had locked Eleven still when he first began to explain… But the panic was sudden. The fear and the anger, he hadn’t known to expect. “I don’t know what happened. Everything was fine, he was feeling better. I’ve worked so hard to get him to feel safe, to open up, but…” All he’d done was suggest a different path.

But he supposed it had just been too much.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been working so hard to get Eleven to open up to him, but rather he should’ve been urging him to see someone certified to help in these kinds of cases. 

“You’ve put a lot of effort into your relationship. But has he?”

“What?”

“What has he done?” 

“It’s not…” Erik started, and stopped. Eleven showed he cared in little ways. In words that meant he loved Erik, even if those weren’t the words he chose. In gentle touch and exasperated fondness when Erik said things that other people ignored at best. “He doesn’t have to do anything more than he has. He isn’t, he isn’t taking advantage of me. He’s just not well. I just…” He didn’t want more from El.

He just wanted him well.

But he didn’t even know what that was. Even his best days seemed to be tinged with something Erik couldn’t name. 

“And why is it up to you to make him well?” Ruby asked. 

“It’s not.” Erik sighed. He knew what she was doing, what she was asking. But it wasn’t like that. “I just…” Eleven needed help.

And she was right.

He wasn’t going to fix what was broken.

But he could help pick up the pieces.

Just like El was doing for him, even if he didn’t seem to realize. 

That should be a warm feeling, but instead all he felt was a flash of bitterness. Eleven wasn’t the only one here suffering quietly. But Erik hadn’t stormed off on him! 

Not once had he ever even come close. 

He knew that wasn’t fair.

But it didn’t stop the resentment from creeping in. 

Erik needed help, too.

But Eleven didn’t seem to notice. 

The anger bled away as quickly as it appeared.

Of course he hadn’t noticed. 

Erik hadn’t ever made it known. He hid it, just like El did. It just so happened that he was better at it.

“You care quite a bit for him, that much is clear. But it’s draining, isn’t it?”

“I-” Erik started, a refusal ready on his tongue. But she was right. “Yeah. A little bit.” Even if the day to day was fine, when it got bad… 

Ruby sat and watched as Erik dealt with his thoughts. “I hate to suggest it, but maybe this is a good thing. Think on it, on whether or not this is healthy. If you really want a relationship that you have to walk on glass for.”

“That’s not…” Erik dragged a hand done his face. He didn’t know anymore. He just didn’t know. “I don’t have to walk on glass. He doesn’t normally act like that. I don’t know what happened tonight. He has trouble saying it, but… I know he loves me, too.”

But was that enough? To know, but not be told? 

“I don’t mean to sway you one way or another,” Ruby said as she stood from her seat, and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder as she passed, “just think on it. In the end, it’s only up to you.”

“Thank you.” Erik said, hoping that would be the end of it.

“Anytime, dear.” She said, glancing once at the clock. “I’ll leave you alone now, but I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow. I know how to get when Mia isn’t around.”

“Thank you.” Erik said again, slouching in his seat. But he didn’t let his head slam into the table until she was gone. 

Fuck. 

Fuck.

“Fuck!” Erik yelled, hoping it would relieve just a little of the tension. 

Of course, it didn’t. 

He knew what it was like to need to run, to get away as fast as he possibly could. 

He felt it now.

But the difference was that he wouldn’t follow it. He’d let that feeling drag him around too much already. He wouldn’t let it control him again.

The energy wouldn’t vanish, but he could use it for something else. 

The food containers on the floor, the dishes left in the sink.

He could clean up.

If he could just focus. 

Maybe in his room, he knew he hadn’t so much as made the bed that morning, so there was probably something he could have done-

It was a mess. It was always a mess.

So why was it bothering him now?

He knew why, actually.

He just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

But of course, the world wouldn’t allow him even false ignorance. 

Sitting neatly on the nightstand, were El’s glasses.

It seemed like he couldn’t ever remember them. Driving without them… Wasn’t that the one thing El said he needed them for?

A jolt of anxiety wormed its way through his heart. 

Eleven was a careful driver, and even upset as he was, that probably hadn’t changed, but… 

He couldn’t help but worry. 

Even if there was nothing he could do.

Especially if there was nothing he could do.

Hell, he wasn’t going to get a damned thing done, was he? 

Feeling far too alone for someone who slept alone more often than he didn’t, Erik climbed into bed, faced the wall, and pulled the covers up over his head.

But sleep never came easy. 

One last thing before he would resign himself to another night of laying awake.

The light of his phone burned his eyes, but Erik didn’t care. 

Pulling up his messages to El, he stared at the little emoji heart next to his name.

For a moment, he wondered how long that would be there.

For a moment, he wondered how long he would have El’s contact at all. 

Erik: please call me.

Nothing more, nothing less.

No room for misinterpretation and no chance to go out on a tangent.

Just one simple request.

And all he had to do now was hope that El would see it.

He wouldn’t text again. 

He wouldn’t spam.

He wouldn’t call-

Sat in the dawn light, sleepless and exhausted, Erik waited for El to pick up.

No answer. 

Should he leave a message? He never had been good at that. Stilted and panicked about what to say, even if he’d planned out a script.

If he managed to speak at all and didn’t just hang up on impulse.

“Hey, El.” But this time was only marginally different. “It’s me, and uh… I just wanna know that you’re okay. I’m sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have tried to tell you what you should do. It wasn’t my place.” Erik sat back down on his bed, and switched the phone to his other hand. “Call me when you can.” Should he say something? No. If he came out and said something big now, it would panic El further, or worse, just be manipulative. Another time. “I’m worried.” He said instead. “Okay? I’m here whenever you’re ready. I promise.”

And hung up. 

He needed to get going. He needed to get ready for work. 

But instead… Erik hovered over the call button again. Should he try one more time? Was there anything else he could have said?

Was it better to leave it silent? To just wait?

But El wasn’t the only contact at the top of the list. 

Once more, Erik held his phone up to his ear. But this time, it picked up on the third ring. 

“Hey, Mia?” Erik said before she even gave a greeting. If she was still busy, he wouldn’t burden her with his own problems. But if she wasn’t… He really needed her support. “Are you still coming home soon?” 

He couldn’t tell if she heard just how far from normal he felt, but she sounded like she could at least sense the barest bit of it. “Yeah. Tomorrow, probably. Why?”

“Because-” He started to give the barest of explanation, but Mia cut him off.

Taking the discomfort in his tone as something else entirely. “‘Cause I’m not putting off coming home just so you and your boyfriend can have some more alone time. I’m sick of it up here.” 

“That’s…” He wouldn’t have asked it of her in the first place.

Maybe it would be best to just come out and say it. “He left.”

“Damn. I was looking forward to meeting him and… Wait, that sounded… What do you mean?” 

“He took off last night. Just drove away.” Three days. Just three days, and now Erik felt entirely dependent on his presence. 

Except, that wasn’t right.

Not dependent.

He just felt guilty. 

“Oh, I’m gonna kill him.” Mia made the promise in far too cheery a tone.

And Erik knew he really did need to find El before she did.

“No. It was my fault.” Erik said, well and truly believing it.

“I’m sure it wasn’t.” Mia said back without even a single part of the story. Erik could have smiled at how assured she was, if it were for anything else. “You don’t sound like yourself.” 

“I’m okay.”

“Damn. Alright, I’ll leave today. If I hurry I can be home by New Year’s.” 

“You don’t have to rush. I’m going to be okay.” He would be. Eventually, he’d be fine, once the shock wore off. Maybe even once he was at work, submerged underwater where it was all peaceful and quiet, just the fish around him in what felt like a completely different world.

Mia scoffed. “Of course you will be. You always are.” It would be nice, if she hadn’t sounded so sarcastic. “I’ll be home soon. And Erik?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re always so busy taking care of other people. Me, or El now, too. Even the fish get more attention. When are you going to take care of yourself?”

Erik didn’t answer. 

He couldn’t deny the question, he knew it was true, but… If he acknowledged it, he would have to work to answer for it. And where would that leave him? 

“I’ll see you when you get here.” He said instead of saying never. “Love you.”

Mia thankfully didn’t force him to pay attention. She just blew a raspberry into the microphone, and hung up.

She said it back sometimes, when he was lucky. But for the most part, she had trouble with it. Embarrassed, most likely.

It didn’t mean much. Even if she never said it, he knew he was loved.

But sometimes. 

Finally, Erik got out of bed. 

No time for breakfast anymore, he spent too much time going back and forth on whether or not to call. 

He had places to be. 

Sometimes. He just needed to hear it.

But it never seemed like anyone wanted to.

A completely different world, had said. But even that escaped him.

It seemed like these people still hadn’t learned their lesson about giving him busywork, sticking him on food prep and quarantine tanks the entire day, he wasn’t able to escape from his worries.

But to their neverending luck, he hadn’t the presence of mind to even get distracted. 

The day passed in melancholic, monotonous silence.

Erik fought not to count the minutes.

No one here knew what had happened, but they could sense it.

As if D U M P E D was written across his forehead in red ink, or the same on a sign taped to his back.

But that was unreasonable. 

El hadn’t abandoned him. He needed to remember that. He wasn’t stupid. El was panicked. He wasn’t in his right mind. He just needed time to cool off.

He’d be back.

He knew he would be.

But everything said the opposite.

The day passed alone. 

And Erik was only glad that there was no one around to kick him while he was already down.

Back home.

With nothing to do. Nothing to distract himself.

What was it he even did?

He didn’t know how to cook, he couldn’t ever bring himself to actually clean up, as often as he thought about it.

He didn’t read like Mia did, and even if he spent the time -and money- pretending that he played games but in truth, all he did was stare at the screen until he got up to do something else.

When that ‘something else’ almost always meant nothing. 

Really. He worked, he slept, he took care of Charlie.

He really wasn’t any different than El at all.

No one around to see it, Erik smiled at nothing. 

Maybe he should’ve been an actor.

At least then he might’ve been hopped up on enough drugs to not care about everything he cared about now. 

Gearing up for a rousing evening of staring at the ceiling from the couch until it was late enough to stare at the ceiling above his bed, his phone rang.

A number he didn’t know. 

He never answered random calls. He hardly answered calls from anyone but a select few in the first place.

Maybe it was the boredom.

Maybe it was the desperation.

Maybe it was some futile hope that it was possibly El, but… 

“Hello?”

“Erik?” The voice was immediate, familiar, and not at all welcome. 

Bad idea. 

He should hang up.

Or tell her he was done playing around. She’d tracked him down at work. She’d ruined El’s mood for days, and just when Erik had thought he’d brought him back up… “What do you want?” Erik asked, not caring to hide the disdain he held for her. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what happened. El went home sobbing, relayed the story, and now Erik was the Bad Guy, and Jade was free to tear into him. “Got any more threats to make?”

But Jade wasn’t paying any attention. “Where is Eleven?” She asked, cold and simple. 

Erik froze. “He’s… Not with you?”

Jade’s sigh echoed down the line. “Look, I know he went off with you. But it’s almost been a week, and New Years is in a couple of days. Don’t you think he should be with us to celebrate? I’m ready to apologize, but he won’t answer his phone. For me or Serena.”

Erik didn’t care to point out that Eleven should be wherever he wanted to be for the holiday.

He was too busy trying not to panic. “He isn’t here.” Erik said, “He left last night.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah.” Erik dropped down into his chair, “I… Screwed up. He was telling me about how he struggled at work, and I asked why he still-”

“-worked at emergency?” Jade asked, sounding tired. 

But Erik didn’t need to answer. “He got upset, and rushed off.”

“It was bound to happen, I suppose. Now, here’s what we’re going to do.”

“‘We?’” 

“Yes, we.” Jade said, as if speaking to a young child. “As long as you’re still willing to give him a chance after this.”

“Alright.” Erik agreed, even if for no other reason than getting an answer. “What do I need to do?”

~~

When Eleven woke, it was to a sore back, and his eyes stinging from tears. 

He could almost go back to sleep.

Ignore the discomfort and pretend it was nothing more than from being overworked.

Except he knew too well that it wasn’t.

And-

Because there was no way to ignore the giant golden retriever licking his face. 

“Come on, stop that.” Eleven said to the dog, hoping it would be enough to get her to stop.

But all it earned him instead was a cold nose to his cheek. 

The giant teddy bear.

But it wasn’t as if he could be mad at Sandy. She was far too sweet for that. 

And it would be a lie if he tried to claim the gentle giant wasn’t actually making him feel just a little better. 

Paw smacking him in the gut or not. 

“Good morning.” Eleven heard the dog’s mom from the kitchen, the oof alerting her to the fact he had been awake. Or had been suddenly awoken.

Either way. “Feeling any better?”

Eleven sighed, and sat up on the couch. “I don’t know.” It all still felt so raw, guilt for rushing off clawing up his throat. 

Panic or not, it was inexcusable. “You sure I can still go into work tonight like usual?”

And he couldn’t even go home. 

What use was he? 

What kind of coward? He couldn’t face Jade. He couldn’t face Erik. He couldn’t face everything that happened to land him in the place it had.

All he was capable of was running from person to person, and waiting until they were sick of him. 

He knew he couldn’t impose on Gemma for too long. It was bad enough knocking on her door so late, but she had taken one look at his face, and let him in. Didn’t ask a single question and he spilled all the same.

She’d always had that effect on him. 

His oldest friend, through all the shit he got stuck in as a kid, first to visit him when he woke up from surgery, and though they shared precious few courses, it was probably only thanks to them both keeping each other on track that they passed at all. “I mean, I don’t see why you couldn’t. But the other surgeon is going to be there, so don’t expect much to do. He isn’t going to appreciate too many hands on deck.” 

“That’s fine.” She was his best friend, and that wouldn’t change. 

But anxiety was anxiety, and Eleven always feared the opposite. “I just need to at least pretend to be busy.”

She plopped down on the sofa next to him, and swung an arm around his shoulders. 

His skin didn’t crawl at the touch, but that was just because he was accustomed to her by now. 

“You know why I work in that little hospital here instead of going up to the big one? Or moving away and finding a new home?” 

Eleven knew a trap when he saw one. But he still answered. “Why?”

“Because I’m happy here. I love this little town, and the people in it. I love working the nights, and having the days all to myself. I’m happy.” She repeated, stressing the word. “Why are you here?”

He didn’t answer. 

But she wasn’t done anyway. “Why are you here? Maybe, just maybe, Erik was right?” 

“Of course he was right.” Eleven said. “That’s why it scared me.” 

“So why don’t you do something about it?”

“I have something good, here.” Eleven said. “At least… I did. I can’t leave it here. I worked too hard to give up now. And besides that…” El hadn’t opened any of them, but he had texts from Erik and Jade both, and at least one missed call from both of them, and Serena too. He’d pay for ignoring Jade, but Erik… “I ruined it.” Eleven said. “I knew I was going to, but I did it anyway.”

“You haven’t ruined anything.”

“You don’t know that.” Gemma tried to soothe. 

“I’m pretty sure I did. I rushed off in a panic, and I left him in the snow.” Eleven started, replaying the event in his head. “I yelled at him, and he looked scared, Gemma. Like he thought I was going to hurt him.” He closed his eyes. But that only made the fear all the more vivid. “How am I supposed to take that back?”

“You don’t.” Gemma told him, “You know, for some reason I thought you were smarter than this.”

“Thanks.” Eleven said dryly. 

“You can’t take it back, but you can apologize. You can make up for it.” Gemma explained to him like it wasn’t common sense. “You didn’t plan on hurting him, did you? I don’t think you would, but… We may need to have more than a little chat if you did.”

“Of course I didn’t.” El nearly snapped, but that was exactly what got him in this mess. “I wouldn’t ever hurt him.” Eleven took a deep breath. Why was it so easy to admit this to himself, to tell Gemma, but not Erik? “I love him.”

“And he loves you, so I don’t see the problem. He just wanted to help.”

“I know.” As if he couldn’t feel any more miserable.

“You know, he wasn’t wrong to suggest what he did.”

“I know,” Eleven sighed, “I shouldn’t have freaked out like I did. He was right. It’s just… too late.”

“No, it isn’t.” Gemma told him with a smack against his arm. “And that wasn’t what I meant, either. I mean the exact opposite. You know some professors don’t work year round, you can do both. And going back to school isn’t an issue. You’d only need some refresher courses and probably a few specialized courses, depending. It can be done.”

“Yeah. I’ll just head on over to class between shifts. Except… Where’s the closest learning hospital, again?”

“Shush up and listen!” Gemma said, and Eleven couldn’t promise anything. “You can take a sabbatical, you know. Take a year, test the waters.”

“No I can’t.” Eleven argued, “I haven’t worked here for ten years.”

“Not an issue.”

“Gemma.”

“Not an issue! Trust me. I have my ways.”

“Gemma.” Eleven said, trying to figure out if there was any way to try and stress his exasperation further. Really, if she and Erik ever teamed up they could… Something. He wasn’t quite sure, but whatever it was couldn’t be good for the whole of humanity. 

“A magician never reveals her secrets.” Gemma said, mistaking his expression for one of confusion than one of abject terror.

Which really was odd, considering he’d given up learning her secrets to getting the stuck up people in the departments that owned their time long ago. 

He shook his head, and for a moment, everything felt okay.

But only for a moment. “Can I stay here, just a couple days?” He asked, “Just say no if it’s any trouble, I won’t be offended. I’m just not ready to go home yet. But I understand if you don’t have room, or if you just don’t want me intruding-” Eleven’s rambling was only cut off when Gemma dragged him into a hug.

But nothing like the normal spine-snapping, lifting-you-off-the-ground type of attempt on his life type hugs she normally gave.

The fact that she was holding him like he was falling apart was what really told him that he was a mess. 

“Of course you can stay.” Gemma’s voice was right in his ear. “You’re always welcome here. Don’t let that mean old brain of yours tell you otherwise.”

Eleven wanted to say he wouldn’t. But it wasn’t really up to him. 

So instead, he just let himself be hugged, and even managed to return the embrace. That fleeting feeling of being home returning again for the moment.

He didn’t understand it. Of course Gemma felt like home, he’d known her practically his entire life. Of course Erik had felt like home for the brief time he’d been able to enjoy his company. Of course Jade and Serena did on the better days.

But it never stayed. 

All he wanted was for it to stay.

Maybe, if it had worked out with him and Gemma. 

Maybe then he’d be happy.

But it was nothing more than a pipe dream. As much as he truly loved her, it couldn’t have worked out. Trial and error, even if it had mostly been error. 

That hadn’t been their fault, two stupid gay kids who thought that together they could be a little less gay. 

Maybe they still could’ve found a way. More than friends but something other than lovers, but… That wasn’t quite what Eleven had wanted then, and he wasn’t sure if it was what he wanted now, either. 

And for Gemma… He didn’t know what she wanted. But it was her place to choose, not his.

Never his. 

“Just one thing in exchange.”

“Anything.” Eleven promised as she finally pulled away, patting his head like he was a child and not the same age as her.

Not that he was complaining.

“Call Erik soon and apologize?”

It seemed Eleven still hadn’t learned about promising anything. “I’ll try.” He said, and that was about as much as he could give.

It would have to be enough.

~~

Standing at this little house again, Erik couldn’t say he’d expected to visit without Eleven.

But if it’s what it took to get to the bottom of it all, then it’s what he’d do. 

Whether he’d rather not speak to Jade again or not.

Whether he’d be able to look Serena in the eye or not. (Not. Definitely not.) 

He knocked twice on the door, and wondered for a moment if he should text Jade instead when the door opened. “Erik.” She said, nothing more. 

High and mighty as ever. 

“Jade.” He said right back, as if that would show her at all. 

“Come in.” Jade said, pulling the door open further. “Serena is at work, so we have plenty of time to talk.”

“About?” Erik asked. Any details about her little plan still entirely lost on him. 

“Eleven, duh.” She leaned back against the kitchen counter, at a complete juxtaposition from his first meeting with her. Long hair down, dressed in oversized boxer shorts and an old faded T-shirt with the album art of a band he’d never heard of on it. 

She was holding onto a travel mug half-filled with coffee, but the strain in her face was at complete odds with the casual way she stood.

And Erik realized just how worried she was. Stress Chique. “I take it he doesn’t do this often.”

“Just a few times.” Jade answered. “When things get really bad, he vanishes.”

“When he was a kid,” Erik remembered. 

“How do you know?” Jade asked, finally seeming to look at him as if he were a person, and not an annoying bug. “Did El tell you?”

“No.” He said, “Just… Word of mouth.”

She nodded. “When he was a kid, and he was afraid of surgery. That’s a little bit of why he got into medicine, actually. He thought if he understood, he’d be less afraid.”

Not the most noble of reasons. That’s what Eleven liked to say in place of any real explanation.

But Erik didn’t understand. It made sense. At least, to him. What was so shameful about it?

“When he lost his job as a paramedic. He was missing for a month. Finally showed back up, just to call me to say he needed help. One more time after that, before he came here. And now,” She gestured with the mug, and nearly spilled coffee all over the floor. “Here we are.”

“Why are you telling me all this?”

“You want answers, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Erik said, “But from him. When he chooses to tell me. I don’t want to go behind his back.”

“So if I told you I would be willing to explain all that happened to him to cause all this, you wouldn’t want to hear?”

“Not from you.” Erik said, making his voice firm, and ready to turn around and leave. He’d get answers. But not this way.

“Perfect.” Jade said, set the mug behind her and clapped her hands together. “There might be hope for you yet, Camus.” 

“Don’t call me that.” Erik said on impulse, then, “Wait, what?”

“You’re trustworthy. Just by a smidge. Now, tell me everything that happened. We’ll figure out where to go from there if he doesn’t pop back up by the time work rolls back around.”


	11. The Hippocratic oath in full swing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’ve been smiling again.” Gemma reached across the desk, and took one of his hands in both of hers. “Do you know how long it’s been since you were happy enough to do something so simple?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @omgitsaddyc for the chapter title!  
> And being a wonderful gremlin who lets me toss snips and ideas at you!

“Should I say anything else?” Erik asked Mia, poor, patient Mia. “I don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“I think  _ he’s  _ the one overwhelming  _ you.”  _ She muttered into her cereal. Her dinner cereal, because who could focus on cooking with their brother pacing a hole in the floor and ranting about whether or not he should text twice, like the poor infatuated idiot he was. “Look, you’ve tried. It’s almost been a week. At this point, the bastard will respond or he won’t. Just try to relax. He doesn’t deserve you anyway.” She added as an afterthought. Really, she meant it. 

She hadn’t even met the man, but he was already making an impression. 

Erik didn’t respond, and Mia rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she gave up. “Text him. And while you’re at it, why not send a video? Grovel a bit, kiss his ass. Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for.” She doubted it, but that wasn’t why she suggested it. 

She suggested it, because she knew Erik wouldn’t even notice. “I think I’ll text him. Just one more time.” Yeah. He wasn’t hearing her. Hadn’t been since she got home.

But… Somehow, this was still an improvement. 

Maybe. She didn’t know if it was better when he was miserable and moping, or if this fake cheerfulness was preferable. 

She didn’t know why he came to  _ her  _ for these sorts of problems. She was always happy to  _ try  _ and help, but she wasn’t ever any good at it.

Mia didn’t even know why all this was happening. Really, hadn’t he earned a break by now? One easy experience. Just one thing that didn’t begin or end in disaster.

But then again, he’d  _ met  _ this doctor the first time with shattered bones. If any relationship was doomed to disaster, it would be that one.

“Is that okay?”

“What?” Mia looked up, just to see Erik staring right back, eagerly awaiting her response. 

“To text him.” Erik explained without repeating himself. “Think that’s okay, or should I not?”

“Go for it.” Mia told him and shrugged. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen with or without copious amounts of text messages. “Also you’re gonna be late.”

“What?” Erik looked up from his phone, and caught sight of the time. Funny he hadn’t noticed, considering his phone had the time. And had been right in front of his face.  _ “Shit!  _ Thanks, Mia!”

“No trouble.” Mia said, and the door slammed. “Dumbass.” 

There wasn’t much she could do. Heartbreak wasn’t exactly something she could prevent, but it was something she could prepare for.

Whenever it all actually came to a head, be it some final concrete end, or just whenever the ghosting turned into being blocked, or  _ however  _ it happened, she’d be there to help hold it all together. 

_ And  _ to find the guys address to sign him up for all different kinds of spam mail and just a  _ few  _ glitter bombs.

It was the least she could do.

And as terrible as that was, it was the  _ most  _ she could do, too. 

“Still nothing?” Serena asked, but it wasn’t as though there would be any other answer.

Not with Jade looking how she did. 

“No.” Jade sighed, and fell back further onto the mountain of cushions she’d set herself on. “Nothing.” 

Serena moved one of the many snack bags out of the way, and squished herself in next to her. Actually… She had the right idea. She could go for some comfort eating, too. She grabbed a different one, Serena took a handful of chips, and set the bag down in Jade’s lap. “At least we know where he is.” Serena offered. Even if there wasn’t much they could do. 

Gemma, bless her, had been thoughtful enough to let them know he was safe, at the very least. 

But safe didn’t mean well. 

He was going to work again, but that was it. 

Hospital, Gemma’s. Hospital, Gemma’s. 

She said she was happy to put him up as long as it took, but that wasn’t the issue. 

They all knew where that cycle led.

How many more times was this going to happen? How bad was it going to get before Eleven could admit there was a problem?

They both knew things were sliding back, but it went so much further than they’d feared. “He’s going to be okay.” Serena said, knowing it probably didn’t mean all that much to hear. Not right now. But what else did she have? 

They couldn’t just go bring him home. And even just showing up at all could be that last straw to scare him off somewhere else. 

“I know.” Jade said. “I just don’t know how much longer he can wait.” 

Serena didn’t want to press. She knew she wasn’t aware of the more…  _ extreme _ details, just what she’d picked up from being around them both for so long, but she didn’t really want to know. “Maybe we should call Amber.” 

“I thought you said we needed to wait.” Jade pointed out. “Let him tell her when he was ready.”

“And how long has it been since I said that?” Serena asked. “I think it might not be such a bad idea, now.”

“Right… Right, okay. We’ll call mum.” Neither of them liked doing it, calling just to keep her updated of her son’s latest breakdown, but it’s what they could do. Sometimes, she was the voice needed to break through his thick skull. 

Always the momma’s boy. 

“God help him.” 

~~

Another buzz. Another reminder of all the missed calls and messages piling up. 

He hadn’t read any of them, hadn’t listened to a single message.

And at this point, the inbox had to be full.

Maybe if it was, it would finally be quiet. 

Maybe then he could just move on back to what he was used to. Simple, easy routine. Nothing to worry about. Back to normal. 

Except for the one simple little fact that the messages were eating away at his sanity. 

And in many ways, Eleven had always been just a little bit weak. 

Eleven pulled his phone from his pocket, and checked the last message. 

_ Erik: I hope your shift goes quickly. Don’t worry, you don’t have to respond.  _

And that one message was just about all he could handle. 

A week.

An  _ entire week,  _ he’d left Erik without any kind of explanation. Without any kind of contact at all.

And he was still trying. 

Erik deserved better than what Eleven had to offer.

Almost, just almost, El tried to respond, but didn’t quite manage to find the right words. 

Right. He needed to work. 

After he was off for the night, he could call Erik. It would be harder, but this was going to be hard no matter what. There wasn’t ever an  _ easy  _ way to break things off in the first place. 

He could continue to leave Erik without an explanation until he gave up, but he deserved something more. 

Honestly, breaking up with him over the phone wasn’t all that much better. 

But at the very least all he would have was voice.

He wouldn’t need to see Erik’s reaction. He wouldn’t have to watch him cry, or hatred for him build up in moments, granted that it wasn’t there already. 

It was cruel, but it would be faster. 

Best to rip the bandaid off, right?

Right.

Because that never backfired. 

The pain didn’t last, and the adhesive never tore skin. 

Eleven couldn’t even  _ pretend  _ to be working at this point. The forms on his desk blank, signature lines unsigned, and details he knew he read nowhere to be found in his mind. 

Nothing to do.

Quiet, easy night. Just like Erik had wished him. There were plenty of doctors working that night. All prepared for the patients that would surely be coming through the doors. 

All side effects of the beginning New Year celebrations. But as long as there were so many of them, and as long as the flow of patients had not yet begun — there wouldn’t be anything for Eleven to do.

Just simple, quiet-

The phone rang.

And something horrible settled into Eleven’s stomach. 

Taking a deep breath, Eleven answered it. “Doctor Lumen-”

“Alright Ellie,” Gemma wasted no time, “we’re going to need you out here soon. We’ve gotten a call, three ambulances are headed this way. There was a three-vehicle collision, and four victims. Two level-three patients and one level-five. We might need you to scrub-up.”

“Right,” Eleven said, pushing for speaker and standing, he was going to need a few things. “What do you know?”

“The level-five isn’t going to be your problem, just a mild to moderate concussion. We can’t tell just yet.”

“Is he drunk?” El asked.

“Sounds like it, he caused the accident. Ran right through an intersection on a red light.”

“Fucker.” Eleven muttered under his breath. First accident of the holiday. Only more to follow from here.

“Not your job to pass judgment.” Gemma reminded him. “The level-threes are who you’ll be concerned with. Both male, young adults, fractures and trauma to the head and chest primarily. One had his airbag go off, but the other is a motorcyclist, hit dead on.”

“What will I need to do?”

“I don’t have that information, come to the front. You’ll be able to get where you need to go faster from here.”

“I’m already on my way,” Eleven said, his hand over the phone. “Thanks, Gemma.”

Eleven got to the ambulance bay and front of the hospital just in time. 

There were always lights coming in through the windows from the small highway, cars coming and going day and night, but the ambulances lights were still on. Even if the siren had never been turned on.

But that was a good thing.

It meant these people were safe. It meant they had time to spare, that their lives were not in immediate danger. 

One person was walked in, and Eleven doesn’t need to be told who he is. He’s brought to the counter, and checked in by one of the receptionists on duty. 

He would have to wait.

And with any luck, the policemen that would be by to take his statement would also be the people he left with. 

But then came through the two people on the gurneys. 

And everything slowed to a trickle.

But the first thing Eleven noticed wasn’t the rush. 

There wasn’t  _ ever _ a rush. These people knew what they were doing, no one ever panicked.

Not at the sight of blood or bone. Not at trauma or at hysterical patients. 

But Eleven was about to be the first.

The first thing he noticed was bright blue hair. 

He could have brushed it off.

Erik wasn’t the only person who dyed his hair. But… He was the only person he’d seen with such an obnoxious shade. Who kept it in constant perfect condition. Who spiked it like he did.

And one little detail that hadn’t even registered until now.

They were bringing in three people. Two that had been driving cars, and one motorcyclist. 

Erik was on the gurney. He wasn’t moving. Unconscious, covered in blood. 

Sound cut out first. 

His mind filled with images he wanted to forget. All the other cyclists he’d seen come and go, the injuries they suffered, the measures they’d had to take.

Why was he  _ here?  _

Erik didn’t come here with  _ real  _ emergencies! He never did.

There wasn’t ever a time he’d come in an ambulance, not once he’d gone straight through reception and triage. 

Straight into care.

He needed- Eleven took a breath, and the spots in his vision began to clear.

He needed to breathe. 

“Eleven?” Just on the edge of his consciousness.

“Ellie!” He almost thought he could recognize the voice. But he didn’t have the time to spare to figure out who was talking. 

All his energy was going to keep himself upright, back up against the wall, hoping he wouldn’t fall. He couldn’t.

He had a  _ job  _ to do.

Erik needed him to be calm.

The other victim needed him to be calm. 

The lights of the ambulances turned off. 

All Eleven could hear was the tick of the clock. 

Seconds passed. Seconds become minutes. 

“Ellie!”

_ “Dr. Lumen!”  _

Two voices at once and hands on his arms snapped him out of his stupor, and Eleven was back in reality, Gemma’s worried eyes staring right into his, and the much less concerned, much more annoyed face of one of the senior doctors looking on. 

“What happened?” Gemma asked, sparing no time to be gentle. 

Not that she frequently did. 

Eleven had seen her bedside manner before. 

Sweet and patient until you became a nuisance. “What’s wrong?”

Eleven still felt as though none of the air he was breathing in contained any oxygen at all. It felt as heavy as water. 

Like he was dry-drowning. 

“Erik.” He just managed to choke out the name around the non-existent seawater. 

But nothing more than a name or not, Gemma’s face lit in understanding, and then horror. “That was  _ Erik?” _

He only nodded. 

“I don’t understand.” The doctor butted in, but Eleven paid no mind. “Who?”

Gemma supplied the answer for him. “One of the patients who was just brought in is Erik. Dr. Lumen’s boyfriend of a year.” 

A  _ year.  _

Had it really been that long? Since  _ when?  _

Wasn’t it sometime in January? Or had he miscounted? 

The doctor looked distinctly unhappy. “He can’t operate on him, then.” He looked to Eleven. “You know that, right?”

“I…” He knew. But he had forgotten. Professional integrity couldn’t be sacrificed, and while the law mainly only covered immediate family, and while his position as an  _ emergency  _ doctor could bypass that rule in some cases… His reaction was enough to prove that he, in fact, could not. “I know.” 

Erik was hurt, and he couldn’t do a goddamned thing. 

“Can you work on the other?” His voice recaptured Eleven’s attention. “We still need your abilities.” 

“What?”

The 

doctor’s face turned in a sneer. “I said:  _ can you work on the other patient?  _ We are working on limited time, Dr. Lumen. Can you or can’t you?” 

“Of- Of course I can!” Eleven said, “There’s no need for-”

“Even knowing what he may have done? Are you capable of doing everything you can to save  _ this  _ man’s life while your loved one is in the other room, and it very well could be this man’s fault?”

That snapped Eleven back into reality. “What are you trying to say?” He asked, feeling just a hair’s breadth from doing something that would bar him from this hospital forever. His life _ wasn’t  _ in danger, going from the manner he’d been brought in. So why… Something dark twisted in his stomach. “You think I’d just  _ let  _ a patient die? Kill them through negligence?” 

The other doctor didn’t back down. “I think, given the situation, it is a reasonable question to ask.”

He saw red. 

Only once before had he been asked that question, and it hadn’t been from a fellow physician. 

It had been from a confused, grieved mother. It had hurt, and there hadn’t been a thing he could do. She hadn’t known what she was asking. She hadn’t seen the way he and so many others fought to keep her child alive. 

It was heartbreaking, but he had been able to understand. 

But  _ this?  _

There was no reason for it. 

Unless he  _ wanted  _ something to happen. 

_ “Stop!”  _ Gemma shoved herself between them before Eleven could so much as raise a hand. “No,” she glared down at the other doctor, “It  _ isn’t  _ a reasonable thing to ask, in any situation. You have work to do,  _ doctor.  _ Should you be wasting your time? Your  _ patient’s  _ time?”

“What about him?” He asked, with a glance to Eleven.

And god help him. If Gemma hadn’t been there to stop him, they would  _ both  _ have been in trouble.

Eleven hadn’t ever been a violent child. He hadn’t ever been driven by impulse. Jade was the sibling always getting pulled into fights, not him.

But the few times he did...

_ “He  _ isn’t going to be taking part.” Gemma said with the kind of certainty you just couldn’t argue with. “You two are not the only ones on duty. I think you should have plenty of help already.”

But Eleven would always try anyway. “Gemma-” 

“Eleven, wait.” Gemma only paid him half a mind, and turned back to his near-opponent. “So unless you want your little inquiry reaching the right people, I’d get busy.”

Eleven shuddered.  _ Nurses.  _

The surgeon looked like he wanted to argue further, but Gemma silenced any new ideas with a single look, and he stalked away without another word. 

“Good riddance.” She muttered after him, and took Eleven by the hand, dragging him back down the hall. “El, come on.”

“Where are we going?” Eleven asked, “Why’d you get between us? He-”

“Said something unforgivable. Don’t worry, I’m definitely going to take his comment higher.”

“But I could’ve-”

“You could’ve what?” Gemma asked, interrupting him again, and stopped in her tracks, trusting that Eleven wouldn’t slip. 

The hall was empty.

This was as good a place to talk as any. “Said something back? Thrown a punch? Lose your job for fighting?”

The fight drained out of Eleven. “Right.” He brought a hand to his face, and pinched the bridge of his nose. Of course he didn’t want to fight, he wasn’t  _ that  _ stupid. 

But for just a minute he was able to forget what was happening. 

“Are you okay?”

“How could I be?” Eleven asked, sinking down into one of the benches scattered here and there through the hall. “Erik is…”

“Going to be fine. You saw him.”

“Yeah.” Eleven said, “that’s the problem. I shouldn't have… I shouldn’t have agreed to go out with him. It was a mistake. I should’ve known where it would have gone.” Bloody, broken.

And he didn’t even know  _ why.  _

A drunk driver, that much was obvious, but other than that… 

It was late. Well past midnight. Why was he out? 

He  _ knew  _ that Erik didn’t work this late, and even in heavy traffic he was home by now for even the latest shift he could work. Was it because of him?

Was he going to try to see him at work, like he did so often?

Was this  _ his  _ fault?

If he hadn’t run off, if he had the balls before to cut things off when he should have, instead of stringing Erik along for days, would he be safe right now? Home in bed? 

“Stop.” Gemma’s voice came strict, but Eleven was done.

He just didn’t care.

“You can’t just tell me to stop, Gemma.” Eleven was done playing. He knew she just wanted to help.  _ Everyone  _ just wanted to help. And that was the problem. He could smile and put on a show and say  _ thank you  _ but in truth, nothing they did could ever fix him. There was no magic word. There was no tidbit of advice that would fix things. And he was sick of pretending he  _ could _ be helped. “That’s not going to change anything. I can’t stop. I’m not going to find the perfect little place to spend my career like you did.” Gemma began to speak, but Eleven talked right over her. He didn’t want to hear it. “I’m not going to find someone perfect, like Jade did. It was stupid to even try. This is all I’ve got, Gemma. Don’t try to take it away from me. Please. Just let me work.” 

“Until what, El?” She asked. “Until you drop dead?”

“There.” Eleven grinned at the ground. “You’re catching on.” He wouldn’t end it himself. He wouldn’t do that to the people who loved him. He wouldn’t give up before he could even find  _ one  _ little thing that could bring him some little spark of joy. But if he went out doing what he could to help, then they could at least say that about him. They could at least say he contributed  _ something  _ to the world around him. 

Gemma didn’t speak. She didn’t sigh, she didn’t move.

Seconds ticked by.

And silence ticked on. 

One of them had to give in. 

And Gemma took that chance. “Fine.” Her voice was curt. “Be that way. But don’t expect it to get you far.”

“This is as far as I’m going.” Eleven said. “There isn’t anywhere to go from here. I’m at the top.” A small hill, but still there.

“You’re at the bottom.” Gemma countered. “You’re below the earth.” 

Eleven shrugged. Maybe. He didn’t care.

But Gemma still did.

She grabbed him by the collar of his coat, and hauled him to his feet. 

“Gemma!” He shrieked, nearly toppling over, but her grip held firm. “You think we’re just gonna sit by and let you give up?”

“No.” Eleven said, but anything else was cut off.

Down the hall, passing scandalized techs and one smug looking janitor, he was all but bodily dragged back to his office, where he was thrown in. 

“What the  _ fuck?”  _ Eleven tried to smooth out the wrinkles in his coat.  _ After  _ he picked himself up off the dusty ground. 

“Yeah,  _ what the fuck,  _ El?”

“What?”

“Why are you asking me?” Gemma said, slamming the door behind her. “I think everyone else has a better reason to be asking  _ you  _ that. Sit down. It’s time we actually talked.”

Eleven could kick her out. He could refuse.

He could do so many different things  _ besides  _ give in.

But he did. He  _ always  _ did.

He was just too tired to fight. 

And so, Eleven dropped into his chair on one side of his desk, and Gemma into the one on the opposite side.

Eleven didn’t know why he was given and office and a desk like this.

He never saw any patients there.

Gemma didn’t waste a second worrying about the hospital’s delegation of office space. “Why are you planning on breaking up with Erik?”

Eleven shot up in his chair. “What? How did you know?”

“I had a feeling. And you just confirmed it.”

_ Of course.  _

“That boy is the best thing that’s happened to you in  _ ages.  _ Why do you want to ruin that?”

He didn’t  _ want  _ to ruin it! That was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

But it was too late.

It  _ was  _ ruined.

Even if Erik was willing to try again, it wouldn’t be the same.

He would always wonder when Eleven would take off again, and Eleven would always be terrified of it happening again. Of seeing Erik afraid again.

But it didn’t matter.

Nothing was going to change.

Erik was in  _ surgery.  _

It was too late to change anything.

“El,  _ please.  _ You can’t keep sabotaging yourself. If you  _ really  _ want to end things with him, then I’m not going to stop you. Do what makes you happy. But if you want to break his heart from some stupid idea of  _ sparing  _ him from yourself…”

Eleven didn’t answer, and that was all the answer she needed. “You’re a real dumbass sometimes, you know that?”

“Of course I do.” Eleven muttered. “No one ever lets me forget.” 

Again, Gemma sighed. “No. That was mean. You don’t deserve that. Listen, Elian.”

Eleven glanced up. 

Gemma looked heartbroken. 

“I can’t make you do anything. No one can. But  _ please,  _ don’t ruin this. Erik’s made you so happy, we can all tell.”

“‘We?’”

“Me, Jade, and Serena. Erik, too. You’ve been  _ smiling  _ again.” Gemma reached across the desk, and took one of his hands in both of hers. “Do you know how long it’s been since you were happy enough to do something so simple?”

“No.”

“Neither do I. You’ve been miserable for so long. You stopped going to therapy, you stopped going out, and there hasn’t been a single thing any of us could do, and then suddenly Erik came along, and you  _ smiled.”  _

He hadn’t even noticed. 

But… She wasn’t wrong.

“Don’t ruin this for yourself. No matter what we think, no matter what Jade thinks of him, this is  _ your  _ choice to make. You deserve to be happy, El.” 

“No one deserves anything.” Eleven said. “Things happen no matter what.” 

“Why do those things all have to be bad, then?” Gemma asked. “Why can’t you take hold of this one good thing and hang on tight?”

“Because it’s not just my choice. I won’t make Erik do anything.”

Gemma glanced at the clock, and let go of El’s hand. “Then just promise me one thing.”

“What?”

“Let Erik make that choice for himself. Don’t assume you know what’s best for him.”

Eleven hesitated.

Gemma stood. “I’ll see what information I can get from the nurses, and I’ll let you know when he’s ready for visitors, okay?”

“Okay.” Eleven agreed, and Gemma made for the door. “And El? Don’t worry about the rest of the night. Just try to relax.”

And with nothing more, she was gone. 

And Eleven was left alone with his thoughts.

His thoughts, and a weight in his pocket that suddenly felt five times its weight. 

Eleven grabbed his phone, and pulled up all the messages he missed. 

Reading through them one by one. 

He was an  _ idiot.  _

Worse than that, even.

Iteration after iteration of the same sentiment, be it a text, or a voicemail. 

_ I hope you’re okay. _

_ I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk. _

Even things so much simpler. 

A handful of goodnight messages. As if everything was normal.

Eleven was an ass.

Nothing more to it. 

He should’ve checked.

He should’ve  _ done something. _

But instead, he hit in his best friend’s home and pretended like everything was too far gone. 

When it was anything but.

And now… 

All he could do was wait.

For once, Eleven didn’t count the minutes. He didn’t stare at the clock.

He didn’t dare.

He didn’t want to know how much time was passing while Erik was under.

He didn’t want to consider the complications that could arise.

The hidden problems that could go so easily missed. 

He should be there.

_ He  _ should be the one operating. Law or no law.

Some unknown number of hours later, the phone in his office rang again.

And there wasn’t anything else it could be for.

“Ellie?” Gemma asked.

And Eleven tried not to overanalyze her tone. “Yeah?”

“He’s out of surgery. You can go see him, if you’d like.”

One last moment of indecision. As long as he was okay. As long as Erik would heal, it was okay, wasn’t it? “I don’t…”

“Ellie, you need to go. If you ever want to make things right, you  _ have  _ to go. You can’t leave him alone through this.”

“I… Okay.” Eleven closed his eyes, and sighed. Everything was changing minute by minute. He didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know what was right. “What room is he in?”

But at the least, he knew what he needed to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, the weather.


	12. Meet the family: compound fracture edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he shouldn’t give himself permission to view Erik’s charts, but he would deal with that if it became a problem. For now…  
> If they didn’t want him looking, then they should have said.  
> Eleven dropped into the rolling chair, and it didn’t take but a moment to pull up the information he wanted.

Eleven stopped at the door, the handle not yet turned, but already frozen at the sight of Erik through the cleanser-streaked glass.

How was it so much worse, with the blood cleaned away, knowing he was going to be fine? 

With the shock worn away, and nothing left to block out the sound of the heart monitor. 

This was his fault, the cruel part of his mind told him. 

It wasn’t true. He knew it wasn’t, that Erik would have been hit no matter if he’d stayed or left that night, but…

What if he didn’t? What if he hadn’t left, and tonight Erik had been somewhere else? 

At the coffee shop, picking up another ridiculous order to bring him. Home, asleep. 

Anywhere else that on that road, at that light. 

But it was pointless to imagine the countless other possibilities.

He’d been taught that early on.

If you tried to theorize into the infinite, you’d only hurt yourself.

The handle turned, and Eleven stepped through.

The room was no different than any other hospital room he’d seen, but it was still odd enough. Post-op and inpatient wasn’t where he worked.

He didn’t see his patients after his job was done. He wasn’t the follow-up, he wasn’t the one they contacted if anything changed.

He didn’t usually have to see what came next.

But now… He was going to be a part of it.

If it wasn’t too late, at least.

A woman Eleven didn’t know, but who he knew couldn’t be anyone other than Mia didn’t move as he walked in, not so much as even looking up from her phone, from where she was sitting in one of the few chairs placed in the room, one leg kicked up over the arm. She sniffled every few moments, tears dried, but not very far away.

It didn’t look comfortable.

But to be fair, if there was a comfortable way to sit in those things he wasn’t aware of it.

Erik laid still, sedated and likely to remain that way for some time.

Asleep through the worst of it, he hoped.

But it still hurt to see.

Erik didn’t sleep still. He tossed and turned, kicked and moved around until he was comfortable, or until Eleven held him.

But now, he lay on his back. No invasive tubing, thank goodness. Only the standard procedure to be seen.

An IV line in his uninjured arm, and a tube taped to his cheek. Nothing connected to it, but just left as a precaution. The monitor only tracked his blood pressure, heart rate, and body temperature. 

The first few buttons of his gown unclipped, allowing Eleven to see one of the sensors, and the edge of a wound pad packed in over his collarbone. 

Eleven could worry later.

For now, he needed answers. 

Maybe he shouldn’t give himself permission to view Erik’s charts, but he would deal with that if it became a problem. For now…

If they didn’t want him looking, then they should have said.

Eleven dropped into the rolling chair, and it didn’t take but a moment to pull up the information he wanted.

Open fracture of the left tibia, and a fracture of the clavicle. 

Both corrected without any complication.

Minor concussion, bruised but unbroken ribs, and various cuts and scrapes.

Nothing like the horrors he’d dreamed up stuck in his office. 

Erik was going to be fine.

One night for observation, but granted that all was well come morning, he would be released.

But that didn’t change that it never should have happened.

Of all people… Erik shouldn’t have to deal with this pain. 

“Oh.” Eleven looked away from the computer, to find himself stuck beneath Mia’s stare. “You… Are you Eleven?”

He couldn’t lie.

Not if he actually had any plan of staying. And so…

“Yes.” He said, turning the screen away, and standing. “I am. Have we met before?”

“I've seen pictures of you and my brother. What are you doing here?” Eleven wasn’t surprised to hear her voice turn cold, but it still hurt. “Are you his doctor or something?”

He wasn’t sure. “I’m not his attending physician, no. We aren’t allowed to treat family or loved ones.” 

“Then why?” Mia pressed. She laid her phone down carefully on the table. Eleven got the distinct feeling he was about to get the life smacked out of him. “You ignore him for  _ days,  _ but show up now? What could you possibly want?” 

“I want to apologize.” He said. If she hit him, he deserved it. “I don’t expect him to forgive me. But I have to do something. I was going to try tonight in the first place, but then…” Eleven gestured to Erik, laid out on the sheets, covered in wires and wrapping. “I’ve been waiting for the word that I could come here. As long as it’s alright with you, I’d like to wait here.”

“He isn’t going to be lucid for a while.” Mia told him, remarkably calm for what all had happened. 

“I’m aware.” Eleven said. “But it would seem as though I’ve been relieved of work for the time being, and… I’d like to stay with him, if it’s all the same.”  _ Professional.  _ Of all the times to default back into proper conduct, why now?

It was too late. He couldn’t distance himself from this.

Mia hesitated, chewed on her lip and stared at Erik but didn’t quite see him. Finally, she fell back into the chair, and went back to what she’d been distracting herself with. “Not my hospital room,” she settled on saying. “But if he wakes up and wants you gone, you better  _ get  _ gone before I make you.”

“That’s all I ask.” Eleven said, and settled back into his own seat to wait. 

And nothing else.

His fingers drummed against his knees as time passed in unknowable increments. 

The clock ticked, but Eleven wouldn’t let himself look.

It wasn’t as if it was difficult. 

Erik held all his attention, now. 

They’d done a fair job at patching him up, but there were some things that didn’t warrant wraps and covers, and he couldn’t look away.

Even if most of it was covered… 

His casted leg elevated, and his left arm resting over his stomach, the navy blue of the brace keeping his collarbone still peeking out from beneath his hospital gown. 

Scrapes and bruises favored his left side — no points to guessing which made impact with the pavement — scabbing over. 

They likely wouldn’t scar, granted that Erik could keep his hands away. 

Traces of blood in his hair that no one bothered to wash out.

He hardly looked alive. 

Which was a stupid thing to think. Eleven had seen people in so much worse conditions. He’d seen people who truly were at death’s door. 

Erik, in comparison, was just a little battered. He knew the procedures he’d underwent just within the past handful of hours. He  _ knew  _ he was fine.

But the fact alone that he  _ was  _ fine. That all that could be done was done, and that he couldn’t do a single thing more to help?

He felt powerless.

He couldn’t ease the pain that Erik would be in as his recovery proceeded. He couldn’t shoulder the discomfort and frustration that would be there. 

He couldn’t take on these injuries for him.

And there was nothing he wanted to do more.

Eleven stood from his seat, and took a step closer to the bed. 

He wanted to brush the messed hair back from Erik’s face. 

He wanted to hold on to Erik’s uninjured hand, and let him know he wasn’t alone.

But under Mia’s watch, he stopped just short. Letting his hand rest against the bed rail, instead. 

He doesn’t have that right.

He doesn’t know if Erik would want him to. 

And as such… 

He didn’t. 

For the best, Eleven tried to convince himself. He didn’t know what all would hurt. 

“Eleven,” Mia caught his attention, and he looked over. She didn’t have any reservation about using his name, rather than his title. He didn’t know if that was a good thing, or a bad sign. “Why did you leave him?”

She didn’t need to elaborate. And he didn’t feel any need to lie. “I… was scared.”

“Of what?”

Eleven’s grip tightened on the rail. Nothing. Everything. The idea that he’d fucked it all up again. That everything he’d worked for was a mistake. “I don’t have a good reason. I’m sorry.”

“Scared of  _ what?”  _ Mia demanded again, and Eleven knew he wasn’t getting out of answering so easily. __

“Change, I suppose.”

“So he asked you why you stuck to a job you hate, and you abandoned him?”

Eleven flinched back. He hadn’t  _ abandoned  _ Erik! He wouldn’t ever— “I didn’t mean…”  _ You did abandon him. She’s right to say it.  _ “I left in a panic. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“You’ve had a week-long panic attack?”

“No.” Eleven said. “After I left I was too ashamed to answer his calls. I didn’t even read them until tonight.” Until he knew it was too late. “I was too afraid of what they said.”

Mia sneered. Eleven didn’t see it, but he could hear it. “You don’t deserve him.”

Was that news? “I know I don’t.” He hadn’t any trouble admitting. He knew he didn’t from the start. But he  _ tried  _ to be someone who did. “I don’t expect him to forgive me, or to let me back in.”

“Then why are you  _ here?” _

“I told you. I want to apologize. Make things as right as I can. Make sure he’s okay. Even if…” Eleven let go of the rail. “Even if that means he never wants to see me again.”

And let go of any ideas of how he would repay Erik. How he could fix things.

It was over.

And he had to accept that. 

“You know what his messages say now.”

Eleven sat back down. “I do.”

“Then you should know that he’s spent all week worried for you. Waiting for you to be ready to talk to him again.”

Was it  _ necessary  _ to make him feel even worse than he already did? “I know.”

“So why don’t you think he’d take you back?” Eleven looked up. Mia was glaring at him. “I mean, he  _ shouldn’t.”  _ She said with a shrug, driving another stake through Eleven’s heart. “But you’re dumb as shit if you think he wouldn’t. He loves you, yanno.” 

He was going to cry if she kept going. “I…”

He had known, hadn’t he? 

He had to have known.

But Erik hadn’t ever said it.

But then again, neither had El.

Maybe if he had…

His phone rang.

Jade.

He couldn’t put her off any longer. 

“I’m sorry,” Eleven said, getting up and heading for the door. “I won’t be long.” 

He waited just until the door shut behind him, and answered.

Ready for the screaming. 

“Hello?”

But instead of a ready made insult, he got a shuddering breath, that sounded dangerously close to tears. “Oh, El, thank god.” Jade said. “Where the hell are you?”

It seemed like tonight  _ everyone  _ wanted him feeling like the garbage he was. “My hospital. I’m sorry.”

“You better be. It’s seven in the morning. What are you doing there?”  _ Seven?  _ It had still been early (relatively speaking) when Erik had been brought in. Just how long had he been waiting?

How long had Erik been under the knife?

He didn’t need to focus on that. Of course he hadn’t been under that long. There was a process. He had X-rays done first. Diagnostics. He didn’t need to imagine worse cases. “I’m… I’m with Erik’s sister. He just got out of emergency surgery.”

“He  _ what?”  _ Jade said after only a moment’s hesitation. Waiting for the joke, waiting for her mouth to catch up with her brain. “What happened? Is he okay?”

Eleven was surprised by her concern. Jade wasn’t evil, of course she would  _ care.  _ But as much as it sounded like? “He was in an accident. I’m waiting for him to wake up.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know. He’s on something fairly strong, it could be a while.”

“Okay. What room?” Jade said, not missing a beat.

“I’m sorry?”

“Can we come visit?”

_ Visit?  _ Did she actually want to see Erik, or was this a convenient reason to get to him? “We probably shouldn’t crowd him.” Either way. 

“But  _ can we?” _

Either way, it was time. “Take it up with Gemma. She’ll get you in. And Jade? Please drive safe.”

“I will. I promise.” Jade said. “El?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you dare run.” Nothing more to say, she hung up.

And Eleven was back to waiting.

“I’m sorry,” Eleven apologized as he stepped back into the room. “That was my sister, I had to take it.” 

“The sister you’ve been ignoring?”

“How do you…?” 

“She called Erik looking for you.” Mia explained,  _ “Everyone  _ has been worried out of their wits about you.”

_ “God.”  _ Eleven pressed his hand to his eyes. “I’m a jackass.”

“You just figured that out?” Mia asked, but Eleven didn’t pay her any mind, and Mia didn’t say anything further. 

The both of them left to sit and wait with only each other for company.

He told Jade to drive safe.

But only half an hour passed before there was one single knock on the door, and Jade let herself in. 

She spotted him, and fight or flight kicked in.

“Eleven!” 

The rolling chair hit the wall as he stood, hands out before him as if that could deter her. “Jade, wait-”

“You goddamned _idiot!”_ She didn’t waste a second getting to her point. “Do you have _any_ idea how worried we’ve been?”

“I-”

She didn’t give him a chance to explain. As if he had any explanation to give, anyway. “How hard is it to answer your phone?”

Serena held to her sleeve. “Jade, stop!” And quieter, Eleven almost missing what she said. “Did you forget how this all started?”

Mia spoke up as well. “Please, keep it down, do you  _ want  _ to get us kicked out?”

They all went dead silent at once as they heard Erik take a deeper breath than he had been, and hold it.

Eleven was ready to make a dash for the call button, to do anything he could-

But Erik wasn’t in any danger.

He stared up at the ceiling, eyes half lidded, not lucid at all, and only half-aware of what was happening around him. “You’re all…” He started to say, and his eyes closed again. “...Too fuckin’ noisy.” 

And with nothing further, fell right back into his drug-induced sleep.

“Did he really just…” Mia started to ask, and trailed off. 

“Break through the anesthesia to tell us to shut up?” Eleven finished for her. “I believe he did.”

“Is that normal?” Jade asked, peering down at the bed as if she was just seeing Erik there for the first time. 

“I can’t say that it is.” Eleven said, everything temporarily forgotten as he checked Erik over, trying to decide if he needed to call anyone over. But nothing had changed, he was still fine.

Maybe they were all just that annoying. 

“Can we talk somewhere else? Erik needs to rest, and clearly he can’t if we’re all shouting.”

“I… Yes. I’m sorry.” 

Mia shrugged. “I get it. No harm done.”

“There’s a visitor lounge just around the corner.” He said to Jade, and glanced at the other two women. “Anyone else?” 

Mia had no reason to come, and Serena shook her head. “Just try not to disturb anyone.” 

Wonderful. Leaving Mia and Serena in the same room. 

He wondered just  _ what  _ kind of camaraderie they would strike up. He feared for the near future. 

But Jade didn’t wait until they reached the lounge. Walking in stride next to him, she started her interrogation. 

“When are you coming home?”

“I don’t know.” Eleven admitted. “But I’m not going back to Gemma’s.” He’d been a thorn in her side long enough. She deserved to have her home back to herself. 

“Then where?” 

“If… If I’m allowed back, then I think I’ll go to Erik’s. He’s going to need help. Recovery for a compound fracture alone can take weeks. Over three months for the bone to heal completely. And it wouldn’t be fair on Mia to have to help him on her own.” If she was right, and there was even a speck of a chance that Erik didn’t hate him… 

Well. Then Erik would get his live-in nurse fantasy after all.

Jade nodded, accepting the answer without question. 

They reached the lounge. Empty in the early morning. Jade took her seat, but Eleven didn’t right away. 

The morning sun burned his eyes, but he stood by the bay window, looking out over the parking lot and further into town. 

There wasn’t much here at all. 

Across the highway, there were a few shops, a restaurant or two, and a children’s park attached to the apartment complex.

But the hospital stood on its own.

Snow covered the ground, but the roads were all salted. 

Nothing changed.

Every year.

Nothing changed.

The same buildings. The same shops. The same houses, the same people.

Maybe that’s why he never changed, either.

“What about after that?” He heard Jade say from behind him.

But he didn’t turn.

Not even when he saw her stand in the corner of his eye, and join him at the window. “What will you do then?”

“I don’t know.” Eleven said.

He hadn’t needed to plan his future in a long time. “I might come back, but…” He sighed. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. I love you and Serena, you know that. And I’m more grateful than I can even say for how you’ve both helped me.”

“But?” Jade asked.

“But I don’t think I should go back.” Eleven answered, the words coming easier now than he ever could have thought. What was it about a scare like this that made everything so much clearer? Erik could have died. And that’s what it took to sober his mind from all the nonsense it spewed at him day and night. “You’re my sister, and I love you. But we fight  _ horribly.  _ Even if we never mean it, it happens, and it’s exhausting. I think it would be better if I left. It’s about time I did, I think.”

Jade sighed. “I never expected you to stay forever.” She said, and leaned her head on his shoulder. Or as close to it as she could manage. Without her platform boots, she was just as short as Erik. “I’ll miss you. But as long as you’re going to be okay, then I’ll support you. I’ll be glad to see you wherever it is you want to be.”

“Thank you.” Eleven said.

A car pulled into the lot, but the people that got out didn’t head for emergency. Rather, they walked along that path to the back of the hospital, where the entrance to the elevators and staircases would take them to the clinics. 

“Come on,” Jade said, standing up straight and heading back to her seat. “We’ve got more to talk about.”

“What is it?” Eleven asked, hesitant. “Are you still upset about the cigarette? I told you, it was just the one. I haven’t had one since, you can ask Gemma.”

“It’s not that.” Jade said, “And I believe you. Sit down.”

Unsettled, Eleven did as she asked, and took the seat across from her. Leaning forward on his hands, Jade finally spoke.

“I called mum.”

And Eleven could have fallen from the chair. “You  _ what?” _

“She’s coming after the holiday. I didn’t tell her much. Not about Erik. Just that you had another breakdown.”

“Why would you call her? I don’t want her to worry.”

“She always worries.” Jade reminded him. And she was right. She was constantly worried for her kids, but she didn’t often keep steady contact, aside from holiday cards and the occasional disjointed text or two.

She hadn’t figured smartphones out yet, and he doubted she ever would. 

_ “Still.” _

Jade shrugged, entirely unapologetic.“I only gave her the bare details, and I only called yesterday. I just thought I’d give you a heads up. So you can talk to Erik, and get ready to introduce him. If you haven’t told her about him…”

“I haven’t.” El felt his blood go cold. “Oh my  _ god,  _ Jade. It’s been a year and I  _ haven’t told mum.”  _ There was a small spike of panic. He didn’t even know if there would be anything to  _ introduce.  _ But…

He understood why she called.

And it was about time, anyway. 

But as worried as she would be, the beratings and lectures he had in his very near future would be  _ nothing  _ in comparison to her finally meeting Erik.

It would be bad enough on any normal occasion.

But with Erik as hurt as he was-

“God help him.” Eleven said, and Jade nodded her agreement.

It was  _ Erik  _ who needed to look out.

“Before I forget,” Eleven said, steering the topic away from Erik’s impending demise via bear hug, “I want to apologize. For running off, and fighting.”

“I am, too.” Jade said. “I should listen to you more. I just got so scared for you, I wasn’t thinking straight.” 

“I can’t imagine what that's like.” Eleven said, but from the way Jade smiled, all was forgiven.

An hour passed in near silence. It’s not all fixed, but it’s a patch, and it’s as good a place to start as any. 

Footsteps on the linoleum, and Eleven looked up to see Serena. “He’s awake.” Eleven was on his feet right away. “But he isn’t very aware. The nurse says he won’t be lucid until tomorrow.”

“I didn’t expect anything else.” Eleven said, “You both go on home. I’m going to stay here.”

“Absolutely not!” Jade said, grabbing the back of his coat — and  _ what  _ was with everyone and manhandling him all of a sudden? “You’re a  _ mess.  _ You’re going to come home, have a good meal, a shower, and some decent sleep. Then you can come back.”

“I-” Eleven started to argue, he’d just told Jade  _ exactly  _ why he didn’t want to go home! 

But this wasn’t final. It wasn’t for anything more than a few hours. 

And the offer was more tempting than he wanted to admit. “Okay.” He agreed, “But let me at least see him first?” 

“Of course!” Serena said before the request was even out of his mouth. “Go on, we’ll wait here, okay?”

“Okay.” Eleven agreed, and did his best not to run down the hall.

~~

By the time Eleven found Erik’s room again, his bed had been raised. Just enough to prop him up. 

He was awake, but not a single thing coming out of his mouth made any sense.

Were those even actual words?

Or was he so out of it he’d lost grasp on language entirely?

Judging from the way Mia was trying not to laugh as she nodded along to whatever it was Erik was trying to say, it was the latter. 

But the noise the door made as it shut grabbed Erik’s flighty attention-

And he said something that sounded almost like his name.

Erik reached out his uninjured arm, and noticed the IV line.

He wasn’t pleased.

“Woah! No,” Eleven made a grab for his arm before he could rip his IV out or jostle his injured side too badly. “No.” He said firmly, as if talking to a small child or a dog. “That’s important. Don’t take it out.” 

Erik just nodded, and set his slinged arm back down. 

Eleven sighed, and realized that Erik was holding onto his coat sleeve. 

“Accommodating, isn’t he?” Mia asked, too happy to see him awake to care that he didn’t seem to want Eleven to leave. 

“More than I’m used to.” Eleven said, knowing exactly how she was feeling. He took Erik’s hand, and Erik was all too happy to let go of his sleeve to hold on to his hand instead. 

Serena and Jade were waiting for him.

But they could wait a few moments more. 

At least until Erik was asleep again, and Eleven felt safe enough to let go.

“Listen,” Eleven said, low enough not to disturb Erik, “I’m leaving for a while, but I’ll be back soon. Is there anything I can do for you? Something I could get?”

“I don’t think so.” Mia answered, and Eleven found hope that he wasn’t beyond saving to her. “Actually,” she said, and pulled her phone from her pocket. “What’s your number? I’ll text you if there’s any change. If you want.” 

“That would be great.” Eleven said, handing it over without a second thought. 

Erik was going to be fine. Jade had forgiven him, and he had forgiven her. 

For the first time in over a week, it almost felt like he could breathe again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like a near death experience to bring people together.


	13. Do not operate heavy machinery means cars, not forklifts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Just infection!” Lai looked to Erik. “Are you positive you want this idiot handling your recovery?” 
> 
> “He hasn’t done me wrong yet.” Erik said, and Lai scoffed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to chop ANOTHER chapter in half before it became 10k words long.  
> So.  
> Next chapter is already half done.  
> But this is probably the last daily update for a little while!

The sound of a car horn.

The screech of tires as the breaks were slammed.

The shine of the headlights.

Impact, rolling over the earth.

and then nothing.

Inky blackness on all sides. Broken glass and the rough asphalt beneath him. 

Everything hurt.

He couldn’t move.

He couldn’t think.

Somewhere nearby, a siren wailed. 

After that, Erik could remember very little. He couldn’t remember the people that gathered around to watch as he was loaded into the ambulance. He wouldn’t remember the drive, or the pain. 

He  _ did  _ remember just a moment of being wheeled through the ER, stars dancing in his eyes and just the barest register of someone calling Eleven’s name.

Eleven… that meant something. 

Eleven was here? Had he been here the whole time?

But it wasn’t a question he had long to ponder.

Something was placed over his nose and mouth, and once more he lost his grip on the world. 

Darkness again, but only for what felt like seconds. 

Voices pierced through the veil on his mind. 

Angry voices, Eleven’s name.

_ Mia. _

They were both here? What was happening?

_ “I was scared.” _

Eleven was scared? Of what? 

_ “You don’t deserve him.” _

Mia… He knew she meant well.

He  _ knew  _ she just wanted to help. But if he could just open his  _ damned mouth!  _

The voices filtered out.

Until one more struck home, and a torrent of them came through. All yelling, all furious.

It was a fight against a riptide, every movement a new battle, but Erik again found the surface.

His eyes were open, but he couldn’t see.

They were fighting to close.

“You’re all…” Erik forced the words past his lips, but they sapped him of all his energy, and he knew he didn’t have anything left to give. He couldn’t scold them. He couldn’t tell them to stop fighting. But suddenly he couldn’t even remember what he planned on saying. He just wanted to go back underwater, where his head didn’t hurt. Where he could just sleep. “...Too fuckin’ noisy.”

The water was back.

And it was warm.

A tidal pool on a scorching day, but so much deeper. He was sinking, deeper and deeper into the depths of his own personal ocean, and he didn’t fight it. If he focused… Schools of fish swam by, paying him no mind. Creatures come and gone, thoughts whisked away before they could even form.

He touched down on the sand.

He couldn’t see the surface.

Maybe he could stay here.

He could breathe. Even if it felt like he’d forgotten how to swim. It was nice.

Nothing to hurt him. Nothing to worry about. 

Just peace.

But he wasn’t alone. He could almost see, he could almost hear.

Mia was there, grinning ear to ear at something he wasn’t aware of.

El was looking at him, so relieved it almost looked like he could break down and cry.

That was wrong.

He didn’t want El to cry. He reached out-

But there was something wrong.

He reached out to the man he loved, but he couldn’t reach.

He couldn’t move his arms. Or his legs. As if he was tied down-

And he saw it. Something wrapped around his arm, buried into his skin.

If he got rid of it, he’d be free.

But Eleven’s expression changed, and he was closer, taking his hand away from the strange thing that kept him tied down. 

He needed to leave it alone.

Why? It seemed like a good idea to get rid of it. 

But if it was so important… He could humor El. As long as he got rid of it soon.

But- El was leaving. He was pulling away. 

Erik’s stomach dropped.

He couldn’t leave again!

His fingers felt numb, his grip too weak, but El noticed. 

And El stayed.

And that’s all that mattered.

He could find the surface later.

Right now, he was content on the ocean floor. 

He blinked-

And he wasn’t underwater.

He was on the surface. Something was beeping. 

Everything hurt. 

His mouth was dry. There was something stuck in his arm.

An IV?

Why was he in the hospital? 

“Mia.” He tried to say, but his voice failed him. Too much cotton stuffed in his mouth for the sounds to form, and he couldn’t even swallow against the pain in his throat. 

She didn’t notice.

He felt like he couldn’t move.

Jaw shut tight against the pain, Erik groaned aloud.

The sound caught, ebbing in and out, but it was enough. Mia snapped back alert, and in a split second, she was at his side, a hand on his face, staring into his eyes for something. 

“Can you understand me?” 

It was a battle to keep his eyes open. He couldn’t speak. 

So he just nodded.

And Mia was gone across the room before he even knew she had moved, her head stuck out the door, calling for help. 

_ Gemma.  _ He knew Gemma. But she worked at the front desk, didn’t she? Why was she here?

“Morning, Erik!” She smiled and greeted him, not an ounce of cheer lost to the circumstances. “How are you feeling?”

Was that a trick question? Erik swallowed, and his throat burned. “Like shit.” He croaked, but that one word out proved that he  _ could  _ speak. “Did you get the plates of the semi that hit me?”

Her smile faltered.

_ What? Was he really- _

It came back in a flash. 

Oh.

Oh  _ fuck. _

“Don’t worry,” Gemma said before panic could set in. “You’re going to be fine, I promise. You’ve already been through surgery, and you’re all patched up. It’s just a matter of making sure everything’s in working order, and we can get you on home, alright?” 

“Alright.” Erik agreed more because he didn’t have any other option than because he  _ wanted  _ to go through whatever that entailed. 

Mia still hadn’t come back, but through the door he could see her talking on the phone.

He didn’t know who she could possibly have needed to call at that exact moment, but he didn’t have the chance to even ask before he was dragged out of his room, and set through test after test.

And by the time he was back in that room, he was ready for murder.

Blood drawn, and  _ still  _ this damned IV.

Imaging he didn’t pay attention to.

Some nurse shining lights in his eyes and making him list off facts about himself, what year they were in, and people he didn’t know poking and prodding him all over. 

And when the door was knocked on yet  _ again- _

“He’s awake still?” Eleven asked, as if he wasn’t looking directly at Erik.

Oh.

“Seems like it.” Mia said, and Erik got the distinct impression this was going to be a reoccurring problem. “Hey, Erik! Got anything to say?”

If his limbs had felt even a touch less like lead, he would’ve lifted a hand to flip her off. But as he  _ did  _ feel like he was being weighed down, he settled for the next best thing. “Fuck off.”

And  _ that  _ caught El’s attention. “Oh, hell. He’s  _ actually  _ awake.”

Again. Speaking like Erik wasn’t  _ right there.  _ “As opposed to what?”

“Speaking gibberish and trying to rip out your IV, like you were last night.” Eleven said without a shred of hesitation. “How are you feeling?”

Heavy. Tired. Vaguely sore. But all muted, just barely aware of it on the edges of his mind. “I’m not, really.” 

“Probably for the best.” Eleven said, setting something down at the foot of his bed, and handing a brown paper bag over his bed to his sister. “Here, Mia. Grabbed something for you on the way. I didn’t think you’d be wanting hospital food.”

“Oh, thank god!” She all but ripped the bag from his hand, and shoveled a handful of fries into her mouth. As if she didn’t have any manners at all. Which was actually true. Neither did Erik, really. “You know what, El? I like you.”

El looked considerably brighter. “Glad to hear it.”

Mia dug a foil-wrapped burger from the bag, and spoke with her mouth full. “But you’ve still gotta watch your back.”

He dimmed a tad. “Of course.”

He could worry about what Mia planned to do to Eleven later. For now… The smell of greasy food didn’t make his stomach turn like he thought it would. Instead, he realized just how famished he was. “There wouldn’t be anything in there for me, would there?” El wouldn’t have forgotten to get something, would he? Even if he wasn’t sure Erik would be awake… 

“Absolutely not!” And all his hopes and dreams were dashed. “Do you want to choke to death? Here, I’ll call one of the nurses. If they say it’s fine, then they can bring you something.” 

After a nurse gave him just a  _ little  _ bit of water to make sure he wasn’t going to choke to death like El said, he was presented with the two thrilling options of a lime-flavored jello cup, or a styrofoam cup of chicken broth.

Never before had Erik hated chicken so much or glared so hard at a cup in his life. Not even when Mia had gifted him the ‘Crazy Fish Lady’ mug.

“What do you remember?” El asked him, choosing to bypass the topic of the current situation of food inequality happening in this hospital at that very moment. “Anything at all?• 

“I remember...” Erik closed his eyes, and tried to call up what had happened between leaving home, and waking up in his hospital bed. It was all flashing in and out. “The truck that hit me. One of those big jack-off ones, and then, waking up here.” He remembered trying to swerve out of the way when he finally noticed, but it was already too late. “Wait, shit! My bike! What happened to it?”

“It’s scrap, I’m afraid.” Mia said. “I saw a picture of the crash. I think it’s well past saving.” 

Erik sunk back into the pillows. Of  _ course.  _ Why wouldn’t that happen? The perfect little cherry on top of his broken fucking leg. “Do you have any idea,” Erik asked them both, “what that bike was?” 

“Not a clue.” They both answered in tandem. 

“You’re both useless.” Erik complained. 

“Tell you what,” Eleven said without looking away from the monitor, “Once you’re cleared for driving again, I’ll go with you to pick out a new one.” 

“You don’t know shit about motorcycles.”

“Nope. But I’ll go with you anyway, if you want.” He was copying something down onto a sheet of paper, and Erik wondered  _ exactly  _ what he’d given him access to.

“Sure.” Erik agreed. “How long will that be?”

“Lets see…” He paused for a moment, and counted off on his fingers. “Four months? Maybe five or six.”

_ “Months.” _

“Months.” Eleven confirmed. 

_ Half a year.  _ Erik didn’t want Eleven to be his doctor anymore. “And what am I supposed to be doing that long?”

“Healing.” Eleven said, tapped the papers together, and rolled his chair over, offering them out to Erik.

Erik took them. 

And wondered when Eleven had learned to write in Russian. “I can’t read a word of this.” 

Eleven frowned, and took the papers back. “It’s your treatment plan.” He explained, as if that would make the jumble of ink make any more sense. 

“Care to tell me what it is, then?”

Eleven sighed. “You’ve got an appointment three weeks from now for X-rays, and to check for other complications. Depending on how fast you heal, we’re looking at light PT starting in about two or three months, and increasing in intensity for about a year.”

_ A year.  _ Erik let out a steadying breath. An entire year, because of  _ one  _ idiot. “What about  _ now?”  _

“Right  _ now,  _ you’re fresh out of two surgeries and you’ve got screws in your leg and collar. You’re on bedrest, I’m afraid.” Eleven flipped through the papers. “They’ve got you a prescription for an antibiotic and a pretty strong painkiller, but only enough for about a week. Longer, if you only need one dose a day. After that it’s a NSAID for a month if needed.” 

Erik didn’t know what that meant. But he didn’t care enough to ask. 

What the hell was he supposed to do?

El didn’t seem to know what he meant. He could try to ask again, but he didn’t know if he cared enough at the moment. 

There was a knock, and the doctor who saw him earlier stepped in. 

Eleven was on his feet in a second, giving up his seat and standing up straight on the other side of the bed, suddenly  _ much  _ paler.

“Alright, Mr. Camus…” She caught sight of El. “Lumen. It’s been a while. What are you doing here?”

“I’m…” He trailed off and glanced at Erik. Erik waited for what he would say. “I’m visiting.”

Erik frowned.

_ “Visiting.”  _ She repeated, and glanced at the monitor. “And you needed access to his medical records for that?”

“He’s my partner, Dr. Lai.” Eleven added on, though he sounded unsure. As if he didn’t want to say it without Erik’s permission.

_ Partner.  _ Erik liked how that sounded. 

But she just carried on, as if there hadn’t been any change at all. “I don’t see anything concerning on your scans, everything has lined up well, and you shouldn’t need any follow-up procedures. I’ve prescribed you-”

“El already told me.” Erik cut her off.

Eleven froze.

“Oh he  _ did,  _ did he?” Erik knew he’d done something wrong when she glared at the surgeon. “In that case… Get over here, Lumen.”

Erik watched speechlessly as Eleven scrambled over himself to follow her order, and take the printed images from her hands. 

“In that case, he can take over from here. Can’t you, Elian?” 

“Of course!”

“Good,” Pang said with her chin held high. “Then what’s he most at risk for? Going from these.”

Eleven flipped through the images as if he hadn’t just been looking at them. “The bones are well aligned where the break was, and given that the cleanse was thorough enough, the wound can stay clean, and his antibiotics are effective, infection shouldn’t be too high on the list. And the incision here  _ should  _ do away with the risk of DVT. So… Non-union?”

“You  _ just  _ said that the bones were well aligned.” Lai sighed dramatically. “Try again.”

“Right, then it’s just infection.”

_ “Just  _ infection!” Lai looked to Erik. “Are you positive you want this idiot handling your recovery?” 

“He hasn’t done me wrong yet.” Erik said, and Lai scoffed. 

“Your discharge paperwork has gone through.” She said, having moved on from El’s apparent medical faux-pas. “You’re free to go as soon as your drip finishes. Keep off your leg as much as possible, get some decent rest, and try to stick to simple meals for the time being. Your medication can cause nausea, and getting sick would be hell on your chest. All your other post-op information is with Elian, here.” She stuffed the papers into a folder, and shoved it at El. “I wish you a smooth recovery, and please come back if you experience any of the symptoms listed. Good day, gentlemen.”

Erik stared after her, more than just confused.

But Eleven didn’t relax until she was long gone.

“The hell was all that about?” Mia asked, speaking for the both of them. 

“Doctor Pang Lai.” Eleven said, sinking back down. “She was the doctor I shadowed while I was still learning. And she’s  _ terrifying.” _

“She seemed nice to me.” Mia said.

_ “You weren’t her student.”  _ El said back. 

“I thought you learned somewhere else.” Erik said, remembering what little Eleven had shared. 

“I did.” Eleven said. “She retired. Decided retirement was boring, and came here.  _ Right  _ when I thought I was free.” 

There was a story there. Multiple, probably.

Erik would need to drag them out at some point. 

Just not right now. “Mia,” Eleven looked up, shaking off the remaining fear of the old doctor, “do you think you could give us a few minutes alone?”

Mia’s lips pressed into a fine line. She glanced once at Erik, and nodded. She grabbed up the trash from her breakfast, and headed out without a word. 

“Why do we need time alone?” Erik asked.

“To talk.” Eleven looked down at his hands. “First, can you tell me why you weren’t home yesterday night?” 

Because… He was here? From the sound of things, so was El. “What do you mean?”

“When you were hit. You should’ve been home, right?”

_ Oh.  _ “Yeah. I…” No matter what he said, his answer was going to sound like an accusation. “I was worried about you. I couldn’t sleep, I felt like I needed to do  _ something.  _ I just wanted to go for a drive. That’s all.”

“I’m sorry. God, Erik. I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Erik muttered. He wanted to forget. Move on. Get all this behind them both. 

“It is, though. If I hadn’t left…”

“A  _ lot  _ of things would be different. But who’s to say I wouldn’t have been hit, still? Or the both of us?”

Eleven shook his head wordlessly. He didn’t believe Erik, but he didn’t have an argument to make. 

And beyond all the exhaustion, beyond  _ everything  _ that had happened, Erik just felt drained. “Where have you been, El?”

“Gemma’s, mostly.” He answered without any hesitation, finally giving Erik the truth.“I couldn’t go home, and I couldn’t face you.”

“You couldn’t even tell me you were alright? Do you know how worried I was?” But it felt just a little too late. “Do you have any idea what I thought had happened to you?”

“No one seems to stop telling me.”

“I’m not joking, El.”

“I know.” 

He couldn’t bear to wonder anymore. “Why did you leave? What did I say that offended you so badly?”

“You didn’t  _ offend  _ me. You scared me.”

“How?”

Eleven took a second, and for that second Erik thought he was going to refuse the question. And if he had… There wouldn’t be any salvaging them. “I worked so hard to get where I am. I didn’t quit being a paramedic, Erik. I broke down and lost it. And I went back to school, and started over. And the same thing happened. I broke down, and I had to come home  _ again.  _ Do you have any idea what that feels like? Failing twice over?”

Eleven had no idea. “I’ve got some clue.”

“And I _know_ you meant well, I do. But the idea of doing it all again, of losing everything _again…”_ He stopped before he could end up rambling,“I panicked. I know it’s no excuse. But I’m not asking for that. I just want to make it up to you, if it isn’t too late.”

“‘Too late?’”

“If you want me to go, then just say it. If that’s what it takes to make things right, then you’ll never see me again.” 

“Why the hell would I want that?” Erik asked, “This isn’t all black and white. It doesn’t have to be that extreme.” But now… Ruby’s advice was ringing in his ears. Maybe he should end things here. 

How long until Eleven left again? How many times would it take?

Did Erik have the patience? Did he even have the heart to wait out even one more episode like this? Erik didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want to acknowledge the possibility, but it wasn’t something he could easily ignore. 

“How long until you do this again?”

“I don’t know.” Eleven admitted, and at the very least Erik could respect the honesty. “I want to say it won’t, but I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t know what could set me off.”

“You aren’t making a great case for yourself, here.” Erik said, hoping it didn’t come off as aggressive. 

“I know.” Eleven said, but he wasn’t done. “But I think I can be better. I want to be better. I’ll try to be more open. I’ve thought a lot about what you said, and what I did. I have to make some kind of effort if I want things to change.”

“What kind of effort?”

“I’m going to see my therapist again, for one. Work my way from there.” Eleven said, glancing up to gauge Erik’s reaction. 

He didn’t give one.

“And I want to help you. While you recover, if you’d let me.” Eleven offered, “I know it’s going to be rough, and it’s going to take a long time. But I want to make it as easy as possible for you.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean  _ ‘why?’”  _ Eleven smiled even though Erik could tell he was terrified of what Erik would say. His voice shook. “Because I love you? And I should have said that before. I should have said that weeks ago. I’m sorry.” 

Erik felt his throat close up, and tears prick at his eyes.

“Oh, oh no.” Eleven stood up as Erik pressed his hand over his eyes just as they started to fall. “Are you hurting? I’ll call for help, just hold on.”

“I’m not in pain.” Goddamnit. Of  _ all  _ the times for El to say that, he had to pick now, didn’t he? “Get your ass back over here, you idiot.”

The  _ second  _ he was in reach, Erik stopped caring about the needle in his arm. 

Erik grabbed El by the collar of his shirt and dragged him down to his level.

El was nearly bent in half, but that wasn’t Erik’s problem. “I love you, too.”

El gasped against his mouth, but it didn’t take his surprise very long to wear off. 

A week of worry, guilt, and fear all culminated into one single moment, just to wash away in a heartbeat now that they were together again.

It wasn’t fixed.

But it was a start.

“Of course I want you to help.” Erik said once he needed air, and Eleven took the momentary break to remove Erik’s hand from his shirt, and snake his own between Erik’s head and the pillow, supporting his neck and tilting his face closer.

They should probably wait. If the nurses caught them, it probably wouldn’t be pretty.

But Erik didn’t care, and Eleven didn’t seem to, either. 

They didn’t even notice when the door  _ was  _ opened.

“Really?” They jumped apart at the sound of Gemma’s voice, but she was anything but upset. “Can you two not wait until you get home?”

“No.” Eleven said, going as far as to try i go in for more. But Gemma gave him a disbelieving look, and stalked over to the heart monitor that hadn’t yet been removed from the room, tapping her pen against the top.

“You do realize there’s a camera here, don’t you?” Erik felt lightheaded, all of a sudden. “You’re lucky I was the only one that got a front row seat to that. I’ll get Erik unhooked, that needle out, deflate the catheter balloon and you need to get yourselves ready to go.”

“The  _ what now.”  _ Erik asked, but the unapologetic look Gemma gave him did nothing to dissuade his fears.

Eleven looked away.

Some help he was.

It was all Erik could do to stay quiet as Gemma did what she needed to do and go. “There was a  _ camera.”  _

“Yes.” Eleven said.

“And you  _ forgot.” _

“...yes.” He admitted. “I hadn’t planned on any of that.” Erik just groaned, and Eleven went for the bag he’d left on the foot of the bed. “I figured you’d need something to wear.”

Erik looked inside — and didn’t recognize any of the clothes. “What happened to what I was wearing?”

“They had to cut them off of you. I’m sorry.”

_ Oh.  _ Well… That just couldn’t be helped.

“I didn’t have any way to get inside your apartment.” He apologized.

“Wait - are these  _ yours?”  _

“No.” Eleven said. “I stopped by a shop on my way home yesterday. I thought about bringing some of my own. But they’d be so big on you that it wouldn’t be much different from the gown. I just guessed on the size, I’m sorry if they don’t fit.”

“That’s fine.” Erik said, unsure of how exactly to respond. “But…” He had one free arm, and it didn’t want to bend with the giant cotton ball pressed to the needle site. “I’m going to need some help.”

~~

It didn’t take long to get Erik bundled into his car, wrapped in a blanket.

And it took even less time for him to fall asleep against Mia.

“So he forgave you.” She said, and Eleven took a moment to glance at her in the mirror. 

“He did.”

“Well, I guess that’s a good thing. I’m not gonna take care of this sorry lump alone.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Eleven said, driving as slow as he could, taking turns gently and annoying every other driver on the road. “I’ll do whatever he needs help with. I’m trained, after all.”

“What about when you work?”

“I’m on family leave, thanks to Gemma.” Eleven explained. “I’ve got twelve weeks, but it shouldn’t be that long before he can do most things on his own again.”

“What if it takes longer?” Mia asked.

“It won’t.” Eleven promised.

“But what if it  _ does?”  _ She asked again. “What then?”

“Then I apply for extra time.” Eleven said. “I’m not going to leave him on his own.”

“Even when he gets too annoying to bear?”

“He won’t.” Eleven was sure.

“Have you seen him sick before?”

“I can’t say I have.”

“Then don’t make that promise yet.” Mia advised.

But Eleven knew it wouldn’t happen. “I’ve had patients that fought me. I’ve had ones that scream abuse, and family members that want to argue against live-saving treatments. Trust me, Mia. He isn’t going to be too much.”

That seemed to be enough for her, and the rest of the drive was silent.

And Erik didn’t wake until he pulled into the complex, and parked.

He sat up, dazed and staring out at the darkening sky, distracted and confused about what was going on, why he was where he found himself, suddenly transported from the hospital to back home.

But hopefully this would be the last time he was so out of it, the prescription that he’d been given nothing like what had been in his IV.

“How are we meant to get him up the stairs?” Mia asked.

“I’ll carry him.” Eleven offered, “If you could get the wheelchair and his overnight bag?”

“Sure.” Mia got out, and opened the trunk of the car, and it was left to El to coax Erik’s drugged state out of the car. 

And it went just about as well as it could. 

One arm under his legs and the other around his back, careful not to jostle his leg or his slinged arm, he completely forgot to watch for his head.

There was a loud thunk, and Erik was back with them, shouting out a word that Eleven dared not to repeat. 

“Sorry.” Eleven said to him over the sound of Mia’s sudden raucous laughter

“Fuck, El. You trying to concuss me  _ again?”  _

“I said sorry.” Eleven pointed out, but Erik had already stopped caring. After all, if he was mad he wouldn’t be able to snuggle in closer to El, and fall back asleep. “Hold on,” El said, trying to keep him from drifting back off just yet. Erik whined, and he heard Mia snicker at him. “You can sleep soon, I promise. But can you wait just a few minutes?”

Erik muttered something that was mostly complaint, but did his best to stay aware. 

Once Mia had the door unlocked, Eleven headed right for Erik’s room. “Mia, can you grab any extra pillows you have? Blankets, too?”

“Uh, sure.” She peered around the corner. “Why?”

“He needs to sleep upright.” Eleven explained through the open doorway. “If he sleeps laying down he could hurt himself getting back up.” 

And though Erik fought his hardest, by the time Eleven and Mia had packed a mountain of pillows against the headboard, he was already out cold.

Well. For a few hours at least. 

Until his pupils were back to the same size, he couldn’t leave Erik to sleep through the night.

Mia was worried about Eleven getting frustrated with a grumpy Erik, when really they both were going to need to worry about  _ him  _ if that took more than just a few days.

“Thanks,” Eleven said, carefully laying Erik down on the bed. “But I’ve got it from here. Go get some sleep.”

“You sure?” She asked, standing in the doorway as she watched him place a pillow under Erik’s leg, and another under his bent elbow.

She knew logically that Eleven knew what he was doing, and that there really wasn’t anything left for her to do. 

But seeing him like this wasn’t all that much different from the feeling she got after the phone call from the hospital, when she first saw him lying in the recovery room. 

Nothing felt worse than powerlessness.

“I’m sure.” Eleven said, as he pulled the blanket up over his shoulders. “But if I need help, I’ll get you up.” 

“Promise?”

“I promise.” He said, shutting off the light, and following her out of the room.

“Are you not staying with him?”

“Did you see any room for me with all those pillows?” Eleven asked, “No. I’ll take the couch, if that’s alright. I’ll be checking on him in an hour, and with the door open I should hear him if he wakes up before that.” 

She didn’t want her brother left alone, but… That was just her nerves talking.

Erik was going to be okay. 

And even if she didn’t want to admit it, that was mostly thanks to Eleven’s offered help. She knew she wouldn’t be able to do all that Erik would’ve needed from her on her own. 

“Thanks.” She said, finally looking away from Erik’s room, lit by the red glow of Charlie’s light. “For all this.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Eleven said. “It’s the least I can do.”

“Still.”

“I’m happy to help.” He insisted. “Goodnight, Mia.”

“Goodnight, Eleven.”


	14. The side effects that the label doesn’t warn you about.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And if there was one thing that Erik wasn’t about to sit by and ignore, it was his very basic, primal need for a goddamned sandwich.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost had to split this into a third chapter.   
> H e l p
> 
> Also the chapter count increased again.  
> I got an Idea.

All Erik wanted to do was sleep.

Normally, that didn’t seem like such a chore. Even when it was slow to come, he could still just lay in place and wait, be it morning or some eventual light slumber.

But this last day or so?

Drugged or not.

It was proving to be difficult. 

There was something odd about waking up sitting upright. Like he’d jolted awake from a nightmare, but instead of sitting up trying to catch his breath, he just felt a bit like a pretzel, with how he was packed in with what almost looked to be every pillow they had in the apartment.

Actually, he didn’t even know they had this many pillows at all. 

He didn’t know who, but someone was skimping out on him.

But the pillow conundrum was a topic for a different sleepless night.

On this specific night, he was burdened by something that took much more of his attention, and something that he couldn’t quite ignore, no matter how much he tried.

It felt like someone had taken a metal bat to his — well. Everything, really. 

His leg and collar felt like someone was holding an iron brand against him, or maybe his bones had just been replaced by molten metal. His head throbbed in time to his heartbeat, and even his skin hurt, a stinging sensation stretching across his side.

He had medication for pain, didn’t he?

Something Eleven had gone on about. Enough for a week.

So, where was it?

Erik looked to the table next to his bed, but it was empty of anything resembling what he was looking for. Just a lamp, the digital clock he always had covered up, and El’s glasses.

_ El.  _ Right. He had help, he didn’t need to figure this out on his own.

He’d feel bad for waking him, but as dumb as he was, Erik wasn’t stupid enough to think he didn’t need his help.

But the side of the bed El normally took was empty.

Save for his newly acquired mountain of pillows.

Which was odd. And a little concerning.

He knew that his absence right  _ here  _ didn’t mean he wasn’t anywhere nearby, and that he hadn’t taken off again, but he couldn’t help but wonder. Just for a moment.

He should wait.

He  _ should. _

The only thing standing in his way of that most reasonable idea, was the simple fact that he couldn’t.

His stupid-high pain tolerance seemed to have taken a vacation without consulting him first, and even beyond that was the sensation that was only just to the left of being painful that bothered him the most. The gnawing feeling of hunger that was somehow even more all-consuming than the pain. 

And if there was one thing that Erik wasn’t about to sit by and ignore, it was his very basic, primal need for a goddamned sandwich.

11:32 at night or not. 

And so, with Eleven missing from his direct line of sight and not so much as a half-empty bag of junk food within reach (damn his sudden urge to clean) he was left with little choice. 

At least he was already halfway up.

As carefully as he could, Erik tried to extract himself from his cocoon of blankets, and reached his first problem before his feet even met the floor.

He was working with one leg.

And he had no idea where the crutch he was promised was.

But such a hurdle wasn’t enough to deter Erik in his quest for a midnight snack. 

And it wasn’t really  _ that  _ hard. 

One leg to half-scoot half-hop on, and one arm to balance himself against the wall. 

His method was flawless.

So when he  _ did  _ end up on the ground, sat on his butt with no more brilliant ideas on how to get back up, it wasn’t really his fault. 

But at least he’d just hit his ass, and he hadn’t hurt anything that already was hurt. 

“Erik?” The voice that called out to him was half-asleep and completely confused, but it was still a relief to hear.

So El was still around.

“Over here.” Erik called out, “Little help?”

The light in the hall switched on, and El froze at the sight of him.

“What the hell are trying to do?” El asked the moment voice returned to him, and before Erik could even tell he had moved, Eleven was picking him up like he weighed nothing. 

And-

That was definitely something he needed to come back to later. “I just needed to get something to eat.” Erik muttered, trying to pretend to be put out even though this really did seem to be a much more efficient mode of travel, even above the crutch he possibly had. 

And if to enforce his point, his stomach growled.  _ Loudly.  _

“Well, let’s see what we can do about that.”  _ Success.  _

“Wait,” Erik noticed that El wasn’t carrying him back to bed, but further out into the house. “You’re not gonna make  _ me  _ make it, are you?”

“Of course not.” Eleven said, taking him around to the couch, where a blanket was shoved to the end. 

So that’s where El had been. “I need to make sure you didn’t rip any stitches and start bleeding when you fell.” 

“And if I told you I didn’t?” Erik asked.

“I’d say ‘that’s nice’ and check anyway.” Eleven answered without stopping, and within a moment he had Erik down on the couch, the lamp turned on, and he was heading back towards the kitchen for what Erik  _ hoped  _ was a sandwich. Or really anything edible, at this point. 

But again his food-related hopes were dashed as Eleven returned with not a double stacked turkey club, but a plastic bottle of some alarmingly purple drink labeled as a berry smoothie, and a single dose of ibuprofen.

“Is this a joke?” Erik asked in complete sincerity. 

“Afraid not. Trust me, you don’t wanna be sick when your ribs are bruised. I’ll make you something more substantial in the morning, promise.” Eleven answered, and before Erik even got the chance to argue or even just accept his new lot in life and take a sip, Eleven began undoing the buttons on the oversized flannel shirt he’d given Erik.

“...What are you doing?”

“Calm down, I’m checking your stitches.” 

“Oh.” Right, he had said that, hadn’t he?

Erik hadn’t really seen the extent of the damage himself yet. And part of him didn’t want to. As if as long as he didn’t see it, it wasn’t really there. “Sorry, this might hurt a little.” Eleven apologized before he even began, and Erik grit his teeth.

“That’s okay.” Erik said, bracing for whatever was to come.

But the extra pain never came. 

He felt where El gently pressed his fingers to his skin, searching for ripped sutures or discharge. “Well… It all seems to be alright.” But it was such a light touch, it may as well have not happened at all. “You feel warm.” Eleven observed, and pressed the back of his hand against Erik’s forehead. “Do you feel sick? Dizzy?”

“A little dizzy, yeah. That’s why I fell.” He’d thought he would make it safely to the kitchen when the dizzy spell came, and ruined his plan. 

“Not because you were trying to hop around on one leg?”

“That,” Erik conceded, “may have been a factor.”

“Mm-hm.” Eleven pushed up from the floor. “Do you have a thermometer anywhere here?”

“Uh. Somewhere.”

_ “Somewhere?” _

“I don’t know where it is.” Erik grumbled. He never  _ needed  _ it, so why keep track? It could be in the bathroom cabinet, stuck in some drawer, or accidentally tossed out. When neither he nor Mia got sick easily, there just wasn’t any need. 

Erik felt a lecture incoming, but Eleven just sighed. Saving it for another day. “Well… That's fine, I guess. I don’t need it right now.” Eleven sat down next to him, placed a hand on the back of his neck, and drew him in close.

_ Okay.  _ Seemed a little out of the blue, but Erik wasn’t going to complain. Not if he could have an  _ uninterrupted  _ repeat of that wonderful moment in the hospital. He followed the gentle pull eagerly, closed his eyes and-

“Erik, stop. I’m not trying to kiss you.”

-and touched his forehead against Erik’s. “Oh.” His face colored red, and that wouldn’t do a damn thing to help Eleven figure out if he was running a fever. 

Eleven pulled away, and Erik tried not to be too disappointed. “You aren’t that warm, probably just low-grade. Here,” he grabbed the two little pills from where he’d set them down, and dropped them into Erik’s hand. “Take these.”

Erik sighed, took the cap from the smoothie, and did as he was told. “Isn’t it normal to get a fever after surgery?” 

Eleven waved his hand in a so-so gesture. “Kind of?”

Well that wasn’t a  _ no.  _ “Then why worry?”

“Infection.” Eleven answered. “If the surgeon you saw didn’t do a good enough job cleaning out your break, it wouldn’t be entirely out of the question for one to start to set in.”

Erik didn’t like the amount of times he’d heard that word without any elaboration. “What if one is?”

“Then we get you back to the ER and start a more rigorous treatment plan than you have set up.”

Was that all? “That isn’t too bad, is it?”

“It can be. Listen, I’d be taking you to the bigger hospital. They have better resources there, not  _ better care  _ necessarily, but they might be more prepared for your condition if it took a sharp turn.”

“Do you think it will?”

“I don’t want to be overly cautious, or not enough. I don’t know. We can’t until it happens. But right now, I think you might be fine. We’ll see if we can bring your fever down, and if it’s gone by morning then I’ll just put in a call. If it isn’t…”

“Hospital?” Erik finished for him. 

“I’m afraid so.” Eleven said, and this time when he pulled Erik close, it was just to bring him close. “But, like I said, you seem to be fine. This might just be your immune system overworking itself.” 

Erik leaned into the touch as much as the ache in his opposite shoulder would let him. But he wasn’t silent for very long. Food problem taken care of, even if it was infinitely frustrating, that just left the pain. “So the ibuprofen was for the fever, what about pain?”

“You want the painkiller?” Eleven asked, as if there were any other answer than ‘yes.’ Erik nodded, and Eleven managed to look guilty  _ and _ pitiful. “It’s too early for that. I’m sorry, but you can’t have any for another four hours at least.”

“Seriously?” Could  _ one  _ thing go right?

“Sorry. I know it hurts.” Eleven began to disentangle himself from Erik. “Here, I could get you some ice? At least for that goose egg.”

Goose egg? Erik raised a hand to his head, and flinched when it came into contact with a bump. “How did I even get this?” Erik brought his hand down to look at it. He didn’t know why, there wouldn’t have been any blood to see. “I had my helmet on…”

“Ah. That one’s my fault.”

“What?” Erik looked back to El, and as soon as he did realized what he meant. “How is it your fault? I  _ told  _ you that accident wasn’t-”

“I mean that literally.” Eleven said, “You don’t remember?”

Erik just waited for him to clarify.

“I uh, when I got you out of the car earlier I might have… Smacked your head against the door.”  _ Might have.  _ Erik didn’t quite know what to say. “A little bit.”

“A little bit.” Erik repeated.

“As a treat?” Eleven offered, and as much as Erik wanted to be upset, he just couldn’t be.

“Whatever,” Erik said around a laugh. “Don’t worry about ice, just get back over here.” 

“Yes, sir.” Eleven said with an amount of sarcasm that really shouldn’t be possible so close to midnight. 

But alarming levels of sarcasm or not, he did what Erik asked, and it was only a moment before Erik was propped up against his chest.

And the smoothie put back in his hand. “I’ll help you back to bed once you finish that. But don’t rush.”

If he wasn’t so damned hungry he would’ve dumped the drink on El’s pants. “I know how to drink a smoothie.”

“I know.” Eleven said, suddenly speaking softer, even as he pulled Erik in just a little tighter. “I’m sorry, I always get a bit overbearing when Jade or Serena get sick. I guess that goes for you, too.” 

“I mean that’s kind of your job, isn’t it?”

It was a joke, but Eleven never seemed to catch those. Not when it was about what he did.

But to be fair, Erik never seemed to remember that. “Not really. My job is to just keep people alive, it’s someone else’s to get them well again.” 

Erik wanted to ask again why he stayed where he was. But he was comfortable. He just got Eleven back. The questions could wait for another day. “Well… you do a pretty good job at both, I’d say.”

“Let’s see how you do before you go around making those claims.”

Erik didn’t see how he could possibly be wrong about that. Even once he finished his somewhat sad excuse for a dinner, he didn’t quite want to leave. “You mind if we stay up a bit?” He asked, not quite ready to give the closeness up. After the rollercoaster of the past week, the disaster of the past few days he still hadn’t quite absorbed… He didn’t want it over. 

“What, want to ring in the new year?”

Erik paused. “It’s New Year’s Eve? But that’s…” Wasn’t that two days from now? 

“You lost a couple days in the hospital. I’m sorry if you had any plans.”

Two days he was lost in that haze. Without even realizing it. Erik shook that off. Another thing to deal with later. “No… Not really.” All he and Mia ever did was sit around. Parties hadn’t ever been something either of them enjoyed, and neither of them drank all that much. “But you did, didn’t you?”

He felt El shrug behind him. “Normally I spend it with Jade and Serena, and her sister comes to visit, too. Sometimes mum, if she can spare the time to drive down.” 

Now Erik was the one feeling endlessly guilty. From the sound of that she didn’t come around all that often. “And you’re stuck here taking care of me. I’m sorry.”

“I’d rather make sure you’re well and safe than stand around drinking myself sick, or stuck in the hospital helping the poor souls who drink  _ themselves  _ sick.” 

Alright, if that’s how it was… “Well, doesn’t mean we can’t at least do a little bit of that. Crack something open and celebrate a  _ little.” _

“Okay, first off, if you’ve got anything to  _ crack open  _ I didn’t see it, and second you absolutely cannot drink on your medicine.”

“I’m not on my medicine  _ yet.”  _ Erik pointed out, but he didn’t expect anything to actually come of it.

“And we’re back to my first point.” 

Erik didn’t need to respond. He hadn’t really been serious, but it bought him some extra time. “What time is it?” 

Eleven pulled out his phone, and Erik only had a moment to feel warm at the picture he had set as his lock screen, the both of them soaked to the skin and covered in snow. “It’s already past midnight.” 

“Well, in that case… Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year.” Eleven said back, set his phone down, and allowed Erik a few more minutes.

Just until he started to drift off. “Alright, sleepy. Let’s get you back to bed.”

Erik snuggled in closer. “Mm, don’t wanna.”

Eleven, the bastard, laughed at him. “You’re going to argue on this?”

“I don’t want you to sleep on the couch by yourself.” Erik answered, giving the more concerned answer instead of saying  _ I don’t want you to let go.  _ “Can’t we stay here?”

“You need proper rest.” Eleven said, as if it was a decent argument. 

“So do you, if you’re gonna be watching my ass all day.” Which was entirely true. Erik was  _ never  _ a good patient. “Stay with me?”

“If I say no,” Eleven asked, “how likely is it that you’ll get out of bed on your own again?” 

“Highly. Near 100%.” And it was not a lie.

“Of course.” Eleven sighed, but Erik had won this battle. “Okay, we’ll get this figured out then.” Nothing more, and Erik was scooped back up in his arms.

And really… He could get used to that. 

Eleven walked them back to Erik’s room, their room for the time being, but stopped just short of setting Erik down. 

Instead, he didn’t let Erik down at all. “Here,” he said as he laid back against the pillow-pile, and kept Erik against his chest, snug between his legs, and arms wrapped around his middle. “How’s this? Do you think you can sleep like this?”

He was already struggling to keep his eyes open. “Shouldn’t be too difficult. Can  _ you,  _ though?”

“I’ll manage. Goodnight, Erik.”

“‘Night.”

“I’ll wake you in an hour.”

Erik groaned, El laughed, and said one last thing before Erik could begin his dreadfully short nap. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“‘Course I am.” Erik responded, even as he began to drift off. “Got stuff I can’t leave behind.”

~~

Nine hours later, but what felt like hours and hours more between each awakening, Erik was once more woken.

But this time it wasn’t by Eleven shaking his shoulder or simply just sitting him up, but by Mia’s voice.

“No room on the bed for you, huh?”

“It’s funny how things work out.” Eleven answered back. “If I left him on his own, he was going to hurt himself trying to get around without help.” 

“Of course he was.”

“It was a strategic effort.” Erik mumbled from his place against his boyfriend. His bed. His bedfriend. Dear  _ lord  _ he needed to sleep. “Negotiation.”

“Negotiation for what, exactly?” 

“A decent backrest.” Erik answered, just a little bit snappily. If he wasn’t given a little longer… 

But it didn’t seem like more sleep was on the table. “I take care of you all night and all I am is a ‘decent backrest?’”

“That’s your entry-level title. You’ve gotta work your way up the corporate ladder.”

“Unbelievable.” Eleven said in faux-disbelief. “I'm your boyfriend and I don’t get flung up the ranks? Where’s the nepotism?”

“None of that here. It’s all hard work.” Erik said, “Unless… I’m sure we could find some favors for you to do.”

“Favors like this?” Eleven asked, tilted Erik’s chin up, and leaned in to kiss him upside-down.

Fucking  _ finally.  _

_ “Gross.”  _ Mia commented from the doorway. Was she still there?

“Fuck off Mia, you aren’t a part of this.”

“And yet here I am.” Mia said,  _ still  _ talking even though Erik wasn’t listening. “Well, I just wanted to make sure you two hadn’t managed to kill each other while I was asleep, and — can you  _ really  _ not wait?”

“Nope.” Erik answered, wasting as little time as possible until Eleven’s lips were on his own again. 

And really… being carried around, Eleven taking care of him,  _ and  _ this?

Erik should’ve broken his leg ages ago.

“God.” Mia said, but she sounded more amused than actually disgusted. “Are we sure you’re even really hurt?”

Erik didn’t dignify her with any reaction. He didn’t even care. More important things to be doing. To be  _ done,  _ hopefully.

“Spider-Man kisses.  _ Gross. _ I’m out of here.” 

Eleven broke away from him, and Erik didn’t bother to try and stop the little frustrated noise he made. Could he not  _ one time  _ get to make out with Eleven uninterrupted? “Actually, wait a moment.”  _ No! _ “Can you find what we did with his crutch? I promised I’d make breakfast.” 

“Hey,  _ no!  _ We’re a little busy here!”

But he was ignored.

The  _ audacity  _ of it all. 

“Sure, I brought the wheelchair in last night but I might’ve left that in your car.”

“That’s fine.” Eleven said, and got up from where he had been for most of the night. His back popped, and Erik winced. Okay, maybe he did need to move. “Keys are on the table by the door.”

“Got it!” Mia said, and started down the hall. 

“Do not just tell her that, she’ll steal your car.”

Eleven picked him back up. Well, if the crutch was being fetched then this was probably about to stop. He may as well enjoy it while he can. “I’m not using it at the moment.”

“You are insane.” Erik told him. 

“Noted. What do you want to eat?” Eleven asked as they reached the kitchen, and Mia spotted them from the doorway, slipping her boots on. 

“Wow, he’s awake and you’re still carrying him around like that?”

“I am not a willing participant in this.” Erik fibbed. 

“Don’t lie, princess.” 

“Don’t call me princess!”

“I’ll stop calling you princess when you stop being one, Ariel!” Mia called out, and slammed the door behind her before Erik could find a way to wriggle out of Eleven’s hold and chase her down. 

“Bitch.” He muttered.

“Don’t say that about your sister.”

“I say it with love.” Eleven snorted.

“What do you want to eat?” He asked again, and helped Erik into one of the barstools. 

“Literally anything that isn’t just a liquid masquerading as food.” 

“Eggs okay?” Eleven asked.

_ “Please.”  _ Erik answered, and settled in to wait. 

“Here,” after a few minutes Eleven set a plate down in front of him. It wasn’t anything to write home about. Just a couple slices of toast and some very dry looking scrambled eggs. “Eat as much of that as you can.” 

_ As much of it as he could.  _ Did Eleven not realize the most he’d eaten in two days was a fucking cup of chicken broth? 

“After that I’ll get your meds.”

“I thought Dr. Lai said to go easy on food.” As much as he wished that Eleven had set  _ more  _ down in front of him… He still took her warning seriously.

Eleven had already turned to the sink to clean the pan he had used to cook. “She did, and that’s as easy as you can go, I’m afraid.” 

“Why’s that?”

“You can’t take your medicine on an empty stomach. It would make you sick.”

“But if I eat, I’ll get sick?”

“That’s right.” Eleven said, as if the contradiction made any sense whatsoever.

“That’s bullshit.” Erik decided, shoveling the food into his mouth. 

“That’s right.” Eleven agreed. Damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. 

Oh well.

Eleven set out a folder in front of him, and got his own plate. 

“What’s this?”

“Information on your medication and the surgeries you had, what you can expect while healing, and your before and after X-rays.”

“My X-rays?” Erik asked, ignoring El’s wanting and abandoning his food for just a moment to pull them out. “Oh. Oh that’s…” His stomach dropped, and his food seemed less appealing. He  _ knew  _ what a compound fracture was. Hell, this wasn’t the first time he’d broken a bone. El had seen him through that, too. Even if they hadn’t been together yet. But he wasn’t prepared to see.

Somehow, his leg began to hurt even more. It didn’t make sense. His brain didn’t know how to comprehend it. 

“I’m so sorry.” Eleven apologized yet again. “You shouldn’t have to go through this.” 

Erik just swallowed against the tide of nausea.

“I wish I could take this week back.” Eleven didn't meet his eyes. “I wish I could take your pain for you.”

And what was he meant to say to that?

Erik set down the diagnostic X-ray, and picked up the post-operational one. There was a rod and a handful of screws showing up brighter against the black and grey. “That’s really fucking cool,” Erik flipped the image around, even though he knew Eleven had already seen it. More times than Erik had, even. “I’m a cyborg now.”

That was enough to make Eleven smile, just a little.

Crisis averted.

And just in time, Mia finally came back, leaning the crutch against the counter.

“Oh, good.” Eleven said, grabbed the third serving he’d made, and set it down in front of her. “I’ve got a plate for you, too.”

“Seriously? Thanks!”

“I’m afraid I’m not much of a cook, though.”

“Who cares?” Mia asked, dropped down next to Erik and grabbed her fork. “I’m not gonna complain about food I didn’t have to make myself.”

“Don’t say that until you see him try to make something nice.” Erik muttered, remembering the natural disaster that had been the oven roasted squash.

“Don’t care!” Mia said through a mouthful. “Man, I’m hating you less every day.”

“That’s very kind of you.”

Eleven busied himself with getting all of Erik’s medications while Erik tortured Mia with his more gruesome X-rays.

“God that’s horrible!” Mia stared at it in awe. Like a train wreck. “That doesn’t  _ go there!”  _

“It’s not like I was given any choice in the matter.” Erik said after he polished off the rest of his breakfast. 

But Mia didn’t hear him. “Can I show this to my friends?”

“You have friends?” Erik asked on impulse, but after one half-hearted slap he gave in. “Go nuts.” He waved her off, and she left her cleanup to El.

Rude. 

But Eleven didn’t complain, too busy with the medications he was pulling from a folded paper bag.

“What are all these?” Erik asked. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust that El wouldn’t be giving him anything that wasn’t safe. But more so that he just wanted to postpone them as much as possible.

“Did you listen to the doctor at  _ all?” _

“I could barely understand them.” Drugged and confused, he’d  _ tried  _ to remember what they said to him, but most of it was meaningless in his haze. “And I figured you’d know.”

“Right.” Eleven went for the bag one more time, and set the bottles out, each with their own stapled together stack of paper. “This ones an antibiotic, and you’ll be taking it twice a day for a month.” Eleven began to explain. “Your leg fracture was open, so infection is a very real risk, and it’d be an infection that could mean serious damage. So don’t even  _ think  _ about skipping the last ones.”

“Got it.”

“This one is codeine. It’s a pain killer, not as strong as what you got in the hospital, or when you were checked out, but it’s still pretty tough. You really shouldn’t take it more than twice a day, and you won’t be getting any refills, so only take it when you really need it.”

“That’s what you wouldn’t give me last night?”

“That’s right.”

Erik hesitated. He  _ wanted  _ the pain relief, but he didn’t want to spend all his time in a haze. “Is it going to make me all loopy again?” 

“It might make you sleepy, but no. You aren’t going to be spilling all your darkest secrets.”

“Good.” Erik said, less concerned about the dark secrets he didn’t have, and much more concerned about the stupid shit he would end up saying. “And that one?”

_ That  _ one didn’t get its own papers. “This is just a supplement. It’ll help the bones in your leg heal stronger.” 

Erik waited for more to come out, but nothing changed. “That’s all of it?”

“Why? Want more horse pills?”

_ “No.”  _ Erik said, trying to find the right way to explain his confusion without accidentally willing himself more medication. “I just thought there’d be more. From the way everyone was talking…” 

Eleven shrugged, and Erik reached out to inspect one of the bottles. Of the many warning stickers across its orange plastic, one in particular stood out.  _ Do not operate heavy machinery.  _ Erik wondered how many construction workers got prescribed this often enough to warrant that label. “There might be more added on later if you need it, but for now these are all your oral medications. You might need a blood thinner if you start showing signs of DVT, but that’s an injection.”

Erik set the bottle down without his answer. An  _ injection.  _ He fought off a shudder. “Does that mean I have others?”

“Well, yes. But I don’t want to give you any before you get cleaned up.”

Erik felt dread form in the pit of his stomach.  _ “Please  _ don’t tell me I have a suppository.”

Eleven snorted. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing of the sort. It isn’t even a prescription, it’s just an antibiotic ointment I picked up for your road rash.”

“Is  _ that  _ what all this is?”

“Yeah? What did you think?”

“I dunno. I just thought road rash was.. more severe?” 

Eleven just stared at him for a moment, and Erik realized that sitting there with his leg in a cast and his arm in a sling, and three giant pills set out in front of him,  _ severity  _ was probably subjective. “It can be. But it can be milder, too.” Eleven finally answered. “If it means anything I don’t think any of it will scar. At least not if we take proper care of it.”

“That’s not good news.” Erik muttered, picking up his glass. “It means you’ve still got me beat for cool scars —  _ oh shit.”  _

“What?”

“I forgot to call in!” How many days had he missed work, now? Without so much as calling? At this point, did he even  _ have  _ a job to go back to?

But Eleven didn’t seem worried. “Oh. Don’t worry about that.”

“How can I not worry?”

“I’m sorry if it was an abuse of my position, but I called in for you.”

“You did?”

“I didn’t know how long you’d be out, or how long you’d be in the hospital, and I didn’t want then to find out when they started looking for you.”

“What happened?”

“You should have an email with your medical leave forms and a request for some proof of your visit. But the person I spoke to said it was all really just for record’s sake. You’re off until you get your all clear for light duties.” 

_ Light duties.  _ That was even  _ worse.  _

Desk work… It was going to be hell.

~~

Maybe Eleven was being a little too much of a momma bear.

But growing up with his own, was he ever going to turn out any different? And really, he was just doing what Erik deserved.

If he had to carry him around for the entire healing process, he would do it.

Not that Erik was even heavy to begin with.

But he could tell Erik was getting just a little miffed when he decided he needed to shower and wash the hospital off of him, and Eleven insisted on taking his arm out of the sling and force on a plastic sleeve over his cast for him.

But after the bathroom door shut, Eleven didn’t quite know what to do with himself. 

After he’d cleaned up from breakfast, and made the bed he knew Erik was just going to unmake as soon as he got dried off… 

It was a relief when Mia called him over.

“What’s wrong?”

“He needs your help.” Mia said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder towards the bathroom. “I heard him call. Idiot can’t even get his shirt off.” 

_ His collarbone… Shit.  _ “Oh, I should have thought about that. Thanks for telling me!”

“No problem.” Mia said, and Eleven entirely missed the triumphant edge to her voice. 

“Erik?” Eleven said, knocking once on the door, but letting himself in anyway. If Erik had been asking for help, then he wouldn’t tell El to get lost, right?

But… Erik was already in the shower, and the pajamas he’d been in tossed over the laundry basket. “El?” Erik peeked out from behind the curtain. “Is something wrong?”

“I thought you needed help.”

The door shut behind him, and there was an ominous click.

Eleven immediately got a bad feeling.

And turning around to try the door, it only got worse.

The door was stuck.

“Mia?” He called through the wood, hoping it was just an accident.

But that would have been too simple.

“I’ll let you out soon!” Mia promised in a sing-song voice. 

“Why?” Eleven asked nothing more.

“I think you’ve got a few things you need to say, don’t you?” Mia said as Eleven tried the door one more time. “Talk about your feelings, boys! I’ll be back in an hour.”

_ An hour. _

Was this her vengeance for Eleven nearly breaking Erik’s heart?

Eleven stepped back from the door. “You’re being oddly quiet.” He said.

“It’s because I’m used to her shit.” Erik responded. “So, what is it we need to chat about?”

Sitting at the bottom of the shower, his cast in a wrap and the sling off for the moment, the brace keeping his collar steady was thankfully waterproof. 

At least Mia’s little stunt gave him an excuse to help. 

Washing the last of the blood from his hair, and gently cleaning the stitches and scabbed over marks, El took solace in the fact he could at least do this.

“I’m so sorry.” He kept saying it, but he didn’t know what else he  _ could  _ do. “This never should have happened.”

“Wasn’t your fault.” Erik said again. “It’s the driver. If he’d just been smart enough to stay where he was, I wouldn’t be hurt.”

_ Smart enough to stay where he was.  _ As if that didn’t describe Eleven just as well. 

“I can  _ feel  _ you brooding.”

“Sorry.” Eleven muttered again. “I’ll make this up to you.”

“You aren’t listening to me.” Erik said, rolling his good shoulder to push El back. He didn’t turn around. “I. Don’t. Blame. You. And I don’t care if you think this is your fault. It just isn’t. Do you take responsibility for all your patients' injuries?”

“You aren’t my patient.” Eleven reminded him.

But one glare shot over his shoulder got him to answer the question he was asked. “I don’t.”

“Then why mine?”

“Because I left.” Eleven answered, sick of beating around the truth. “I left you alone. I didn’t consider what leaving you could do, I was too focused on myself.” Erik listened quietly, and Eleven dropped his hands to his sides. There wasn’t anything more to it. “And I’m so, so sorry.”

“This isn’t about my accident, is it?” Erik asked, “You’re just latching on to it instead of that night.”

Eleven didn’t know what to say. Apologies were easy. Just two words. But finding the source of the mistake, confronting it and knowing exactly what he did wrong, what he had to do now… “I guess I am.”

“Well, that actually  _ was  _ your fault more than it was mine.” Eleven flinched back. “And I forgive you.”

The water spraying down was still hot, but it felt for a moment as if it had turned to ice. “What?”

“It was a mistake, you’ve apologized, and you’re trying to be better. So, I forgive you.”

It couldn’t be that easy. It just couldn’t. “Thank you.” Eleven said, not knowing what else he could possibly say. 

Until Erik was in his arms again. Not to carry, not to support through the night. Just to hold.

And the dam burst. 

Tears he didn’t know he needed to cry came, and he couldn’t stop them. “I’m so sorry.” Eleven said, again and again into Erik’s hair, holding him flush against his body, tight enough that it had to hurt. 

But Erik wasn’t complaining. Just a few moments. 

They both needed this.

“I was so scared when I saw you. I knew that you were alive, but I was so terrified you wouldn’t make it.”

“I’m here.” Erik held just as tight to him, his good hand twisted into his hair. “I’m going to be okay.” He was crying, too. So much fear built up finally being released. Fear for El when he took off, fear for his own life. Fear for the future. 

“I thought I’d never get the chance to make things right.” Eleven confessed, “That I’d lose you before it was possible.” 

Erik was pulled completely into his lap, but when he spoke, he sounded clearer than before. “That’s a stupid thing to think. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

Eleven laughed, and he couldn’t tell if the water on his face was from the shower, or if they were tears. “Apparently.” He said, feeling lighter than he had in days.

Eleven pulled back, and finally  _ saw  _ Erik beyond everything that was wrong. There were tear tracks on his face, his hair was soaked and sticking in all directions, but he was smiling, even though grinning like that couldn’t be easy with the fine cut on his cheek.

But Eleven knew the feeling. 

The few times in his life when something just went  _ right…  _

And this was one of them.

Gemma was right. He hadn’t noticed, but she was. Even now, he felt himself smiling.

Erik was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. And he needed to find a way to show that. Saying it wouldn’t be enough. Erik deserved more.

He deserved the world.

And even if Eleven couldn’t give that, he would give all he could.

But it would seem that Erik’s mind was headed in an entirely different direction. “You know… If you really want to make it up to me, you know what you could do?”

Eleven grinned for a moment, but when Erik’s expression didn’t change, it faltered. “You’re serious?” He asked.

Erik blinked, and tried to back off. “I mean- of course you don’t  _ have  _ to, but-”

“No, that’s not the problem.” Eleven hurried to say. “Erik, did you read the informational packet about your pain killer?”

Why did that matter? “I. Might have skimmed it. A little.”

“Of course.” Eleven sighed. “Well, it’s good to know it hasn’t killed your sex drive, but I’m afraid you might have trouble sating it.”

“The hell do you mean?”

“Go ahead, give it a shot.” Eleven told him, gesturing down. “If you can actually get hard, I’ll do whatever you want.”

That’s when it clicked for Erik. “You’re fucking kidding me.” He groaned.

“I’m not.” Eleven regretted to inform him. It wasn’t the most  _ common  _ side effect. But in combination with everything else, with his injuries, it all spelled misfortune.

“Fuck.” Erik turned away, actually  _ trying,  _ the poor soul. Eleven couldn’t help himself, pressing up against Erik’s back and locking his hands around his middle, careful to avoid all the bruised bits. “I-  _ stop looking!”  _

“Make a wishlist.” Eleven suggested, “We can go through it together when you get all the pipes in working order again.”

“Oh, fuck you!” But no venom in it. Eleven felt safe enough to keep poking, just a  _ little  _ bit more.

“We can’t do that, remember?”

“Goddamn.” Erik said as he gave up. “Fine. Whatever. So what, I can’t do anything? Doesn’t mean I can’t do anything to _you.”_

“Yeah, and how do you plan on doing that?”

“What?” Erik asked, his patience long gone. 

“Are you going to get on your knees with that cast? Or lie back and hurt your ribs when you have to get back up? Maybe you can —  _ oof!”  _ Eleven was entirely unprepared for Erik to push him back, one hand on his chest that kept him against the cold tile wall. “What the hell?” 

“I could always just jerk you off. Save the fun stuff for later.”

“Yeah, _absolutely not.”_ Eleven said before Erik could get too proud of his work around. “I’m not driving you back to the ER because you slip and crack your head open. Keep your horny in check.” 

_ “Fine.”  _ Erik finally,  _ finally  _ gave up. “Ya buzzkill.” 

“Whatever you say. Now can we please finish showering before the water gets cold?”

Erik allowed Eleven to take care of most everything from there, accepting the help and pampering with minimal complaint, beginning to find the treatment more endearing than patronizing. Even when he was  _ once more  _ scooped from his own two (one) feet, to be carried as if he couldn’t move at all.

But he didn’t fight, and Eleven would enjoy spoiling Erik as long as he would tolerate it.

Mia grinned at the both of them the exact moment she deigned to free them both, just to see Erik in a princess carry.  _ Again. _

Her smile only stretched wider, and she let out a loud wolf whistle. “You’re seriously still carrying him like that?”

“He seriously still is. Against my will.” Erik said from where he’d buried his beet-red face into El’s chest.

But Mia wasn’t done embarrassing him. “Oh don’t get so damn shy. I knew what was gonna happen before I locked you idiots in there.”

Ah. A noble plan of hers indeed. Lock them in a room until they made up, and until they made-

“We didn’t  _ do anything!”  _ Erik positively shrieked.

“Yeah, right.” Mia rolled her eyes, and made for her spot on the couch. “Just let me know when it’s safe to use the shower again.”

Like he wouldn’t have sanitized the hell out of it if anything  _ had  _ happened. Even if it  _ didn’t,  _ come to think of it _.  _ There had still been blood in Erik’s hair! “He’s not lying. Shower’s safe.” 

“What?” Mia asked, looking confused. And trusting his word over Erik’s. Odd. And completely unfair. “Why the hell not? Do I need to lock you in again?”

“Please don’t. And it’s because of the codeine, mainly.” Eleven answered honestly, and started back for Erik’s room before he could complete his transformation into a ripe tomato.

“The hell does that mean?” Mia asked.

And with an evil grin, Eleven decided to answer. “Google it!”

_ “El!”  _ Erik hit him on the shoulder with his good arm, and then called back at Mia. “Do  _ NOT _ google it!”

But she did.

And Eleven knew she found her answer when he heard her cackle from the other room. 

But Erik only stayed indignant for a few moments. It seemed as though all it took was physical contact to calm him down, these coming days.

And El was all too happy to oblige. 

“I wanted to ask, or,  _ warn  _ is probably more appropriate a word. My mother is going to be in town soon, and I haven’t told her about you yet, and if you’re willing to meet her, I’d like to introduce you.”

“Your adoptive mother?” Erik asked.

“Yeah. Her name is Amber, but she probably won’t-” Eleven paused, and brought his hand down from where he’d been tangling it in his hair. “Wait. How did you know I’m adopted? I don’t remember telling you.”

“Oh… Jade mentioned it.” Erik explained. “I said that she didn’t look much like you.”

“I’m gone a week, and I come back and suddenly you’re all best friends. What the hell happened?”

“You  _ went missing.”  _ Erik reminded him. “And I wouldn’t say that. She mentioned that a while ago.”

_ “When?”  _ Eleven asked, feeling the questions only grow with each answer he got. “You only met her when we fought!”

“No.” Erik said, staring at El. “You seriously don’t know?”

“Know what??”

“She tracked me down at work not long after we started dating to threaten me.”

Eleven found himself experiencing a new emotion that he didn’t quite know how to describe. “You mind saying that again?”

“She showed up when I got off work one day, and asked me what my  _ intentions  _ with you were.” Erik didn’t look like he wanted to elaborate, but he did anyway. “She thought it was suspicious, warned me not to make your life harder.”

_ “Suspicious.” _

“Yeah. That I saw you once and the next thing she knew I’d gotten you to buy a new car. She thought I was a gold digger or something.”

Eleven took a deep breath. “I am  _ so _ sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” Erik said, “She’s the one that did it, and it’s actually kind of funny now.”

“It is?”

“I’m definitely taking advantage of you now. Now come here and get where you belong, I need my backrest.”


	15. The little disasters that aren’t really all that disastrous.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Little help?” Erik asked, raising a hand, and that’s when Eleven noticed his crutch was nowhere to be seen, and his cast looked chewed. 
> 
> Somewhere in the apartment, a dog yapped.
> 
> Eleven took one moment to close his eyes, take a deep breath, and ask the universe why.

Eleven was getting too used to waking up like this. Comfortable and warm, cozied up against Erik’s side, head pillowed against his less-injured side, and Erik’s good arm around him. 

He could spend hours like this, and he had. More than once in the past week or two, content to waste as much time as it took from waking up, to Erik waking up, to one or both of them needing to finally force themselves to get up from their little slice of peace and quiet and closeness to start the day.

Normally around noon.

But today, Eleven woke to his phone alarm at seven, and so early, it was nearly a crime to get up. 

But it wasn’t as though he really had a choice. 

And so, with great regret, El slowly detached himself from Erik’s side. 

He hardly even noticed, by now they were both used to the coming and going throughout the night, as often as Erik needed to get up just to move around a bit, to shake out the stiffness in his limbs or to just deal with the discomfort and pain that had unfortunately become a regular part of daily life. 

But… Not forever. Not even all that long.

With time, it would become more bearable, and with time, it would go away completely.

But until that happened, El would be there to stay up with him, and do what he could to help.

Erik only turned slightly, and fell back into deeper sleep.

Well… He could sleep a little bit longer.

Eleven went about his morning as quietly as he could, getting dressed in relative silence.

But there was one thing that probably wouldn’t stay quiet enough to avoid waking Erik.

Eleven had been horrified to learn what Charlie ate. More so, when his offer to take care of the lizard was accepted. Erik probably didn’t _need_ assistance in this particular chore, but it meant something to offer, didn’t it? To try and learn about what Erik loved. Even if what he loved involved a lizard that hated him and many, many bugs.

In a plastic _box_ under Erik’s _desk,_ just sitting and living in his _bedroom,_ was an entire _colony_ of what he had called Dubia roaches. 

Not like the roaches that infest your house, he’d been told over and over. Not even really _roaches_ in the same way that Eleven was thinking. They were clean, they didn’t smell, and if they somehow got out of the plastic tub they lived in, they wouldn’t make it very far.

He also told El that they were pretty much the only insects that Charlie ate, aside from the occasional hornworm that Erik brought him as a special treat.

Eleven didn’t know what a hornworm was.

And he didn’t _want_ to know.

He preferred his blissful ignorance, thank you very much. 

But even his infodump hadn’t helped his fears all that much.

But Eleven liked to think he was getting the hang of this. He _liked_ to think that doing this would be a good way to bribe Charlie into liking him.

But the results so far were inconclusive. 

Wriggly bug in the giant-ass tweezers, bug in the vitamin dust, and offered out to the lizard that seemed to hate him for no discernable reason.

Should be easy enough.

But Charlie didn’t like to make things easy. What Charlie liked seemed to be petty grudges, threats of violence, and trying to strike fear into Eleven’s very soul.

He watched calmly as El opened his cage, but the moment the bug was offered out to him, darker spots appeared on him, he opened his mouth up wide, and did his damndest to scare Eleven away.

But even if Charlie wasn’t growing used to him, he was growing used to Charlie.

“Just take your damn breakfast.” Eleven muttered under his breath to the unruly reptile. “I’m trying to help your dad, here!”

Eleven liked to think of his following nice behavior, taking the few bugs that El held out for him with his weird-ass tongue, as if he had heard El and gone, _oh, well if it’s for him…_

But it was all the more likely that he got more hungry than he was angry.

Zipping the door to his enclosure back up, Eleven got ready to wake Erik.

But it didn’t seem as though that was necessary.

“You’re getting pretty good at that.” 

Eleven turned back around to see Erik awake, watching his struggle with a contented, sleepy look on his face. 

Eleven scoffed, smiled, and set the tweezers back in their place. “I better be. It’s taken long enough.”

“It’s a skill honed over a lifetime.” Erik told him solemnly. “To pick up a bug without screaming like a little girl.”

“Oh, _shut up.”_ Eleven told him. Really! He only shrieked the first time. And it wasn’t even as loud as Erik had said. Only _one_ neighbor had come around to check what the noise was about. 

“Only if you come back to bed.” Erik tried to negotiate a trade for his silence. “It’s gonna get cold.”

“You know I can’t.” Eleven said, and just watched as Erik got himself out of bed. He still thought that he needed to be careful. He still had a couple of weeks before the bruising on his ribs really started to heal, and he didn’t like how rough he was with his collar. 

Well-

Rough was subjective. He still wore the sling for most of the day. “I’ve got to-”

“Therapist, Jade’s place to get your mom, and then back here. I know.” He reached for his crutch, and got to his feet. He’d never actually try to get Eleven to stay home. He wanted El to get the help he needed more than just about anyone else.

But as he was up and awake, he noticed what Eleven had dressed in. “...your therapist have a dress code or what?”

“What?” Eleven asked, daring Erik to comment. 

“You look like you’re going to church.”

…he was not _wrong._

“What’s that tie supposed to be?” Erik asked, and _rude._ He actually _liked_ this tie. “You didn’t even get this dressed up when I tried to take you somewhere nice.”

“That restaurant didn’t _sound_ nice.” Eleven reminded him. “I didn’t know it wasn’t casual!” 

“And now look at you. You look like a waiter.”

“Erik.”

“Like a suburban dad.”

_“Erik.”_

“Like a youth pastor.”

“Okay, that’s enough out of you.” Eleven said. “I don’t want fashion advice from someone who’s been wearing basketball shorts for a week.”

“My _leg_ is _broken.”_ Erik reminded him. “I think I’m allowed some fashion faux pas, don’t you?”

“I suppose.” Eleven backed off a little. “There’s no dress code. But they pick apart what I wear. Tries to give me advice, so I thought…” He shrugged. “Try to beat them to the punch.”

“Right, then.” Erik said, and shoved him out of the way. “Lose the tie. And the blazer.” He pulled open the drawer that Eleven had taken to keeping his clothes in, and pulled out a soft green t-shirt, and his jeans. “There. Just make sure to grab your coat. The nice tan one.” 

“What? No!” 

“That’s all you _need.”_ Erik argued, tossing the clothes at him. “If you dress like a little kid on Easter every time you see them, it’s no wonder they try to steer you straight. Just give it a shot.”

Eleven wasn’t sold.

But he wasn’t going to fight. “If they still try to convince me to see a stylist I’m going to put one of those bugs in your dinner.” 

“Good source of protein.” Erik said, heading into the rest of the apartment to scrounge up enough of something to eat to take his medicine. 

It was a quieter morning than usual, but that fact could likely be attributed to the fact that Mia was still asleep, and probably would be until she actually needed to get up and go. 

But quiet didn’t mean without problem. 

As Eleven joined Erik in the kitchen, just long enough to down some coffee and toast before he had to leave, Erik seemed to have lost a little bit of his confidence.

And while Eleven didn’t blame him, he wished there was a way to tell him that he didn’t _need_ to worry that would actually stop the process.

“While on the topic of clothes…” Erik said slowly, “You sure this is okay?”

Erik was wearing, like Eleven had made light of earlier, basketball shorts and a _much_ oversized t-shirt. It may have been Eleven’s shirt. “For what?” It wasn’t like he had very many options right now.

“To meet your mom.” Erik clarified, and Eleven sighed. They’d had this conversation already. “I don’t want her to think-”

“That you’re injured and it’s difficult to get your cast through a pants leg?”

Erik stabbed his toaster waffles. He hadn’t eaten any yet. “Yeah.”

Not for the first time, Eleven bemoaned the fact that there was no easy way to hug Erik without hurting him in the process. 

But he could try. “That’s not going to be an issue. She isn’t coming here to pick everything apart. She’s just coming to meet you, not decide if you’re _worthy_ or something.”

“How certain are you?” Erik asked, slouching down. “I’m a mess…”

Eleven could definitely try. “That’s not unusual.” He joked, but he knew that Erik would recognize it as a joke as he wrapped an arm around Erik’s shoulders, and squeezed just as lightly as he could manage. “But seriously, there’s no way she won’t love you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I promise. Now eat your waffles.”

And that should have been it.

But of course, it wasn’t.

Because once it was time for Eleven to head out the door, he needed to have his own little mini-panic attack. 

“You’re sure you’ll be okay on your own?” Eleven asked _one last time_ as he stood in the open doorway, letting all the cold air in. “Absolutely sure?” Well. _Almost_ the last time. 

Erik shoved him a little further outside. “I’ll be fine! You worry too much.”

Rich, coming from the man who had a wardrobe crisis. Eleven thought without taking the time to realize that he _also_ had a wardrobe crisis that same morning. “I think I worry the appropriate amount, given our track record. What if you fall again?”

“Mia is here, and at the most she'll just be around the corner. I can call her if there is a problem.” Erik pointed out, and Eleven knew he was right. “I promise I’ll be fine.”

“Right. Right, I _know._ But…” But it was still enough to make him nervous. Logically, he knew there wouldn’t be a problem.

“I get it. But you need to get going.”

“Alright. Don’t wait for me to get home if there is a problem, though!” Eleven said through the door that was quickly being shut in his face. 

“I won’t!” Erik called back. “Now get your ass out of here before you’re late!”

~~

Crossing the campus where he once learned and worked at sparked an emotion Eleven didn’t really know how to name. 

Not quite nostalgia, not quite homesickness, but caught somewhere between it all. 

He used to love it.

But now… 

The buildings, both new towering and old and nearly neglected all looked the same as he remembered. They hadn’t changed in any one way. The paint color was the same. The signs all unchanged, and he wouldn’t be surprised if even the birds nests carefully tucked away in the corners of the channel letter signs were the same ones that had already been there when he arrived, nests that must’ve been built when the hospital first was.

Some things were new, a few smaller practices on the edge of campus, someplace new for the hospital’s endless practices to spill over into, or maybe even just new classrooms for the health science school that the local health system boasted. He knew that they had desperately needed that extra space. Remembered the faculty fighting to get it. 

He hoped they did.

But he didn’t dwell long on the things that were different, and the things that were old. As uneasy as being back made him feel, at the same time, nothing was more familiar.

The roads had been repaved, but the route was the same.

Twisting between buildings, past the one-day surgery and children’s hospital, the newer blue and green hued towers faded away to the chipped white paint and brick exteriors of the older buildings.

Navigating the old campus was nothing more than muscle memory.

And snug just between the pediatric psychiatry office and the offices for the nursing school (the layout hadn’t ever made sense to El, and he doubted it made sense to anyone on the planet, let alone the planning department.) was the occupational therapy that he had once been a regular client of. 

And stepping through the door, he could almost believe that the past few years had been nothing but a dream. 

That he was still caught in the fight between his C-PTSD diagnosis, the people who thought him unfit, and his own shattered mental health.

A battle he’d lost, despite all the people who had backed him up.

He’d proved those against him right when he raised his white flag, and gave in.

He’d disappointed more people than just himself, that day.

Only the people behind the desk had changed. “Let’s see… Elian Lumen, 10:00 with Dr. Rodrigo?”

“That’s right.” 

“Elian… That’s familiar.”

“I used to come here regularly.” Eleven explained, thinking nothing of it. He didn’t frequently see patients often enough to recognize them, but he had a particular one in mind. 

“Wait!” She snapped her fingers, and looked at him with a triumphant grin. “Eleven!”

“I…” Eleven blinked dumbly for a moment. He didn’t remember ever giving his nickname here, even if it was his preferred name, he always rathered to _not_ have to explain it to every single person who asked. “Yes?”

“I hardly recognized you! It’s been ages, we all missed you when you left. Is Gemma still hanging around here somewhere?”

“No, no…” _Fuck._ Eleven hadn’t any idea who this was. A classmate? Someone he worked with once? Just some friend-of-a-friend he’d met once and left more of an impact on than she did for him? Not that that was unusual. It took a _lot_ to even reach him, back then. “She’s where I am, working in a hospital in a small town a couple hours from here.”

“So you did go back to emergency work. I’d heard a rumor, but… You never know who to trust, when it comes to gossip, you know?” Eleven most certainly did not know. “But no matter, it’s good to see you. Tell Gemma I was asking after her?”

“I will,” Eleven promised, knowing he _probably_ wouldn’t forget. Probably. “Uh…” As long as he actually knew her name.

“Shale.” She answered without showing an ounce of annoyance. Either she knew it had been longer than what Eleven’s memory for names and faces allowed, or realized when they were friends or acquaintances or whatever that Eleven hadn’t the free time to get to know people. It was just by Gemma’s prodding that he ever left their apartment outside of work and school and food shopping and library trips at all.

“I’ll let her know.” Eleven promised for real this time, and it was only a handful of minutes before he heard a high-pitched excited squeal, and was sheparded off to the same office, and the same chair. 

“It’s been, far, far, _far_ too long, Ellie! Can I still call you Ellie?”

“Of course.” Eleven answered. There were precious few people he let get off with calling him that, but they were easily slotted into the group. There wasn’t anything patronizing or cruel in the way they said it. It was just friendly. “And it has.” He said honestly, any nerves he had about his session gone with that single greeting. 

Sylvando dropped into the chair just to Eleven’s side, and kicked one leg over the other, and set their floral-patterned clipboard over their lap. “Okay… just because I have to ask-”

“The answer is no. And no, and no.” Eleven said without even giving Sylv a chance to finish. “I haven’t in a while. In about half a year.”

Sylv raised a single brow, and tapped their pen against the plastic clipboard. They didn’t ask again. “That’s very specific, but very good, too. I take it something has changed?”

So much. So _very_ much. But if he started now, he wouldn’t be able to shut up until it was all out there. 

So he just nodded, and this time played along as Sylvando listed out all the questions he needed to ask. 

“Alright, now that that’s out of the way,” Sylvando clapped their hands together, and leaned forward, “tell me _everything,_ darling.”

Eleven had expected it to be hard to talk to Sylvando again. To talk to anyone at all for that matter.

To break down that wall between what he could and couldn’t say, build the kind of trust he needed to spill everything that had happened.

But Sylvando already knew.

All of it. From how sick he’d been, how close he’d come to losing everything, to the names of those who’d stuck up for him, and those who fought against him. 

But there was no block. No discomfort, and no shame. 

The story came freely. From the last time he’d seen Sylvando, right before he left this hospital for what he thought was for good, to even just the last week.

There hadn’t been any problems, but that was the point.

As low as it got, it had evened out, now. And that even field was so much higher than what Eleven had ever thought he could have.

Sylvando wouldn’t pass judgment on him, and that wasn’t just for their role as Eleven’s therapist. Just as a person, they wouldn’t ever judge anyone for the things they could not help.

And if Eleven followed his new plan… He was going to need their support.

“It’s been hard, since I left.” Eleven started off at the beginning. “But I started working again, in this little ER… Not much ever happens, but it’s steady.”

“But…?” Sylvando urged him on, hearing the unspoken things that Eleven hadn’t gone into. He’d need to, today or some other session. But there were more important things. 

Laying down the basics.

“But it didn’t feel that different from what I had left behind.” Maybe he _hadn’t_ been sat down by his superiors and the department director to be asked if he was still capable of doing his job, outright _told_ that he wasn’t, and advised that maybe he should be thinking about a different career, as if they had actually been concerned about _him,_ rather than just telling him to get lost before he had to suffer the indignity and possible repercussions of a termination on his records. 

But he still felt that entire shit show just behind his shoulder, waiting just around the bend to pop up and ruin whatever else he tried to make for himself. “I’m happier there, but I still think that things need to change more.” 

“Change in what way?” Sylvando asked him, not accusing, not asking him why he couldn’t ever be happy in the things he chose to do. 

“Last year, I had this one patient, and he said something just recently that gave me an idea...”

~~

Being back at Jade’s house again felt… Different.

Not like coming home, no, it hadn’t ever really felt like that. 

But he didn’t feel like an intruder, either.

And when Jade opened the door for him, she smiled as if nothing was wrong. 

Things were healing.

“Amber’s still getting ready,” Jade told him, ushering him inside, away from the melting snow and mud outside. “But she won’t be but a few.”

It wasn’t a complete thaw just yet, but merely just the first. If the weather kept to its usual patterns, they’d be seeing at least one more flurry before winter began to release them from its grasp. 

“That’s fine.” Eleven said as cheerily as he could manage. “I’m in no hurry. Is Cobweb around? I’ve missed her.” 

“She’s probably asleep in your room. Are… is everything okay?” Jade asked him, clearly unnerved. El nearly just told her _yes, everything is fine._ Just like he promised Erik. No big deal made over something he wasn’t even mad about anymore. 

But Eleven kept the all-too-cheery smile. Even if he’d promised, it didn’t mean he couldn’t at least _mention it._ “I’m fine,” Eleven told her honestly, “there’s nothing wrong. I’m just looking forward to Mum meeting my _sugar baby-_ I mean, boyfriend.” 

Jade’s eyes blew wide and her jaw dropped. Not the word she had apparently used or implied, but it worked well enough. Better even, it rolled off the tongue more than the word Erik had used, and perhaps shocked her a little bit more. _“What?”_

“Erik enlightened me to how the two of you met just the other morning.” Eleven kept his voice as light and casual as he could. He actually wasn’t mad. He should have expected it, truthfully. He was just having a bit of fun. Just like he’d been professionally advised to that same morning. “He was surprised that _you_ hadn’t told me, considering how worried you seemed to be.” 

“I-” Jade started to speak, to apologize, to argue, to defend herself, Eleven didn’t know. 

Because Amber took that exact moment to step through the door. 

She smiled when she saw Eleven, and he braced himself to get dragged down to her level and squeezed half to death, but something stopped her. She looked from Eleven to Jade and back again, and frowned. “I know that look. You two better not be fighting again already.”

“Now why would we be fighting?” El asked in the sweetest voice he could muster. 

“Elian!” She warned, but even the threat of some punishment she deemed fit for his crimes that he was by no means too old for didn’t quite manage to dissuade him from taking this moment to intimidate Jade just a bit. It wasn’t often he got to be the scary one. 

“We’re not fighting.” Jade pitched in to help him. “Go get in the car, we’ll just be a minute, promise.”

Oh, so she did want to talk?

Amber glared at them both for a moment, but did as Jade asked. “If I hear _any_ yelling I’ll be right back over here.”

“You won’t.” Eleven said, and Jade waited until she was out of earshot to speak. 

“I am _so_ sorry.” To her credit, she did at least seem to truly _be_ sorry. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You really shouldn’t have.” Eleven said. “You should be happy that Erik isn’t mad.” _If he was…_

Well. They’d only _just_ stopped fighting. He didn’t want to get in another so soon. He could probably just tack this on to the last one if he really wanted. 

“He isn’t?”

“No. He thinks it’s funny, in retrospect.” It kind of _was,_ given how everything had turned out, but it still wasn’t something Eleven wanted to let continue. 

Jade had been cruel to Erik the few times she had met him, and it wasn’t _Eleven_ she owed an apology to, now. “In fact, he asked me not to make a big deal out of this.”

Jade winced. “I promise I won’t do that again. Or anything like it.”

“Don’t promise that.” Eleven said, dropping the act for just a moment. It wasn’t actually all that fun. “Make it up to him.” 

“How?”

“Be _nice.”_ Eleven explained the obvious. “I know you two met while I was gone, but I don’t know what you did.”

“Nothing much.” Jade said. “He got in that accident and that was the end of it.”

The end of _what?_ Again, Eleven just kept picking up more questions.

But it didn’t matter. Probably nothing more than a back-and-forth of snide and lightly passive-aggressive comments. “Just try to be nice next time you see him.” Eleven repeated himself. With any luck, they’d see each other soon enough for reasons that didn’t involve emergency hospital visits. “It would mean a lot to me. To him, too.” He added on after an extra second. “I love him, and I want him to feel safe around my family.”

“This is serious, isn’t it?” Jade asked. 

He could intentionally misconstrue what she was asking. After all, didn’t most relationships at least have the _potential_ to become serious?

He could get mad.

But he shouldn’t.

He knew what she meant. So many times, it had looked like he actually had something special, just for it all to end in flames, be it from his own mistakes or not.

For Erik to stay, even after Eleven had walked out…

“It is.” Eleven answered, all the fake smiles replaced in an instant with a genuine one. “Serious enough that he should be sticking around for a while yet.”

A single thought crossed his mind, and he was shocked that it didn’t make him itch to run _again._

He didn’t want Erik to just stick around until he got bored. He wanted Erik to just _stay._ For the rest of their lives, if possible.

Jade must’ve seen some of that reflected on his face. “I’ll do my best, then. Just let me know when he’s well enough to leave the house, or have visitors. I’ll see what we can do to make him feel welcome in our family.”

“Thank you.” Eleven said, and Jade smiled.

And…

That was the end of it. At long last.

Jade didn’t waste a moment. “She’s going to love him, you know.”

He knew that already. But hearing Jade say it, it made it concrete. 

Given that Erik survived the encounter.

“You better not keep her waiting too much longer.” Jade advised, looking over El’s shoulder at the car parked in the drive. 

“Right.” Eleven said, looking back. Amber watched from the passenger seat, waiting for something to happen. “I’ll see you in a few hours?”

“I’ll come by to pick her up, don’t worry about leaving Erik alone again. Just let me know when.”

“Right,” Eleven said again, not quite sure how else to end the conversation. “Right. Thank you.”

Only two more stops and starts later, Eleven finally found himself able to leave. 

But the moment he got on the road, Amber started on him instead.

“What did you do to your sister?”

“Nothing!” Eleven threw one hand into the air. The _constant accusations!_ “Why do you think this is _my_ fault?”

_“I know that look.”_ Amber said again, “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Eleven muttered, and Amber finally gave in. She’d get the story sooner or later, and there were more important things at hand than just another little tiff between siblings. 

What was _much_ more important… “Now tell me about this young man of yours, I haven’t heard the slightest thing about him.”

Okay. Maybe he _was_ still a little mad. But false accusations would do that to a man. “Did you ask Jade? She seems to be the expert here.” 

“Elian do not make me get in the middle of this!” Amber warned, “It won’t be pretty if I do.”

“I’m aware.” Eleven said, speaking from years and years of experience. For a woman who responded to ‘ _you aren’t my mom!’_ from her foster son with adoption papers… It was anyone’s guess what she would do if she found out about their fight. “We’ve settled the issue already. She really didn’t tell you anything, though?”

“No. She just told me his name, and that you were staying with him to help out. Why would she tell me anything more? El, what did she do?”

_Finally, recognition that he was innocent._ “She tracked Erik down to threaten him.”

Amber sighed. “Honestly, you should have expected that by this point. I’m impressed she waited so long.”

“This happened in February.” Eleven explained, “I only just found out about it.”

“What’s done is done.” Amber said, putting a definite end to their conversation so far. “Now, are you going to tell me about Erik or not? How did you meet him? How old is he? What does he do?” And if Eleven was right, there would be one more question. “It’s been a year from what little I _have_ been told. When should I mark my calendar for the wedding?” _There it was._

“He’s just a year older than me, and he’s an aquarist.” Eleven started on the easy question, even saying _aquarist_ rather than _fish zookeeper._ “He commutes about an hour out to the state aquarium. Be careful asking him questions about it. Once he gets started, there isn’t any stopping him.” He said it as a warning, but if Amber was looking, the fond smile on his face would render it null and void.

But then… came the harder questions.

“And… I met him at work.” 

“At work.” Amber repeated. “As in the emergency room late at night?”

“That’s right. First time I saw him I was operating on him, fixing his broken foot.” Might as well get that fact out of the way. He continued on before Amber could get too up in arms, but he knew the story wouldn’t help. “He became a regular, all sorts of little accidents. But I didn’t really _know_ him until this past February. He came in with something a little less… _urgent_ than normal, and after I took care of him he asked me out.”

“And you said yes?”

“I almost didn’t, I don’t even really know why I _did…_ But I’m so glad I did. We’ve had a bit of a rough patch recently,” to put it lightly, but he was sure she would hear more about that later, “though everything’s solved, now.”

“You met him as a patient, and it ended up like this? What _kind_ of rough patch?” She was right to be skeptical, but Eleven knew it was just a bit. There was very little he could say that would end in any other result than her walking away happy and sure of her future son-in-law. 

“This year has been a rollercoaster.” Eleven found no qualms in admitting. From the WaffleHouse that she _did not_ need to know about, to just a handful of nights ago that they’d both ended up crying all the stress of the month out… There was no other way to describe it. “And it was just me being stupid. It’s all solved now, and… he makes me so happy, mum. Happier than I’ve been in ages. I know that doesn’t really tell you much about him, but I don’t really know where I could even start.” 

Satisfied, and not truly expecting anything to come from her last question, Amber relaxed, and listened to her son ramble on. If Erik made him _this_ truly, visibly happy… That was all that mattered. 

But as they pulled into a parking space, she saw him grow more serious. “Now, he’s still medicated. He won’t be for much longer, but still. He might space out on you, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t mean to be rude.”

“Medicated?” Amber asked, “Whatever for?”

Eleven looked at her, visibly startled. “They didn't even tell you that much?” 

“Jade refused to let anything slip and Serena said she hadn’t even properly met him. What happened?” 

“He was in an accident. Just over a week ago.” Eleven explained slowly, as if that would make the sudden worry any less intense. He didn’t look at her as he continued, spacing out somewhere between the console and the gear shift. “A drunk driver sped through a light and hit him while he was on his bike.”

“Goodness.” Amber breathed out. Only the barest of information, and she didn’t know if she could stomach any more. Eleven had always been stronger than her in that regard. Never flinching at the sight of blood. Only afraid of the doctor when it came to his own long-solved heart defect. But _Amber…_ She had a harder time. Not for being squeamish, but because she just couldn’t bear to see anyone in pain. “He’s lucky to be alive.”

“I know, mum.” Eleven said, and she knew it was the wrong thing to say. “I saw him wheeled in. I thought…” He closed his eyes against the memory, pressed his hands over his eyes, and sighed, long and slow. “It’s fine. I’m fine. He’s going to be fine, and that’s what matters.” 

That was about all she could stand to see. A car was unfortunately not the best place to comfort someone, but that wouldn’t ever be enough to stop her from trying. “It’s okay to be scared.” She reminded him, with an arm around his hunched forward shoulders. “It’s okay to cry.”

“I already have. Erik, too.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re done.” He sat back up, but she didn’t move away. “Healing takes time. Physical or otherwise.”

“I know.” Eleven said one last time, and steeled himself. He stepped from the car, and Amber followed. Up the stairs, stopping at the last door. “He’ll be fine soon enough. But for now… He’s got a broken leg, collarbone, and his ribs are bruised. I know it’ll be hard for you, but _no hugging him.”_

“I’ll do my best.” Amber said, and really. It was the best she could offer.

“Well,” Eleven said, sliding the key into the lock and hoping to god that Erik was still presentable, not that Amber would care if he wasn’t. If Eleven loved him, so would she. But they didn’t mean he wasn’t still nervous. “He’s still hurt, so _please_ try to be gentle.”

“I will.” Amber promised, but Eleven still held his doubts.

The door swung open.

And Eleven found that he should really know better than to think that Erik could stay out of trouble for even one day.

The man on the floor looked up at them, horrified, and grinned shakily. “Welcome home?”

Eleven didn’t really know what to say. So he just didn’t.

Erik was soaked to the bone, and splashed with streaks of mud, feathers caught in all the mess. 

And even more strewn about the visible space, caught in puddles of water and muddy footprints. Muddy _pawprints._

“Little help?” Erik asked, raising a hand, and that’s when Eleven noticed his crutch was nowhere to be seen, and his cast looked _chewed._

Somewhere in the apartment, a dog yapped.

Eleven took one moment to close his eyes, take a deep breath, and ask the universe _why._

~~

Eleven held a hairdryer up to the cast, but it was a futile effort. “How did this even happen?” Eleven asked. Of _course_ this is how he’d end up introducing Erik to his mother, surrounded by yet another minor to moderate disaster. 

Amber, bless her patient soul, was just across the room, mopping up the mud.

The filthy puppy that absolutely was not there that morning locked in the bathroom until Eleven had the spare time and peace of mind to deal with it. 

Leaving him to attend to Erik. 

“It just showed up.” Erik explained. “I heard scratching at the door, and the next thing I knew it was inside. It didn’t have a collar, and it wasn’t unfriendly…”

“So you tried to _bathe it?”_ Eleven demanded to know, “Erik, what the _fuck_ were you thinking?”

“Elian!” Amber scolded him the moment the curse was out of his mouth. “Don’t be that way. I’m sure he knew what he was doing.”

Eleven wasn’t so sure. “You _know_ you can’t let this get wet.”

“It’ll dry.” Erik mumbled.

Eleven shut off the hairdryer. Time to admit defeat. He knew from the beginning that it was unsalvageable, from the bitemarks if nothing else. “It _won’t._ That’s not how these things work.”

“The inside is just cotton, right?” Erik asked, and Eleven felt his patience begin to snap. “It’s not that big a deal. What could happen?”

_“Tissue necrosis_ is what could happen!” Eleven just scarcely managed not to yell. He’d been reasonable up to this point. He hadn’t tried to put weight on his bad leg, or carry things that could worsen his collar, scratch his stitches or try to skip a dose of his medication. But _this._ Of course. “You could have called me for help! Or anyone, for that matter! Mia isn’t that far!” 

“Elian E. Lumen! Do not talk to him that way!” Amber called, about to break out his full name if he didn’t bring his voice down. 

“I didn’t want to risk interrupting your session.” Erik said, but he wasn’t searching for an excuse. As far as he was concerned, that was a perfectly reasonable explanation. “Or drag Mia home. I thought I could figure it out.”

“You could have called animal control.” Eleven pointed out, pressing the heel of his hand over his eyes. He wasn’t mad. He was just worried. But… Of all the disasters, this wasn’t even the stupidest. 

“So he could get carted off to a kill shelter?”

“That isn’t…” Eleven sighed, and took his hand away. “Nevermind. This won’t be too hard to take care of, I’ll just take you to the hospital tomorrow to get it replaced.”

“I’m sorry.”

_Great,_ now Eleven felt like an asshole. “I’m not mad, you don’t need to apologize.” He stood up, and gave Erik one last once-over. No bites, no scratches. 

It would seem like the dog had kept its destructive cravings to just the cast.

How that even managed to happen, Eleven didn’t know, and didn’t care to ask. He’d grilled Erik enough for the day. “I’ll just…” He glanced across the room, but it seemed like Amber had already finished straightening up.

For the most part.

And he wasn’t going to ask her to clean the _entire_ mess.

Or any of it at all, but there wasn’t ever going to be any stopping her.

That just left the dog itself. “Clean the dog, I guess.” 

“Good luck.” Erik wished him, and Eleven knew he would need it.

But when the bathroom door was unlocked, and Eleven was treated to the sight of water and mud streaked over every surface, and a puppy with ears bigger than its entire head sat right in the middle of it all…

Yeah.

He needed all the luck he could get.

“Alright, you little bastard. You better cooperate.” The puppy, having no understanding of the English language, did not heed his warning. 

But Eleven had been prepared for such insolence.

And though it was a battle for the ages, once the dog actually got _in_ the tub, and the warm water soaked into its fur, it decided that it wasn’t all that bad a situation to be in.

It would’ve been nice if he had learned that when Erik had tried earlier in the day, or even just a few minutes before so that Eleven might have been a little _less_ soaked to the skin. 

But calmness now what all he asked for, and the dog wasn’t actually all _that_ filthy. 

The mud brushed easily out of its fur, leaving behind a fluffy golden brown color as it dried.

No signs of fleas or ticks, and though it seemed to be a little skinny, it didn’t seem to be sick or injured. 

Now sitting politely on a towel, the little dog sat with its tail wagging.

They aren’t keeping it. He’ll take it to the vet to check for a microchip, and leave it there if it’s got one, and take it to a shelter if it doesn’t. Or maybe Serena. She knows about the rescue process better than he does. But they aren’t keeping the dog.

He knew that wasn’t really _his_ decision to make, but at the moment… Unless Mia was willing to step up and take care of all its needs for the next half year or so, even if it _was_ a stray, Erik wasn’t currently capable of taking care of it, and soon enough Eleven would have to go back to work.

Probably. At least for a while. 

But now that the day’s disaster was clean and dry, Eleven stepped out of the bathroom and into Erik’s room to change into some _not_ drenched clothing, and then returned to where he left Erik and his mother.

To see that the animal had taken up residence in his lap. 

Not a good sign.

And _Amber…_

It would seem as though Erik had completely hit it off with her. He knew it would happen. Didn’t have any honest doubt in his mind, but it’s still a relief to see. She’s busy doting on him, and though he hadn’t asked for it, it seemed like she did finish up the entire mess, and possibly even a bit more than that.

And while Erik _did_ look a little uncomfortable, it’s just about the same level as when El is busy being a little bit overbearing.

If there was ever any wonder where he got it from…

Well. It would be obvious, now.

Amber spared just a moment to check on him before she hurried back off to whatever had caught her eye that needed doing.

It wasn’t as if the apartment was _dirty,_ but it wouldn’t be clean to her standards. Not until she did it herself.

And not until she was _done._

So much, _much_ later in the day, Eleven was finally seeing her off from a spotless house.

“He seems a very nice young man.” Amber gave her final impression from the bottom of the stairs as they both waited for Jade.

“You say that like you didn’t just spend the afternoon with him.”

“I was busy!” Amber pointed out, and yes, she was. Finding just about every last thing that she could possibly tidy up, and taking care of it. Eleven likely wouldn’t need to lift a finger for days. “The poor dear is hurt, I couldn’t very well just leave the both of you without doing anything.”

“I appreciate it.” Eleven said. “But you _really_ didn’t need to.”

“Nonsense.” Amber said, and it was final. 

“You do seem happier. Is all this just because of that boy?”

_That boy has a name._ Eleven almost pointed out, but he knew it wouldn’t get him anything other than a short smack on the arm. Even Serena had been ‘that nice young lady’ until she actually _married_ Jade. “It’s… Mostly, yes.” Even if it wasn’t all Erik’s own influence… He was the catalyst. If Eleven had said no that first night… Well, he’d probably be heading to the ER right now for work. Just as he did most nights. 

But he wouldn’t be talking to Amber, right now. He wouldn’t have seen Sylvando. 

He wouldn’t be…

“I owe him more than I can say.” 

“I’m happy for you.” Amber told him, “You deserve someone like that in your life. It’s about time he found you.” 

Jade’s car pulled into the lot.

And Eleven was finally tugged down for that spine-deforming hug.

“But don’t you _dare_ keep me in the dark for this long ever again!”

“I won’t!” Eleven wheezed, Jade’s car door opened, but he knew better than to expect a rescue. “Mum! I can’t breathe!”

~~

_“Elian E.?”_ Erik asked once the door was closed and just when Eleven thought he was safe from that question. “What is the E?” Yelling from the couch. He couldn’t even wait for Eleven to get any further inside. 

“Everett.” Eleven answered with a groan, though he would have preferred to forget it.

“Your middle name is _Everett?”_

“Don’t make a thing out of this.” Eleven begged. “Or do you want me to go digging for your middle name?”

“You could just ask.” Erik told him.

“What’s your middle name, then?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, doctor boy.” Erik responded as Eleven reclaimed his spot on the couch, but cuddled up against his side as if nothing had changed.

And nothing really _had._ But… 

“Sorry about this.” Eleven murmured as he reached his arm around Erik, and glared at the fluffy mass of mud and destruction in his lap. So it tore the house apart and got cuddled for it? “Mum can be a little…” Intense was the wrong word. “Much?”

“She’s nice.” Erik offered. “You were right, though. I didn’t need to be nervous. When you opened that door I thought all hell was about to rain down on me.”

“Why?”

_“You,_ dumbass. My cast is ruined, the dog stole my crutch…” 

He didn’t mean that he thought El was actually going to be _mad,_ did he? That he would be upset for any other reason than worry? “I don’t… I wouldn’t have-”

“I didn’t really think you would.” Erik hurried to say. “It was just the worst possible time you could’ve come in, with your mom _right there.”_

“Right…” Eleven still didn’t know how to feel. “I’m still sorry. For yelling at all.”

“You don’t need to be.” Erik said, and leaned his head against El’s shoulder. “I know you were just worried.”

Still. “I could stand to worry a little nicer.”

Erik snorted. “When you figure out how to do that please let me know.”

And with that, they both fell back into comfortable silence.

The sudden dog was asleep, and if it stayed quiet too much longer, Erik probably would be, too.

“I was thinking…” Erik started, “About what happens next.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not going to need you around forever, and you’ll be starting work again soon. I just wanted to know what you plan on doing.”

Well. That really depended on a few things. But even with the assumption that his little idea came to fruition, it was a little while out. He wouldn’t be going anywhere until Erik was safe and well again. “I’m not completely sure. I’ll be working again, but that isn’t unusual. But I’m going to see if I can change some shifts around, maybe cut my hours a little. See what I can do to ease my stress. But… I’m not going back to Jade’s.”

Erik froze. “You aren’t?”

“I know it’s last-minute, but I think it’ll be for the best.” Eleven said, trying his damndest to _not_ be jealous of the dog (that wasn’t theirs!) that was asleep in Erik’s lap. 

“Last-minute?” Erik asked, scratching behind the dog’s fluffy ears. It sighed, and rolled over so that Erik had easier access. It was not cute. “I don’t really think so. You’ve been out of that house for a little while now, and…” Erik shrugged. “You’ve got a drawer here. I’ve been expecting it to happen at some point.”

And… Fair enough. Even if it hadn’t been obvious to _him,_ it made sense now. As soon as he knew it could be a possibility, he’d started thinking about it. Feeling like a freeloader in his sister’s home didn’t seem like the end point for him anymore. “I better start looking for a place, then.” He said, looking back down at his phone. Looking at pet supplies. For no particular reason. 

“What?”

Eleven looked back up, and Erik was staring at him like he had grown a second head. “What?” He asked right back.

“You have a drawer here.” Erik reminded him.

“And?” Erik had offered. A place to keep his things while he stayed. 

“I know you’re a little slow with these things sometimes.” Erik spoke carefully. The dog whined as the scratches ceased. “But… You can move in here, you know?”

It was always the obvious that tripped him up.

“Oh.” Eleven said, not quite sure what to say. He hadn’t…

Maybe it was silly that it hadn’t yet occurred to him that he could move in _with_ Erik. 

Even less that Erik had apparently been _expecting_ him to move in. But… 

Eleven realized what that would mean. _This,_ every evening. 

Every day.

Every night, given that his schedule allowed for it. The comfortable quiet, the nosier mornings when Erik and Mia bickered but never really meant it. 

“El,” he hadn’t realized he’d spaced out until Erik called him back to reality, looking endlessly amused by Eleven’s inability to see what was right in front of him. “Do you want to move in with me?”

Of course he did. 

There was just one problem.

“Can I bring Cobweb?”

“I can’t wait to meet her.” Erik answered, but just as he did, the dog (that they hadn’t checked for a microchip yet) yawned a yawn so big that it squeaked. “We’ll make sure Cashew here gets along with cats.”

_Cashew._ “Erik, don’t name him!”

But as he tried to hold on to the logical thought that Cash- that the _dog_ had a chip, had an owner, and that it wouldn’t be a good idea to get attached, he rolled out of Erik’s lap, and settled into Eleven’s instead. Paws over his arm, one ear flopped out of place, and staring right up at him with the kind of love only dogs knew.

Big, baby blue eyes.

It muddied the entire house. It tore a pillow to shreds. It was the reason Erik soaked his cast and was going to have to get the whole thing replaced…

But Eleven’s heart melted.

Fine.

 _If_ he was a stray, and just _if…_ Cashew just might could stay.

One last time for the evening, the front door opened. “I’m home!” Mia called through before she saw them both.

But once she did… The dog abandoned Eleven’s lap with a base-jump, and ran right for her.

She screamed in the kind of ear-piercing excitement that always made your ears ring for days, and was on the ground with Cashew in half a second, her bag abandoned behind her. “Puppy! When did we get a _dog?_ Is he yours, El?”

Well.

Maybe Cashew’s care would be easily sorted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dog name explanation: poison ivy is in the same family as poison oak, poison sumac, some peppers, pistachios... and cashews.  
> And I thought it was cute.


	16. To not tempt fate is to invite it for dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “PTSD isn’t something that only brave little soldiers and people who’ve been in horrible accidents get. Anyone can get it, from anything. Your trauma isn’t any more or less valid than anyone else’s.” Elian knew that. Of course he knew that. He treated all his patients the same way, no matter what their emergencies were, or who they were. “You know that. So why do you think that doesn’t that apply to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter clocks in at about 11,400 words.  
> So uh...  
> Make a snack and get comfy I guess.

“So that was a bust, huh?” Mia asked him not long after Erik fell asleep, dog in his lap, just as Eleven had predicted.

“The dog showed up. It wasn’t my fault.” Eleven sighed. “Get his crutch, would you? I’m not leaving this idiot on the couch all night.” He gently nudged Cashew off of Erik, but when Erik didn’t stir, even with Eleven shaking his shoulder, he sighed. Was he faking it? Probably not.

But even if he was, he wouldn’t care.

Mia did as he asked, and he tried not to be too disappointed. So what, it was just one try.

He’d get another opportunity to tell Erik. 

“Just give me a heads up before you try again, so I can find another reason to get lost.” Mia said, “Just don’t wait too long.”

“I won’t.” Eleven promised. “And I never asked you to  _ get lost.  _ That was your idea.”

But it wasn’t even as though he’d even gotten word back about his request. He didn’t even  _ know  _ if he’d be given what he was asking for. It was completely in the realm of plausibility that he’d be denied right out the gate. 

But it was worth a shot. “But thank you.”

“‘course, and if you think I was just going to stick around for  _ any  _ kind of ‘we need to talk’ scenario, you’re just as dumb as he is.” Mia said as if it really wasn’t any trouble at all. Eleven laid Erik down on his bed -their bed- and he hardly even noticed. That still hurt, that he would be in pain like this for so long. “This is important. For the both of you.” He’d only told her the basics. Still wasn’t sure why. As scared as he had been of her at first, somehow she was easier to talk to. Even if this failed… She’d just shrug and move on. But telling  _ Erik  _ was an entirely different story.

If it failed, he’d probably just be disappointed, in the hospital system, not in El, but… He didn’t have a good reason.

He just didn’t want to tell everyone before he knew for sure that it was all set to go.

Erik was lucky to have such a supportive family. 

He wished he had more to offer.

But maybe. If this all worked, if it wouldn’t take too long.

Maybe then.

After all, it had been Erik’s idea.

The sound of claws tapping on the floor, and Cashew jumped up on the bed as if he’d been living there all his puppy life.

Erik woke just enough to notice, and let the dog curl in close to his stomach.

And-  _ how dare he. _

That was  _ Eleven’s spot. _

Well.

For now, at least.

He didn’t know how this would go. It would be a lot to ask, and as grateful as Eleven was for planting the seed into Eleven’s mind…

He didn’t know how far Erik was willing to go for him.

How much was too much to ask?

~~

“I  _ could  _ have helped.” Erik offered yet again as Eleven and Mia carried in the last two boxes. There hadn’t actually been all that much to move, but it was the principal of the thing. 

Or really just the fact that Erik couldn’t stand to be still, and he was going on month two of it. 

Still with at least four more to go.

“No, you couldn’t.” Mia told him at about the same time that Eleven took pity on him, plucked the university logo cap from the top of the box, and set it on Erik’s head.

“Carry that, would you?” Eleven asked him sweetly, and pulled the brim down over his eyes.

Erik didn’t bother to take the cap off, or to try and pretend to be mad when he was anything but. So, he just tipped the brim up so he could actually see again, and looked at the small stack of boxes, one suitcase, and one duffle bag. 

“Are you sure you didn’t forget anything?” Erik asked. He knew Eleven had said he didn’t have much to move, but… 

“Yeah, seriously.” Mia added on, leaning back against the wall. “I only offered to help because I thought you would have  _ more  _ than one trip’s worth of stuff.”

“I’m just one person.” Eleven said. “How much did you expect?”

Erik tried to smile past the fact that beyond himself… Eleven really didn’t have much more than work and Cobweb to keep himself busy.

Well. With any luck, he’d find some way to help change that. Dumbass needed to learn how to have some fun. “Eh, doesn’t matter.” Erik leaned on one crutch so he could take the cap and stick it on Eleven’s head instead. “More important stuff to worry about.”

Eleven took the hat off and set it back down on the boxes. “Like what?” He asked, as he hadn’t realized that the single moment that the hat was on his head hadn’t entirely ruined his perfectly straight hair.

“Your hair, for one.”

_ “My  _ hair?” Eleven said, ran one hand over the affected area, and —  _ holy fuck.  _ It was fixed, that easy. How in god’s name… What about yours?”

“What?” Erik asked, he hadn’t even  _ done  _ anything to it besides just finger-brushing so he didn’t look  _ too  _ much like a hedgehog. Wasn’t really any reason to, since he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“I haven’t seen your natural color before.” Eleven said, and Erik felt himself freeze. How long had it been since he dyed it? “I didn’t know you were blonde.” Mia started cackling.

Alright.

That was just about it.

Erik reached out, and grabbed El around the wrist. 

“Hey!” He nearly stumbled, “what?”

“You’re gonna help me fix this.” Erik said. He knew he had to have some more dye hidden around somewhere… If his color had just faded a bit, that was fine. But if his roots were showing enough for El to notice? 

Now that was a problem.

And maybe… Erik wondered if he could get Eleven to dye his hair. Not  _ all  _ of it, but… 

It would probably be fun to give it a shot.

He probably couldn’t pull off the same blue that Erik and Mia did, but he’d probably look good in something light. Maybe a lavender. 

Actually — there was a rock show coming up, wasn’t there? Erik had given up on it, but if he could convince El to tag along he just might could make it, and there wouldn’t be a better opportunity to get him to try dye.

He didn’t know if El even enjoyed those sorts of things, but if he was going to be hanging around Erik, he was going to have to develop a taste for it.

Well.

A project for another day. 

~~

“I saw the psychiatrist.” Elian said, despite the fact he knew that Sylvando would’ve been told. 

He wished he hadn’t. He wished he had refused the referral and just stayed home. “They said I have PTSD, but I don’t, right? It takes more for someone to develop that...”

“I’m not the one that makes diagnoses, dear. You know that.” They spoke softly, like even a sound too high would shatter what was left. “And… I believe it was  _ complex  _ PTSD, was it not? And you can knock off with that ‘it wasn’t bad enough’ thinking right now!”

“I wasn’t…” Elian tried to protest, but Sylvando silenced him with one look. 

“PTSD isn’t something that only brave little soldiers and people who’ve been in horrible accidents get. Anyone can get it, from anything. Your trauma isn’t any more or less valid than anyone else’s.” Elian knew that. Of  _ course  _ he knew that. He treated all his patients the same way, no matter what their emergencies were, or who they were. “You know that. So why do you think that doesn’t that apply to you?”

Elian didn’t even try to defend himself. Sylvando was right. “Because I’m not supposed to develop it. I’m supposed to take care of people. I’ve seen tragedy every day for  _ years  _ now, Sylv. The doctors… We aren’t the ones meant to get it.”

“Do you think that maybe it’s the fact that you  _ do  _ see tragedy every day that has been the catalyst?”

“But for  _ years.”  _ Elian pointed out. “Shouldn’t I have developed it before now if that was the case?”

“Do you know the difference between post-traumatic stress disorder, and  _ complex  _ post-traumatic stress disorder?” Sylvando asked, “Did you space out the whole time they were explaining?”

It was a genuine question. Sylvando wasn’t mocking his attention span, or trying to guilt him for not paying attention. It was a reasonable thing to ask someone who hardly had the ability to stay awake. “Most of it.” Elian admitted.

Sylvando sighed, and this time, Elian tried to listen. “You know how PTSD is caused, you see it happen. One big, traumatic event. Injury, accident, abuse… But the complex version is triggered by multiple events. Sometimes small, sometimes big. It all just adds up.”

Like every day. Every surgery.

Elian didn’t hear much of his explanation beyond that point. He didn’t need to. It was all the same.

His  _ options.  _ Managing his condition. Medication, group therapy, support systems. 

He didn’t want any of them. 

“If I start taking pills, it’s over.” He’d interrupted Sylv, but he didn’t care. This was the truth, and this was his decision to make. “If I let this diagnosis… If I let myself  _ have  _ this, then it’s over. Coming here is bad enough.”

Sylvando sighed, and set their clipboard aside. “Ellie, look at me.”

Elian glanced up, and waited. “I know you think that if you begin treatment, it’ll be the last straw. But that isn’t how any of this works. These people can’t actually  _ do  _ what they’re trying to. It’s illegal.”

“Hasn’t stopped them yet.” Elian pointed out, not caring that he sounded like a grumpy teenager. “And it isn’t going to. I can’t fight the entire department. And if I try, I’ll have to fight the entire hospital system. I don’t even have  _ one  _ lawyer. Do you know how many they have? Because I don’t! How many on just  _ one  _ legal team? I’d…” Elian wanted to say that he’d lose everything, but the fact was that he already had. 

“Do you think that if you tried a treatment, or tried some of your support options that it may help you? That maybe you would have an easier time in this fight?” Eleven shrugged. “It very well could help you feel just a bit better.”

But he didn’t listen.

Even if in the coming months and days he wished he had. Sylvando knew what they were talking about. They always did, and since he started seeing them, he often took their advice to heart.

But now… Everything was breaking down around him. His place in the world, the career he’d worked so hard to build, knocked down before it even really got a chance to begin. He was lost.

Everything out of his control and more and more washing away day by day. It didn’t matter if he fought. It didn’t matter what he tried.

It was best to just give in.

To start again.

Except…

It was over. Even when he left his last stint as a paramedic, he had a place to go from there. Back to school, get his M.D, back to work.

But he  _ had  _ that now.

He was a surgeon. A doctor, whatever word he wanted to use.

But the fact was that was past tense. He wasn’t, anymore.

There weren’t very many places to go from there, unless he was dumb enough to try and go back. 

Maybe if he had just listened… Elian, Eleven again, now that he was home, sat in the room he was given in his sister’s house. He didn’t have a job. He wasn’t looking for one. It was his own damn fault. He fucked up too badly, this time. His peers could handle their jobs! So why couldn’t he?

Alone, Eleven began to wonder what he could have done differently. 

...maybe he should have given in earlier. Before it turned into a fight. Found another career path. Stayed at the hospital.

Anything other than this.

~~

As Erik woke,  _ for the second time that night,  _ might he add, he was surprised to find himself alone in his bed. 

Not really an issue, he could get up to get his own medication to try and stop the throbbing in his leg that long ago went from painful to just annoying. 

But it still wasn’t a  _ good  _ thing. The covers on his side were cold, so he had to have been awake for a while. 

Still not unusual. But the recurrent bouts of insomnia didn’t seem to be getting any better. At least Erik knew his would come to an end as his healing continued, but… 

Arm finally out of the damned sling, Erik grabbed both his crutches from where they’d been leaning against the wall, and decided he’d just have to drag Eleven back to bed with him.  _ After  _ he got his stupid little halfway-effective not-even-technically-a-painkiller.

But as Erik neared the kitchen, he heard Eleven speaking quietly. Again, not an unusual happening. On more than one occasion that Eleven gave up on sleep, he found himself running into Mia, who couldn’t keep track of time to save her life, on a midnight snack run. Or what she liked to call  _ dinner.  _

But tonight, Eleven was alone. 

He sat hunched at the bar, papers spread out over the surface, and illuminated only by the stove light.

Erik waited, not wanting to startle him, or interrupt the call he was on.

Normally, Erik would have turned around and waited, or just grabbed his medicine without a word.

But… Eleven didn’t sound like himself. He sounded exhausted. Like he’d been beaten down.

This was too odd. 

And did it really count as listening in, if what you heard didn’t make an ounce of sense from outside the conversation?

Dates and what Erik could only assume were sums.

Only a few minutes more, and Eleven went quiet, just listening. 

“I think…. Yeah, I think this is everything.” He paused, held up one single sheet of paper, and moved it to a different stack. “Thanks, Gemma. I really owe you for this one.” Whatever Gemma said back was enough to make him laugh, and for a moment, he sounded like himself again. “Of course. Just say the word, and it’s yours, who else would I pick? Yeah. I’ll see you soon. And thanks again.”

With nothing more, he hung up, set his phone down, and held his head between his hands.

The normalcy lasted only a moment.

“Ellie?” Erik said, giving warning to let El know he was there, “Are you alright?”

He expected Eleven to turn around, to answer his question with some half-hearted answer. He didn’t want to think that he was on the phone so late because something had happened, that someone was hurt-

But Eleven jumped out of his seat so fast he nearly knocked it over, his phone fell to the floor in his rush to gather up the papers he’d had spread out before him.  _ “Shit-” _ he hissed, bending down to pick it up as well. “Erik! What are you doing up?”

“Just woke up, noticed you weren’t in bed.” Erik said, coming closer to the kitchen, still lit only by the stove light. Eleven looked  _ terrified.  _ “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine!” Eleven hurried to say. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

Liar. “Who was on the phone?”

“Gemma.” Eleven said, his terror mounting to a spike. “It was just Gemma. I’m not cheating on you.”

Erik blinked. Was Eleven really that stupid? “I didn’t think you were.” He said slowly, “You’re kinda here 24/7. I think I would’ve noticed you bringing a mistress home.”

“Right…” Eleven looked a little less like a deer caught in the headlights, but just a little.

This wasn’t the first time he’d caught El looking like his world was crumbling around him, and Erik was starting to worry. “I’m sorry. I’ll come back to bed now.”

“You’re not going to tell me what all that is?” Erik asked, gesturing to the papers in his hands. “Are they calling you back in?”

“No, no… Nothing like that. It’s nothing exciting.” Eleven said, shifting through them but not showing one. “Just leave forms and the like.”

“I thought Gemma already took care of all that.”

“As much as she could.” Eleven said, carefully picked one paper from the stack, and held it out for Erik to see. 

And, that was just about what it looked like. “The whole process is a mess. I’ve got to argue my case.”

“Need me to help?” Erik asked as he let Eleven take the single form back. So, just bureaucratic nonsense? Yeah, that would keep someone up. “I could limp around and groan about how much it hurts next time you’re on the phone.” 

“Somehow I don’t think they’d buy that.” Eleven said, and for a moment, it seemed as though everything was solved.

But day after day, it all only repeated itself.

And Erik couldn’t help but worry. 

It didn’t seem like Eleven was sleeping much at all, and on top of that, he was constantly jumpy and stressed out of his mind.

Even if he never said he was, it was all the little things that screamed it out. 

The constant assurance that he  _ was  _ fine whenever Erik would try to ask, even though Eleven never did anything to back up that claim. 

The assurance that he  _ was  _ sleeping, even though Erik could see the evidence to the contrary each and every night. 

And, sure. Whatever. Maybe Erik was just being paranoid. He was cooped up, growing more and more bored by the day. It wouldn’t be out of the question for him to start thinking just a little too hard about things. Maybe Eleven was fine. Maybe he was just having a hard time adjusting to going from staying with Erik, to living with him. Hell, maybe he was just as cooped up as Erik. They both needed some time out of the house.

It was fine.

Except that it absolutely wasn’t. 

So he asked. And asked, and asked.

Over and over again, in every way he knew how.

But it never seemed to work. 

So when he asked again one morning as El dressed to leave, suddenly needing to get to the hospital not for work, but for some  _ meeting  _ that he hadn’t mentioned even once before, Erik tried again.

Because there wasn’t anything else he  _ could  _ do.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Erik asked from where he sat on the edge of their bed. Sheets still unmade, his pillow-mountain significantly smaller but still there, messy from tossing and turning. 

He’d never seen Eleven dress like this, even with his misguided attempt to avoid his fashion-police therapist.  _ Like a stock-broker. Like a funeral director. Like some jackass exec, but if those could be baby-faced.  _

But he didn’t comment on it this time. “I don’t like how sudden this is.”

“I’m sorry. It’s… It's not really that big a deal.” Eleven said, and Erik resigned himself to another meaningless platitude as his question was shot down again. He didn’t understand why getting the truth out of El was always like pulling teeth. “I’ll tell you everything when I can it’s just that… I don’t want to risk tempting fate, you know?”

As if that was anything close to reassuring. “Tempt fate into  _ what?”  _ Erik asked. “Fine, it’s bad luck, you don’t need to tell me what you’re doing. But please just let me know you’re alright? That whatever’s happening isn’t…”

“Isn’t what?” Eleven asked, his hands gentle on Erik’s shoulders, trying to comfort him. Maybe that should be reassuring, that he still was trying to make him feel better. But at the same time… If he wanted Erik to feel better, to feel secure in their relationship, then he needed to be honest. 

“I don’t know! Dangerous? Or self-destructive.” Erik gave two options with a shrug. “It doesn’t feel like you’re telling me anything and I’m worried, El. I’m on the outside again.” Eleven had just  _ moved in.  _ Of all the times for it to feel like they’d taken a step backwards… 

Erik had thought things were fine. He thought things were looking up. Eleven and Jade had made up, he was taking a break from work and seemed happier with each passing day. He’d hit it off with Mia, once she finally got past the entire  _ leaving in the night  _ debacle. He was getting better.

_ They  _ were better.

Eleven loved him, trusted him. Erik made him happy, he said it every day.

So why was this happening now?

“It’s perfectly safe.” Eleven told him, but Erik still looked at the ground. “Do I seem like a daredevil to you?”

“No.” Erik answered without needing to think. “You wear turtlenecks. And weird-ass ties.”

“Exactly.” Eleven told him, and pressed a short kiss to his forehead. “I’m working towards something I really want, and I’m scared that if I talk about it, or get my hopes too high… It’ll all be for nothing. I know that isn’t reasonable, but it’s just how it always seems to go.”

Erik didn’t like it, but at the least he could accept it as  _ more  _ information than what he’d been given yet, but still… “Just promise you’ll tell me as soon as you can?”

“That’s always been the plan.” Eleven assured him. “With any luck… It won’t even be another week.”

But whether he liked it or not didn’t matter. He only vaguely knew what Eleven had been through in his line of work, and what his career path had taken him through, but he knew it wasn’t all good. And if this is how he was coping with a possible change, good or bad… He’d be here to support him. “In that case — good luck, El.”

Eleven smiled, and it was so real, so free of everything that seemed to be troubling him for so long…

Was this really it?

Just one meeting?

“Thank you, Erik.” He said, “I promise I’ll make all this up to you.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Erik said, but it was too late. Eleven had made up his mind. 

“I’ll see you this evening.” He promised, “I’m not sure exactly how long I’ll be, but there are a lot of levels I need to work through.”

“I’ll be fine.” Erik said. He wasn’t as dependent on El and Mia as he had been, and Mia would be around today, anyway. “I’ll see you then.”

And with nothing more, he was gone.

Leaving Erik in their room.

Well… might as well do  _ something  _ with his day.

Even if  _ something  _ just meant sitting in a different room.

But the front door was still half-ajar, and voices carried all too well through.

“Hey, you said to just let you know, and… I think today would be good. After I get home today… Everything should be sorted. I know it’s last minute, but so was this meeting, and-” 

“All I asked for was a heads-up.” Mia cut him off. “I don’t need  _ all _ the details before Erik gets them.”

But Eleven didn’t sound any less cheerful than he had only moments before. “Right. Thanks for understanding. It should only take a couple of hours so-”

“Eh, there’s a movie I’ve been meaning to see, and if I meet up with a friend, I probably wouldn’t be back until tomorrow anyway.”

“Thank you, here, I could pay for your ticket if you’d like. It means a lot that you’re helping me.”

“You don’t have to do that. But thanks!” Oh,  _ big mistake,  _ El. “I’ll let you know how much it was tomorrow.”

“Uh, okay?” The poor bastard. 

But their voices faded as they walked away, and the spark of hope that Erik had felt began to once more be overshadowed by uncertainty.

So, Mia knows, huh? Just maybe… 

Erik found his spot on the couch to wait. 

But the most terrible part of being injured was the simple fact that you cannot be comfortable.

No matter how much you toss and turn.

Sitting upside down on the couch with his legs kicked up over the back  _ probably  _ counted as keeping his injury elevated. And if it didn’t… He had other things to worry about at the moment.

Eleven was hiding something, and Erik didn’t have the first clue on how to figure out  _ what.  _ He didn’t even necessarily need to know. Eleven had every right to his privacy, just because he’d moved in didn’t mean that Erik suddenly needed to know absolutely everything, and vice versa. 

But when he went sneaking around at night, whispering to Mia about when she’d next be gone, about something so  _ important… _

It was reasonable to worry, wasn’t it?

The front door opened, and Cashew came running in, yapping his little heart out.

Officially their dog now, no chip, no dog reported missing. And as aloof as Eleven pretended to be, there was no way it was genuine, not with the dog’s brand new supply of toys, his set of dog dishes, matching collar and leash, and plush little sweater.

Eleven was a softie, first and foremost. 

His paws were wet with snowmelt, but Erik didn’t care about that as the puppy immediately began licking his face.

Didn’t really care about that, either.

Mia followed the dog, and Erik saw her stare down at him like he was a bug that had crawled inside. Or maybe just escaped from Charlie’s food tub. “See, this is how I knew you were gay before you told me.” She said, and Erik fought not to roll his eyes. Of  _ course  _ she had known he was gay. She was she! “You can’t sit normally in a chair to save your life.”

Erik plucked his dog from the ground, and had Cashew join him in his upside-down world. “It’s how I sit, and not the fact I get fucked by another man on the regular?”

“That’s just a symptom.” Mia explained as she took Cashew back. “Don’t hold him like that, he doesn’t like it.”

“But he likes being held like a baby?”

Mia didn’t dignify him with a response as she sat down, Cashew still being cradled like an infant. 

Erik took a moment to wonder if he  _ really  _ needed to ask, but… Eleven was gone for most of the day, and if he had any chance of learning what was wrong, then he had to ask Mia. “So… Why does El want you out of the house tonight?”

She froze, and it felt like Erik had to hold his breath. Why would she act so shocked? What was so terrible… 

“Why are you asking, you damn eavesdropper?”

“I ain’t droppin’ no eaves, sir.” Erik said on impulse, but it was enough to get Mia to relax. He couldn’t be mad if he was making stupid little references, could he?

“Then how’d you even know?”

“I live here too, yanno.” Erik reminded her. “It’s not my fault if you both make your secret diabolical plans with the door open.”

“Yeah, well you still shouldn’t have listened in.” Mia shrugged, but kept her eyes down on Cashew. He couldn’t tell if she was sorry, or if she just didn’t want to admit what had happened. “You never know what you’re gonna regret hearing that way.”

“I don’t even  _ know  _ what I’m supposed to be regretting!” Erik pointed out. “Can you at least give me a hint? Tell me if I should be worried?”

Mia finally looked back up, and Erik felt like he could relax as she looked at him like he was unbelievably stupid, rather than like he’d cracked into some horrible secret he wasn’t ever meant to be privy to. “You  _ really  _ need to get outside if you’ve started cooking up conspiracy theories.” 

Erik gestured to his leg. 

“Alright, you get a pass this time.” Mia oh-so generously offered him. “And if you  _ have  _ to know, he was just giving me a heads-up so I could get out of the danger zone before I could risk catching The Sap. He’s been planning something nice for a while, and look at you, ruining the surprise.”

That… actually made perfect sense. The nerves seemed to be running a bit too high than what Erik would expect, but that was really just El. 

Over the top enough to panic about a date even a year after their first-

_ Year. _

Fuck. Was it their anniversary?

Wait-

Erik began to panic. 

_ He didn’t even know  _ when  _ their anniversary was! _

~~

The boardroom door closed behind him, and Gemma was waiting just across the hall. 

She didn’t ask him how each of the painfully long hearings went.

She didn’t bother asking anything at all.

She knew he would tell her everything as soon as he was able.

But… It went well. Surprisingly so.

It went better than Eleven could have ever expected. 

And funny enough, he could probably attribute his success to his last failure.

That, and the piece of shit who’d accused him of negligence when Erik was hurt.

A nice little concoction made up of the possibility of a lawsuit, and the fact that he’d been pulled around by a hospital before, and knew the ropes.

This hospital wasn’t a third as big as the one that took him down before. It didn’t have the same means, and it didn’t have an vendetta against him.

He was one of their best, and they didn’t want to lose him.

Even if that meant they had to. Just for a while.

“I think… I think it worked.” Eleven finally said once the both of them were alone in the elevator. “I think they’ll approve my request for a sabbatical,  _ and  _ allow my family leave to extend until it begins.” Even if it was unpaid for that little stint between… It wasn’t anything he couldn’t manage.

Gemma smiled. “I told you.” She said, “You know all the little tricks by now.”

“Trial by fire.” Eleven said right back. He’d learned the hard way. But the best part about that was that he wouldn’t ever forget. “It’s all out of my hands now. If I can just get accepted…”

“They’d be morons to turn you away.” Gemma said as if it were true, and Eleven smiled. She’d always had faith in him, even when it felt like no one else did. “So what are you going to do in the meantime?”

Eleven left the hospital with a good feeling, for the first time in forever. 

It was time to tell Erik.

~~

It was just past four when Eleven returned home, earlier than he had expected, but more than that… It was odd, how fast  _ home  _ began to mean Erik’s apartment. But he isn’t actually all that surprised. He hadn’t really had a home that felt like  _ home  _ since he and his sister moved out of Amber’s, and he just felt so  _ welcomed  _ by Erik and Mia… it was no wonder. And speaking of… 

Mia was coming down the stairs. With an absolutely murderous expression. 

“Mia!” Eleven got out of the car as fast as he could. What the hell could have happened? Did they fight? Did someone- “Is something wrong —  _ hey!”  _ The moment he was in reach, she grabbed him by the arm, and dragged him under the overhang.

“Shut up, Erik’s onto you.” She hissed under her breath, and shoved a sheet of paper at him. “Go back out, get some of the shit on this list.”

Hastily scribbled on a sheet of lined notebook paper, was just about the cheesiest dinner date he could possibly imagine. “What is all this?” He asked, wine he could understand. Chocolate cake, also reasonable. He’d once seen Erik decimate an entire apple pie on his own, so it wasn’t a  _ bad  _ idea. But some of the bullet points… “A flower bouquet? Does Erik even  _ like  _ these kinds of gestures?”

“I don’t know!” Mia began to sound frustrated. “We don’t sit around and describe our dream dates or love lives!”

“Then where did you even  _ get  _ this idea?”

“Fanfic, mostly!” Mia found no shame in declaring to El or any passersby. “He’s cooking up some conspiracy theory, and I told him you were planning some romantic bullshit to throw him off your trail.”

“And that  _ worked?”  _ Eleven asked, suddenly terrified at the prospect of putting together some kind of giant gesture in a handful of hours. 

“Apparently!” Mia said, taking the out without thinking twice. If it worked, it worked. “Don’t question it, just be glad I’m nice.”

“I always am.” Eleven told her, resigning himself to spectacular failure. At least he had a list. “Thanks for this.”

“Yeah, well.” Mia rolled back on her heels, and looked back up towards the apartment. “You better have a real decent fucking reason for all this subterfuge.”

“I promise I do.” Eleven said, glancing over the list one more time. He didn’t even  _ know  _ it would end in subterfuge! “Wait… This is…”  _ Heart-shaped balloons? For real? _

“Shut up, I was working under pressure.” Mia spoke before he could even begin to list some of the bullet points near the bottom. “Erik assumed it was for your anniversary and then realized he didn’t  _ know  _ your anniversary and had a meltdown about being a terrible boyfriend.”

“I don’t even know our anniversary!” It must’ve been contagious, because El found himself beginning to panic. He hadn’t thought it was important! But clearly Erik did! “Those first months are a complete blur.”

“I didn’t expect you to! But that’s what happened, deal with it.”

Might not be a bad plan, actually… drinking might actually make his explanation easier.

Except… 

Eleven felt like he’d crossed out just about everything on Mia’s haphazard list. Except for the things he wasn’t sure he could buy without spontaneously combusting at checkout.

Panic buying will do that, apparently. 

But as it would happen to turn out, to the surprise of absolutely no one, alcohol does not in fact make serious conversations any easier.

“No, we need to talk.” Eleven tried to say, not for the first time. But Erik was all too happily fooled, any concerns about Eleven’s secret plans, his  _ other  _ secret plans, the ones that Mia didn’t shove a list in, put on hold for the secret plans that he didn’t have until a few hours before. 

But he had a growing feeling that he was not going to get the chance to explain everything to Erik tonight.

Especially as he began to forget what it was he even planned on saying. “It’s… Important.” He just about managed to say, but  _ what exactly  _ he wanted to say started to fade as Erik refilled their glasses,  _ again.  _ And again, and again. 

Why did Eleven buy more than one bottle?

In retrospect, it was likely a mistake. But he couldn’t really be bothered to care as his mind grew fuzzy, and everything that worried him seemed to be washed away. He’d regret it later, but that was future Eleven’s problem.

He knew Erik had been worried out of his mind, but underneath it all it seemed Mia had been right on the money. Sappier than even Eleven thought he could be, once he broke out all the stops, and too happy to forget for a few hours while they pretended it was their anniversary.

Well.

He guessed it very well  _ could  _ be, they could make it today, at the very least. Set the calendar for next year and actually have a plan in mind for something nice.

“What’s important?” Erik asked, sitting in his lap and all but hanging off of him. He placed his refilled glass in the hand that  _ wasn’t  _ busy keeping Erik upright and not tumbling off to the floor. There was a smudge of dark chocolate on the corner of his mouth, and he had long since melted against El’s chest.

How was Eleven meant to operate in these conditions?

How was  _ anything  _ meant to stay serious about anything when he had Erik like this? Well…  _ most  _ things, at least.

“I love you.” Eleven told him,  _ seriously.  _ That was certainly important enough. Whatever he had meant to say could surely wait. 

He didn’t realize that Erik could turn any more into a puddle, but the moment the words were out of his mouth, he was proved wrong.

Carefully, Erik took the wine that Eleven hadn’t even gotten a chance to touch yet, set it down carefully by the half-gone cake and decimated charcuterie board that El had grabbed when he really hadn’t any goddamned clue what he was doing, whispered his words right back at him, and pulled himself together  _ just  _ enough to kiss him.

And that was just about the end of Eleven’s plans.

He tasted like the red wine he brought home, the chocolate cake, the espresso mousse, the raspberry topping… Or was it strawberry? Cherry? Some kind of berry. Except none of those fruits were actually really technically  _ berries,  _ were they? 

Erik grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and his fruit classification related worries were forgotten as he was dragged down on top of Erik.

Whatever it was he wanted to say…

It could wait.

At least until morning.

When he and Erik both were woken by a screech that sent their ears ringing and the deep thrumming headaches to a spike.

“What the  _ fuck!”  _ Mia slammed the door, and held her hands up over her eyes. “Holy hell, can you two not? For one day?”

“Why did you have to  _ scream?” _ Erik asked, significantly less embarrassed than Eleven had expected. Maybe his head hurt too much. That was certainly the case for him. He could spare the time for humiliation later.

“Why the hell  _ wouldn’t  _ I scream?” Mia asked, her voice still far too high a pitch for so early in the morning.

If it was morning.

Too soon since El woke up, then. That worked.

Erik groaned from where he’d ended up sleeping up against El’s side on the narrow sofa. He halfheartedly waved her away. “Deal with it.”

“I will not!” Mia said, finally stomping back to her room.

“You say that as if I’ve never walked in on  _ you  _ like this!” Erik yelled after her, and Eleven quietly wished for death. 

But now that she was gone, he finally sat up, supporting himself with hands still splayed out on Eleven’s chest. He pulled his hair away from where it was stuck to his face with dried spit.

Eleven tried not to think about the fact that that probably meant Erik had drooled all over him in his sleep.

“God, I feel disgusting.” Erik said as he stood up on one wobbly leg, momentarily forgetting that he only had the one to work with.

“You  _ are  _ disgusting!” Mia said through her door, clearly not done with being scandalized. 

But the moment Eleven reached out to grab Erik’s arm to steady him, he saw the huge, unmistakable bruise on Erik’s neck, just under his jaw.

And hoped that Mia wasn’t too upset. He was going to need to borrow her make-up.

Because Eleven just had a horrible realization. “Oh  _ fuck.”  _ He said, and that was enough to grab Erik’s attention. He sounded just a little too grave to only be lamenting the cleaning up they had ahead of them. “We have dinner with my family tonight.”

Erik stared at him for one terrible, drawn out moment.  _ “Please  _ say sike.”

But the worst part about it, was that he couldn’t.

~~

Finally, it was time for Erik to  _ properly  _ meet his boyfriend’s family, without an emergency or dog or threats or accidental humiliation in the way.

Even if Eleven had to keep assuring him that Serena would indeed have forgotten his little  _ slip  _ by now.

Even if she absolutely has not.

And at the very least this time Erik had managed to get El to help him get his cast through a pants leg. Even if sweats probably weren’t all that better, at the very least he didn’t feel like he looked like a capital G Gamer anymore.

But that still left them with the problem that the hickey gave them.

_ “Damn,  _ El.” Mia said as she got a good look at it, after they’d both begged her forgiveness, and for her help. “Did you turn into a fucking vampire?” 

“That’s what it feels like. That  _ stings!”  _ Erik said, wincing when the brush went over the mark. 

The brush went no gentler. “Deal with it, it’s your own fault.”

“It’s  _ his  _ fault!” Erik pointed at El, sitting across the room with a guilty expression.

But no guilt behind it.

“You didn’t try to stop him, did you?” Mia asked, and when neither one of them responded, looked triumphant in her assumption. “See, it’s  _ both  _ of your faults.” 

Erik and Eleven unanimously decided it would be best not to argue, and just wait quietly until Mia finished, lest she abandon them with a job half-done and supplies they knew nothing about.

“There.” She finally said, snapping a small case shut. “That’s as good as it’s going to get.” 

“Seriously?” Erik glanced in the mirror. It wasn’t half as obvious as it was before, but… “It’s still…”

Mia shrugged. “That’s all my make-up can do. You could cover it up with something else. Maybe borrow one of El’s turtlenecks?”

“I’d rather die.” Erik said. “And how is that any better? Like it’d be any less risqué to show up in his clothes.”

Mia had no sympathy for either of them. “Like they don’t know you’re sleeping together.”

“Of course they _know!”_ Erik said, “But there’s a difference between _knowing_ and seeing proof that we’re… bein’ all biblical.” He could swear he _felt_ the way Eleven winced at that.

“Well, suffer then.”

“Mia!”

“I don’t know what you want me to do! Just wear a hoodie.” Mia kicked them both out to get ready herself. “I’ll be ready in ten, so you both better be!”

About  _ fifteen  _ minutes later, Erik had finally pulled the neck of his old beaten-up green hoodie up well enough that the mark was  _ hopefully  _ covered, and they were finally free to go.

“Now, you’re probably still safe, Erik.” Eleven said just before they pulled into the drive. “Since you’re still hurt, I mean.”

_ What? _

Eleven glanced in the rear view and turned his warning on to Mia. “But I’m afraid you’re going to have to fend for yourself.”

_ “What?”  _ Mia echoed his own confusion, and as they pulled in, he saw that Amber was already waiting outside. 

“Mum’s a hugger.” He said simply. “And she’s stronger than she looks.”

They were hardly halfway across the walk path when Eleven became her first victim. 

“It’s so good to see you!” She said, all the while squeezing the life from him. 

“You saw me two weeks ago!” He reminded her, sounding not unlike Erik did when he’d swallowed that squeaker. He drew in a great breath when she finally let go, and Erik was thankful in that one moment for his broken bone. “How long will you be in town?”

“Still a while yet, so don’t be so eager to get rid of me!” Amber said, moving her sights onto the two twins. She’d seen Erik once already, but Mia was the one caught in her sights now. “Oh, you must be Mia!” She beamed at her and Erik both, “That shade is lovely on you! You both dye the same color!”

“We have for a long time.” Mia answered the question the moment she was released, but didn’t actually seem at all uncomfortable. “Most my hair got shaved off for a shit ton of stitches a long time ago,” she explained as if it was nothing, but the story still made Erik feel guilty, years later. “So Erik suggested I do something fun with what was left, he dyed his with me, and liked it enough to keep.”

“That’s very sweet.” Amber commented without missing a beat to ask  _ why  _ she’d needed stitches, or even pausing for the language she’d used. That was a good sign that they probably wouldn’t get kicked out for being rude. “Oh, but we’re all just standing around in the cold, and it’s supposed to start snowing. Come on,” she started ushering them both inside as if she owned the house, “inside now! The bread just came out of the oven.”

Eleven followed just behind, looking all to bemused by the spectacle. 

Inside the house was warm from a low-burning fire in the hearth, and just as Amber said, smelled strongly of fresh bread and melted butter. 

And oddly enough, he didn’t feel unwelcome like he’d thought he would. There was no unease to be found just from being here, even knowing he’d have to face both Jade and Serena.

It didn’t matter if Jade remained rude and stand-offish, or if Serena decided to embarrass him. 

He was here with  _ Eleven.  _ And he wouldn’t let them.

He followed Amber through to the dining room, and hoped that they’d made enough to sate Mia’s endless appetite-

Oh.

“Oh, there you all are!” Serena smiled at them all, stopping just before she set the plate of bread down, but where she had planned on finding room for it, Erik didn’t know. 

“Sit wherever you’d like,” Amber said to them before she looked back to Serena. “Where did Jade get off to?”

“She’s upstairs!” Serena answered, “Would you mind going to get her? I had to chase her away before she started eating before you all got here.”

Okay, rudeness definitely wasn’t going to be an issue.

As Amber rushed off to find her daughter, Eleven pulled out a chair, and waved Erik over. “Sit over here, it’ll be easier for you to get in and out.”

“I-” Erik glanced at Mia, but she was already in one of the other seats, and Serena was gone back into the kitchen for something else. “Thanks.”

There was something otherworldly  _ weird  _ going on, but he couldn’t really tell what. 

“It’s no trouble.” Eleven said, leaning around the back of the chair to take his crutches to leave against the wall, just within reach.

But just as Eleven took the empty seat next to him, he leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.”

_ “Gross.”  _ Mia said, just as she always did. When would she find something else to comment? “Am I seriously going to have to sit here and watch that?”

“You could always look away.” Erik glared at her. He didn’t  _ mean  _ to be short, hearing more frustration at her than he had.

He  _ still  _ didn’t know what was wrong.

But Eleven didn’t see it, or just chalked it up to nerves. “No, got to get it out of my system now before they come in and start bugging us about  _ future plans.”  _

“That’s fair.” Mia said, just about the moment Serena came back with a pitcher of water, and Jade and Amber weren’t far behind.

And the moment everyone was settled in, his plate was the first to be loaded down.  _ For him.  _ And he could almost appreciate the gesture, even if he was perfectly capable of holding a serving spoon, if it weren’t for the sheer amount of everything he was given.

“Thank you.” Erik forced his voice to keep from wobbling. There was  _ no way  _ he could finish it all. 

“Don’t worry about eating all of it.” Eleven whispered to him when everyone was distracted by something Mia said. “One way or another they’ll be loading us down with leftovers.”

That  _ did not help to know.  _ But at the very least… 

It was loud. Louder than it should be for the number of people, but somehow not overwhelming. 

The noise stayed at one even level, but no one was yelling or upset in any way. It was oddly… Comfortable. 

The strange feeling began to abate, but as it did, Erik realized what it was.

He wasn’t worried about Jade or Serena. He wasn’t worried about making a good impression on Amber or even worried about Mia’s oftentimes erratic behavior. 

He just didn’t know how to act in a family home.

But… If this became a regular occurrence, maybe he could learn.

Then Eleven caught his eye, scooping himself a giant ladleful of something he’d been told had chicken in it. “I thought you didn’t eat meat.” 

“I don’t. It’s vegetarian.” Eleven said, which just seemed completely untrue. 

“But Ms. Lumen-”

“Call me Amber, dear.” She said from her place across from him. “My name isn’t Lumen.”

Well… That didn’t feel right, but if he ignored her that wouldn’t have felt right, either. No good answers. “Right. Sorry,  _ Amber _ said it was  _ chicken  _ and dumplings?”

“It’s  _ chickenless  _ chicken and dumplings.” Amber sighed as if it was an obvious answer. “I suppose it’s vegetables and dumplings, but that just doesn’t…”

“Have the same ring to it.” Jade and Eleven both said in unison overtop of Amber, as if they’d been through this discussion countless times.

And he didn’t doubt that they had.

“I’m sorry if it’s rude to ask… but if your name isn’t Lumen…” Mia trailed off, but Jade answered without any hesitation. 

“We kept our parent’s names.” She explained. “My last name is still Kingsley.”

“Lumen was my birth mother’s name.” Eleven added on.

And Amber reached a hand across the table to him, careful to avoid knocking any of the dishes over. “And since we clearly haven’t been properly introduced, I’m Amber Cook.” Erik took her hand, and tried to keep smiling through the jolt that made its way to his shoulder. But Eleven saw, and he was going to pay for it. “I decided they didn’t need to take my name. It made quite a few things more difficult in the long run, registering for school was always a  _ nightmare,  _ but I wanted the dears to still have something from where they came from, you know?”

“I can imagine,” Erik said, despite the fact he wished that he could’ve gotten his own surname replaced somewhere through the maze of the foster system. But there wasn’t any reason to tear down the mood by saying that out loud.

But it would seem like Mia didn’t hold the same qualms. “Man I  _ wish  _ one of our foster homes had changed my name! Who the hell wants to be named  _ Camus?  _ Right, Erik?”

“I guess so.” Erik answered, still trying to be diplomatic. For some reason, no one else seemed to be trying. “Could always change it ourselves, if you want to that badly.”

But he saw Eleven freeze halfway through a bread roll.

And he knew they’d be having a talk later. He always forgot to mention these kinds of things.

But he continued on as if nothing had happened. Refusing to demand an answer in the middle of their visit.

“Oh, it’s not all that difficult!” Serena piped up, and even though she hadn’t said a word about his mishap, Erik still wondered. And feared. 

“You could always just get married.” Jade said from behind her glass. “Worked easy enough for us.”

Which froze Erik in his tracks and immediately caused Eleven to choke on his bread.

Through his coughing fit, Erik saw Mia grin wide, and he saw in the very near future, a very dangerous alliance between her and Jade.

But from that point on, it wasn’t mentioned again.

A single joke, or maybe suggestion, left as their conversations ebbed and flowed. 

Mia and Jade both hit it off without a hitch, just as he had feared, and Eleven got into more than one debate with Serena and Amber both over something he quickly lost the thread to. Some old rehashed half-serious half-joking argument that had been going on for years, from what it sounded like.

He was pulled into a few different discussions as their plates were slowly cleaned, and slowly, he finally began to relax.

His stomach had begun to hurt, but just as he thought he was free, Serena broke out the cobbler.

And he realized he was fucked.

But as the evening moved on and they all drifted away from the table to the rest of the house, Erik began to feel more than just comfortable, but just the smallest bit at home.

Jade was more than just civil, but kind to him, and Serena acted like nothing at all had happened. Like this was the very first time they’d met, spending ages asking him question after question about Charlie, entranced by every word, up until the point he had to promise she could meet him the next time she came by. Or when Erik visited next. He did have a little travel tub for vet visits, it wouldn’t be that hard.

Amber was next to track him down, squeeze him just about as hard as she could manage without hurting him, and within moments he went from answering a few questions about himself, what his job entailed, how long he’d lived in the area, and how it all went with the puppy, before he was asked if he’d like some old photos of El.

He said yes, delighted by the possibility of having a brand new wealth of information with which to embarrass El…

But he didn’t find all that much as he sat on the couch next to Amber, with El’s giant fluffy white cat in his lap.

Everything Amber went through was relatively normal. The day he was officially adopted, a photo from just about each new school year, plenty of him and Jade both playing, one or two of El running around in some of Jade’s princess costumes…

But not one below what looked like four or five years old. 

“No baby pictures?” Erik asked, wondering for a moment if she was trying to spare her son some embarrassment. 

But Amber frowned, and Erik felt bad for asking. “I wish I had some, but I don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” Erik said, “I didn’t mean…”

“Oh, don’t worry too much.” Amber tried to stop his worry before it even settled in. “It’s not bad of you to ask. It’s just that there  _ aren’t  _ any out there.” She flipped another page, and Eleven was older. “I don’t suppose he’s mentioned his birth parents to you, has he?”

“No.” Erik answered. “He hasn’t, and I’ve never asked.” 

Amber nodded. “He doesn’t really talk about them. He doesn’t really remember them, either. They both died in a house fire when he was very young. Faulty wiring is what the police said, but they never disproved the claims of foul play, either. If his parents had pictures of him, they all went up, too.”

Oh. He hadn’t… “I’m sorry.” He didn’t really know what else to say.

“Don’t be.” She said, looking back at the pictures. Her somber tone moving back to cheerful in a moment’s notice, though now much more strained. “It was a long time ago.”

But even so… Erik didn’t press. There was no reason to bring her mood back down by forcing her back into the topic. And to be fair… He didn’t want to know more, either. If Eleven told him, that was fine. But right now, it all felt closer to gossip.

Another page, and this time…

He’d known Eleven had heart surgery at some point, but it was different, seeing  _ him  _ in the hospital bed.

It didn’t look right.

Eleven wasn’t supposed to be ill.

But there he was, looking young even for his age, his round face and giant, goofy grin as he laid back in the hospital bed, his chest wrapped up, IV in his arm, surrounded by well-wishes and flowers. Gemma and Jade both in frame, smiling at who must’ve been Amber taking the photo.

Right in that moment, he never wanted to see El that way. He looked happy enough, but he knew how much it had to hurt.

“The doctors and nurses were all so kind to him.” Amber said quietly. “He always says it’s something else, no noble reason that he became a surgeon so he didn’t have to be afraid of them, that he just helps where he can, but I know that’s not true. He went through school so he could be like them, help others just like he was helped.” She sounded proud, but as he looked at her face, she just looked sad. “I was so proud for him when he got into medical school, but when he told us what his track was…” She shook her head. “He couldn’t handle the death he saw as a paramedic. It’s noble work, but he just didn’t have the heart. He wanted to help, so he went where he thought people needed it the most.”

Erik remembered Eleven telling him that his family hadn’t been supportive when he went to graduate school.

But now… He had a feeling that El had just misunderstood. “There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?” He asked.

“Oh, dear me no.” Amber looked up. “Of course not! But Ellie just isn’t cut out for it. I’m sure you’ve seen. He thrives with  _ helping,  _ but when most of your patients are already one foot in the grave… He’s idealistic, and a little naïve. He should’ve gone with a speciality outside of emergency work. He’s a good doctor, I know he is. But his work is making him miserable. Hopefully now that…” Amber trailed off. “Nevermind.”

“Now that what?” Erik asked, but his eye was drawn away. He caught sight of Jade and Eleven just in the other room, and Jade looked like she’s crying. Red eyes and mascara-tinged tear tracks. So did El, for that matter, but they somehow didn’t seem sad in the slightest.

That was what it finally took to take his attention away from the albums.

But they both returned to the rest of the group with dried eyes, and seemingly much more relaxed as well.

As if nothing at all had happened.

“You about ready to go?” Eleven asked, “I don’t want to wait for the roads to freeze.”

“Yeah, whenever you are.” Erik said, getting up on his crutches. Eleven nodded, and left again to take care of what he needed to, or maybe just say goodbye.

“Erik, just a moment?” Erik looked back at Jade, but she didn’t look upset or angry, like he had been quickly growing accustomed to, but despite seeing her crying earlier, now… She just looked happy. 

Erik glanced back at El, but he was distracted by everyone else for the moment. Too busy saying bye to notice if he vanished for just a moment.

He followed Jade out on the porch, where she stopped at the end of the railing, leaning forward against it.

The sun had set long ago, but the lights from inside caught against the snowflakes. 

He heard El and Serena laughing about something from inside.

But right now…

The cold felt too good to abandon. Stuck inside for ages, any time outside felt amazing.

He needed to make an effort to be busy again.

Maybe he could convince El to take a day trip out to the beach.

“First… I want to apologize for how I treated you before.” Jade spoke, and caught Erik’s attention from where it had drifted off into the snow clouds. “I shouldn’t have done any of what I did. Tracking you down…” She winced. “Trying to test you.”

“No.” Erik agreed, “You shouldn’t have.” He wasn’t going to forgive her, no matter how many times she apologized. If she wanted him to, she’d have to actually prove that she wouldn’t do anything like it again. 

“But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.” 

“Erik!” Eleven came outside for a brief moment when he was spotted, smiling just about as brightly as he could. Erik didn’t know what just happened that resulted in him giving Mia a piggyback ride, but he didn’t really care enough to ask. “Cobweb’s coming home with us tonight! You think she’ll really be okay with Cashew?”

“Of course she will.” Erik said, hoping that Eleven couldn’t see his frayed nerves. 

“Cashew?” He heard Serena ask from inside, and Erik was saved from any more questions. “Did you get another pet?”

“Accidentally.” Eleven answered. “Cashew is a…”

The conversation drifted back away, and Erik was left feeling bereft once again.

Eleven seemed so happy, so normal, and yet… 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him like that.” Jade said. “Like everything's right in the world. I can’t find any fault in him loving you if that’s what you’ve done.”

“I haven’t done all that much.” Erik said.

“You’ve done so much more than you think.” Jade countered, “and…” again, she looked like she wanted to cry. In a moment’s time, he was wrapped up in her arms. Much gentler than her mother’s. “Thank you. So much. You’ve given us Ellie back.”

“I…”  _ Haven’t done anything.  _ “I’m glad.” He answered.

Jade pulled away, and wiped her eyes. “I’m sure you saw us talking, and… I just have one favor to ask of you.”

“What is it?” Erik asked, his uneasy feeling coming back in stride.

“Eleven will tell you what’s going on soon. He said he doesn’t want to get everyone’s hopes up for something that might not happen, but I think he’s really just afraid of disappointing  _ you.”  _

“I know he’s been hiding something from me.” Erik said, “and I’ve been worried sick.”

“You don’t need to.” Jade said, “He’s going to be fine.”

“Then what do you need?”

“It’s not what I need.” Jade corrected, “But what he does. If what he’s trying to do goes through, it’s going to be hard, but worth it in the end. All I’m asking is that you be there for him.”

Erik leaned on one crutch, and gestured with the other. “Where else would I be?”

~~

And as they got home, Cobweb and all her things with them, Eleven was officially moved in.

Kitty carrier sat on the ground, but the door wasn’t opened to let her out as Cashew sniffed around it.

Instead, Mia just let her jump out of her arms.

Not a single animal in her presence ever went without being held for a duration of at least fifteen minutes, or maybe a twenty-minute car ride. 

Erik, despite what he said, had actually been worried about how she would get along with Cashew, but his worries were easily proved unfounded as Cashew all but tackled the poor cat, and Cobweb tolerated the overly excited dog with nothing more than a flick of her paw. 

Erik saw now why Eleven had chosen to name his cat after a dust bunny, as she immediately picked up any dust on the ground in her long fur.

With a dog twice her size trotting after her.

“It’s not gonna be long before we need some extra space.” Erik said, smiling at the sweet scene. “Got a cat, and a dog,  _ and  _ you now.”

But when he turned to see Eleven, he wasn’t smiling. Not anymore. Instead, he looked caught somewhere between being apprehensive, and just flat out scared.

And Erik was sick of waiting.

“Eleven.” He jumped. “Tell me what’s going on.” Weeks of worry, and he still didn’t have any answers, and the little information he did have didn’t even sound true anymore. What could El possibly be waiting for?

Eleven glanced away. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired.” He looked at Mia, presumably for help. “Tomorrow?”

Mia, thank god, did not come to his rescue. “Stop postponing and get this shit over with.” 

Eleven sighed, and gave in. “Alright.” He said, standing alone in the middle of the room. “I’ll explain.”

“Finally!” Mia threw up her hands. “Don’t you two dare get drunk before you can talk this time. And if I come home just to find the two of you butt-ass naked on the couch again, I’ll be kicking them both!”

Erik colored, but Eleven still managed to retain control of himself. “I wouldn’t ask you to do anything else.” He said. “But… You don’t have to leave. I appreciate the thought but you’ve left your own home too many times for me now.”

“You think I  _ want  _ to be here while the two of you sort your shit out? No,  _ thank you.”  _ Mia didn’t spare a moment, slipping right back into her boots and grabbing her purse from the rack. “By the way,” she added on, grabbing Eleven’s car keys from the table, “I’ll be borrowing this.”

Erik waited for him to protest, but  _ again  _ to his endless surprise, he didn’t. “Be safe.” He told her, not upset in the slightest. “We’ll probably only be an hour or two.”

“I’ll do you one better.” Mia said, and with nothing more, she was gone.

And Erik was left alone with El.

And suddenly, he was scared.

Well and truly. He didn’t know what was happening. He didn’t know why it seemed like he was the  _ only  _ one who didn’t know what was happening. 

Jade knew.

Gemma knew.

Even  _ Mia  _ seemed to know.

But… Erik didn’t.

What happened? Did El not trust him anymore?

Eleven walked away, but he wasn’t leaving the room. “I’m not going to get drunk but… I’m getting a beer. I don’t think I can do this with a clear head. Do you want one?”

“I...” He probably shouldn’t. But what was the point in saying no? Who knows. Maybe it would calm his racing heart. “Sure.”

Eleven came back, and dropped one of the bottles on the table before stepping back.

Whatever it was that had been building up for so long, melted away in a single instant. 

All the fear, all the worry… Just gone. “Sit down.” Eleven said, not quite looking at him. “We need to talk.”

“No, I don’t think I will.” Erik didn’t like what was happening. He didn’t like the way El was talking, how secretive he’d been. Him and Mia both. As much as he needed to know, he felt sick. “What’s going on?”

He didn’t answer right away, and one single thought nearly stopped Erik’s heart as he remembered El’s own. “Are you okay?” He demanded to know, all he’d read about heart defects coming back in an instant. Eleven had said it was all fixed, that he probably wouldn’t need any further treatments, but… Things could change in a heartbeat.  _ Not funny, Erik. _

Eleven looked confused. “Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Your… Your heart.” Erik said, his momentary panic seeming silly as Eleven’s understanding dawned. 

“My heart is fine, I’m fine.” Eleven assured him. “I’d tell you right away if I wasn’t.”

Given their situation, Erik wasn’t sure he believed him. “Then… What?”

“Please.” Eleven tried once more. “Sit down. It’s a long story.”

This time, as Eleven sunk down in the couch, Erik listened, and sat back in the chair across from him. It took a moment before Eleven spoke again. Gathering courage, the right words, or maybe just the breath he needed to speak with. “It’s… going to be hard to tell you, but I can’t keep it secret anymore.” he began, “A lot is about to change. For the better. But...” Again, he cut off. But it didn’t take him too long to recover. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just hard to talk about.”

Erik just nodded. He didn’t want to risk throwing him off further.

“But before that… I need to tell you about why I left my last job.” Eleven grimaced, and corrected himself. “It would be more accurate to say why I was driven away from it.”

“You don’t  _ have  _ to.” Erik said, against what he really wanted. He wanted to know, of course he did, but if Eleven needed to keep his past buried for his own mental health’s sake, then he wasn’t going to ask him to dredge it all up from underground. 

“I  _ want  _ to, then.” Eleven corrected. “It’s important for you to understand. Just… Bear with me, okay? It’s still hard to talk about.”

Erik stayed quiet, and just listened. 


	17. In which everything goes better than expected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t the end of the world at all.  
> Just the start of something a little new.  
> “Love you too.” Erik said, and he heard Mia fake-gag beside them. “Now get going!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of a foreword:  
> Student abuse in the medical field is a real and all too common problem. Predominantly experienced by nursing and medical technician students rather than doctors, but a problem nonetheless.  
> From nurses outright ignoring their students, belittling them, making their clinical learning experiences harder than they ever need to be, to outright kicking them out for no discernible reason in a form of student abuse referred to as “Nurses eating their young.” These are careers that we need more people in, now more than ever, but our students, people that want to learn, want to help, are being beaten down until they cannot bring themselves to continue, and the nurses, doctors, teachers, and directors responsible are not held accountable. Ever.  
> This, and my own experience with it, is part of what inspired me to continue this story.  
> If you have a medical student in your life, reach out. Offer your support if they too are having to deal with this phenomenon.

Eleven’s heart beat out a staccato rhythm in his chest, and his hands felt like ice. 

He didn’t know how much of that was fear of coming clean to Erik, and how much of that was fear of remembering it all.

Of spilling it out.

Inside, it was always there, always waiting.

But no one else saw it.

When he let it out…

Who was to say that it couldn’t keep going? That it wouldn’t hurt him more?

But that was paranoid at best. 

He knew Erik.

He knew what all had happened, and he’d worked so hard to move past it.

It was in the past, and he knew better than to let it happen all over again.

“I’ve mentioned that I’ve worked as a paramedic before, right?” Eleven asked, but he wasn’t looking for an answer. He knew that Erik knew, and he knew that he’d told Erik he’d had to quit.  _ Failing twice over…  _ yeah. They’d had that conversation. “I don’t know what I was thinking, going into trauma medicine after that. But…” Eleven shrugged. Hindsight and all that. “It didn’t work out.”

That’s when Erik decided to cut in. Gently, as if he was scared for Eleven. “Why do you keep doing this? If it makes you so miserable… There’s got to be other options?” 

Soft. Phrased as a question, and not a statement. “I’m not going to run off again.” Eleven assured him. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. But to answer your question…”

He didn’t really have a good one. Eleven braced his hands on his knees, and stared at the floor. He couldn’t look up. Not until he was done. “Because I’m  _ good  _ at it. I lose patients, but… that’s just part of the job description. I can’t save everyone, but I save a lot of people. And… and that’s good. I…” Eleven sighed. That wasn’t it. “It’s all I know. It’s all I’ve ever done.”

“You can learn something else.” Erik pointed out, unable to see the shaking smile that overtook El’s expression. It was true. But he should’ve done that a long time ago. “I know I did. I know it’s different, going from one medical specialty to another, rather than, say, cyber security to being a marine biologist.”

Eleven glanced up before he could help himself. “You worked in cyber security?” How the  _ hell  _ did that jump happen?

“I did. And I fucking hated it.” Erik said, “maybe you’ll get the story. But right now…”

“Right.” Eleven said, trying to gather his thoughts once more, but found that the momentary distraction had actually helped clear them. “Thats…”

He sighed. Not yet. “It is different. I guess that’s why I tried to stay in a similar setting, I knew the ER, I knew the ropes… and it worked. For a long time.” Okay. Deep breath. “It just… may have given me C-PTSD?”

Eleven had to look away again.  _ “May have?”  _ Erik repeated what he said, but the sound of the dismay in his voice wasn’t any better than the way he’d been looking at El. “You never told me.”

“I should’ve.” Eleven said, knowing that it could have explained so many things, prevented more, but… “I don’t like acknowledging it.”

“That doesn’t get rid of it.” Erik said, but Eleven knew that. By god, he knew that.

“I know. It’s just…” Here goes nothing. “I don’t remember what triggered it, or how long I’d been working when it happened, but I  _ think _ I lost a patient. And it was the last straw. There’s this… gap in my memory. Hours that just vanished I remember going into surgery, and then someone grabbing my collar. I was on the floor in one of the bathrooms. I was there for a long time just, I don’t know. Doing nothing. They’d been trying to find me for hours, paging and calling me, but I never even noticed. They had someone look me over… and by the end of the week, I was in psychiatric.” 

Erik didn’t respond, and Eleven was forced to keep going.

“I wasn’t checked in for very long. I wasn’t deemed to be a danger to myself, and there wasn’t much they could really do. To help me, or make me stay there.” Once he’d really been aware of himself… “I checked out, and I thought everything was fine. I felt numb to whatever had happened. I didn’t remember it, it couldn’t hurt me. I tried to go back to work, and most people were just glad to see that I was okay. Everyone has a day that’s a little too hard, sometimes. That was just mine.”

Erik didn’t know what was coming next, he couldn’t know. But he could sense it. He could look at El, and know he wasn’t anywhere near the worst part. “But?”

“But there were a few people who didn’t agree with that. I didn’t just clock out and go home, or drink a little too much and be late to my next shift. I almost got admitted myself, and that’s not supposed to happen. They were furious. Pulled me aside for a meeting. Said it was just a few concerns, but I felt like I was being interrogated.” He could still remember the conversation down to the letter. How it felt to be under the eyes of two people who wouldn’t ever listen. Who heard what he said, and couldn’t give less of a damn. “They wanted to know if I was capable of doing my job. Tried to urge me to quit, to find something else to do before I killed someone.” He’d stayed calm, spoke evenly and assuredly, answered all their questions without getting upset.

And they’d called him aggressive.

“They urged me to go into  _ nursing.”  _ He could still remember  _ that.  _ Nursing wasn’t a bad career, he never looked down on any other worker in the hospital. They all played their part. But the program director, the people in charge. They didn’t see it the same way. He’d failed as a doctor, and they saw it fit to send him elsewhere. “I refused. I told them I was perfectly capable of doing what I needed to, but that wasn’t good enough. I failed once, and once was all I had. They never left me alone, no matter how well I performed. And then… I started seeing a therapist, got referred to psychiatry again, and I was diagnosed. And when they caught wind of  _ that…”  _ He stopped seeing Sylvando, after one last session to explain what happened. “They decided I was unfit. Urged me to quit before they had to kick me out.”

Erik was horrified. “They can’t do that!”

Eleven shrugged. “Doesn’t matter, they did it.”

“But… there are rules in place, aren’t there?” Erik asked, trying to reason around what had happened, but Eleven didn’t bother to stop him, to tell him that you couldn’t reason against people set firm in being unreasonable. “Couldn’t you fight?”

“I tried. But… I was so tired, Erik. I didn’t have the strength.” Every day since that one breakdown had been a fight. Counting the minutes, constantly looking over his shoulder for another  _ meeting.  _ Another friendly check-in. Another time to argue his case. It was just too much. “There were people that helped. Pang stood up for me, said I was one of the best students she ever had, but… Senior or not, she couldn’t sway them. Eventually they got in some trouble for descrimination related to mental illness, and breaking the employment act. But all they had to do was pay a fine.” Eleven smiled, but it wasn’t funny. It wasn’t something he could make light of. It was a broken system, and it was sick. Funny, that the hospital couldn’t cure it. Couldn’t even treat it. “The fine wasn’t even given to me, or anyone that could actually prevent them from doing that again to anyone else. Just went into someone else’s pocket.”

It wasn’t a punishment. It wasn’t even a reprimand. It was the price tag on that particular brand of discrimination.

“What happened?”

“I gave in.” Eleven answered. “I left.” He didn’t have any other option. Raising a hand before Erik could protest, before he could try to reason again against something that happened over three years ago… “I didn’t have a choice. Even if somehow I could have fought for my right to stay, I wouldn’t have stayed there. How could I? Knowing that I still had to watch my back? Waiting for the next breakdown, the next attack?”

“I… I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t need to be. “Thank you.” Eleven said. “For listening.”

“But that’s not all of it, is it?” Erik asked. “You’re here now, so  _ something else  _ had to have happened?”

It did. But it took so long… “I moved back home after that. Jade knew what happened, and she and Serena did everything they could to help. But I didn’t… I  _ couldn’t  _ do anything. It felt like I’d reached the end of my rope. I’d lost everything. The home I had, my career, any other job prospects were terrifying. I was sure that no matter where I went, the same thing would happen.”

“But it didn’t.” Erik pointed out. “You’re safe where you are.”

“Safe,” Eleven agreed, “but not happy. You’re right, Gemma’s right… Everyone is. I’m in the wrong field. Gemma heard I was back home, and she helped my sister pull me back on my feet, and when I was stable again, convinced me to be where I am now. Emergency medicine rather than trauma. It’s easier. A little less death, and out here, pretty quiet. But somehow, it’s still too much.”

“That’s not surprising.” Erik said, “after all that…”

He was quiet for a moment, and so was El. He could tell Erik was uncomfortable. Unsure of what to do, shocked by everything El had dumped out at his feet. 

Should he say something?

Could he get up and go to El?

Would physical contact help, or would it only make El freeze?

“I have a plan.” Eleven spoke up, breaking the silence before Erik could decide. “I’ve thought about it for a while now, ever since you were first hurt.”

“What?”

“I applied to medical school.” Eleven said, watching Erik’s face carefully for any sign of a negative reaction. “If I get in… It wouldn’t be hard. I, uh… The classes, I mean. They're… not  _ simpler,  _ exactly, but I’ve already got most of the hard stuff out of the way. It’s just a few credits, a refresher or two. One, maybe two semesters. One last stint.” He paused, and silently pleased for Erik to speak.

“This is what you’ve been so scared to tell me?” He asked, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “That you’re going back to school? El, why would you be afraid to tell me that?”

“Because…” Eleven sighed. “Because it was your idea. Or, you  _ gave  _ me the idea. I’m going back, and this time… I’m choosing a different specialty. No more emergency room.” 

“That's good, too! What are you looking at?”

Eleven shrugged. “I’ve still got a little time to choose, I put in for a couple different options, but… I talked to my therapist, Gemma, and I want your opinion too.”

“I don’t know much about the different fields.” Erik said. “I don’t know what help I’ll be.”

“More than you think.” Eleven said. “Unless you didn’t hear me when I said that  _ you  _ gave me this idea? I want…” Eleven took a deep breath. “I want to be better. For myself, and for  _ you.  _ And I can’t be better if my work makes me feel miserable.”

Erik was silent. Quietly digesting everything that Eleven had told him before. He knew that Eleven was leading up to something. There wasn’t a single thing he said that would be worthy of being  _ hidden.  _ “Fine. What options are you looking at?”

“Cardiology was one. Maybe my own experiences have influenced me more than I thought,” Eleven admitted, “I’ve thought about pediatrics, too.” But mostly… “I’m thinking about family medicine more than those.”

“Why that?”

“When you were in that hospital bed, I was terrified for you. I didn’t want to see you in it. I wanted to help. I wanted to do everything I could to make you better, and… I think that’s why I stepped a little too far into Pang’s turf.” As annoyed as she’d been… She hadn’t really been angry. In fact, she’d even contacted him about the ordeal. Very pointedly asked him how he felt in that role. “And it occurred to me that even if I’m saving peoples lives, I’m bringing them back from the brink, that’s not all there is to it. All I’m seeing is injury and death. Taking care of you… That’s what I want. I want to be there for people while they recover, I want to help with the smaller things. Not just… Not death.” Of course, it wasn’t so perfect. No matter what, he’d be working. No matter what, there would be hard days, and patients he’d have to send away to more focused specialists. But in a family practice, he’d have more patients. He’d have regular ones. He’d be there as the first point of contact.

“It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.” Erik said. Maybe he had. “If it’s what you want, if it will make you happier, then hell, Ellie. Do it. I’m behind you in whatever you choose.”

He sounded just a bit brighter.

But El wasn’t quite done. There was one thing left.

“I’m not going to the same university.” Eleven started. “I’ve been approved for a sabbatical from work, and granted I come back with what I need, I’ve been guaranteed a place for my residency with them in one of the clinics there. They need more doctors here, so they’re even taking care of most of the tuition.”

“That’s perfect.” Erik said. “So it’s just a matter of being accepted?”

“Just that.” Eleven nodded. “Except for one thing. I’ll be gone, for a year at the least. And I don’t mean just an hour or two away. I could probably come back for breaks, or if I don’t need the summer semester, and I can take it off. But I’ll still be _gone._ There’s still time, but I won’t be here for _all_ of your recovery like I promised. And… I don’t expect you to just wait around that whole time. I don’t own you. I don’t… I won’t make you do anything.”

Eleven braced himself, and waited.

“El,” Erik said, and he looked up. He’d expected sadness, he’d expected resignation at best. But Erik was doing his damndest not to laugh. “I love you. You are the most amazing, intelligent person I know. But you are the biggest fucking  _ dumbass  _ I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

_ What- _

“Long distance is only a problem if we fucking let it be. Do you want to give this all up?”

“I-” It took a moment for Eleven to snap back to himself. “Of course not! I want to stay with you, I want…” He trailed off. 

And balked at his own stupidity.

Of  _ course  _ it wouldn’t be a problem. 

“Perfect.” Erik said and stood from his seat. “You always get too caught up in your own damned head.”

“I have to.” Eleven said as Erik dropped down next to him, and draped an arm around his shoulders. “If I don’t overthink things, then neither one of us are going to think about anything.” Right. He was an idiot, and he’d worried Erik for no good reason for weeks. But he didn’t care. Everything was out in the open, and he could breathe. Erik believed him. He didn’t ask questions that Eleven couldn’t answer. 

Erik accepted what was wrong, and what happened without question or blame — Erik leaned his head on El’s shoulder, and it wasn’t enough. The sheer relief, everything he’d kept pushed down was finally gone.

And suddenly, there was so much  _ room. _

“I can’t believe you were scared to tell me you were doing something to make things  _ better.”  _

“I started overthinking it.” Eleven said. There really wasn’t any other reason. “And I tried to tell you before, but things kept getting in the way.”

Erik paused. “What things?”

“Uh, Cashew.” For starters. That was the  _ easier  _ reason.

“You were going to tell me  _ that long ago?” _

“I hadn’t even decided at that point. Decided to wait.”

“Then what?”

“Uh… Last night?” Eleven wondered what  _ that  _ admission would spawn. “I was going to tell you when I got home, but…”

“We got drunk?” Erik guessed.

“Actually… I’m going to blame Mia for that one.” Still his fault he had to hide anything at all? Yes.

But  _ his  _ fault that they’d ended up naked and hungover on the couch?  _ Probably yes,  _ but he could shift a little of that blame. 

“What? Why?”

“You got suspicious, and she decided the best way to throw you off was to lie about my plans.” Actually, for as many times as Mia had made fun of them for being over-the-top dramatic or cheesy, it served her right having a turn. “Then  _ you  _ assumed it was our anniversary, which for the record, I don’t know the date of, either, and she gave me a giant fanfic-inspired grocery list, and then we got too drunk.”

“Oh my  _ god.”  _ Nothing more, and Erik absolutely  _ lost it. “She  _ suggested you do all that? And you  _ listened?”  _

“I didn’t know what to do!” Eleven tried to defend himself, but as a smile tugged on his lips he realized there really wasn’t an iota of shame in his entire body. Not right now. “You had a meltdown about forgetting our anniversary, and then I felt bad!”

“But you don’t know it either! You  _ just  _ said!”

“I didn’t want to upset you!”

But there wasn’t much else he could say. It was all unbearably  _ stupid.  _

He was just as easily swept up in Erik’s hysterics. 

Sitting in the half-dark, they held onto each other, and laughed. Until they couldn’t breathe, until tears were streaming down their faces, and they couldn’t even remember what exactly had been so funny. 

If it even had been anything at all, and they were even laughing for anything besides the simple little fact that they could.

They were fine, for once, there wasn’t a single thing wrong. Nothing waiting around the bend, no secrets that held them back, to drive a wedge between them.

It wasn’t everything. 

There was more that would have to come. The little things between what Eleven had spoken of.

Erik’s own past.

His recovery.

_ Both  _ of their recoveries.

The distance…

Figuring it all out. It would take time, and it wouldn’t ever be finished.

But even stating that down…

Finally, slowly, Eleven caught his breath.

He didn’t know when they’d all but fallen over.

Didn’t really care to know. 

Because for the first time for as long as he could remember, everything was fine.

And he believed it. 

His head pillowed on Erik’s chest, and his arms wrapped beneath his back, sure to go numb sooner rather than later, everything was perfect.

It would be wrong to pin absolutely everything on Erik. Gemma and his family all played their own parts in dragging him to his feet when he wanted to give up, to lay in the dark and sleep the rest of his life away. 

He did it himself, sometimes. When he had the strength to realize what was wrong, and change it himself. 

To choose change rather than holding to the flawed present. 

It would be too much pressure, to much power if he relied only on Erik for what came next. The balance of his mood, their future… 

It wouldn’t be fair.

But that didn’t mean that Erik hadn’t been the catalyst. One horrible,  _ horrible  _ first date, and a second chance he took on a whim.

And in the span of a single year…

He wasn’t better. He wasn’t cured, and he wouldn’t be.

But that didn’t mean that things weren’t all changing  _ for  _ the better.

And as such… “You're the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Eleven said, holding the best person in the world. He meant it. And he would say it as often as he got the chance. 

“You bet I am, you sappy piece of shit.” There were probably better things to get in response. But that was fine, he’d get a better one soon.

As much as he beat himself up for taking so damned long to figure things out, it wasn’t as though Erik was any faster in voicing what he did know.

But there was time.

He’d be gone soon, but only for a little while.

And not forever.

~~

Erik couldn’t know how exhausting it must have been to spill everything out like Eleven had.

As much as it seemed like he wore his heart on his sleeve, it was always a bit of a façade. The emotions he chose to wear and the thoughts he chose to share, carefully grown and pruned until he seemed as normal as he felt the people around him to be.

Without ever stopping to consider the fact they each and every one of them all had their fair share of things they wanted to keep hidden. 

More than once, Erik nearly told Eleven to stop. 

To take a break, let Erik digest what he had heard before he had to take in more, and before Eleven made himself ill with the story. 

But he also knew that if Eleven stopped at halfway through, he wouldn’t be able to continue.

So Erik sat, and waited, and listened until it was all out in the open. 

And Eleven just waited for Erik to speak.

And it was horrible.

Nothing he could have imagined, and nothing he’d even considered within all his theorizing and searching. 

There had been something wrong, that much was true. That much he’d been right about.

Except.

There wasn’t a thing he could do to ease the burdens of the past.

Besides be there, at least.

And that was something he certainly could do.

It hadn’t been but a few minutes before Eleven drifted off where he lay. Just like Erik said, the story had been exhausting to tell.

All the worry, all the needless shame.

But that was all gone now.

Leaving only El.

An El he knew, and one he was only going to learn about from here.

Like Jade said…

He’d only just given Ellie back.

With all the masks and all the costumes of normalcy thrown to the ground…

But he was already seeing the El that was coming back out, and there wasn’t a snowball’s chance that he wouldn’t love him any less than he did now.

He’d need to tell Jade.

He could do her little favor.

After all, what was long distance these days, anyway? 

Even if he wouldn’t have very much leave saved up after this mess with the accident, if he timed it carefully, there wasn’t any rule saying he couldn’t show up wherever El’s new university was to visit. 

And  _ yes,  _ if El had to ask later, he was assuming that he would be accepted.

Because there just wasn’t any other option.

No? To  _ El? _

Who was that stupid?

...Besides El himself, of course.

There was a divide between practical intelligence, emotional intelligence, and academic intelligence, and it would seem Eleven was only capable of two out of the three. 

Which just seemed to be how it went.

Erik knew he was somewhat lacking in the practical aspect.

There was still more to come.

Recovery was going to be hell, whether Eleven was around the whole time or not.

But that was okay. Mia had already told him that she’d be there through PT, just as he was for her.

He would eventually need to come clean about himself.

They all had their own mistakes, their own buried regrets. And El would have his, as soon as Erik found the strength to share them.

On his own time.

Just as Eleven had his, even if he did need that last little nudge before he could speak.

Eleven sighed in his sleep, and Erik lamented the fact he couldn’t carry him back to bed without the both of them ending up on the floor, possibly with extra injuries, but that was fine.

Another time.

For now, the couch would have to be sufficient.

Not all that bad, even if it wasn’t as comfortable to sleep on as the bed. But-

The door opened, and Mia snuck in. Dropped the keys in the dish, slipped out of her shoes, and held up a hand between her eyes and the living room as she passed.

Knowing that Eleven would probably remain out…

“You dramatic bitch.”

She stopped in her tracks, and lowered her hand. Relaxing when the scene before her was safe for work, and only sickening in the lifetime-movie romance kind of way. “Didn't quite make it to bed?”

“Talking took a lot out of ‘em.” Erik said. But there were more concerning things at hand. “So, wanna tell me about the ‘fanfic grocery list?’”

“No.” Mia said. “I really don’t.”

“Shoulda thought about that before you sent him off with one.” Erik said. For now, he didn’t need to hear about her thought process. But  _ later…  _

Mia blew a raspberry at him, and marched off to her room, knowing that as long as he had El’s entire weight on top of him, he was stuck tight.

He’d get his revenge later.

Maybe he’d leave one of Charlie’s bugs in her room.

Yeah.

That’d show her.

...For helping El through his panic and-

Yeah. Okay.

Maybe she could be off the hook just this once.

~~

Months later, Erik found himself more unsure than he thought he could be. He knew logically, that it would all be fine.

Eleven had been through medical school before. He could do it again. Especially on a lighter course load.

Erik was here, too. 

A few hour’s difference wasn’t all that much.

If nothing else he could probably help him study, probably.

Eleven turned away for a moment, and stared at the lines of people checking in luggage.

And not for the first time, had some second thoughts.

Visibly scared, he turned back to Erik and Mia. “I could put it off for a semester.” He told them,  _ again.  _ “It wouldn’t hurt to postpone a little bit. Just a couple of months, until Erik can drive again, and-”

“That’s going to take more than a couple months.” Erik reminded him. Even after the cast came off, he was probably going to have to replace it with a brace, and  _ then  _ came the physical therapy, just to make sure it was all working like it should. 

He’d say that would be hell, but he’d been working at the same station in the aquarium at half hours for  _ weeks.  _ No,  _ that  _ was hell. The pain and discomfort of PT? That would be a walk in the park. “Get your ass on that plane before they leave without you.”

“It’s still not leaving for another hour and a half.” Eleven pointed out.

“Exactly.” Mia chimed in, “have you  _ seen  _ the TSA lines? You need to get moving. Don’t worry about your idiot, I’ll make sure he doesn’t end up in  _ someone else’s  _ ER.”

“I appreciate it.” Eleven smiled.

“And don’t worry about Cobweb. I’ll send pictures.”

“Thank you.” Eleven said once more, and his eyes darted once more to Erik. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.” Erik said. “Let us know when you land, okay?”

“I promise.” Eleven said, and just before he left, pulled Erik in close one more time, crutches and all. “Love you.” He said into Erik’s ear.

Unable to do anything back without losing his balance, Erik just let himself get squished.

Worse things in the world.

After all, this was a pretty good way for him to hide his face while he got his damned tear ducts to  _ listen  _ to him again. He’d see Eleven again whenever he got his computer set up, and he’d see him again in  _ person  _ in just a few months.

It wasn’t the end of the world at all.

Just the start of something a little new.

“Love you too.” Erik said, and he heard Mia fake-gag beside them. “Now get going!”

This time, Eleven listened, and Erik waited until he was out of sight.

“You ready to go?” Mia asked.

“Yeah.”

“You want me to pretend you aren’t sobbing like a baby?”

“If you can.”

“Alright, let’s get you on home then.” Mia turned to leave, and Erik followed.

Wouldn’t be long.

What could happen in a year, anyway?

By the time Eleven got back home, everything would be looking up.

That is, if he could keep himself in one piece.


	18. Giving too much thought to bad ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It won’t take all that long to set. Just give it half an hour and all your grey hair will be covered up!”
> 
> “My hair isn’t graying.” 
> 
> Erik let the rest of the dye in the tint brush set into El’s hair. Unnecessary? Yes. Would it spread to a little bit of the unbleached hair? Also yes.  
> But he had to. For emphasis. “Not anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait!!   
> I’m going to try and get these last few chapters done soon!
> 
> This chapter is a bit odd, a little bit of a stitched together mass of different scenes, but it’s just kinda what it needed to be for the next few.   
> I hope you enjoy it anyway!

“You sure you only want a couple streaks?” Erik asked one last time, even though he already knew the answer, and even though they’d already bleached what El wanted colored. “It’s not too late. Could do all of it. See how it looks.”

“And get stuck with it if I don’t like it.”

“Nah.” Erik said through the small tint brush he held between his teeth. “We’d just dye over it. Some nice sharpie black, get your hair nice and over-processed.” Again, just a joke. Though at this point Erik was curious if they even  _ could  _ over-process his hair. Nothing he did seemed to damage it. After this, maybe it’d be time to take some scissors to it and see if it was even capable of being cut. 

“Not on your life.” Eleven said, and handed back the mixed dye, or,  _ almost  _ handed it back, before he caught sight of the label.  _ “‘Starlight dream?’  _ That’s meant to be a color?”

“Don’t complain.” Erik advised him. “It was that or ‘lusty lavender.’”

_ “Lusty lavender.”  _ Eleven repeated in disbelief, though he did fully believe him. “Actually… What’s your color called?”

“Atomic turquoise.” Erik answered, even though the color likely couldn’t be described in any honesty as either descriptor. 

Eleven didn’t bother to acknowledge that at all. “How long do I have to sit here?”

“It won’t take all that long to set. Just give it half an hour and all your grey hair will be covered up!”

“My hair isn’t graying.” 

Erik let the rest of the dye in the tint brush set into El’s hair. Unnecessary? Yes. Would it spread to a little bit of the unbleached hair? Also yes.

But he had to. For  _ emphasis.  _ “Not anymore.”

El snorted, not actually offended, and just sat and let Erik work. He probably could’ve figured it out on his own, but… 

“You’re gonna get dye on your shirt.” Eleven warned him as he leaned forward, and wrapped his arms around El’s shoulders. But he didn’t try to push Erik away.

“Don’t care. That’s what this shirt is for.” He had a couple just for this express purpose. And more importantly… they had less than a week. Before El would be gone for  _ months.  _ He only needed sixty-five hours to be recertified. But that wasn’t good enough. He  _ wanted  _ more. And as much as Erik wanted to resent that…

It was so that he could change if this went wrong without risking another breakdown, another period of time away, another jackass trying to tear him down…

It was just a few months. And until then… Erik didn’t care if he was squishing the air out of El’s lungs. They only had so much time for this. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Eleven promised, just as he had before. It would take some time. But it would all be fine.

“I know.”

“Hey, Erik?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Erik smiled, and met Eleven’s eyes in the mirror. “Love you, too.”

~~

“Hey.”

Erik looked up from the water of the touch-tank he’d been assigned to for  _ weeks  _ now. He’d thought it would’ve been tolerable. Better than sitting at a desk all day, at least.

And it had been!

For about half a week.

Then he got bored again.

Somehow like this even the hermit crabs could no longer amuse him.

“You okay?” Michelle asked as Erik went right back to staring off into the water.

“No.” Erik answered, “I’m bored out of my friggin’ mind.” He loved these animals, and normally wouldn’t have any issue spending his time right there, but after you watch the little leopard sharks swim in the same circles for the ten-thousandth eight-hundred forty-second time, anyone would find it a little stale.

But Michelle wasn’t yet convinced of the bottomless pit of hell that Erik had taken up residence in. “But look at that! No new knife wounds! You’re just fine.” Physically, yes — no, actually. His leg was still broken. He wasn’t physically  _ or  _ mentally okay. “Come on, it’s about time for you to get going, isn’t it?” 

“No.” Erik answered, intent on being grumpy. “Mia said she’d be a little late today. Figures, the one day I actually  _ need  _ to be out of here on time.”

“How late?”

Erik shrugged. “I don’t know. Ten minutes?”

Michelle smiled. “Enough time to walk over to deep sea?”

Erik still didn’t get up. “Why?” He couldn’t climb all the damned stairs, and getting the elevator free of guests was a hassle in and of itself, and even if he did manage that, he wasn’t about to risk soaking his cast again in all the accumulated salt water, almost time to get the thing off or not. 

Eleven had shown him pictures of what happened when a wet cast was left on.

And secured his nightmares for a year.

“To look?” Michelle said. Ah. She just meant from the front, not twisting back behind the scenes. “Don’t you miss it?”

Was that even a question? “Course I do. Can’t really do much about it at the moment, though.”

“Except  _ visit!”  _

Okay, maybe that wasn’t a bad idea. He had the time to spare, and… Yeah. He could use the distraction. “Yeah, fine. Let’s go.”

Didn’t mean he wasn’t going to pretend like he didn’t want to.

It wasn’t as though it was even that much of a walk. And thank goodness for that. As accustomed to the crutches as he’d gotten, Erik still hated using them like little else. Loud, annoying, cumbersome when it was crowded…

But it was an off-hour, and there were few people around.

“So…” Michelle walked in stride with him, and though it had more-or-less been her job to help him with the things he couldn’t do on his own at the moment, it was  _ not  _ her job to pry into his life.

Not even as much as she tried.

“So?” He didn’t care all that much, though. It was good to have someone who listened. 

“How’s El doing? He’s going to be home pretty soon, isn’t he?”

“Still a few months out.” She’d only met him once, but right on track with her behavior anytime she got even the slightest wind of drama or romance in her coworker’s lives, she latched right on. “We decided it would be best if he skipped his break to work faster through his recertification.”

Eleven had been so upset when he’d talked Erik through his decision, and it wasn’t as though Erik hadn’t been upset, of  _ course  _ he had been, it was just that in the long run, it was the smarter choice. 

“And he hasn’t been back to visit at all?” Michelle asked as they came to a stop. Just a few wide steps to the front of the tank, but there were visitors occupying the space.

A handful of kids pressed up against the glass, pointing and yelling every time a fish could be seen swimming past. 

He could wait.

“He doesn’t really have the time.” Erik answered as a small school of fish made their way across their view, unbothered by the excited shrieking. 

It had worried him, in the beginning. It almost felt like Eleven was finding any and all reasons to stay away, when that just simply wasn’t the case. 

He just kept looking more and more exhausted, and while Erik knew university and higher education, twice over even, he seemed just a  _ little  _ too tired. 

He’d worried El was pushing himself too hard.

“That’s no good!”

“Eh.” Erik shrugged. “The faster he gets through all that shit the sooner he’s back for good.” He’d stopped worrying after El started sharing his results. When he started sharing about his courses, what he was doing… and while he still seemed bone-tired, Erik hadn’t ever seen him so truly happy about what he was doing. Even if some of it drove him crazy. “I offered to go visit  _ him,  _ but he said there wasn’t much room for me, he wouldn’t be able to take time to spend with me, and he got  _ really mad.  _ He says it isn’t very accessible up where he’s been living off-campus.”

“Accessible?” Michelle asked, and Erik gestured with one crutch. “Ah.”

It was easy at the aquarium. Ramps all over the place, elevators, and even the stairs weren’t too difficult. But most other places… “Can’t say I’d be too enthusiastic about getting on a plane like this, either.”

“I guess that’s fair. But it’s gotta be  _ so _ tough! I can’t imagine being away from Kai for so long, all on my lonesome...”

_ Kai, Kai, Kai.  _ Erik hoped he didn’t always sound like that.

But.

He probably did.

_ Oops. _

“It’s not all that bad. We’ve got video calls, and he’ll have a few weeks before he has to start working again while all the paperwork and shit is sorted.” Erik said, waiting just a moment longer as the family moved away from the tank. “And I’m not all alone. I’ve still got Mia making sure I don’t hurt myself being stupid.”

“Just counting off the days, then?”

“Just counting off the days.”

The animals behind the glass weren’t ever bothered by the excitement on the other side. These fish didn’t care about the strange things that came day by day to watch them go about theirs.

But it always did seem like they were more active when there was no one there to see.

“I can’t wait to be back in there again.” Erik said as a sand tiger shark passed by the glass, tiny little fish hanging onto his scarred old fins. 

“When’s your cast coming off?”

“Today.” Erik answered, not looking away from the old shark. “Later today.”

“Then you’ll be back to diving?”

“No. It isn’t that simple.” As much as he wished it was. The shark swam out of sight, but the water wasn’t empty. Between the sand and rock and stone, the surface high out of sight… swimming in the open water and hiding in the corals and plants, were countless animals he all knew. By name, by behavior… “I might need the cast more, they’ll have to X-ray the bone. And even if I don’t, it’s some big heavy brace, and El told me that it’s going to be longer than they say before I get it back to regular strength. But… soon. It won’t be too much longer.” He caught sight of Hatch’s belly. Even with  _ her  _ lurking around, waiting to chomp on his ass for a second time, he didn’t want to be anywhere as badly as he wanted to be in the water. 

Soon. He just had to be patient.

He would have been happy, relatively speaking, to sit and wait for Mia to finally arrive in silence, listening only to the sound of the water, but he could  _ feel  _ the questions Michelle was holding back.

“Ask.” He told her, knowing that no matter how intrusive it might be, she didn’t really mean it in any insensitive way.

Michelle waited a moment, as if she could ever really ignore such an invitation to pry, but took it. “Do you know what happened to the driver?” She asked softly, but she didn’t need to. It’d been  _ months.  _ He hardly remembered the crash. The nightmares had faded, the fear was gone. 

All that was left was frustration and impatience. 

“I don’t know all the details. I think he’s doing some time. Wasn’t his first DUI. But his insurance is taking care of all my bills, so I don’t give a shit.” Anything more would’ve made him a hypocrite. Except... “He sent me a get-well-soon card.”

“He  _ did?” _

Some dollar store  _ sending well wishes _ cardstock bullshit stuck in an envelope and stuck in his mailbox. Honestly, it was almost more insulting to get it. Like shoving a sign in his face that read  _ ‘I know how to find you and went to the trouble of getting this but I won’t apologize in person or do anything at all to change your perception of myself as a complete human shitstain.’  _ Big sign. But he could still read it when it was that close to his face. “Yup. I burned it. Set off the fire alarm.” 

“Oh, dear.”

El yelled at him. But he was only mad for a moment, even though the firefighters ended up in their apartment. Not after  _ he  _ found out why he came home to see a fire truck and the apartment door wide open, still some black smoke in sight. “Worth it.”

“Is there a day that goes by that you don’t get into some sort of trouble?”

“What fun would that be?” Erik asked, finally looking away from the eel he’d made eye contact with. 

“It would be  _ safe.”  _ Michelle pouted at him. “I thought you were going to choke to death on that squeaker.”

“But I didn’t.” Erik pointed out, resigned to the fact he wouldn’t ever live down the squeaky toy. He didn’t know he’d end up inhaling it! He’d just wanted to try to get the seal to do a new trick. It wasn’t  _ his  _ fault the squeaker had come loose. “It just made me squeak whenever I breathed. It was  _ funny.” _

Michelle didn’t smile. She wouldn’t, having been the one to call 911.  _ Really though.  _ Those paramedics did  _ not  _ look happy. “Did the doctor you saw to remove it think it was funny?”

“El thinks it’s hilarious.” Erik grinned, heading back towards the exit. “He said the hospital staff called me ‘dog toy man’ for weeks.”

Michelle hung her head.  _ “Of course  _ El removed it. I should’ve known.”

“He did, you should have, and after he did he thanked me afterwards for being the most ridiculous procedure he’d ever performed.” Sarcastic as it may have been, and as ridiculous as he might have felt, it  _ had  _ been a good excuse at the time to see the doctor, and it had actually happened to be something of a backwards ego boost. 

El had only himself to blame for Erik’s repeated enthusiastic visits. 

But it all turned out well in the end, so who was gonna complain?

Mia wouldn’t be too much longer… 

“That’s not unusual.” Michelle said before he could leave, “Being the most ridiculous, I mean.”

“I take pride in it.”

Michelle snorted. “When are you coming back?”

“Two days. I’ll be in at ten.” Erik answered, and was relieved when she didn’t follow him.

Nearly everyone had, when he’d first come back to work, either driven by El or Mia, or pooling with one of the other unlucky bastards that had to commute like he did. 

When he’d still been unsteady, and admittedly, a little jumpy. As much of an ass as he liked to be, his coworkers still liked him, and they all wanted to do what they could to help. 

But the whole hand-and-foot thing got old  _ fast.  _

Except in El’s case, but that was beside his point.

He could walk on his own. 

And he couldn’t wait for the day friends and strangers alike didn’t offer him help or just straight up grab his arm to give support without even  _ asking  _ him first.

Hopefully he’d seen the last of that.

Just about the exact second he was confronted by the horrible light of day, he saw Mia pull up against the curb. 

He was  _ forever  _ thankful to himself for convincing El to replace his old car, and to El for deciding to leave it behind for his year back at school. 

And, to Mia. For apparently losing the discomfort of driving cars that she’d once shared with Erik.

He didn’t stop to consider that she may have just shoved that disdain to the side for Erik’s sake. 

Nope.

No time to unpack the guilt for that.

He waited just a moment for the last group of people to disappear through the doors before hooking one of his crutches under one arm, and relying on the handrail instead.

Sure, he could use the ramp.

But fuck the ramp.

This was faster. 

The passenger door was unlocked, and Erik tossed his crutches in the back before he slumped down in the seat. 

“So, how was work?” Mia asked in a bright, chipper voice. Completely unlike her usual self.

Four words out of her mouth and every alarm bell he had went off in Erik’s head. 

“What happened and who died?”

She glared at him. “No one! Christ, who do you think I am,  _ you?”  _

“Then what’s with the voice?”

“Am I not allowed to just be in a good mood?”

“Of course you are.” Erik said. “But it normally means that something happened.”

“Fine.” Mia admitted, and pulled out onto the road. “I got some feedback from my publisher.”

Erik sat up straighter.  _ Feedback  _ normally meant something stupid. Things to change. Can we take this scene out? Can we replace it with this? Can this character be less  _ gay?  _

Mia, of course, always made it gayer. 

Which was exactly what she should do, but not exactly conducive to a good working relationship. 

_ “Good  _ feedback.” Mia clarified, as if she knew exactly where his thoughts were headed. “Im actually in the last drafting stage. Well, with  _ one  _ book.”

“One?”

“Yeah.” Mia shrugged, but didn’t look away from the road. Which was  _ good,  _ but Erik Did Not Like the smile she had on. This was not a ‘ _ great news’  _ smile. This was not a  _ ‘nervous about the fragility of a new good thing’  _ smile.

This wasn’t even just a regular old  _ ‘thinking evil thoughts’  _ smile.

This was a  _ ‘evil plans set into motion’  _ smile.

And Erik was afraid of it. “It’s not the book I’ve been trying to publish, but it’s something new. I thought maybe it’d be easier to argue my ideas if I already had one minor to moderate success under my belt, yeah?”

Erik decided to be diplomatic. “Makes sense. You should celebrate.”

“Exactly my plan.” Mia grinned, and  _ now  _ it finally looked like a safe smile. “I’m meeting up with a friend after I drop your ass off at the doctor. I won’t be picking you up, but I’ve already gotten that covered. Text me if there’s a problem, blah blah, you know the deal.”

Kind of her. “Jade or Serena?”

“Serena.” Mia answered, and Erik sagged in relief.

“Thank god,” he said, “Jade drives like a madman.” 

He’d had plenty of time to learn that  _ no,  _ she wasn’t driving like a bat out of hell just to scare him specifically, but that she scared the daylights out of just about all of them.

Serena, on the other hand, drove like a little old lady, and that he could live with.

He’d had plenty of time to learn not just about their driving habits, but to just learn about the family he was steadily being absorbed into. 

~~

“Just call Serena if anything happens.” Eleven said, flipping through the list he’d made one last time. Or so he said. Two days left, and all that was left to do was pack, and Erik knew that list would be making appearances even after everything was ready to go. “I know Mia is around, and I know you aren’t helpless, but my sister is just around the corner, and—”

“I got it.” Erik said, from where he half-lay, half-hung upside down off the edge of their bed. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” To an extent. For now, he was pretty much a neutralized threat. Disasters happened  _ to  _ him, not  _ because  _ of him. But once the cast was off… He made No Promises. 

“I’m sure.” He heard Eleven say, then a bag zip. 

Silence for a moment. 

The bed springs creaked where El sat down, and Erik felt something warm and purring be deposited on his chest, moved from wherever she’d been napping.

He could feel the rumbling of Cobweb’s purr inside his lungs, and as uncomfortable and that  _ should  _ be, oddly enough, it was comforting. 

El should be careful with how wonderful he was letting Cobweb be. If he didn’t think that Erik would fill the apartment with foster kittens, he had another thing coming.

“You wanted to tell me something?” 

_ Want  _ was a strong word. If he could go his whole life ignoring it… But he couldn’t. El had been brave enough to bare his soul, it was only fair that Erik tried to do the same. “It’s not a pretty story.” Erik warned, but El wasn’t impressed.

“Was mine?” He asked, which was somehow a fair response and an unfair assessment at the same time. No, his story wasn’t exactly something you’d want to bring up at every family gathering, and neither was Erik’s! But they were so different… Comparing them wouldn’t be fair. To either of them. 

“No.” Erik answered, “sorry. Just… Just give me a moment, okay?”

“There’s no rush.” Eleven said, recognizing that little luxury they didn’t have when it was his own turn, when telling that truth felt like it was a possible end. “take all the time you need.”

~~

“How does that feel?”

Erik was only off balance for a moment. He knew he shouldn’t put any weight on his leg just yet, but… 

Even without doing so, it was just  _ strange.  _ “Uh, fine? I guess?” 

“Does it hurt at all?” The doctor asked, and for the most part, it didn’t. 

“Just stiff.” Erik answered, tried to roll his ankle, and winced. The doctor noticed, hummed a self-satisfied little hum, and scribbled something down.

And Erik walked out of the clinic slightly less free that he expected. It wasn’t a  _ huge  _ brace, but it was still a brace. Easier to walk, he’d probably only need it for another month or so, but… 

A list of exercises, and a referral for a physical therapist if the stiffness didn’t go away in a handful of weeks. 

Joy.

“Just a brace, then?” Serena confirmed as he stuck his crutches in the backseat. 

“Yeah.” Erik let out an exhausted sigh as he sank into the passenger's seat. Another brace, another few weeks… He just wanted to go to bed. 

“Then you’re almost there!” But Serena’s all-too chipper tone wouldn’t let him stay grumpy. “You’ll be ditching those crutches in no time!”

Her or Mia or Jade… 

Eleven had left, but his family had slotted themselves right into his absence. 

He’d been assured time and time again that they’d all be there at the drop of a hat,  _ if he needed them,  _ that he hadn’t expected them to show up even though he didn’t. 

Serena and Jade both constantly dropped in on him and Mia, which at first was nothing short of alarming. 

Every time… 

_ Was something wrong? Was El okay? Were  _ they  _ okay? What was happening? _

But they were nothing more than friendly visits. 

Or times to drop off a week’s worth of premade meals once Serena found out exactly how they ate. 

And then, cooking lessons.

With a very light emphasis on use of spice.

~~

“Where’d you learn all this, anyway?” Erik asked, staring down at his sad, pathetic little stir-fry, and back over to her little Home Chef professionally plated — whatever the hell that meant — one.

“I’m a trained baker and chef.” Serena answered. “I’ve got a little shop downtown. It isn’t much to look at, and we don’t have very many things on the menu. Mostly I do big orders for large events.”

“Yeah?”

“I made the cake for Ellie’s graduation, and Amber’s retirement party,  _ and  _ mine and Jade’s wedding. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m fairly good at what I do.” He never would have assumed she was bragging, just from the way she spoke alone. Maybe it was just her tone of voice, but he’d be inclined to believe just about anything she said. “And, should you need one, I’d be more than happy to supply a cake or some sort of pastry for you.”

“If I need it, huh?” Erik asked, finally,  _ finally  _ beginning to feel comfortable looking her in the eye again. Only took… What, five months? Thereabouts? “What would I need some big fancy cake for?”

Serena shrugged one shoulder, and began to clean up the mess from today’s lesson, but her smile didn’t fade in the slightest. “Oh, whatever might happen.” She said as if there was any possibility  _ other  _ than this being some halfway subtle digging about some prospect about marriage. 

And, Erik actually didn’t care all that much.

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t prodded them about it before. Or Jade. Or Amber either, for that matter. It never seemed to particularly bother El, and for Erik… Well, for Erik it meant they didn’t despise him. It meant that they liked him enough to actually  _ encourage  _ it. 

And for that, it really meant the world.

Beyond that, even. He would be lying if he tried to claim that he hadn’t been thinking about it. 

Even more recently, with El so far away. 

Call him clingy, Mia sure did so more than enough.

It was just that… Things had changed, and while he wasn’t nearly as afraid of that as Eleven seemed to be, there were a few things he wanted to stay the same. Having Eleven around, for one. He knew he’d miss El while he was away, but he had known just how hard it was going to be to adjust to being on his own again. Well. Not  _ alone,  _ but that wasn’t what he meant. There would be times that one of them would be away, and there wasn’t anything wrong with that. It was just how things were. El would be gone for conferences, maybe even further training if he decided to further his speciality, and Erik could be called to something new as well. He couldn’t see the future. But the fact was that it would happen. 

Even though slapping some fancy rings and a stack of legal paperwork wasn’t going to make sure that they would have more time together, or that things wouldn’t end in flames -as much as he knew and hoped that they almost certainly wouldn’t- it was less about tying El to him, leaving a visible  _ hands off  _ warning to anyone that might come looking, and more just… about the concept, really. 

About what it  _ meant.  _

They’d been through their fair share of shit right out of the starting gate, but they’d seen it all through.

And they’d keep right on that same way. 

Just. Hopefully with  _ fewer  _ broken legs, poison ivy rashes, and grease fires. 

You know what, if he actually went through with this, and if El decided to go along with it, he oughta find some way to stick that into his vows.

That would be a fun little surprise.

“I’m sorry.” Serena spoke, and Erik was pulled back to reality without any idea just how long he had been lost in his own head. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s almost a joke at this point, but if you don’t know-”

“No,” Erik hurried to say, “no, you’re fine. I just, uh. I’ve been thinking about it.” 

“Oh.”

She froze, and Erik couldn’t tell if that was a good or a bad thing. “It’s a joke?” He asked, getting the beginning of a sinking feeling. He knew they wouldn’t be cruel enough to create some sort of in-joke about how El  _ wouldn’t  _ ever marry Erik. He thought. Or, hoped. At least. “Is he not...”

“Oh, goodness, no!” Serena jumped, dropped the dish she held into the sink, having realized what it sounded like. “It’s nothing about you, or his own views on it! You see, it’s just that…” She looked away, back down into the sink. And Erik remembered what El had told him about how careful she was to keep embarrassing secrets  _ secret.  _

But now? He needed the gossip. “Just that…?”

“I don’t know if I should say.”

“Is it bad?” Erik asked, and a little of Serena’s hesitation fell away.

“Not… really. It’s just silly.” Serena went back to cleaning, “it was a long time ago, now. I don’t think he’d be upset if I told you.” 

“You’re sure?”

“I am. Oh, don’t worry about helping me.” Serena waved him away before he even got the chance to offer. “Let’s see…” Erik found himself a seat, and waited for the carnage. “I wasn’t around to see it happen, but Jade won’t ever let him forget.”  _ Promising.  _ “She was at an amusement park with him and his at-the-time boyfriend.”  _ Less promising.  _ “I don’t think they’d been together for even five weeks, and his boyfriend decided right then and there was the perfect time to propose.”

He -  _ “What?” _

“I don’t know what he was thinking.” Serena shook her head, and continued on. “Right after they got off some huge coaster that he’d convinced El to go on. He got down on one knee, had this  _ huge  _ engagement ring and from what Jade told me, gave what he must’ve thought was an amazing speech, but…”

“It’d only been five weeks and El had to turn him down?” Erik guessed, but when Serena turned down with a look on her face that couldn’t be described as anything but  _ grim…  _

“He turned him down, of course. But before that… El isn’t any big fan of rollercoasters.” Serena said, but he already knew that. He couldn’t even get El to go up on a Ferris wheel. He’d chalked it up to discomfort about heights, but… “He gets motion sick. Very easily, very badly.”

“Oh.” Erik said, not having much else to add. 

“Jade won’t  _ ever _ let him forget.” Serena said once more. “I’m surprised she hasn’t told  _ you  _ yet. It’s her favorite story to tell. I don’t know how many people she’s just started a conversation with by saying  _ ‘so you want to hear about the time my little brother puked all over his proposing boyfriend?’” _

Well. In that case… “Do not tell Jade you told me, because I’m going to need more details on this.” But more important than that right now… “That’s good to know, though. If the bar’s that low, then it won’t be any trouble to do better.”

Serena looked for a second like she didn’t quite believe that he meant what she had just heard. Then, all hell broke loose with an ear-ringing loud screech. “You’re going to  _ propose!” _

“I’m going to  _ try.”  _ Erik said, but the damage was done. Rubber gloves wet with dishwater or not, in an instant he was pulled out of the chair and spun around.

Just how light was he? That it seemed like there wasn’t a person he knew who  _ couldn’t  _ pick him up like a sack of potatoes? 

“This is amazing!! Oh,  _ please  _ don’t hesitate to ask for help! Jade and I would do anything to make this perfect! Does he know you’re planning on it? Oh,  _ please  _ let me plan the wedding!” Erik didn’t get a moment to say anything in response, but as he was let go, he just sat back down and let Serena vent out whatever she had to say. 

After all, he had some help now.

He’d figure out what he wanted to do.

~~

It couldn’t have been longer than a handful of minutes, but it felt as though it had taken hours for Erik to gather his thoughts. To find the right words that meant what he needed them to mean. “I’ve mentioned before that Mia was in physical therapy before.” He had, she had, and she’d even just casually thrown around tiny little concerning facts about what it was like to wake up from a medically induced coma, but… 

it was a place to start. 

“You have.” Eleven said nothing more. Just showing that he was listening. “But I don’t know how that’s related to a career jump. You don’t have to tell me  _ everything-” _

“I’ll get there.” Cobweb had fallen asleep on his chest, her front paws tucked under her body, but as long as he kept scritching at the spot between her ears, she kept purring. It was good support. Between the cat in his lap and sitting across  _ El’s  _ lap… he was just about as comfy as comfy could be. “So you know, then. But did you ever learn why?”

“Not directly. Just what I’ve picked up from you both. Something to do with a car accident?”

“Yeah.” Best to rip off the bandaid, right? “We were sixteen. Maybe seventeen, I can’t ever remember. It was my fault.”

“Erik-”

“No.” He cut El off before he could go off on some half-informed attempt to comfort him. “I mean literally. It was my fault.”

“I don’t-” 

_ Again.  _ How many times before he learned?

“I was drunk.” Erik said, and Eleven went quiet. At last. “We both were. I’d stolen… a lot of alcohol before. Just from wherever I could. Corner stores, a couple of our foster homes. Sold most of it to other kids. I knew we were too young for it, but I didn’t really understand at the time  _ why.  _ Ignorance isn’t really an excuse, but… It gave us some decent money to get what we needed. I remember thinking all booze did was make you act weird for a little while. I was stupid.”

That’s all that could really be said for it. There were probably other ways to get what they needed. Better ways. 

He paused a moment, and Eleven just waited. 

No prodding, no questions.

“Things weren’t… always good for us. We bounced through a lot of homes, but it was okay. We had each other, and that’s all we needed. I don’t…” He trailed off, and saw the pity that El was looking at him with. “Okay,  _ none  _ of that! We were just bigger problems than the system knew what to do with. I don’t want any pity from you!”

“I’m sorry, it’s just… I didn’t know.”

“Because I never told you.” Erik pointed out. “I don’t expect you to know things I never say.” 

Eleven still didn’t seem convinced. 

It was like the man  _ wanted  _ to feel guilty. 

Well. Hopefully that would pass, and if it didn’t, Erik would just have to find out how to  _ make  _ it. “We made it through. Everything was fine.” Until, at least… “Mia’s grades were shit, though. She didn’t care. She wanted to write, and she decided she didn’t need college for that. I didn’t want to go, either. But I had an apprenticeship lined up. I was supposed to start right after I graduated.”

“An apprenticeship?”

“Yeah.” He’d blocked out so much of that time. He could remember it, but it was like an old movie. Grainy around the edges, sound just out of focus… “Something auto mechanics. I don’t remember the details anymore.”

“What changed?”

“I was drunk.” Erik said again. “I wrapped our car around a tree.” “Mia nearly died. I lost my license. I thought it was all over. I was terrified of driving. Of drinking, too. I don’t know if I still would’ve been allowed that apprenticeship. I never checked. Just quit.” 

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

“Still.”

“It’s fine.” Erik insisted. “Mia lived, we both recovered. The bills almost killed us, though.” The state only covered so much, and as two kids without jobs… “I ended up going to school. Took the advice I was given and went into cyber security. ‘Go where the money is.’” The worst advice he’d ever been given. “That way I could pay off our debts.”

“And you did?”

“No.” Erik answered, finding the story easier to tell each time he did. This couldn’t be any more than the third time, but the point stood. It hurt less. “I fucking  _ hated  _ every second I spent learning that shit. It was hell. I couldn’t focus, I came home every day just wanting to quit. Eventually someone out there decided to go easy on us, never knew who. A lot of the debt was forgiven, insurance decided to do its job… And Mia sat me down. Told me if I didn’t quit and find something I wanted to do, she’d make me.”

She didn’t want him doing it in the first place. They’d make it through whatever. There wasn’t any point in Erik making himself miserable… But he didn’t see it the same way.

Until he was finally given a way out, and given the chance to find something that didn’t make him hate waking up.

“And that something was marine biology?”

“Yeah. Never even considered it before then, but…” It just made sense. There wasn’t anything more to it. “I was still in some classes, but I didn’t have a major. I was just dicking around. Some shit got messed up and I ended up taking some weird extracurricular in scuba diving. Did you know schools offer that? Because I didn’t.”

“Can’t say I’ve heard of it.” Yeah, but he wouldn’t. Pre-med son of a bitch. 

“Well. It’s there. I didn’t mean to take it, but decided to at least give it a shot.” He didn’t have anything better to do, and at that point… He really was willing to give anything a shot. Just to find  _ one  _ singular thing that caught his attention. “Have you ever had a moment where suddenly everything just… makes sense?” And… It had been it. The exact moment he’d finally gotten in the ocean, and  _ seen  _ everything there was… He’d found it. It was that simple. 

But Eleven seemed a little sidetracked. “Remember that day we went to the winter festivals? And it started snowing, and I spaced out at you so hard you got worried?”

“That’s not what I — alright, fine.” He started to correct El, to tell him that he meant… Erik gave in. So he wanted to be all soft, what did he care? “You get  _ one  _ sap.” Then back to his story, and no more allowed.

“As a treat?”

At this point it was just on Erik for not expecting that. “Yeah, sure.” He leaned his head against El’s shoulder. It was just the basics. How he got from point a to c, but that was all he needed to give. He’d get the rest as they went.

After all, it seemed like he was going to stick around for it.

~~

Eleven fell face-first down into bed, and stayed the way he landed.

It was actually a little difficult to breathe this way, but that was okay. He’d survive.

What he might  _ not  _ survive…

Going back to school was a  _ mistake. _

Sure, he was getting the education he needed to have a career he wouldn’t hate, but was that truly worth having to go to lectures again?

Some of his classes were easy, things he knew by heart, or well, things that had already been forever drilled into his mind. But that was almost worse than the ones he still actually had things to learn in.

He could pay attention to those, easy enough.

But the refresher courses? The topics he was already an expert in… 

No matter how well he tested, his professors did not appreciate him sleeping in class.

Even if he  _ hadn’t  _ decided to become certified in an entirely different specialty  _ just in case… _

No, he shouldn’t lie to himself. It would’ve been easier to just get recertified. Just sixty hours rather than…

Eleven groaned.

He didn’t know why he thought this would be easy.

It wouldn’t ever be easy, even if he decided to come back time and time again, becoming an expert in any field he chose. 

He wouldn’t, though. This was hard enough, he couldn’t imagine being a professional student.

But it was over, at least for the night.

He decided to expend just enough time and energy to roll off his face. Scrubs felt enough like pajamas, it was fine. 

Just  _ —god, kill him—  _ non-clinical work tomorrow.

Again, he wanted to know who was in charge. Why did suddenly being overqualified mean he needed to go and get underqualified?

He knew that wasn’t really the case, but…

Fuck it.

He needed to sleep.

And sleep he would have, if his sleeping computer didn’t suddenly light up with an incoming call, the same time his phone did, and the ringing noise that he would someday find the creator of and… probably not  _ kill,  _ but he’d maim them, sure enough.

Erik never really got the grasp on their time difference.

Not his fault, though. When Eleven always answered, as long as he was home.

Briefly, he considered letting it ring. He could tell Erik he was about to go to bed, and that’d be it.

But he didn’t. 

Eleven answered the call, and let his phone rest against the alarm clock next to his bed.

“Rough day?” Erik asked the moment Eleven came into view.

_ “Mmmph.”  _ Said the just-below-human lump on the bed.

“More stupid hypotheticals or did you get called out for spacing again?”

Eleven sighed into the bedspread.

Erik didn’t know  _ what  _ can of worms he just opened. “A 65-year-old man comes into the hospital complaining of leg cramps and a swollen ankle, after recently flying from-”

“Blood clot.” Erik guessed before Eleven had even finished.

Well, they’d wanted a more technical name, but. The point was made. Eleven threw one hand up into the air. “See! I did the same thing, but apparently that was  _ rude.” _

Erik grinned, but before he could respond, Eleven heard a bark, and his face went ashen. “Mia!” He yelled, jumping out of his chair with the same kind of rush that he would have (or that Eleven  _ hoped  _ he would have) if the place was on fire.  _ “Mia!”  _ He yelled again, and his bedroom door was slammed. “Come get Cashew!”

“Cashew doesn’t have to go.” Eleven said, wishing he had a decent view of what was happening. But the most he got was a flash of the dog’s fur, and Erik fruitlessly tried to chase the dog out. Between the camera going askew in Erik’s rush, and the general quality of the image in the first place, he couldn’t see what was happening. “I’d like to see the little guy.”

“No!” Erik immediately declined Eleven’s request with vigor, and called for Mia  _ again.  _ “Later.” He promised, and Eleven got a bad feeling.

“Erik,” he just barely saw as Erik froze, “what happened to Cashew?”

“Nothing.”

There was another bark.

Now, that didn’t mean anything. Cashew wasn’t a quiet puppy in the first place. 

“Erik.” Eleven tried once more, “what happened to Cashew?” Did the dog get out? Was it the day he rolled in mud and ruined the house all over again? Had he possibly gotten hurt?

Did the groomer shave him into a lion cut?

_ Was there another dog? _

“Oh, put the angry boyfriend voice away.” He heard Mia, and  _ finally,  _ the camera was straightened. Erik was back in his chair, but he didn’t look happy. “He got into Charlie’s food tub yesterday. It wasn’t pretty.” 

Eleven’s skin crawled at the mere thought.

“We caught them all.” Erik promised as Mia left, and Cashew’s barking faded. Eleven noticed he still hadn’t  _ seen  _ the dog, but… “Don't worry about that. I just don’t want it to happen again.” He’d see Cashew when he got home.

Eventually.

“You could find a better place for the bugs.” Eleven suggested, not for the first time. “Like in another box, up on a shelf or locked in a drawer.”

“Yeah, I’ll put them on a shelf, and then I’ll need  _ you  _ to get them down for me every time Charlie gets hungry.” 

Eleven immediately changed his tune. “Maybe under the desk is for the best.”

“Just maybe.” Erik agreed. But he didn’t exactly look  _ better.  _ “I’m sorry. You were talking about your day?”

It wasn’t important. Nothing else different to say that he hadn’t already said or complained of about a million times before.

And there were more important things to talk about anyway. After all, didn’t Erik just get his cast off?

But when he asked and Erik went off on a tirade about his brand new clunky-looking brace and the truly terrible way he’d been deceived about the freedom that was once again just out of reach… 

Eleven was laughing, but it made his heart hurt.

Why did their calls make everything so much  _ harder?  _ He should be happy, grateful they had even this much, and yet, he couldn’t help missing the time they had spent together in person. As if he had any right after being the one who made this choice in the first place.

In one of the few moments of quiet, Eleven couldn’t quite help himself. “I miss you.” He said, looking off to the side. It wasn’t as if he was missing anything, Erik’s video always spotty and freezing up, if it worked at all. But those were just the faults of living in the ass crack of nowhere. Even suddenly having a connection that he didn’t actually need to sit around and wait for whenever he needed to send a message or google something, he still preferred it back home. Quieter, darker, safer… and it had Erik. “I can’t wait to be home with you again. 

“El.” 

El quickly looked back up to his computer screen. Erik looked serious. Had he said the wrong thing?

“Are you proposing to me over  _ skype? _ ”

El felt his face heat up. “ _ No! _ ” He said, maybe a little too forcefully. “No! I didn’t mean- I don’t-“

Erik was  _ laughing  _ at him. The asshole had flustered El on purpose!

“Don’t worry,” He said, and El  _ hated  _ how the crappy mic distorted his voice, “It won’t be too much longer over there. You’ll be home soon.”

“You’re right.” Eleven said. Of course he was. He could wait-

“Yeah.” Erik said, “So just wait a couple more months, alright? You can get down on one knee then.”

“Oh,  _ shut up _ .”


End file.
